2021-8-9 the DRiving Joke
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[0:10 - 0:12] What's up y'all, give me a second.
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[0:54 - 0:56] There we go.
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[1:10 - 1:12] What's up everybody.
[1:12 - 1:56] [MUSIC]
[1:56 - 2:02] So I watched Marty's little video and honestly it was fun.
[2:02 - 2:08] And I kind of take that as a challenge.
[2:08 - 2:13] So Marty, you know what, I'm going to come back with these jokes full blown.
[2:13 - 2:18] I'm going to do this shit since y'all want to see me crack jokes.
[2:18 - 2:21] Well, I got something for you.
[2:21 - 2:28] And this one specifically is for all my car guys and girls out there that enjoy cars.
[2:28 - 2:35] So yes, a lot of these are going to be car references, motorsports referenced.
[2:35 - 2:38] So it's going to be fun. Why the fuck?
[2:38 - 2:44] I don't need no bone trigger. Let's see if we got any new cars real quick.
[2:44 - 2:47] No, no exclusive car, go back.
[2:47 - 2:49] Welcome back, Chance.
[2:49 - 2:57] We're good.
[2:57 - 3:03] So man, if something is on there, I just want to say, dude, straight up, like, how do you car guys do it?
[3:03 - 3:08] Like, you got all these cars.
[3:08 - 3:13] Like, you have millions of dollars worth of cars, but yet,
[3:13 - 3:18] like, you claim that you don't have enough money in cars.
[3:18 - 3:22] Like, what's up with that? Like, bro, how do you motherfuckers got what?
[3:22 - 3:27] A Ferrari Evo, a fucking--
[3:27 - 3:34] aborghini or two, a couple, Alfa Romeo and Julia's.
[3:34 - 3:39] Like, come on, man. Like, y'all got all these cars, and you're like,
[3:39 - 3:42] "Oh my God, I don't have any more cars."
[3:42 - 3:46] Or like, you can't make up your mind.
[3:46 - 3:50] Like, and I'm not bashing on all car guys, because I'm a car guy myself.
[3:50 - 3:54] Everybody knows this.
[3:54 - 4:01] Like, how the hell you gonna sit there and say that you can't decide what car you want to drive?
[4:01 - 4:09] Like, bro, you got like 20 freaking cars to choose from, fucking pick one.
[4:09 - 4:14] Like, dude, half of y'all are-- like, half of y'all are rich guys that have cars.
[4:14 - 4:22] Like, half of y'all motherfuckers are like, "Y'all are worse than my freaking ex-girlfriend trying to pick out clothes."
[4:22 - 4:30] Like, bro, you're like, "I don't know what car I want. I want it to sell my outfit, but I don't want to be surprised."
[4:30 - 4:47] Like, bro, it's a freaking car. Just pick one and go with it.
[4:47 - 4:52] Like, bro, just pick a car and go with it.
[4:52 - 4:58] Like, how the hell you guys are there to say you don't know what car you want?
[4:58 - 5:05] Like, how the hell you gonna sit there, pick out a car?
[5:05 - 5:19] Like, first you can't decide what car you want.
[5:28 - 5:38] And then you try to stall that motherfucker.
[5:38 - 5:42] And this is the one thing I hate about a car guy, along with some car people.
[5:42 - 5:45] Like, the one-of-the-car community.
[5:45 - 5:51] Well, them the one-of-the-car community, because a lot of them are one-of-the-car guys.
[5:51 - 6:10] I'm just saying, like, you ask a dude if, you know, you ask a dude if he knows how to drive stick shit.
[6:10 - 6:19] And, you know, y'all get in the car, y'all do your thing, whatever, and this dude starts going down the road.
[6:19 - 6:26] And all you hear is this.
[6:26 - 6:32] Like, oh my god, I am like, what's up, like, what's first, what's second?
[6:32 - 6:41] Like, all you hear is this.
[6:41 - 6:57] Like, bro, like, you're like this, all on the road, shifting gears, next thing you know, you're doing 100 miles an hour around a corner.
[6:57 - 7:05] Finally, you get that motherfucker in third gear, you go around the corner, and all you hear is this.
[7:05 - 7:06] That's all you hear, every time.
[7:06 - 7:17] Like, y'all car guys, I think you can drive shit, and then when you try to back the motherfucker up, then when you try to back it up, you end up doing this.
[7:17 - 7:23] End of another car, like, bro, come on.
[7:23 - 7:36] Like, bro, if you can't drive stick shit, don't say that you can drive stick shit, you're fucking...
[7:36 - 7:46] And then when you freaking let out on the clutch, when you're trying to figure out, like, what the clutch is, and you figure it out, y'all end up stalling the motherfucker and doing what I just did.
[7:46 - 7:54] Running in those goddamn trays that they make on, it's fucking like, what, like, where'd you get your license from, a cereal box?
[7:54 - 8:06] Like, oh my god, I got, what, mommy, I got, I got my license from a cereal box.
[8:06 - 8:19] And then you got real motherfuckers like me that are just like, just hauling ass down the road like this.
[8:19 - 8:27] And then you got those drivers that freaking don't know how to drive.
[8:27 - 8:48] Like, come on, man. Like, and what is it with y'all, man? Like, y'all trying to hot dog shit and teaming out of the driveway and shit probably, what's up with that?
[8:48 - 9:01] And then you got these guys that can't drive a freaking bike or stock, like, come on, bro, y'all wanna be car guys or just, y'all irritating.
[9:01 - 9:09] Like, really, like, oh my god, I can drive, I can drive, mommy, I got my car, I got my license from the cereal box.
[9:09 - 9:17] See, look at my license, mommy. Look at my license, isn't it pretty?
[9:17 - 9:29] Like, what the fuck?
[9:29 - 9:41] Like, bro, like, hey, hey, well, what is it with y'all freaking thinking about, like, 50 million parking spaces? Like, bro, like, and I see this all the time, man.
[9:41 - 9:49] Like, the other day, me and my family went to the doctor's office and went out to a doctor's appointment and went out for me.
[9:49 - 10:03] Look, I landed on a parking lot. This is where I got bitches over here next to us taking up, like, one and a half freaking parking spaces 'cause she freaking parked on either side and we're just like, what?
[10:03 - 10:10] Like, how the fuck you guys sit there and take out two whole freaking parking spaces? Like, what are you, freaking Big Bertha?
[10:10 - 10:20] You gotta think of two whole parking spots? Like, what'd you have to do? Have your car remain extra wide to fit your fucking fat ass?
[10:20 - 10:26] Like, come on, well, what'd you have to do? Have a custom freaking car made for you?
[10:26 - 10:37] Wait, what are you, Shaq? No offense to Shaq.
[10:37 - 10:53] Like, what are you, so freaking huge that you gotta literally take out two whole freaking parking spots? Like, really?
[10:53 - 11:07] Like, what's up with that? Like, you're over here and I can't look at me. I'm so badass. I take out two whole parking spots. Like, bro, you ain't even badass just 'cause you take out two parking spots.
[11:07 - 11:19] You're looking, though, as fuck. And then you got those motherfuckers that sit there and, like, bro, what?
[11:19 - 11:44] So, yeah, why don't you, like, set my controller?
[11:44 - 11:56] I mean, all you hear is those, and then you got those motherfuckers that are like this.
[11:56 - 12:21] And like I said, like, they gotta pull out. All you hear is them honking all of their horn. They gotta pull out. They take up like a rocket, and all you hear is this.
[12:21 - 12:30] And they don't even try to slow down. They just keep going. You're just sitting there, and it's for all the police officers out there, man. Y'all police officers are fucking badass.
[12:30 - 12:46] Like, then you got those officers that are sitting there the whole time, trying to chase down this dude, like, "Oh, yeah, we got a car in progress. It's their birthday in progress. This stupid idiot's not slowing down."
[12:46 - 12:56] And then you got those officers that are just like this, trying to get to a donut shop.
