2021-8-8 Home for the Outcasts

[0:00 - 2:01] [ Pause ]
[2:01 - 4:57] [ Music ]
[4:57 - 5:03] Where is all my fucking freaks and all my weirdo cats?
[5:03 - 5:05] Where are you?
[5:05 - 7:39] [ Music ]
[7:39 - 7:43] How the fuck are you freaks doing today?
[7:43 - 7:53] [ Music ]
[7:53 - 7:59] You know what I find fucking funny?
[7:59 - 8:07] How sad it was to fucking judge us.
[8:07 - 8:35] Don't you ask me? I refuse to adhere to society.
[8:35 - 8:43] Do you know what I say?
[8:43 - 9:23] [ Pause ]
[9:23 - 9:31] I say for those in society that like to judge and bully,
[9:31 - 9:41] outcast like myself, you all can fuck yourselves.
[9:41 - 9:49] I do this shit for the weirdos, the freaks like me, that like to come out and play at night.
[9:49 - 10:07] [ Pause ]
[10:07 - 10:17] Because we are not your kind. I am not your kind.
[10:17 - 10:27] And trust me when I say I'll make all the fucked up jokes I can't about you pieces of shit.
[10:27 - 10:37] Like how you young generation kids do this shit. Have time. This is you motherfuckers.
[10:37 - 11:06] Instead of living real fucking life, that's your motherfucking new generation of kids man.
[11:06 - 11:15] Y'all are a fucking waste of space. All you new generation of kids glued into your fucking latest technology.
[11:15 - 11:25] Like come on, what are you a fucking robot or human being?
[11:25 - 11:34] Because y'all look kind of like a robot to me. I'm just saying.
[11:34 - 11:46] Honestly, you're kind of similar to Tyreese Meade in a sense. Y'all young generation kids, have y'all are like Tyreese Meade man.
[11:46 - 11:52] I don't look at me. I'm a badass. I'm right about everything. All these people doing that.
[11:52 - 11:58] Oh, you're wrong. I'm right. I'm Tyreese Meade. You're wrong. I'm right.
[11:58 - 12:20] Y'all sound like his dumb ass on a fucking Monday night. Like, come on, man.
[12:20 - 12:29] Like for real, come the fuck on. Like what's with you new generation of kids? Like what many of you are glued into Instagram?
[12:29 - 12:34] Next many of you are glued into TikTok. What's next?
[12:34 - 12:44] Like come on, what's next? Fucking kids hopping on fucking God knows what anymore.
[12:44 - 12:49] I don't even know what half of y'all kids jump on. Like what's next?
[12:49 - 12:55] You and your mom jumping on OnlyFans to make money? Like, come on.
[12:55 - 13:01] I'm just saying. Have the shit y'all younger kids do nowadays? Wouldn't fucking surprise me.
[13:01 - 13:11] Like I said, what's next? You younger kids jumping on OnlyFans with your moms playing Roblox or some shit?
[13:11 - 13:18] Like, what's with y'all, man? Like, come on. When I was a kid, we didn't have half that shit.
[13:18 - 13:31] You know, we had when I was a kid, you know, we had outside. Sticks, dirt, rocks, mud, and bikes.
[13:31 - 13:37] That's what we had when I was a kid.
[13:37 - 13:47] Like we didn't go around stealing our moms credit cards or go around being like, hey, catch me outside.
[13:47 - 13:52] Catch me outside. Every five fucking seconds of the damn day.
[13:52 - 13:57] Hey guys, catch me outside. Catch me outside.
[13:57 - 14:06] We didn't have that shit. And yet, y'all want to act like a bunch of whiny bitches.
[14:06 - 14:14] When you don't get your way. Well, I'm sorry to break it to you, kid, but life ain't easy.
[14:14 - 14:35] Tough in the fuck up.
[14:35 - 14:39] Actually, bro, ain't it? Is it for him?
[14:39 - 14:45] Oh, God damn, what we doing? That actually is almost for him. Shit.
[14:45 - 14:49] Right, for real, man. Half y'all are trolls.
[14:49 - 14:56] Like, half y'all are kids. All y'all do is sit on the Internet, board a spook.
[14:56 - 15:03] And what's with you kids and fucking, like, doing dumb shit?
