2021-8-31 i want my life back
[0:00 - 0:22] (keyboard clacking)
[0:38 - 0:40] No.
[0:40 - 0:46] Over the past year,
[0:46 - 0:48] over this past week,
[0:48 - 0:55] which has been hellish on me.
[0:55 - 1:01] Over this past week, there's been nothing but hell for me.
[1:01 - 1:05] Um...
[1:06 - 1:08] (keyboard clacking)
[1:08 - 1:15] I've had a lot of people ask me,
[1:15 - 1:17] am I okay?
[1:17 - 1:19] What's going on? What's wrong?
[1:19 - 1:22] You're not yourself. What's the matter?
[1:22 - 1:28] And when I tell you right now
[1:31 - 1:35] that...
[1:35 - 1:39] a lot of it does have to do with
[1:39 - 1:43] me losing my best friend of 10 years.
[1:43 - 1:48] 'Cause like I said the other day,
[1:48 - 1:52] when my good friend Sean
[1:52 - 1:58] threw our 10-year friendship out the window,
[1:58 - 2:01] I honestly felt like a part of me died.
[2:01 - 2:05] I really do feel like a part of me fucking died.
[2:05 - 2:08] I feel like a family member fucking died.
[2:08 - 2:16] And then to boot on top of that,
[2:16 - 2:19] I now have a masso report,
[2:19 - 2:22] and one of my exes who catfished me
[2:22 - 2:25] trying to fucking frame me for shit.
[2:25 - 2:29] And...
[2:29 - 2:32] it's not fair to me,
[2:32 - 2:34] it's not fair to those around me
[2:34 - 2:36] that have to deal with it.
[2:36 - 2:39] I mean because of all this shit
[2:39 - 2:42] that Masso Report started a few months ago,
[2:42 - 2:48] ever since then I have not had a normal life.
[2:48 - 2:52] Ever since then my life has not been normal.
[2:53 - 2:56] I've had constant harassment,
[2:56 - 2:58] constant attacks,
[2:58 - 3:01] my family's lives being put in danger,
[3:01 - 3:04] my life being put in danger.
[3:04 - 3:14] I've lost friendships.
[3:14 - 3:22] I can't do things that I used to fucking do.
[3:23 - 3:26] I used to be able to go to the store
[3:26 - 3:29] with my girlfriend and
[3:29 - 3:34] have a good time and enjoy spending time with her
[3:34 - 3:36] when I was with her.
[3:36 - 3:40] You know, I used to be able to go out to eat with my family
[3:40 - 3:43] without being mocked.
[3:43 - 3:46] I used to be able to actually have a normal life.
[3:46 - 3:49] I used to have a normal life.
[3:49 - 3:52] I used to be able to actually have a normal life.
[3:52 - 3:57] But ever since Masso Report showed up on the scene
[3:57 - 3:59] my life has not been normal.
[3:59 - 4:03] My life has been everything but normal.
[4:03 - 4:06] I barely sleep at night.
[4:06 - 4:12] And when I do sleep it's for maybe,
[4:12 - 4:14] maybe two hours if that.
[4:16 - 4:19] I barely have eaten anything
[4:19 - 4:25] because I've been so fucking sick to my stomach from stress.
[4:25 - 4:42] I've lost a lot of friends.
[4:43 - 4:46] (silence)
[4:46 - 4:54] I've lost opportunities to build my career
[4:54 - 4:56] the proper way that I've wanted.
[4:56 - 5:01] I've lost record deals.
[5:01 - 5:02] I've lost,
[5:02 - 5:05] I've lost a lot.
[5:05 - 5:07] I've lost sponsorships.
[5:07 - 5:11] I've lost a lot of stuff that I can't get back.
[5:12 - 5:14] (silence)
[5:14 - 5:16] So that I can never get back.
[5:16 - 5:19] (silence)
[5:19 - 5:30] All because someone wanted to come in and fuck up my life.