[12:56 - 13:10] Like, hurry up. Trying to get to a donut shop? Like, oh my God. I'm trying to get to a donut shop. Hurry up. Hurry up. Trying to get to a donut shop. Let's go.
[13:10 - 13:17] I need to give you some of that murder donuts. Come on. Hurry up.
[13:17 - 13:38] There's boys in their traffic, like, hurry up. I need to get me some donuts. Just wait in their traffic, like, hurry up. I need some donuts. Hold on, mama. I'm coming for those donuts. I'm coming for those donuts.
[13:38 - 13:52] My surgeon, you slow down. Shut up. I'm getting me some donuts, boy. I'm getting me some donuts.
[13:52 - 14:08] 19 out of those motherfuckers don't. They're goddamn treason shit, like, bruh.
[14:08 - 14:19] Like, what is with you cops and frickin' donuts, man? Like, what's up with that? And yes, I can make cop jokes, too. My uncle is a retired police officer.
[14:19 - 14:30] And plus, I'm really good friends with some cops, so yes, I can get away with police jokes and military jokes. But I'm staying away from military jokes, because I don't want to get my ass fucking chewed out.
[14:30 - 14:49] And then you got those motherfuckers that skip gears when they're racing.
[14:49 - 15:06] Like, you ever see somebody doing, say, like, e-sports or whatever, and they have a manual with clutch or even manual, and they just completely go from frickin' first to straight out fourth, and I'm like, bruh, what the fuck are you doing?
[15:06 - 15:16] There's, like, literally two other gears you gotta go through, stupid. Like, they made four, they made six gears for a reason on this damn thing.
[15:16 - 15:27] Like, what are you trying to do, drive your gears?
[15:27 - 15:42] And then you got those guys that think that they can drag race, and they're all like, "Oh, I got a tall race, sit with the fans." Well, what does it look like?
[15:42 - 15:46] Well, I can't show you that.
[15:46 - 15:51] Okay, and you can't show me what?
[15:51 - 15:59] Oh, that doesn't tell the super fast. I don't want to ruin the drag race, because I know I'm going to be blowing everybody alike.
[15:59 - 16:04] Well, what kind of engine does it got? A fast one?
[16:04 - 16:10] Oh, hey, what's a fast engine? Like, what do you got? An RB2, a 2JZ?
[16:10 - 16:14] Like, what do you got?
[16:14 - 16:17] Wait, come on, man.
[16:17 - 16:26] And then they're like, "Oh, I can't tell you that either." And they have frickin' race night comes, they show up, and they're all like, "Well, here's my car."
[16:26 - 16:39] And they show up in their frickin' grandma's frickin' van, like, "Bro, how the hell are you gonna show up in your grandma's van, bro?"
[16:39 - 16:50] Like, that's your frickin' grandma's van, dude. Like, come on.
[16:50 - 17:00] Like, why the hell are you gonna show up in your grandma's van, thinking that you can win a drag race? Like, come on, man. This is your grandma's van.
[17:00 - 17:07] God knows you should probably have your mom in the back of that thing.
[17:07 - 17:15] Like, come on, God knows that your grandma probably had your mom in the back of that van or your dad.
[17:15 - 17:22] Like, God knows you and your grandparents were back there fucking. We all know this.
[17:22 - 17:30] But, bro, how the hell you gonna bring the van in? Your grandma and grandpa fucked in and had your mom or dad in.
[17:30 - 17:40] How the hell y'all gonna bring that van to a drag race, seeing that you can win? If anything, your ass is gonna get frickin' laughed at when Ronald McDonald tried to be a fuckin' juggalo.
[17:40 - 17:45] Like, come on.
[17:45 - 17:49] Like, how the hell are you gonna show up in your grandma's van to a drag race?
[17:49 - 17:59] Like, bro, you're more out of place than Ronald McDonald ever fucking gathered on the juggalo's, bro. You're way out of place.
[17:59 - 18:09] And yes, I've seen the fuckers try that shit. It's actually funny as fuck.
[18:09 - 18:19] Like, bro, if you're gonna show up to a drag race like that, at that point, you may as well show up with a goddamn shopping cart.
[18:19 - 18:26] I'm just saying, you may as well show up with a goddamn shopping cart full of frickin' nitrates.
[18:26 - 18:31] At least with a shopping cart full of nuts, you might stand a chance.
[18:31 - 18:41] Instead of sitting there doing this, trying to shift and...
[18:41 - 18:52] Instead of doing this all the damn time with your grandma's van, grinding the transmission, fucking it all up, grinding the gears, all the hell.
[18:52 - 18:59] And then, at that point, you literally got these frickin' cops that are pullin' up on you on the drag, like...
[18:59 - 19:08] Get off the track. You suck. Get off the track, son. You suck.
[19:08 - 19:11] And this frickin' person, they're like, "Give me that shit."
[19:11 - 19:18] And you can't even hear that mic. Yo, dude, get off the damn track. You suck.
[19:18 - 19:22] My five-year-olds gon' beat your ass.
[19:22 - 19:29] Ain't gon' run fast enough to even drive. Get off the track.
[19:29 - 19:33] Like, go on. Why the hell you gotta show up to the dog, bro?
[19:33 - 19:40] Yoda stands a better chance of beatin' your ass.
[19:40 - 19:49] Like, come on, bro. Yoda. Fucking Yoda stands a better chance of beatin' your ass. And he's slow as shit.
[19:49 - 19:53] Although, given him being able to use the force.
[19:53 - 20:03] But still. Yoda. Old-ass motherfuckin' Yoda can beat your ass.
[20:03 - 20:11] That's sad, bro. Dude, get your ass beat by Yoda. Bro.
[20:11 - 20:16] That would suck.
[20:16 - 20:27] Lying for a little, man. Gettin' your ass beat by Yoda? In a drag race? Bro.
[20:27 - 20:33] I wouldn't know what to say.
[20:33 - 20:37] All right, bro. Do you get your ass beat by Yoda in a drag race?
[20:37 - 20:44] Bro, you got no business bein' behind a car, period, bro. Straight up.
[20:44 - 20:48] Why, dude?
[20:48 - 20:51] Why, Yoda would probably be sittin' there, right?
[20:51 - 20:56] Yoda would be probably sittin' there at the finish line while your dumbass is rollin' up.
[20:56 - 21:00] Yoda would be sittin' there in the riggin' drag race.
[21:00 - 21:06] Oh, look. Beat his ass I did.
[21:06 - 21:13] Stupid he is. Dumb I am not. Beat his ass I did.
[21:13 - 21:20] Fuck his grandmother I did not. Fuck his sister I did.
[21:20 - 21:29] Like, that's all you hear goin' out of Yoda's mouth, like, "Yeah, lose your next guy, man. Fuck his sister I did."
[21:29 - 21:41] Fuck I had. Love that shit, man.
[21:41 - 21:45] I actually had, dude. I haven't played that in a while, actually.
[21:45 - 21:50] I used to play that all the time on my Wii when I had the Wii Homework Channel.
[21:50 - 21:54] I used to play that all the time. Super fun game, too.
[21:54 - 21:57] Like, for real, dude.
[21:57 - 22:03] My point is, man, if you're gonna get into drag racing or any kind of racing,
[22:03 - 22:15] and I have weaknesses because I myself am a sim racer. I do, you know, do sim racing.
[22:15 - 22:21] Though, like, I see this all the time. You got these guys that, you know, they think they can drift, right?
[22:21 - 22:27] They think they can drift or race or whatever. And one of two things happens.
[22:27 - 22:35] With drifters, it's either they smack into a wall or they wind up ripping off their fucking bumper.
[22:35 - 22:40] Like, motherfucker, this is a goddamn drift run. This ain't no goddamn bumper car.
[22:40 - 22:45] It's like, what is this? Rip your bumper off at a car show day?
[22:45 - 22:50] Like, bruh, it's a drift race. You're supposed to drift the car.