[15:03 - 15:09] Like, what are you trying to be? Fucking Michael from GTA?
[15:09 - 15:13] Like, come on. What are you trying to be? Michael from Grand Theft Auto 5?
[15:13 - 15:19] Well, you ain't no badass. And half y'all are kids running around toting these guns.
[15:19 - 15:27] Like, look at me, y'all. I'm a badass. I've got a fucking gun. I'm a badass.
[15:27 - 15:35] Kid, no, you ain't. You ain't even got the balls to goddamn shoot that piece.
[15:35 - 15:40] Like, come on. I got more balls than you got.
[15:40 - 15:45] Hell, the asshole reports have more balls than you got. And she's a chick.
[15:45 - 15:49] And she's got more balls than you got.
[15:49 - 15:58] Guarantee you, man. You shoot that thing off one time, your ass is running for the hills.
[15:58 - 16:06] Like, this is you new generation of kids if you even think about shooting off a fucking rifle.
[16:06 - 16:09] Like, I can see you kids already trying to shoot off a .22.
[16:09 - 16:15] Like, "Oh my God, Mom, I shot off a .22 rifle and kicked back and hit me in the arm.
[16:15 - 16:22] Ma'am, Mommy, I got hurt from a rifle. I got hurt from a kickback."
[16:22 - 16:28] I mean, come on, dude. What are you? Fucking two?
[16:28 - 16:33] Like, dude, I was shooting off .22 rifles when I was 10.
[16:33 - 16:39] And that's real talk. That is actual fact. I was shooting off .22 rifles when I was a kid.
[16:39 - 16:49] Because I grew up in the fucking country. I grew up around rifles. I grew up around weapons like that.
[16:49 - 16:54] But for half you kids, you can't even figure out what a frickin' simple faith player is.
[16:54 - 17:10] Like, what's with that? Like, you look at a game boy or a cassette player. Like, what is this thing? What is this? What is this, Mommy? What is this?
[17:10 - 17:15] I don't know what this is. What is this strange technology?
[17:15 - 17:23] It's called a tape player, dumbass. You put a cassette in it, you close it, and you press the play button.
[17:23 - 17:33] Not that hard to figure out.
[17:33 - 17:42] And then you want to sit there and crack on people on games. And this is real talk.
[17:42 - 17:46] I've actually had this happen. This is actually a true story.
[17:46 - 17:54] Matter of fact, this happened just the other day when I was playing Warface with a couple of friends of mine.
[17:54 - 18:01] I just happened to be playing Warface, so this kid comes in. Alright?
[18:01 - 18:10] He comes in acting like he's a badass. Acting like he's gonna get all the kills, right?
[18:10 - 18:20] And I've seen this kid play a few matches. Not gonna lie. He's fairly decent. He's a fairly decent player.
[18:20 - 18:24] I've watched a few of his matches. He does not have that.
[18:24 - 18:30] So anyways, me and my friends and this kid get into a match, right?
[18:30 - 18:39] We're on opposite teams. Me and my buddy are on one team, and then he happens to get put on the opposite team due to the team balancing system.
[18:39 - 18:47] What they do is they balance the teams out so that there's an even number of players on either side.
[18:47 - 18:55] Most of the time it's 3 on 3, 2 on 2, 4 on 4, or 5 on 5. This is a full lobby.
[18:55 - 19:09] Like, this is a full 5 on 5 hardcore fucking smack your grandma in the fucking face below your fucking car of hardcore deathmatch.
[19:09 - 19:16] Like, this is straight out fucking World War 3 level deathmatch shit.
[19:16 - 19:21] So as we get into the freaking match, shit starts going crazy.
[19:21 - 19:26] Bullets flying everywhere, fucking people dropping around this lesson, right?
[19:26 - 19:32] Me and my buddy are sitting down on one of the mats crouching in the corner like, "Oh shit, what do we do?"
[19:32 - 19:38] Like, there's fucking bullets everywhere. We're getting shot at from the left and the right.
[19:38 - 19:45] I'm taking out motherfuckers with a damn sniper. He's over here with an SMG trying to keep dudes away.
[19:45 - 19:52] This kid is literally over there like this with a fucking knife.
[19:52 - 19:56] Trying to kill guys.
[19:56 - 20:03] So this dude on the other team doesn't even come after us. Doesn't even come after us.