[5:30 - 5:33] (silence)
[5:33 - 5:36] And for what reason?
[5:36 - 5:38] All for a laugh?
[5:38 - 5:42] All because you thought that I was something that I'm not?
[5:42 - 6:00] Let me tell you right now, you guys really don't understand.
[6:05 - 6:07] How devastating
[6:07 - 6:13] what National Reports did really is.
[6:13 - 6:21] You guys truly don't fucking understand it.
[6:33 - 6:35] Not because of her.
[6:35 - 6:39] People view me as this monster that I'm not.
[6:39 - 6:42] I can't even have a fucking normal life.
[6:42 - 6:44] I can't go out with my friends.
[6:44 - 6:47] I can't, you know, have a girlfriend.
[6:47 - 6:49] I can't go to this store.
[6:49 - 6:51] I can't do anything anymore.
[6:51 - 6:55] All because of fucking National Reports
[6:55 - 6:58] and her fucking bullshit.
[7:02 - 7:06] And her convincing people that I'm something that I'm not.
[7:06 - 7:20] Kate, how many fucking lives do you feel like you have to fucking ruin
[7:20 - 7:23] before you finally get through your head that you need to stop?
[7:23 - 7:27] Because what you do doesn't just affect that person.
[7:27 - 7:29] It affects everyone around them.
[7:29 - 7:31] It affects their life.
[7:32 - 7:35] But you don't think about that, do you?
[7:35 - 7:39] You don't think about other people other than yourself.
[7:39 - 7:43] Because you're self-conceited and pathetic.
[7:43 - 7:55] You know, before you came along, Kate, I had a great life.
[7:55 - 7:58] I had a great life.
[7:58 - 8:02] Yeah, Marty may have told me here and there, but it was all in good fun.
[8:02 - 8:06] I had a normal life.
[8:06 - 8:09] I had things going for me.
[8:09 - 8:14] I had my life on the right track.
[8:14 - 8:15] I was never worried.
[8:15 - 8:16] I had a girlfriend.
[8:16 - 8:20] I had a part-time job with my friends.
[8:20 - 8:23] I was doing good.
[8:23 - 8:27] I was doing really good for myself.
[8:28 - 8:31] And then what did you do?
[8:31 - 8:35] You came in and fucked all that up for one reason.
[8:35 - 8:39] For one reason!
[8:39 - 8:41] For one reason.
[8:41 - 9:04] I didn't deserve this.
[9:08 - 9:11] I didn't deserve what you fucking put me through.
[9:11 - 9:26] I didn't deserve this.
[9:26 - 16:49] I didn't deserve to be put in this position.
[16:49 - 17:03] She had my back. She was there when I went to jail in 2012.
[17:03 - 17:07] Even though she was a little bit upset with me, she was still there for me.
[17:07 - 17:15] She didn't go nowhere. She stood by me.
[17:15 - 17:20] And then in 2015, when I introduced her to my best friend at the time,
[17:20 - 17:29] Eric Leiru, when I introduced her to him thinking that everything would be good,
[17:29 - 17:32] you know what he did to me?
[17:32 - 17:37] He stabbed me in the back and took her from me.
[17:37 - 17:40] He convinced her to be with him and not me.
[17:40 - 17:44] And then turned around and blamed me for what he did.
[17:44 - 17:48] And let me tell you, when that happened,
[17:48 - 17:52] that was the worst day of my whole fucking life.
[17:52 - 17:58] That was the worst day of my whole fucking life.
[17:58 - 18:00] Because I was happy.
[18:00 - 18:02] I had things going for me.
[18:02 - 18:05] I was on the right track.
[18:05 - 18:12] And then not even two months after me and Christina split,
[18:12 - 18:21] that's when all the abusive relationships began.
[18:21 - 18:28] And then about a year ago, I finally put an end to it
[18:28 - 18:42] and was able to get out 10 years, almost,
[18:42 - 18:48] of mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive relationships
[18:48 - 18:53] one right after the other.