[22:50 - 22:55] Now play goddamn bumper cars with the guy in front of you.
[22:55 - 23:00] And I see this all the time. Like, they'll be fucking going around the track.
[23:00 - 23:07] They'll be doing their thing at an FD event, which I have been to a few FD events that are super cool.
[23:07 - 23:13] Like, I'll be seeing motherfuckers slide around the track, and they'll be tangling, right?
[23:13 - 23:17] They'll be in tandem, going around the corner, doing what they gotta do.
[23:17 - 23:25] And they see, you know, this motherfucker behind them just comes up behind the both of them,
[23:25 - 23:28] smacks into the both of them like it's fucking bumper cars.
[23:28 - 23:32] Like, bruh, what is this, goddamn Mario Kart?
[23:32 - 23:35] Like, bruh, this ain't no goddamn Mario Kart.
[23:35 - 23:39] Take your ass back to goddamn fucking bumper car land.
[23:39 - 23:41] Stay the fuck off the track.
[23:41 - 23:47] This ain't no goddamn bumper car. It's a goddamn drift event. Stay your ass off the fucking track.
[23:47 - 23:49] I'm just saying.
[23:49 - 24:03] Why, bro? And I've done sim racing drift events where that shit happens all the damn time.
[24:03 - 24:09] You get these drivers that think, "Oh, I can drive. I have a sim rig."
[24:09 - 24:12] I didn't have the time there in dead fucking laps.
[24:12 - 24:16] Like, bruh, what's up with that?
[24:16 - 24:22] Like, you claim you're the best in the world, but yet, I may as well just be driving around your ass like you're standing still.
[24:22 - 24:25] Like, come on, man.
[24:25 - 24:32] Like, how the hell are you gonna sit there, claim to be a bomb-ass driver,
[24:32 - 24:36] but then I'm sitting here driving around your ass like you're sitting still.
[24:36 - 24:39] Like, why?
[24:39 - 24:50] And those are the kind of people that irritate the fuck out of me, bro.
[24:50 - 24:55] Like, they claim that they're so good at what they do.
[24:55 - 24:59] They claim they're so good at what they do.
[25:01 - 25:06] And then when it comes down to racing, there's, like, frozen like this in the car.
[25:06 - 25:16] Just, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, what's it, what's the brake, what's gas, what's clutch, what's shifting, like,
[25:16 - 25:21] "How do I turn, how do I da da da," like,
[25:21 - 25:24] bro, two seconds ago, you were just saying that you were good.
[25:24 - 25:30] Now you're all frozen up like, "Uh, I can't race."
[25:30 - 25:33] Like, what, what, what's shift, what's up, what's down.
[25:33 - 25:39] How do I, how do I go, what's brake, what's clutch, like, what, what, wow.
[25:39 - 25:43] And then you got the motherfucker sitting there like, "Yeah," like, calling his mom like,
[25:43 - 25:49] "Mom, what's, what's brake," they be doing this, they be pulling their phone off the dash, like,
[25:49 - 25:55] "Mom, Mommy, what, what, what, what's gas, what's brake, what's clutch."
[25:55 - 25:59] And next thing you know is mom just, like, figure it out.
[25:59 - 26:03] You're a grown man, figure it out.
[26:03 - 26:06] You know what to do.
[26:06 - 26:09] Now leave me alone.
[26:09 - 26:17] It's like, bro, if you don't know how to drive, you don't need to be racing.
[26:17 - 26:34] I'm just saying.
[26:34 - 26:42] Right, exactly, like, at least with me, at least with me when I say I'm actually good at something,
[26:42 - 26:48] nine times out of ten, I can back it up.
[26:48 - 26:51] Like, I've shown what I'm capable of.
[26:51 - 26:54] I've shown that I can take wins.
[26:54 - 26:58] I've shown that I can take losses and bounce back.
[26:58 - 27:02] Like, bro, that sucks so bad.
[27:02 - 27:07] And then you got that one motherfucker, and I have seen this many times on games like
[27:07 - 27:11] Call of Duty, Warface, all that shit.
[27:11 - 27:17] They be claiming they're the best sniper in the world, and they're, you know, generally
[27:17 - 27:23] very good with a sniper rifle or whatever weapon they claim to be good at.
[27:23 - 27:26] But yet, they get killed every time.
[27:26 - 27:30] Like, they claim to be like, "Oh, I was top of the leaderboard."
[27:30 - 27:32] You know, "I was this, I was that."
[27:32 - 27:37] Like, really, if you were top of the leaderboard, then why the fuck am I wearing a cap in your ass
[27:37 - 27:42] with a goddamn pistol? A fucking pistol?
[27:42 - 27:46] I'm over here, freaking wiping up blood with your ass with a goddamn pistol.
[27:46 - 27:49] What are you doing?
[27:49 - 27:52] Like, bro, come on.
[27:52 - 27:59] Like, don't be claiming shit that you're not good at, bro.
[27:59 - 28:02] And I see that all the fucking time.
[28:02 - 28:08] Like, these kids be out there, be like, "Oh, I'm this in the world, I've never went right."
[28:08 - 28:10] Yeah, uh-huh.
[28:10 - 28:12] Sure you are.
[28:12 - 28:15] That's why my grandma will be over here.
[28:15 - 28:17] Come over here, sonny.
[28:17 - 28:20] Let me be your ass, sonny.
[28:20 - 28:25] Yeah, my grandma will be over here, be like, "Oh, I just shot your ass."
[28:25 - 28:27] "Oh, you're dead."
[28:27 - 28:30] "Oh, he got a bullet wound in the head."
[28:30 - 28:32] "Oh, is he all right?"
[28:32 - 28:36] "Oh, not in the one hand."
[28:36 - 28:41] Like, bro.
[28:41 - 28:44] You ain't as good as you claimed to be, kid.
[28:44 - 28:48] Like, and that shit irritates me so bad.
[28:48 - 28:55] Like, I'll be in a lobby full of fucking, like, ten other dudes.
[28:55 - 28:57] And I was sitting there doing a match.
[28:57 - 29:01] All of a sudden, there's this one kid just sitting there, like,
[29:01 - 29:05] with his character just sitting there and just...
[29:05 - 29:08] And then once some dude walks on bottom,
[29:08 - 29:13] and shoots him quite blank, the dude can't even fire him back because he's just like...
[29:13 - 29:17] And he's over there behind his frickin' screen, just like,
[29:17 - 29:19] "Uh, how do I fire? How do I fire?"
[29:19 - 29:22] And I see another dude ends up shooting himself in the head.
[29:22 - 29:26] And taking himself out.
[29:26 - 29:38] Like, bro, come on.
[29:38 - 29:41] Like, how the fuck you gonna sit there,
[29:41 - 29:45] claiming to be good at a shooting game or a racing game?
[29:45 - 29:53] Both of which I've actually proved that I'm actually good at.
[29:53 - 29:58] Like, come on, dude. The other day, I took frickin' third, bro.
[29:58 - 30:01] Come on, man. Yesterday, I took third
[30:01 - 30:03] in the first race of the NASCAR season.
[30:03 - 30:17] That's not bad.
[30:17 - 30:23] And then back in fucking January, I took God knows how many wins on F1 2020, bro.
[30:23 - 30:35] Like, I've proven that I'm good at the shit that I do.
[30:35 - 30:38] And then you got these kids on fighting games that...
[30:38 - 30:43] Or just people in general on fighting games, like,
[30:43 - 30:48] fucking what's one of the most famous ones right now, Soul Calibur VI.
[30:48 - 30:53] And I've had this on Soul Calibur VI a ton of times.
[30:53 - 30:56] Like, you get these kids on Soul Calibur VI
[30:56 - 30:59] that'd be claiming that they're good.
[30:59 - 31:02] Like, they claim they're the best in the world.
[31:02 - 31:07] Like, "Oh, I'm so good. I can beat anybody."