[20:03 - 20:10] This dude literally walks up to this kid, pulls out a fucking pistol with a silencer.
[20:10 - 20:17] A fucking pistol. Walks up to the kid. Bang.
[20:17 - 20:21] One shot kill.
[20:21 - 20:27] This kid starts bawling in anger.
[20:27 - 20:31] Now keep in mind, this kid's mic is on the whole time.
[20:31 - 20:39] Keep in mind, this kid's mic is on the whole fucking time that we're playing the match.
[20:39 - 20:41] The whole time.
[20:41 - 20:45] And we're hearing this kid talking all this trash.
[20:45 - 20:50] Like, "Oh, I'm gonna get you next time. I'm gonna get you, blah blah blah."
[20:50 - 21:00] And I swear to God, I could not for the life of me make up what this kid said next.
[21:00 - 21:12] Freaking, like, I've never heard anything so fucking funny in my fucking life.
[21:12 - 21:21] Also, I found out later on, this kid had a, like, a Twitter, it was like a Vimeo or some sort of video sharing site.
[21:21 - 21:26] It wasn't on YouTube though. It was on some sort of other video platform.
[21:26 - 21:32] And like a buddy of mine, my friend wound up finding it and sending it over, and I laughed at it.
[21:32 - 21:37] This kid literally was sitting there going off.
[21:37 - 21:43] All you hear is this kid's mom yelling at him, telling him to get off to do his fucking homework.
[21:43 - 21:53] This kid literally is like, "No, no, Mom. I'm killing bad guys. Leave me alone."
[21:53 - 21:56] Literally.
[21:56 - 22:00] And it came to mind, we're watching this as it's happening.
[22:00 - 22:08] Like, we're playing the match and watching the stream as this is all going down, as this is all happening.
[22:08 - 22:17] This kid's mom literally comes in the room, yanks this kid up by the back of his fucking shirt,
[22:17 - 22:26] pends him over her fucking knees, and starts beating his fucking ass with her hand.
[22:26 - 22:30] Me and my friend sit, like, we're just sitting there dead ass.
[22:30 - 22:39] We start busting out laughing at this point. Like, we're laughing at this point.
[22:39 - 22:46] Like, we are laughing at this fucking point. This kid's over here getting his ass beat up by his moms.
[22:46 - 22:49] She's sitting there spanking his ass for talking back to her.
[22:49 - 22:54] We're laughing at this point because we're finding this shit funny.
[22:54 - 22:58] This kid's mom was so fucking savage.
[22:58 - 23:09] She straight up was like, "You say that again. I'll show you what a KD ratio is."
[23:09 - 23:20] This kid's mom straight out was like, "Next time you talk back to me again, I'll show you what a kill streak is, boy."
[23:20 - 23:30] I literally was on the floor laughing at this point. I was laughing, rolling.
[23:30 - 23:39] And keep in mind, this is all livestream. This is all fucking live.
[23:39 - 23:49] Like, me and my friend just sat there and started laughing. This kid has not been back on since then.
[23:49 - 23:57] Like, this kid is so embarrassed to go back on because so many people fucked with him after that.
[23:57 - 24:02] So, to the ass-wolfing kid, all I gotta say is this.
[24:02 - 24:09] How you like your KD ratio now, kid? Looks like your mom's took it from you, boy.
[24:09 - 24:11] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[24:11 - 24:15] Your mom took a KD ratio, boy.
[24:15 - 24:20] Looks like your mom's got more of a kill streak than you got.
[24:20 - 24:24] She's been around longer. She's got more of a kill streak than you got.
[24:24 - 24:34] That's embarrassing. If your mom can get more of a kill streak than you can in a video game, bro, you suck.
[24:34 - 24:41] Well, why don't you go play some like, roblox or Minecraft or some shit?
[24:41 - 24:47] Because clearly you're not cut out for competitive games. I'm just saying.
[24:47 - 24:56] You might want to go back to playing some roblox or Fortnite because it sounds to me like your mom's got a better KD ratio than you.
[24:56 - 25:01] And that's sad. I mean, aren't you supposed to be the gamer?
[25:01 - 25:05] I mean, aren't you supposed to be the kid that's a gamer?
[25:05 - 25:16] I mean, if you're a gamer, I mean, your KD ratio should not be that shitty.