[18:53 - 18:57] And you think I had it easy?
[18:57 - 19:00] Put yourself in my position.
[19:00 - 19:07] Imagine from 2015 up to just last year
[19:07 - 19:13] being in emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive relationships
[19:13 - 19:20] one right after the fucking other every fucking time.
[19:20 - 19:25] Now you take that and me being broken.
[19:25 - 19:28] You take that and then you take what you did to me
[19:28 - 19:31] and you add that on top of it.
[19:31 - 19:36] And you tell me how much worse that is.
[19:36 - 19:41] You tell me you wouldn't be fucked up from that.
[19:41 - 19:45] You tell me that you wouldn't feel helpless.
[19:45 - 19:48] You sit there and you look me in the fucking eyes
[19:48 - 19:55] and you tell me that you wouldn't feel like shit.
[19:55 - 19:58] You sit there and you look me in the fucking eyes, bitch,
[19:58 - 20:00] and you fucking tell me.
[20:00 - 20:04] How do you think you would feel if you were me?
[20:04 - 20:17] How would you feel if you were in my position?
[20:17 - 20:23] How would you fucking feel?
[20:23 - 20:25] This has got to end, Kate.
[20:25 - 20:30] I've been through enough already.
[20:30 - 20:36] I have been through more than enough already.
[20:36 - 20:40] Why do you think this song witnessed the addiction by suicide silence?
[20:40 - 20:46] It means so fucking much to me.
[20:46 - 20:49] That song means so fucking much to me
[20:49 - 20:52] because that's the song that helped me escape the abuse.
[20:52 - 20:54] That's the song that made me realize
[20:54 - 20:59] I need to get out of these relationships.
[20:59 - 21:03] Because I knew deep down I deserved better.
[21:03 - 21:09] But after being abused by all my exes for so many years,
[21:09 - 21:14] that abuse became an addiction.
[21:14 - 21:20] Because I felt like that was all I deserved.
[21:20 - 21:24] At that time I felt like that was all I fucking deserved.
[21:24 - 21:31] I felt like these abusive relationships was the best I could ever fucking do.
[21:31 - 21:35] Even though I treated them with the love and respect and the care that they deserved.
[21:35 - 21:37] Even though I gave them everything,
[21:37 - 21:40] I've been to her backwards for every single one of them.
[21:40 - 21:43] I fucking did everything I could for them.
[21:43 - 21:49] But yeah, I still got treated like shit.
[21:49 - 21:52] Now you take all of that.
[21:52 - 21:58] You take all of that and you combine it with what you've done to me.
[21:58 - 22:02] Now think about how I fucking feel.
[22:02 - 22:04] Think about how I fucking feel,
[22:04 - 22:08] having gone through all that and wanting to give my life back.
[22:08 - 22:10] Wanting to be fixed.
[22:10 - 22:12] Wanting to be broken in there.
[22:12 - 22:19] Wanting to find that special someone that actually won't fucking do what all my exes did.
[22:19 - 22:22] Wanting to find that someone that would actually be there
[22:22 - 22:33] and not fucking walk out of my life.
[22:33 - 22:38] You have no idea how hard I'm having.
[22:38 - 22:43] And you sit there and you wonder why I lash out of people like you.
[22:43 - 22:48] Why I can't stand people like you.
[22:48 - 22:53] It's because of people like you that have been in these positions that I've been in.
[22:53 - 22:57] Because people like you see me and they don't see a human being.
[22:57 - 23:01] They see some sort of weird person that they can pick on.
[23:01 - 23:07] Well, I'm sorry to say that I'm not like everyone else.
[23:07 - 23:10] I'm sorry that I don't have a regular job.
[23:10 - 23:13] I'm sorry that I'm trying to make a living doing what I love.
[23:13 - 23:16] I'm sorry that I'm only five foot three.