[31:07 - 31:11] And then you just come along, and they're trying to beat your ass,
[31:11 - 31:17] like, just blocking all their shots, just like...
[31:17 - 31:19] And you're over here sipping all the coffee
[31:19 - 31:23] or whatever blocking their shots, like...
[31:23 - 31:25] Chunk, chunk, chunk.
[31:25 - 31:26] "Are you done yet?"
[31:26 - 31:28] And then literally you just walk up to them,
[31:28 - 31:31] just one hit K home with a frickin' sword
[31:31 - 31:33] or whatever weapon you're using.
[31:33 - 31:37] Like, "Bro, come on, man.
[31:37 - 31:40] Don't be claiming you're good at shit that you're not good at."
[31:40 - 31:43] I'm just saying. It's ridiculous.
[31:43 - 31:46] You sound like Tyreese Neat at the time, bro.
[31:46 - 31:49] Like, this is Tyreese Neat in a racing game.
[31:49 - 31:54] "Oh, I'm one of the best in the world."
[31:54 - 31:56] Like, this is Tyreese Neat right here.
[31:56 - 32:00] Like, "Oh, my God. I'm one of the best in the world."
[32:00 - 32:03] Like, "I'm better than you."
[32:03 - 32:06] "I'm Tyreese Neat. I'm better than you."
[32:06 - 32:09] "I can beat you. I'm better than you."
[32:09 - 32:12] "I don't care what you say. You live here, right?"
[32:12 - 32:15] "I'm right, and you're wrong."
[32:15 - 32:18] "Fuck you. I'm right. You're wrong."
[32:18 - 32:22] "Don't fuck in here."
[32:22 - 32:26] That's Tyreese Neat at the time.
[32:26 - 32:30] I'm just saying. That's how he is after that time, bro.
[32:30 - 32:42] Hey, it's Dan Dopin.
[32:42 - 32:47] Like, who are you trying to be?
[32:47 - 32:57] Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump?
[32:57 - 33:00] Like, bro, who are you trying to be?
[33:00 - 33:10] Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump?
[33:10 - 33:14] I love near-bloody Forrest Gump.
[33:14 - 33:16] Like, what happened?
[33:16 - 33:36] Like, bro, hey, hey, hey, you're supposed to be dead.
[33:36 - 33:39] I mean, what happened to near-bloody Forrest, man?
[33:39 - 33:48] Like, weren't you the one that he saved from the woods? He was like, "I gotta find Lieutenant Dan!"
[33:48 - 33:53] Like, ain't that you? Ain't you the motherfucker that lost his legs?
[33:53 - 33:58] And now you're looking like you're goddamn with a potato head?
[33:58 - 34:06] With no legs or arms? Well, arms you might have, but, bro.
[34:06 - 34:23] Like, why are you looking like you're a goddamn Lieutenant Dan wannabe?
[34:23 - 34:30] Like, bro, Lieutenant Dan is more badass than you, so...
[34:30 - 34:40] I mean, although they do say that mockery is the sincerest form of flattery, mockery and imitation are both the sincerest form of flattery, so...
[34:40 - 34:43] Who am I to judge?
[34:43 - 35:07] I mean, hell, if you want to pretend to be Lieutenant Dan, hey, I can't judge. I can't knock you for that.
[35:07 - 35:13] All right, bro, you know who this guy sounds like? You know who this Dan guy sounds like? Hold up.
[35:13 - 35:28] Like, you all know who this guy sounds like? Let me show you.
[35:28 - 35:39] Ooh, I'm gonna have to check that out. I never got to check out a thing or not. I'll have to think that reaction.
[35:39 - 35:44] Like, bro, this is half y'all, man.
[35:44 - 35:51] Hey, y'all, this is half y'all, man. Half y'all trolls, this is how y'all sound right here.
[35:51 - 36:12] And half y'all will know this. Half of you guys will know this kid. If any of you were around my generation...
[36:12 - 36:33] Let's go angry. Like, every time, and I mean every time, some dude pisses you off and puts you in your place, this is how you guys look. This is how y'all trolls look.
[36:33 - 36:58] This is how half y'all trolls sound, bro.
[36:58 - 37:20] That's y'all trolls right there. And is it just me? Let me take a minute here. Is it just me or does this dude look eerily similar to Suplex City Vlogs?
[37:20 - 37:29] Is it just me or does this dude literally look like Suplex? Tell us in the comments, man. Does this guy seriously look like Suplex City Vlogs right now?
[37:29 - 37:47] Is it just me or does this dude look like Suplex City Vlogs right now?
[37:47 - 38:12] Is it just me or does this guy seriously look like Suplex City Vlogs right now?
[38:12 - 38:18] Do you want to talk to me, man?
[38:18 - 38:28] It's late. It's late. It's late. It's late.
[38:28 - 38:49] That's how y'all sound when you get mad.
[38:49 - 39:02] I want to be surprised that Suplex is watching this, bro. This is how he sounds. This is how he sounds.
[39:02 - 39:31] This is how he sounds.
[39:31 - 39:35] Suplex City is raging out, y'all.
[39:35 - 39:40] Looks like Bobby Hill is raging out again, y'all.
[39:40 - 39:52] Hey, Bobby Hill, why are you raging out, boy? Why are you raging out, Bobby Hill?
[39:52 - 40:07] Hey, Bobby Hill, why are you raging out, dawg?
[40:07 - 40:25] Hey, Bobby Hill, why are you raging out there, boy?
[40:25 - 40:40] Damn, Bobby Hill, quit bringing out.
[40:40 - 40:52] Call me a text, Bobby Hill. It ain't that, man.
[40:52 - 41:20] Hey, Bobby Hill, stop freaking out, man. It don't look good on you, bro.
[41:20 - 41:30] I'm just saying.
[41:30 - 41:46] Bobby Hill, if you're going to freak out, man, don't post it to the internet.
[41:46 - 42:05] I mean, you're kind of freaked out there, man. Like, come on.
[42:05 - 42:10] Like, yo, Bobby Hill, why are you getting so mad, bro?
[42:10 - 42:21] What happened? Did your dad, what's the matter, dude? Did your mom or dad beat your ass at fucking Call of Duty again?
[42:21 - 42:26] Or did you lose that Mario Kart?
[42:26 - 42:31] Did you lose Call of Duty or Mario Kart or whatever?
[42:31 - 42:36] Did you read an email from a mom that said she's taking away your Twinkies?
[42:36 - 42:49] Is that why you're so mad? Because your mom's taking away your Twinkies?
[42:49 - 42:57] Yo, Zero, what up, man?
[42:57 - 43:06] Like, come on, bro. I mean, I know you're mad because your mom took away your Twinkies. I get it.
[43:06 - 43:14] You're mad because your mom took away your Twinkies. You don't like it. You like your Twinkies. You like your comfort food.
[43:14 - 43:25] But, dude, don't be raging out of posting that shit on the internet. It don't look good on you. I'm just saying.
[43:25 - 43:32] I mean, bro, Dale freaks out.
[43:32 - 43:51] Dale freaks straight and flips out, and don't do what's as bad as you. Like, bro, you need to be put on some goddamn meds or something, bro. I'm just saying.
[43:51 - 43:58] Like, why are you mad, bro?
[43:58 - 44:06] Like, come on, Bobby Hill. Why are you getting mad, dog?
[44:06 - 44:13] Why are you mad at the fact that your mom took away your Twinkies? Are you that mad that your mom took away your Twinkies?
[44:13 - 44:23] Like, oh my God, mom, you took away my Twinkies. Fuck you, mom. Yeah, you took away my Twinkies. Fuck you.
[44:23 - 44:33] You took away my Twinkies. Way. Mom, you took away my Twinkies. Fuck you, mom. You took away my Twinkies. Way.
[44:33 - 44:44] Like, bro, it's a fucking Twinkie. If you want one that bad, get off your ass and go to the store and buy one, fucking.
[44:44 - 45:00] I mean, I'm sure there's a corner store right close by you that you can hit up and go to. And not that hard, dude. I'm just saying, man.