[25:16 - 25:22] I'm just saying your mom's KD ratio is better than yours. That's embarrassing.
[25:22 - 25:27] Like, how do you like your mom get a better KD ratio than you?
[25:27 - 25:36] I thought you were a pro.
[25:36 - 25:39] Swear to God, man.
[25:39 - 25:42] I thought you were supposed to be a pro.
[25:42 - 25:47] Like, two seconds ago. Oh, I'm a pro. I can win.
[25:47 - 25:48] Two seconds later.
[25:48 - 25:51] Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack.
[25:51 - 25:56] Your mom over here beating your ass like a charity drone, boy.
[25:56 - 26:07] Come on, man. You? A gamer?
[26:07 - 26:11] If you're a gamer, I have a better shot at becoming a president.
[26:11 - 26:16] I have a better shot at becoming a freakin' president than you got at being a gamer.
[26:16 - 26:35] And that's just sad. Because I don't know jack shit about politics.
[26:35 - 26:43] You almost sound, keyword almost, sound as bad as Tyreese's knee.
[26:43 - 26:46] And Tyreese's knee, this is him every day.
[26:46 - 26:53] Oh my God, guys. I'm right about everything. You all are wrong.
[26:53 - 27:01] You're wrong. I'm right about everything. I'm Tyreese's knee. I'm a badass.
[27:01 - 27:10] Bow down to me. I'm a badass.
[27:10 - 27:14] I swear to God, Tyreese's knee sounds like a fucking drama queen.
[27:14 - 27:17] I swear to God, it sounds like a fucking drama queen.
[27:17 - 27:23] Like, oh my God, Gabe. I'm Tyreese's knee. You should bow down to me.
[27:23 - 27:35] I'm so gay. I'm Tyreese's knee. Bow down to me, peasants. Bow down to me.
[27:35 - 27:45] Like, come on, man.
[27:45 - 27:54] And then you've got rumor research. Then you've got people like rumor research
[27:54 - 28:02] who claim to be a badass. Like, oh my God, guys. I'm rumor research.
[28:02 - 28:08] I hate to fuck with people. Oh, come on, bitch. Who are you kidding?
[28:08 - 28:25] You ain't throwing nobody.
[28:25 - 28:32] I may have lost my sanity, but at least I got my balls.
[28:32 - 28:37] I may have lost my sanity, but at least I can keep it up in the bedroom,
[28:37 - 28:40] which is unfortunate because it looks kind of like you can't even keep it up
[28:40 - 28:45] in the bedroom for two seconds. So you might want to go to the nearest
[28:45 - 28:49] frickin' drugstore or like the nearest Walgreens, you know,
[28:49 - 28:53] maybe grab a couple bottles of Viagra. I don't fix that right up.
[28:53 - 29:02] I'm just saying. I may be insane, but at least I'm entertaining.
[29:02 - 29:17] I'm just saying.
[29:17 - 29:24] Hey, Zack Mayers. Who are you trying to be, Zack Efron?
[29:24 - 29:28] All right, clearly you don't have the body stature.
[29:28 - 29:35] You're not built for high school musical. You can't sing. You can't dance.
[29:35 - 29:42] This is you trying to sing.
[29:42 - 29:44] That's how you sound.
[29:44 - 30:00] Find a new job, because clearly you suck at impersonation.
[30:00 - 30:09] Hey, Ari. Yeah, I suck your sister's tits while she's screaming my name, bitch.
[30:09 - 30:18] I suck your sister's tits last night and she loved it.
[30:18 - 30:22] That's why you heard that weird noise coming from her bedroom.
[30:22 - 30:29] I'm just saying. I'll do a better job of pleasing your sister than you do.
[30:29 - 30:39] And that's sad. That's real sad.
[30:39 - 30:44] I do better at pleasing your own mother than you do.
[30:44 - 30:50] And that's saying something. I mean, I've got standards, but dude, come on.
[30:50 - 30:58] If I can please your sister and your mom better than you, bro, you got issues.
[30:58 - 31:05] Hell, I'd please your girlfriend better than you do.
[31:05 - 31:12] I'm just saying. If I can please your girlfriend better than you do, bro, I'm just saying.
[31:12 - 31:20] I'm not judging. I'm just saying. You might want to go to the doctor and get checked.