[23:16 - 23:18] I'm sorry that I look different.
[23:18 - 23:20] I'm sorry that I look weird.
[23:20 - 23:24] But dude, I can't fucking help that.
[23:24 - 23:26] That's not my fault.
[23:26 - 23:31] So don't you dare for a second sit there and put the blame on me.
[23:31 - 23:35] Because I have done nothing wrong.
[23:35 - 23:38] I have not done anything wrong at all.
[23:38 - 23:42] All I've ever tried to do is live my life the right way.
[23:42 - 23:50] All I've ever tried to do was give back to my family that gave me everything.
[23:50 - 23:57] All I've ever tried to do is find out especially someone that my family can be proud of.
[23:57 - 24:01] That's all I've ever tried to do.
[24:01 - 24:11] Was to have a normal life like everyone else that I see having a normal life.
[24:11 - 24:20] That's all I've ever tried to do was to have a normal life, do what I love, make a living from it and enjoy my life.
[24:20 - 24:26] That's all I've ever tried to fucking do.
[24:26 - 24:33] But then when people like you come along and you fucking ruin it, how do you think that makes me feel?
[24:33 - 24:36] How do you think that makes my family feel?
[24:36 - 24:41] How do you think time makes those around me that truly care about me feel?
[24:41 - 24:44] You don't think it doesn't hurt them as much as it does me?
[24:44 - 24:47] Well, guess what it does.
[24:47 - 25:04] It really does.
[25:04 - 25:11] Let me tell you right now, Kate.
[25:11 - 25:15] Growing up, I never had an easy.
[25:15 - 25:19] Okay, growing up, I never fucking had an easy.
[25:19 - 25:23] My dad was in the military, so he was never around.
[25:23 - 25:28] My mom basically raised her, raised me on her own my whole life.
[25:28 - 25:30] My dad was never around.
[25:30 - 25:35] He was always at base, deployed or doing something in the military.
[25:35 - 25:38] So he was never around.
[25:38 - 25:44] My mom pretty much raised me on her own my whole life.
[25:44 - 25:50] So I never really had that father figure in my life.
[25:50 - 25:55] I never had that father figure in my life.
[25:55 - 26:10] So my older brother and one of my teachers, and I'm still very close to this very name, Mr. Smith, who's one of my closest friends, who's like family to me.
[26:10 - 26:22] Those two were my father figures, my older brother and my teacher, who was pretty much my school dad because he was one of my teachers in school.
[26:22 - 26:28] Those two were literally my father figures.
[26:28 - 26:31] They were the ones that helped me.
[26:31 - 26:33] They were the ones that taught me through school.
[26:33 - 26:38] They were the ones that busted my balls when I did something wrong.
[26:38 - 26:46] Those were the ones that were there for me when I needed them most.
[26:46 - 26:53] And let me tell you, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be the kindhearted person that I am today.
[26:53 - 27:03] Despite everything I've been through, if it wasn't for them, I would have given up a long time to become stone cold.
[27:03 - 27:14] I would have become a very nasty, evil, mean person.
[27:14 - 27:26] But it's thanks to them that I'm not, and I owe them that. I owe them all of that.
[27:26 - 27:29] No, imagine going through that.
[27:29 - 27:33] Imagine having to worry about your dad being deployed.
[27:33 - 27:44] Imagine coming home from school to find out that your dad has been deployed on a mission.
[27:44 - 27:50] Imagine having to go through that for months on end and your dad not being around.
[27:50 - 28:05] How scary that is, not knowing if your own dad is going to come home or not.
[28:05 - 28:11] Now imagine losing your best friend in high school to a drowning accident.
[28:11 - 28:28] Imagine losing your best friend who was like your big brother to a drowning accident in high school.
[28:28 - 28:41] And then literally six years later losing your older brother, your blood older brother, to cancer.
[28:41 - 28:52] And then that same year losing your best friend to murder.