[45:00 - 45:06] Like, come on, bro. Why are you going to get mad when we're fucking Twinkies?
[45:06 - 45:12] That's the guy that you're worse than that dude off of fucking what's that movie, Zombieland.
[45:12 - 45:29] You're almost as bad as this guy right here. You're almost as bad as this guy right here.
[45:29 - 45:58] You're almost as bad as this dude right here.
[45:58 - 46:08] So what? I can use a Twinkie.
[46:08 - 46:14] Where's the fucking Twinkies? I like to throw them off.
[46:14 - 46:20] This Twinkie thing, it ain't over yet. The only thing he was more obsessed with killing zombies was finding a Twinkie.
[46:20 - 46:27] Something about a Twinkie reminded him of a time not so long ago. You're going to risk our lives for a Twinkie?
[46:27 - 46:37] There's a box of Twinkies in that grocery store. Not just any box of Twinkies. The last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe.
[46:37 - 46:48] Believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date. Someday very soon, life's little Twinkie gauge is going to go empty.
[46:48 - 46:51] Twinkie, Twinkie, Twinkie, Twinkie.
[46:51 - 46:58] So, you did all this for a Twinkie? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, you did.
[46:58 - 47:07] A fucking liter V8, a box full of Holopoints, and Lord Willen, a GD Twinkie.
[47:07 - 47:11] Oi, bruh, this is you out of town, man.
[47:11 - 47:14] That's probably 600 pounds. That's a big twinkie.
[47:14 - 47:20] Mexico. You know what they call Twinkies in Mexico? Los Submarinos.
[47:20 - 47:27] Where are you, you spunchy, yellow delicious bastard? Where are you?
[47:27 - 47:30] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[47:30 - 47:35] Oh, everybody.
[47:35 - 47:38] Jesus Christ.
[47:38 - 47:41] You want a snowball or something?
[47:41 - 47:48] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[47:48 - 47:57] Oh, God.
[47:57 - 48:01] Words cannot express.
[48:01 - 48:06] Do you think you can maybe just pick out the buckshot, just kind of eat around it?
[48:06 - 48:11] Okay.
[48:11 - 48:14] Rule number 32, enjoy the little things.
[48:14 - 48:20] Tallahassee got his Twinkie, and even though life would never be simple or innocent again,
[48:20 - 48:28] as he savored that spongy yellow log of cream, we had hope, we had each other,
[48:28 - 48:33] and without other people, well, you might as well be a zombie.
[48:33 - 48:38] Seriously, bruh, that's how you sound when you're trying to get a Twinkie, bruh.
[48:38 - 48:44] You mad, bruh? You mad?
[48:44 - 48:57] All right, come on, bruh. You don't want to see that dude on "Zombieland," dude.
[48:57 - 49:00] All right, bruh, come on, simplex.
[49:00 - 49:06] All right, dude, if you want a Twinkie, like I said, you ain't got to be like that, dude.
[49:06 - 49:11] You ain't got to be like that, man, and go all fucking crazy psycho, bruh.
[49:11 - 49:14] Don't be the angry German kid.
[49:14 - 49:17] Don't be that Twinkie. Don't be that dude from "Zombieland."
[49:17 - 49:22] If you want a goddamn Twinkie, bruh, you don't feel like it's going to go by one.
[49:22 - 49:28] I'm just saying, bruh, not that hard.
[49:28 - 49:30] All right, come on, simplex.
[49:30 - 49:34] Do you really want a Twinkie that goddamn badly, that you feel like you got to get pissed off?
[49:34 - 49:46] Like, bruh, come on, dude.
[49:46 - 49:50] And what is a simplex thing? What's with your name, bruh?
[49:50 - 49:55] Like, you ain't know what are you trying to be, Brock Lesnar?
[49:55 - 50:01] Like, bruh, you ain't know Brock Lesnar, like, bruh.
[50:01 - 50:05] My fucking nephew who is six could beat your ass.
[50:05 - 50:08] And he's six.
[50:08 - 50:11] Like, bruh, it shouldn't be simplex city vlogs.
[50:11 - 50:14] It should be shit city vlogs.
[50:14 - 50:18] I'm just saying, bruh, your channel sucks.
[50:18 - 50:21] Like, bruh, you ain't know champ.
[50:21 - 50:24] Actually, wait, I take that back. You kind of are a champ.
[50:24 - 50:27] You're a champion of your shitty fucking content.
[50:27 - 50:31] If they had a channel, if they had no work for shitty content,
[50:31 - 50:37] I guarantee you'd probably take either silver or gold, knowing you.
[50:37 - 50:41] If they had a title for shitty content, you'd be taking that content.
[50:41 - 50:45] You'd be taking that prize.
[50:45 - 50:49] Like, for real.
[50:49 - 50:54] You'd be looking like fucking...
[50:54 - 50:57] Oh, fucking, what's his name?
[50:57 - 51:04] Fucking...
[51:04 - 51:07] Bill Gilbert.
[51:07 - 51:10] You'd be looking like the one of you, Bill Goldberg.
[51:10 - 51:12] And you'd be looking like Gilbert.
[51:12 - 51:17] Or, yeah, Gilbert, or whatever that dude is.
[51:17 - 51:21] You'd be like, "Look at me, y'all. I want a champion ship.
[51:21 - 51:25] I want a championship. I got shitty content.
[51:25 - 51:29] I want the world title for serious content."
[51:29 - 51:33] Like, bruh.
[51:33 - 51:37] Why you got motherfuckers over here like me that are like,
[51:37 - 51:41] "Well, time to put out some more content, Sean."
[51:41 - 51:56] And speaking of shitty content...
[51:56 - 52:00] Yo, Tyrese. What's with you, bro?
[52:00 - 52:03] Like I said, dawg, what are you trying to be?
[52:03 - 52:06] What are you trying to be? Tyrese Gibson?
[52:06 - 52:08] You ain't no Tyrese Gibson, homie.
[52:08 - 52:11] You ain't no fucking Roman Fears, bro.
[52:11 - 52:13] How many times do I have to tell you?
[52:13 - 52:16] You ain't no Roman Fears.
[52:17 - 52:22] [Silence]
[52:46 - 52:50] Like, bruh, you ain't this man right here.
[52:50 - 52:54] You ain't this man right here, Tyrese.
[52:54 - 53:01] Like, you ain't this man right here.
[53:01 - 53:04] You are not this funny.
[53:04 - 53:07] Really?
[53:07 - 53:09] Where'd you get that from?
[53:09 - 53:10] Papa Smart?
[53:10 - 53:15] If Roman already shoots you, you wouldn't be here right now.
[53:15 - 53:18] Alright, we gotta get this out of control.
[53:18 - 53:21] You ain't this funny, bro.
[53:21 - 53:24] Hey, that's my...
[53:24 - 53:26] So?
[53:26 - 53:32] This job just got a lot harder.
[53:32 - 53:34] He's moving into a police station.
[53:34 - 53:37] He's got some serious brass in his pocket.
[53:37 - 53:46] We can't do this.
[53:46 - 53:49] I think this doesn't change a thing.
[53:49 - 53:53] I said we stood to the plan.
[53:53 - 53:55] You say what?
[53:55 - 53:59] This shit went from mission impossible to mission and frickin' sanity.
[53:59 - 54:02] What up, man?
[54:02 - 54:05] I ain't scared. I'm just letting y'all know, hoarding that building is crazy.
[54:05 - 54:08] You ain't this funny, bro.
[54:08 - 54:11] Yeah, I'm out of the state. I ain't Miami, man.
[54:11 - 54:15] I keep you out of trouble, bro.
[54:15 - 54:17] You know what I'm talking about.
[54:17 - 54:19] See any kick in Miami, bro?
[54:19 - 54:21] Oh, man, I love Miami.
[54:21 - 54:24] Miami's off the hook.
[54:24 - 54:28] Open the garage together.