[31:20 - 31:28] I'm just saying. You might want to get your, you know, checked, because apparently you got a problem.
[31:28 - 31:34] So where you can't keep it up? Sounds kind of like my grandmother.
[31:34 - 31:39] No offense, Grandma. I'm just saying. Grandpa did have a hard time keeping it up.
[31:39 - 31:46] No offense. I'm just saying. Still love you, though, Grandma. Still love you.
[31:46 - 31:51] So please don't kill me. I'm just making a joke. Don't kill me. Please. Thank you.
[31:51 - 32:02] I'd rather not die today.
[32:02 - 32:07] Whatever, dude.
[32:07 - 32:23] Yeah, bullshit. We all know your sister is seven years old.
[32:23 - 32:33] Hey, I may be a lot off stage, but at least I'm not a weirdo like you.
[32:33 - 32:46] And unlike you, I can get it up in the bedroom, motherfucker.
[32:46 - 32:53] Hey, douchey, douchey, douchey. Hey, douchey, you sound like a Labrador retriever.
[32:53 - 32:58] Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, douchey. You sound like you sound like a poodle.
[32:58 - 33:02] Come here, douchey. Come here, boy. Come here, douchey.
[33:02 - 33:09] Come here, douchey. Come here. Come here, boy. You want a treat? I got a treat for you, douchey.
[33:09 - 33:14] Come here, you poodle-ass motherfucker. I got a present for you. Come here, douchey.
[33:14 - 33:20] I got a treat for you. Good boy. Good douchey. Good douchey.
[33:20 - 33:26] Now, see that guy over there? See that guy over there? Go, buddy, stick off.
[33:26 - 33:33] Yeah, that guy right there, that ice guy. Go, buddy, stick off. Go, buddy, that ice dude, stick off.
[33:33 - 33:40] Because he doesn't really need it. Oh, did I mention that that ice guy right there?
[33:40 - 33:45] Did I mention that he sticks me to hot dogs? We know how much you love hot dogs.
[33:45 - 33:53] So, go, buddy, stick off. Go on. I'm waiting here.
[33:53 - 33:56] Good boy. Next thing you hear.
[33:56 - 34:03] I'm waiting here. This is all you guys did when he does. This is all you hear.
[34:03 - 34:13] I'm waiting here. I'm waiting here. I'm waiting here.
[34:16 - 34:26] All right, go. Good douchey. Your fit is nuts off. I'm turning nuts. I'm turning nuts.
[34:26 - 34:37] Then we can officially call you the Nutless Wonder.
[34:41 - 34:47] We can officially call you the Nutless Wonder, which would make you the,
[34:47 - 34:51] one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, wonder of the world.
[34:51 - 34:57] Because you would literally be the Nutless Wonder.
[34:57 - 35:10] I mean, I can't completely rip off. You wouldn't necessarily be the Nutless Wonder entirely.
[35:10 - 35:20] I mean, you would still have one nut left, which would be that peanut-sized brain in your head.
[35:20 - 35:23] So, I mean, you wouldn't entirely be the Nutless Wonder.
[35:23 - 35:27] I mean, we can at least call you the One Nut Wonder,
[35:27 - 35:31] because at least you'd have one nut left, which would be your brain.
[35:31 - 35:36] I'm just saying.
[35:36 - 35:52] The answer is our guy. Why do you keep calling me boo? I ain't your boo. I ain't get it.
[35:52 - 36:00] Why you can't tell a dude before? You're one gang. Go down to the gay bar, bro.
[36:01 - 36:07] Well, I got told dude before. Go down to the gay bar. Better yet, why don't you meet up with that guy?
[36:07 - 36:12] You guys sound like you got something in common. You like to call guys boo, right?
[36:12 - 36:15] So, why don't you go down to the gay bar?
[36:15 - 36:19] I'm just saying. You can pick up a couple dudes while you're there.
[36:19 - 36:22] I'm just saying.
[36:22 - 36:25] Trying to help a brother out, man.
[36:25 - 36:35] [Silence]
[36:35 - 36:40] Someone's angry at the fact that I'm cracking jokes.
[36:40 - 36:43] [Silence]
[36:43 - 36:47] Somebody's mad at me cracking jokes.
[36:47 - 36:58] [Silence]