[28:52 - 29:03] And then literally a year prior losing your mentor to a drug overdose.
[29:03 - 29:17] Now imagine going through all that and then finding out literally just this year when God found out that your girlfriend that you were supposed to marry
[29:17 - 29:23] lost her fucking life due to severe health issues.
[29:23 - 29:27] Imagine being getting put through all that.
[29:27 - 29:41] You tell me how you would feel. You cannot sit there and tell me that after all that you would not be severely fucked up.
[29:41 - 29:48] And let me tell you, like I told you, I've never had an easy.
[29:48 - 29:58] My whole life has been hard. My whole life has been one fight after the other and quite honestly, I'm tired of fighting.
[29:58 - 30:03] I don't want to fight anymore.
[30:03 - 30:21] I just want my life back. I want to be able to do what I love and enjoy what I love and be able to have friends and to have a girlfriend and to get married and have a family.
[30:21 - 30:33] I want to be able to make a living doing what I truly love to do with my music and my artwork and competitive gaming like I want to be able to do all that.
[30:33 - 30:43] But how am I supposed to do that when you're constantly stepping in, putting your nose in where it doesn't fucking belong?
[30:43 - 30:59] Like Marty told you several times, Kate, you need to mind your own fucking business. If it don't involve you, keep your nose out of it.
[30:59 - 31:05] Like I told you, Kate, my life has not been easy.
[31:05 - 31:34] When I was born, I was supposed to die. I was born one pound 10 ounces with one kidney and one severely underdeveloped lung with skin so translucent and so fragile that they had to run me in saran wrap and put me in an incubator with tubes in my head to make sure that I got to where I needed to be helped was as a baby.
[31:34 - 31:51] And then after those six months of being in the incubator, I was on an oxygen tank until I was five so that my lung could fully develop.
[31:51 - 32:12] So like I said, I face death every fucking day more than most. I literally stare death in the face every fucking day of the week, more than anyone because I know that at any given time, it could be my last moment on this earth.
[32:12 - 32:24] And when I go, I want to be able to leave the legacy behind and say, I did something good with my life. I lived a good life. I got married. I had kids.
[32:24 - 32:30] I had a great life. I had a great job and a loving family.
[32:30 - 32:42] That's all I want. Is that seriously that is not seriously too much to fucking ask for is to be able to have a normal life like you.
[32:42 - 32:48] Is that so much to fucking ask for?
[32:48 - 32:59] Because let me tell you, I envy people that have regular jobs and are able to do all this stuff because I'm not able to.
[32:59 - 33:06] Because as many people know, I grew up in a family where I have to help take care of people.
[33:06 - 33:15] I had to help my mom take care of my grandparents who were both deaf until they passed away.
[33:15 - 33:20] And then from there, my older brother.
[33:20 - 33:31] And now it's my turn to help take care of them.
[33:31 - 33:40] Like I said, I don't have that luxury of working a normal job like everyone else as much. I would love to.
[33:40 - 34:02] Do you know how many times I've stared at Walmarts, at McDonald's, at all these different places, at GameStop, at Guitar Center, especially wanting to be able to work, but knew that I couldn't because I have to help take care of my family.
[34:02 - 34:07] Do you know how hard that was for me?
[34:07 - 34:11] It was very hard.
[34:11 - 34:24] All I know how to do is what I'm good at, which is my music and my artwork and gaming. That's all I know how to do. That's all I got going for me.
[34:24 - 34:30] And I'm trying to make the best of it.
[34:30 - 34:40] I am literally trying to make the best of what I have at my disposal.
[34:40 - 34:57] Like I said, Kate, what you're doing needs to stop because when you do like what you did to me and the turtle boy, you're not just ruining their life.
[34:57 - 35:05] You're not just ruining their reputation. You are ruining their life and the lives of those around them.
[35:05 - 35:16] And I don't think you realize that.
[35:16 - 35:20] I don't think you really realize that, Kate.