[54:28 - 54:30] Garage.
[54:30 - 54:33] I was gonna do that, bro.
[54:34 - 54:37] Fucking seen that, teachers.
[54:37 - 54:44] Yo, we ain't talking no more either, bro.
[54:44 - 54:46] See, you ain't this funny, man.
[54:46 - 54:48] You are not this damn funny.
[54:48 - 54:52] I don't know about y'all, but I'm out.
[54:52 - 54:54] Wouldn't recommend that.
[54:54 - 54:55] What?
[54:55 - 54:57] Well, thanks to your watchful end job,
[54:57 - 54:59] you all made Interpol's top 10 most wanted list.
[54:59 - 55:00] Top 10?
[55:00 - 55:01] Mm-hmm.
[55:01 - 55:03] That's all right.
[55:03 - 55:05] Well, not you, bro.
[55:05 - 55:07] You just missed the clock. You're number 11.
[55:07 - 55:10] So, I missed it.
[55:10 - 55:12] That's impossible.
[55:12 - 55:14] What number did they come in at?
[55:14 - 55:17] Six, eight, nine,
[55:17 - 55:19] ten, eight,
[55:19 - 55:20] eight.
[55:20 - 55:21] She's dead?
[55:21 - 55:23] That's impossible. There's no way she can get her.
[55:23 - 55:25] Oh, she's definitely dead.
[55:25 - 55:27] See, I think I'm looking better special agent
[55:27 - 55:29] than you ever did.
[55:29 - 55:32] Well, that depends on how you define special.
[55:32 - 55:35] See, you ain't this funny, dog.
[55:35 - 55:45] Come on, suit boys.
[55:45 - 55:47] You ain't this funny, bro.
[55:47 - 55:49] And neither are you, Tyrese.
[55:49 - 55:51] You ain't no Tyrese Gibson, bro.
[55:51 - 55:53] You ain't no Roland Peters, dog.
[55:53 - 55:56] See, I'm not now.
[55:56 - 55:58] I see why you're always getting nasty.
[55:58 - 56:00] You can't even drive a damn remote-controlled car.
[56:00 - 56:02] I'm gonna need you to shut up right now.
[56:02 - 56:04] I'm not gonna shut up.
[56:04 - 56:05] Try to cross, man.
[56:05 - 56:07] Strap him in his safety belt, man.
[56:07 - 56:10] Give me the remote, bro.
[56:10 - 56:11] Go left.
[56:11 - 56:13] It looks like something right over there to the left.
[56:13 - 56:15] What is it?
[56:15 - 56:17] Bingo.
[56:17 - 56:19] Show the pole.
[56:19 - 56:22] That's crazy.
[56:22 - 56:24] Who's supposed to do all this?
[56:25 - 56:26] What do you mean?
[56:26 - 56:37] Why me?
[56:37 - 56:39] He's got the thing in his mouth.
[56:39 - 56:41] That's for damn sure.
[56:41 - 56:48] See, you ain't no Tyrese Gibson, Tyrese, dude.
[56:48 - 56:50] So quit acting like it, bro.
[56:50 - 56:52] You ain't even funny, dog.
[56:53 - 56:58] If anything, man, your jokes are a lame.
[56:58 - 57:00] Your dough is fucked.
[57:00 - 57:03] Like, bro, who are you kidding, man?
[57:03 - 57:05] Like, you ain't even funny, bro.
[57:05 - 57:07] Your dough is what?
[57:07 - 57:10] Like I said, Tyrese, you might want to change your name
[57:10 - 57:13] because you ain't no Roland Peters, big dog.
[57:13 - 57:15] You ain't no Roland Peters, homie.
[57:15 - 57:17] You ain't that funny guy.
[57:17 - 57:19] You ain't the funny man.
[57:19 - 57:23] If anything, you're the dude that ends up getting his ass kicked
[57:23 - 57:26] every damn time he tried to get into a fight.
[57:26 - 57:30] Like, bro, every time somebody gets into a fight with you,
[57:30 - 57:33] they end up going Conor McGregor on your ass and whooping your ass.
[57:33 - 57:36] Like, bro, you're not funny.
[57:36 - 57:38] You can't fight for shit.
[57:38 - 57:44] Plus your fucking mouth overloads your goddamn brain.
[57:44 - 57:48] Like, dog, come on, bro.
[57:49 - 57:52] Come on, Tyrese.
[57:52 - 57:54] What are you trying to do?
[57:54 - 57:56] Prove that you're a badass?
[57:56 - 57:58] Dog, you ain't shit.
[57:58 - 58:04] My dog, Baden, who's an old man, can fight better than you.
[58:04 - 58:12] And he's a dog who's old and decrepit and can't really do much.
[58:12 - 58:13] No, that's my dog.
[58:13 - 58:14] I love my dog.
[58:14 - 58:17] He's my best friend as far as animals go.
[58:17 - 58:21] Like, that dog is, you know, my best friend straight up.
[58:21 - 58:28] But, dude, my dog, who's an old man, can beat your ass.
[58:28 - 58:31] And that's saying something.
[58:43 - 58:51] Right, no shit. Like, this dude acts like, bro, my dog is old and can't beat your ass.
[58:51 - 58:53] And that's sad.
[58:53 - 59:00] When a freaking decrepit, old-ass, tiny-ass dog can't beat your ass.
[59:00 - 59:03] That's sad.
[59:03 - 59:06] Man, that's embarrassing, bro.
[59:07 - 59:21] Like, dude, I'd hate to beat you right now, Tyrese.
[59:21 - 59:32] I really would, because, yeah, you trying to fight is like fucking Conor McGregor going up against Bruce Lee.
[59:32 - 59:35] Bruce Lee's whipping his ass.
[59:36 - 59:47] Yeah, yeah, and actually, now you know what, you know what, keep your name out as it is.
[59:47 - 59:50] But add something onto it.
[59:50 - 59:58] Instead of just Tyrese's needs, there should be Tyrese's needs to go fuck himself.
[59:58 - 60:03] Tyrese's needs to go to jail.
[60:03 - 60:07] Tyrese's needs to dig his own grave.
[60:07 - 60:13] Because I'm about to put you there.
[60:13 - 60:19] Now, who am I kidding? I've done put your ass there a couple times.
[60:19 - 60:27] Like, bro, you ain't no badass, homie. You a joke.
[60:27 - 60:32] You ain't no straight-up badass, man. You're a fucking joke, dog.
[60:32 - 60:36] Fucking We-Man can beat your ass.
[60:36 - 60:41] We-Man, this would be you and We-Man. Hold up.
[60:41 - 60:56] This is We-Man and you.
[60:57 - 61:01] Whatever their style, whatever your budget, make it back.
[61:01 - 61:08] This is you and We-Man, bro. This is you and motherfucking We-Man going at it.
[61:08 - 61:14] See, right there, you got We-Man rolling up. Here's your ass.
[61:14 - 61:21] You have interfered with our affairs for the last part.
[61:21 - 61:25] Oh, look, you're trying to use the force.
[61:26 - 61:29] There goes We-Man, he's about to whoop your ass, boy.
[61:29 - 61:33] They never put that ass on them, son.
[61:54 - 61:57] And the dark side, I sense in you.
[61:57 - 62:01] I've become more powerful than any gentleman.
[62:01 - 62:08] Look at that, bro.
[62:08 - 62:23] Look at that, man. That's what's up, man. We-Man's over here whooping your ass, kid.
[62:23 - 62:27] I know there's a bunch of us who cannot decide whether I'm going to do this.
[62:27 - 62:32] I'm going to buy our Skittles with the lights.
[62:32 - 62:41] Uh-oh, here we go, y'all. We-Man is about to beat Tyrese's ass.
[62:41 - 62:43] Let's go.
[62:43 - 62:51] Look at that, man. Tyrese, look at that, bro. We-Man's whipping your ass, kid.