[35:20 - 35:28] What you do affects so many lives more than you realize.
[35:28 - 35:33] And it needs to stop.
[35:33 - 35:37] Enough is enough.
[35:37 - 35:42] It's time you stop this.
[35:42 - 36:10] It's time you put this to rest. All of this.
[36:11 - 37:05] All right.
[37:05 - 37:32] We're going to play a song for you.
[37:32 - 37:59] And for those that might not understand what it's like to lose someone that you truly care about and to lose people that you truly love.
[37:59 - 38:07] Sometimes, sometimes you don't say goodbye once.
[38:07 - 38:11] You say goodbye over and over and over again.
[38:11 - 38:14] Over and over and over again.
[38:14 - 38:20] Sometimes, sometimes you don't say goodbye once.
[38:20 - 38:24] You say goodbye over and over again.
[38:24 - 38:28] Over and over and over again.
[38:28 - 38:31] It was a month since it passed, maybe less.
[38:31 - 38:33] No one knew what to do.
[38:33 - 38:35] We were such a mess.
[38:35 - 38:38] We were calling, we were calling, we were checking in.
[38:38 - 38:41] We sent me out of the way of showing honor on my friend.
[38:41 - 38:42] We got in the show.
[38:42 - 38:43] We finally hit him.
[38:43 - 38:44] We trusted him.
[38:44 - 38:46] I was supposed to go to the bowl.
[38:46 - 38:48] We put him right in the light.
[38:48 - 38:49] We're friends.
[38:49 - 38:50] We got a family in his name.
[38:50 - 38:51] They're great.
[38:51 - 38:54] They're great that I'll be ready to pick back upon that stage.
[38:54 - 38:57] Can't remember if I came for them shows.
[38:57 - 38:59] And I think about what I'm supposed to do.
[38:59 - 39:02] And I don't know exactly what I did.
[39:02 - 39:04] We did the same way as before.
[39:04 - 39:05] I'm ready to go.
[39:05 - 39:07] Keep my fucking jokes out on the floor.
[39:07 - 39:08] Better first take four more.
[39:08 - 39:10] I'm not worried about the sex.
[39:10 - 39:11] Didn't say goodbye.
[39:11 - 39:12] They're great.
[39:12 - 39:15] But sometimes I really suspect that I need to be doing it.
[39:15 - 39:17] I'm saying goodbye.
[39:17 - 39:20] I'm going to play a new song and then remember everybody.
[39:20 - 39:23] Sometimes, sometimes you don't say goodbye.
[39:23 - 39:47] to say goodbye once. Say goodbye over and over and over again. Over and over and over again. Sometimes, sometimes we'll say goodbye once. Say goodbye over and over and over again. Over and over and over again.
[39:47 - 40:01] They sayin' I'm not wrong, what the fuck you came for. Love doesn't do anything that a hundred ways before. How to touch other jacks, never stuck with other jacks, and doesn't act as a boss, and never get you scratched.
[40:01 - 40:13] It's real, I ain't doin' that with your girl. If it's anything you say, you're too big, then I don't know. My very face is in vain, and it's all wrong. I'm on top, so I'm in the middle of a gun.
[40:13 - 40:27] Go talk to everybody that I've been to, like, wow. Must be really hard to figure what to do now. Do a good genius if you can't go be a challenge for my life's work, hey, and I'm talkin' balance.
[40:27 - 40:40] Though I know it wasn't been a little bit of culture. Every time I'm not a good young man, it goes up. 'Cause sometimes when you say goodbye, you say it over and over again. Don't turn around.
[40:40 - 40:59] Sometimes you say goodbye once. Say goodbye over and over again. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. Sometimes you say goodbye once.
[40:59 - 41:19] Say goodbye once and over again. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. Don't turn around.
[41:19 - 42:16] You're dead.
[42:16 - 42:37] Wanna give you some shoutout from Matt on this one for actually taking some of the stuff I went through and including it in this song and actually speaking about it. So thank you, Matt. I fucking owe you, bro.
[42:37 - 42:47] You know I'ma hide in your fence with everybody around me who's not as high as the city, you just got me before me. You just got me there running out of lives, they're really high as the sparkle city.
[42:47 - 42:55] If you're sick and sick of this shit, could you please love me? Who me? I'm sick and trying to remember it, trying to decide to scrape. I'm sick and don't forget me, girl, you're back when I sleep.
[42:55 - 43:04] Then you'll get me in a bottle for a chump in the sea. Just tell me what to do with my facts, I'ma kiss the wall, I'ma ask that if that scores, facts can be back, you know.
[43:04 - 43:10] I'ma do the thought, you ain't got the right to be sad, I'ma ask you more, you can't be like that, I'm feeling it, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
[43:10 - 43:21] I just wanna be loved again, I just wanna feel it, it's like that, friend. I just wanna be in love again, I just wanna feel it, it's like that, friend.
[43:21 - 43:45] Turn the lights off and let me go, turn the lights off and leave me home.
[43:45 - 44:00] Then you'll find a trick, for you won't even listen to a text, don't fucking selfish.
[44:00 - 44:11] Then you gotta know that you can get it, you've gone, you expect nothing, get it strong as I can help to help this, I'll fucking hate you, I'll love you at the same time, I'll fucking hate you, who you are, and then you'll change mine.
[44:11 - 44:21] You can make sense from all the nonsense, so here's my two cents for your time. You can get the rest, that's when I know, you can have it made more, bring it down, but you settle your regrets.
[44:21 - 44:33] You ain't grinding, you didn't give a shit, I'm just talking in the mirror, I'm talking 'bout the crazy a hero. If you're living in a world where I love and after all, you gotta pay the price of all you do is tag along.
[44:33 - 44:39] I just wanna be loved again, I just wanna feel it, it's like that, friend.
[44:39 - 45:03] Turn the lights off and let me go, turn the lights off and lead me home.
[45:04 - 45:13] I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,
[45:14 - 45:40] I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,
[45:40 - 45:49] I hope you can hear me this time when I'm talking, please open your eyes, I don't wanna be cautious, I'm sitting in place but my heart's like I'm jogging, don't want you to suffer but heaven, come on.
[45:49 - 45:56] I'm being so selfish, I hope you'll forgive me this time, please, 'cause every breath that you take is me holding mine.
[45:56 - 46:04] You were my wife with nothing else, you're silent, you gave me help when I felt like a problem, can't tell you enough but you opened me up and showed me how to love when I thought I had lost it, I know.
[46:04 - 46:12] Now I'm losing you and I was, it feels like it had you for seven years with enough and I'm out for it, my mind you power, you gave me the courage to grow, don't go.
[46:12 - 46:19] Look, I don't wanna be alone when people around me, you know, they're feeling like nothing is anything, no one is far but they never feel close.
[46:19 - 46:23] Just a reason, my man, oh my God, are you hearing me?
[46:27 - 46:56] 'Cause I don't wanna spend my day alone, just wondering without you, wish that I could save you, it's not my control, it's gonna stop.
[46:57 - 47:24] I hate that you're so ugly, you're clobbing it, I promised a minute that I would take care of her just like you clocked it, that moment you saw her, you brightened it, I saw your eyes start to glow, you got a beautiful soul, I need the world to know that you made a miracle happen, I scared of the thorns, it was catching me, bedging my problems, we were supposed to roll together and live on the road, but God had a different agenda, it's cold, and now that it's hidden, I'm holding your hand and I feel that it's gross, and it's purple and blue, I hear you throw better than one, do I go?
[47:24 - 47:36] It hurts when you battle to open your eyes, there's a blaze in your eyes, but it's me and your family, look, there's no that I love you, I'm going already, I wish I could stay here forever, you go whenever you choose, no that I'm not blaming you.