[62:52 - 62:54] We-Man's knocking the shit out of you, son.
[62:54 - 63:03] Like, bro, come on, Tyrese.
[63:03 - 63:08] Quit letting your ass get kicked, bro. You claim you're a badass?
[63:08 - 63:11] Why you getting your ass beat by we there?
[63:11 - 63:14] Huh?
[63:14 - 63:19] This is just the beginning.
[63:19 - 63:20] Hm.
[63:20 - 63:35] Look at that, man. Tyrese running like a bitch.
[63:35 - 63:40] Oh, Tyrese's knee running like a bitch.
[63:40 - 63:54] ???
[63:54 - 63:58] Hey, Tyrese. Why you running like a bitch?
[63:58 - 64:03] For real, man. Like, you just got to sit down with a bitch and kick your ass?
[64:03 - 64:05] Like, bro.
[64:09 - 64:14] Dude, you just got your ass handed to you by motherfucking we-man, bro.
[64:14 - 64:20] Fucking we-man just beat your ass and you ran like a bitch.
[64:20 - 64:22] Why?
[64:22 - 64:27] I mean, he's a midget, bro. You should be able to handle a midget.
[64:27 - 64:32] Or so I thought. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but...
[64:32 - 64:37] From what I just saw, you just got your ass handed to you by motherfucking we-man, bro.
[64:38 - 64:39] That's sad.
[64:39 - 64:49] It probably would.
[64:49 - 65:01] Dude, Bandit's knocked the fuck out. I ain't licking that doggo.
[65:01 - 65:03] Know my ass, I'll get beat.
[65:06 - 65:10] Like, bro. Tyrese, you just ran like a bitch, bro.
[65:10 - 65:14] You just got your ass handed to you by we-man, motherfucker.
[65:14 - 65:20] Like, bro, you say you're funny, right?
[65:20 - 65:25] You say you're funny. Well, let me show you funny.
[65:25 - 65:30] Let me show you motherfucking funny, bro.
[65:35 - 65:41] Shout out to this man, because I actually have seen this guy live a couple times, and he's actually funny as fuck.
[65:41 - 65:57] Let's see, where's it at?
[65:58 - 65:59] Fuck.
[65:59 - 66:20] Like, bro, you claim you're funny? Let me show you what funny is, dude.
[66:20 - 66:24] And keep in mind, I've actually seen this guy live twice.
[66:24 - 66:26] The dude's super funny.
[66:27 - 66:31] You want funny, Tyrese? Let me show you what funny is.
[66:31 - 66:36] Shout out to this man, too, that y'all about to see.
[66:36 - 66:41] I know. I know.
[66:41 - 66:46] Let's be honest with ourselves, for one second, shit just got interesting.
[66:46 - 66:54] Now it's a party. Now we're in Montreal, and now we're here when there's actually good weather.
[66:54 - 66:57] I've been here in the winter, y'all can fuck off.
[66:57 - 67:03] Alright, I don't like your winter. I do not like it. I'm from Southern California.
[67:03 - 67:06] I am not used to it. You guys get snow. I don't like it.
[67:06 - 67:10] I was in Edmonton over the winter, where they got a storm.
[67:10 - 67:13] When I say a storm, you got a foot and a half of snow in a day.
[67:13 - 67:15] One day, a foot and a half of snow. One day.
[67:15 - 67:19] I'm on stage talking about it, like, this sucks. Everyone's in the audience, and it's like,
[67:19 - 67:23] "I'm in Edmonton. That's what fucking happens here, theory."
[67:23 - 67:27] I hated it, and no one got it. They're like, "It's no big deal. It's just a foot and a half of snow."
[67:27 - 67:31] I am four feet fucking tall, okay?
[67:31 - 67:37] It's a little different for me. Maybe you guys go out and a foot and a half of snow,
[67:37 - 67:41] you trip, you fall, your knee gets wet. It's winter time.
[67:41 - 67:47] If I trip and fall on a foot and a half of snow, I die. You understand how that works?
[67:48 - 67:52] I was scared. I went to one of those sporting goods stores. I bought one of those soccer flags.
[67:52 - 67:56] I just duct-taped that shit to my back. I just started walking around.
[67:56 - 68:03] People were making fun of me. "Brad, you look like a loser. Don't care. I'm gonna live."
[68:03 - 68:09] But I get it, though. I get why people are very excited.
[68:09 - 68:12] This man's funnier than you, and he's a midget.
[68:12 - 68:16] I'm thinking about this all the time. I don't walk around all day in my head.
[68:16 - 68:32] "I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I'm midget, I get it, I get it."
[68:32 - 68:41] Here's the thing, though. I love being a little person because I bring so much happiness to people.
[68:41 - 68:50] Like, you just see a dwarf and you're happy. It doesn't matter. We bring happiness to all sorts of circumstances. Dwarves are like human bacon, okay?
[68:50 - 68:57] We make everything better. No matter what the situation, the situation is boring. We make that better too.
[68:57 - 69:09] Yeah, boring things. Grocery shopping. Nothing entertaining about grocery shopping. You guys do it. I do it. There's nothing fun about grocery shopping, but I buy one box of Lucky Charms. Holy shit!
[69:10 - 69:21] And if you're not laughing, you're not picturing this in your head right now. Could you imagine being in a grocery store, you looked at an aisle, and I'm just walking down with my box of Lucky Charms.
[69:21 - 69:26] If you saw that, you'd be like, "Fuck it, I'm buying a lottery ticket. This is the greatest thing in my life."
[69:28 - 69:37] Like, bruh, that dude's funnier than you. And he's a goddamn midget. Literally a fucking midget. And he's funnier than you.
[69:37 - 69:51] Yeah, dude, I am going to stand up for this one right quick because I do want to do something funny here. I know a lot of y'all be asking about this, so I've got something for y'all.
[69:52 - 70:05] Oh, and because I get this all the goddamn time.
[70:18 - 70:34] Like, and I get this all the damn time, you know? All the damn time. Like, I'll be going to the store in the wintertime, right? And motherfuckers will be looking at me like, and just have a dead ass. This happens all the damn time.
[70:34 - 70:46] A lot of people see me going to the grocery store. Random people that I don't even know. Random fucking people I don't know. I'll be going to the grocery store, right?
[70:47 - 70:53] And literally every time, people will be like, "Oh my god! It's Trevor from GTA!"
[70:53 - 71:09] Like, and it's funny to me because I'll walk up and be like, "Dude, I loved you in GTA!" Like, "What? Dude, didn't you play Trevor in GTA?"
[71:10 - 71:31] No? You look like him. You had to live. No, sorry. I mean, I appreciate that. But like, I'm not Trevor, sorry. Like, do I look like I have a beer in my hand all the time walking around like, "Fuck you!"
[71:32 - 71:40] Fuck him! Fuck her! Fuck my life! Like, I don't do that. I'm not Trevor.
[71:45 - 71:59] Like, bro, I know y'all know Trevor from GTA, and if y'all don't know Trevor from GTA, well, let me show ya. Hold up.
[71:59 - 72:19] Hold on, y'all. Give me just one minute.
[72:19 - 72:41] Like, I literally get told I look like this dude all the fucking time.
[72:42 - 73:10] Matter of fact, hold on. Let me do something here. I literally get told that I look like this dude all the time.
[73:11 - 73:35] Oh, God, this dude. That's weird. Like, literally. I get told I look like this dude all the fucking time. It's weird. Like, I literally get told I look like this dude all the time. Like, what's up with that?
[73:35 - 73:51] Oh, why the fuck did I do something?
[73:51 - 74:13] Like, in what way do I look like Trevor?
[74:14 - 74:30] Like, how is it that I look like Trevor? Like, this dude's got a head full of hair. See?
[74:31 - 74:44] I look nothing like this guy. Like, do I really look like I play a GTA 5 character?
[74:45 - 75:06] Like, seriously, like, compare me to Trevor. Like, I don't drink. I don't do that shit. I don't walk around with a fucking beer bottle on my hand like, "Hey!"
[75:07 - 75:23] Fuck you. Fuck your mom. Fuck your brother. Oh, wait, never mind. Not fuck your brother. Your brother's weird. But fuck your dog.
[75:24 - 75:49] Hey, hey, you kid. Random kid. Fuck you. Like, I'm not Trevor, dude. Like, dude, do I look like Trevor to you? I mean, I could play a mid to young version of Trevor, I guess. Like, but dude, I'm not Trevor.
[75:52 - 76:08] Like, I'm not Trevor, dude. And I get this all the time, like, "Oh my god, it's Trevor from GTA. Oh my god, look, guys, it's the real life Trevor." Like, what?
[76:08 - 76:19] Like, do I look like I play Trevor? Do I look like a drunken idiot to you? Do I look like a drunk idiot to you? I don't think so.
[76:20 - 76:29] I mean, sure, I might look like him, but I don't play him. I might have the same code as him, but I don't play him.
[76:33 - 76:49] Like, I get this all the time, and it's fucking weird. Like, how do I, like, I don't get, like, why do you guys always make sure you have a fucking Trevor? Like, what's with that?
[76:50 - 77:09] Like, how do I look like Trevor? Like, like I said, I might look like him, but, like, I don't play his voice character. That's not me. Like, I don't play Trevor as much, as cool as that would be.
[77:10 - 77:27] I mean, that would be pretty badass, but that's not me. And then he got other motherfuckers that think I've played fucking the Mad Scientist from fucking Back to the Future.
[77:28 - 77:39] Like, they think I'm fucking Christopher Lloyd. They're like, yo, did you play this guy in Back to the Future? Didn't you play Doc? No.
[77:42 - 78:06] And then I got other motherfuckers, like, whenever I pull my hair out, they're like, dude, you look like Crusty the Clown. And half the time, I'm just like, really? Really, like, do you want me to do it? Like, do I really look like Crusty the Clown to you? Like, hey, kids, let's fuck people up. Let's fuck with people.
[78:07 - 78:18] Like, bruh, I ain't no Crusty the Clown. I sure as fuck ain't no goddamn Doc from Back to the Future. And for the love of God, I don't play Trevor.
[78:19 - 78:40] Although I'm thinking about starting an Instagram, you know, doing Trevor's costumes, I'm actually thinking about that. Like, bruh, I'm not Trevor. I'm not Crusty the Clown. I sure as fuck ain't Doc from Back to the Future, bro. Like, that's not me. Sorry, wrong guy.
[78:45 - 78:58] Yo, Side Show Bob's a badass, bro. Don't be hating on Side Show Bob. Don't be hating on Side Show, man. He's cool as fuck. I'll fuck with that show, man.
[79:06 - 79:27] But no, for real, though, in all honesty, man, I fucking I love when people do that because it's funny to me because people walk up to me all the time. And they're just like, dude, are you Trevor? Like, did you play The Voice of Trevor? No.
[79:28 - 79:47] But like, it's so cool, though, to see that, that people make that comparison about me. They're like, dude, you look like Trevor. Like, you've got the jacket, the hair, everything. Like, dude, you look like him. Like, you're the real life version of Trevor. Like, you're awesome.
[79:48 - 80:08] Like, uh-huh. And at first, I didn't get it. This is before I played GTA. Like, I used to get this even before I started playing. Like, people would call me Trevor all the time. And I didn't know what they were talking about. I'm like, who's Trevor?
[80:09 - 80:20] Like, what? And then when I started playing GTA 5 last year, that's when I realized, like, oh, okay, now I understand. Now I get it.
[80:21 - 80:35] Now whenever somebody walked up to me and they're like, yo, did you play Trevor? I started doing The Voice like, no, I didn't play Trevor. I am Trevor. Fuck your mom.
[80:36 - 80:45] Like, I do that shit all the time. Like, I will literally fuck with people with that. Like, I do that all the time now. And it's awesome.
[80:45 - 81:01] So if any of you guys see me, man, like, and I'm wearing this, man, don't be afraid to walk up to me and be like, yo, Trevor, fuck you. Just, a little bit of advice for you guys if you do see me like that.
[81:02 - 81:12] And you do do that. Just be warned, I'm like full of Trevor and trying to kick you in the balls. Just saying, like, you might want to wear a cuff or something to guard your nuts.
[81:13 - 81:33] Cuz knowing me, I'd be like, fuck you. I'm not Trevor. Pink. Like, just saying, man. I'm just saying, bro, like, hey, I'm just being straight up honest, man.
[81:34 - 81:47] Like, if you guys ever see me though, man, for real though, man, I'm not gonna actually kick you guys in the balls. Like, if you guys do see me out in public or whatever, and you're welcome to it, man, don't be afraid to walk up to me and be like, yo, what's up?
[81:47 - 81:58] Like, I have no problem with that, man. I'll definitely take pictures with you guys, sign shit for you, whatever. Like, I'll definitely do that for you guys, 100%.
[81:59 - 82:10] That was y'all. I love you guys. Hopefully you guys did enjoy this set. I know I enjoyed it. And who knows? I may make an Instagram called the real live version of Trevor. Who knows?
[82:10 - 82:28] Hell, I might do that. Who knows? I mean, that's something to think about. Posting the comments of you guys are about to see me do cosplays of the real live treasure, of the real live Trevor with me dressed up as Trevor and this and that and the other. Like, let me know if you guys are about to see that. If you would, post that shit in the comments.
[82:28 - 82:40] Let me know. Also, don't forget to pick up your skull scratcher's merch on the way out, man. Go to my channel, click the link, and check out the skull scratcher merch.
[82:46 - 82:58] Like, for real, if y'all want to pick up some dope ass merch, click the shop. Oh, and shot down?
[83:08 - 83:18] Fuck y'all. Oh, and the famous words of Trevor. Fuck you, Chi-town.
[83:18 - 83:27] Hey, Chi-town. Fuck you and fuck your mom.
[83:32 - 83:45] I'm Trevor, damn it. Fuck your mom, Chi-town. That's why your mom was screaming my name last night, cos I was fucking a real good boy.
[83:45 - 83:51] So yeah, I can literally say, I fucked your mother.
[83:59 - 84:06] Well, that's what you say, guys. I fucking love you guys. Be sure to pick up your skull scratcher merch at the shop on my channel.
[84:06 - 84:12] I have some brand new merch dropping out here in a couple days. I have some brand new skull scratcher stuff dropping.
[84:12 - 84:20] Some brand new shirt designs dropping thanks to a fan of mine who dropped in some really dope ass fan art that I'll be throwing on some shirts.
[84:21 - 84:31] So be ready for some new merch dropping real soon. Like I said, if y'all want to pick up your skull scratcher merch, head to my bonfire shop on my channel.
[84:31 - 84:41] Pick up that shit, and I'll catch you guys later. And also, like I said, if you guys would like to see me do more Trevor type stuff, put it in the comments.
[84:41 - 84:49] Let me know if you guys want to see me do some more Trevor impersonations and all that stuff. Hopefully you guys enjoyed it. I know I did.
[84:50 - 84:52] I love you guys. I'll see you guys tomorrow, y'all.
[84:58 - 85:16] So like I said, y'all, again, if you guys would like to see me do some more Trevor stuff, put it in the comments. Let me know. Think of your skull scratcher merch. And I'll catch you guys tomorrow, the next Saturday. I'll fucking love you guys. I'm out, y'all. Peace. Be safe. Stay humble.
[85:17 - 85:35] And the famous words of Trevor, this one's for the trolls. And trolls, fuck you. And fuck your mother. And fuck your dad too. Your dad's an ass. Hell, fuck all you trolls. You have pieces of shit. God.
[85:35 - 85:39] Fucking trolls, man. I swear to God.
[85:39 - 85:46] So trolls, fuck you and kiss my ass.
[85:46 - 85:48] (mouse clicks)