[47:36 - 47:42] And this taught me compassion and love and the truth, mommy I love you goodbye, why are there tears in your eyes?
[47:42 - 48:11] I don't want to spend my days alone, just wondering without you, wish that I could save you and stop my control, 'cause I don't want to spend my days alone, just wondering without you, wish that I could save you and stop my control.
[48:11 - 48:20] This time.
[48:20 - 48:31] So, you provided me with the opportunity, and I promise with everything, to open the day to opportunity, and that's all I need to.
[48:31 - 48:36] Thank you for everything, and thank you for the opportunity to be here.
[48:36 - 48:57] Thank you, thank you so much for the opportunity to open up, and give you such a beautiful child, and you have a beautiful mind, I can look back on you, I don't think I'm able.
[48:57 - 49:17] Okay, let me show you, let me show you firsthand Kate, what people like you have turned me into.
[49:17 - 49:39] Let me show you.
[49:39 - 49:49] Every morning on my head I'm not sure if I should say this, fuck I'm saying anyway, everybody tries to tell me that I'm going through a stage that's not just for babies, I just want to be okay.
[49:49 - 50:01] Yeah, I'm better with the friendship, but the question still remains, it's supposed to manifest in all amounts of preparation, my doctor tries to tell me that I'm going through the phase, it's not a fucking phase, I just want to hear okay.
[50:01 - 50:08] Okay, okay, yeah, cuz we're just bullshit every day, it's probably just like being in something, it's a race.
[50:08 - 50:37] I don't want to be a sick, so great to be alive, and I'm about to break down, turn me into a white house, I'm an idol, I'm a dino, and I'm the lady of the popular, popular monster.
[50:37 - 50:53] Now I'm going nowhere like a rat trapped in a maze, every wall that I knock down is just a wall that I replace, I'm in a race against myself by trying to keep aesthetic business, I would fuck the last day if I know what comes against me.
[50:53 - 51:06] Oh my god, I keep on fixing every second that I wait, there's another second sooner to a blessing I will take, and my therapist will tell me that I'm going through the stage, yes, not a fucking stage, I just want to feel okay, okay.
[51:06 - 51:14] Hey, motherfucker, now you got my attention, need to change cold things, cuz something is missing, what if I was alive, do you ever think it's mine?
[51:14 - 51:42] Do you ever say you're fucking dead, but it goes until I cry like I said I'm on, I'm about to say it's not the way I get, crash like I do, and I'm racing, the game's already high up, I like to cry down, turn me into a white house, I'm an idol, I'm a dino, I'm the lady of the popular, popular, popular monster.
[51:42 - 52:04] (music)
[52:04 - 52:18] Think you're tired of wandering, pray to a kind that you don't believe, it's just for the truth and the love that that I've done with my aunt, yeah, oh my god, no!
[52:18 - 52:46] (music)
[52:46 - 53:13] (screaming)
[53:13 - 53:33] And Kate, it's very fucking true, what you done was turn me into a fucking monster, you're the one responsible for turning me into a popular monster, you took my popularity, you fucking flipped it, and you made me into something that I didn't want to fucking be.
[53:33 - 53:53] I never wanted to be this monster that you turned me into, I never asked for this.
[53:53 - 54:07] (silence)
[54:07 - 54:12] Well I'm telling you right now, this is what you do to me, every time you do this shit, this is what you do to me.
[54:12 - 54:40] (music)
[54:40 - 56:09] (singing)
[56:09 - 56:25] Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up,
[56:25 - 56:51] Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up, Shut up,
[56:51 - 57:11] Every time you do what you do, Kate, you put me at that edge, you put me at that point that I don't want to be.
[57:11 - 57:23] And I'm fucking tired of it, Kate, I'm tired of it, this has got to stop.
[57:23 - 58:15] (silence)
[58:15 - 58:40] (music)
[58:40 - 59:08] (singing)
[59:08 - 59:25] Take everything from the inside, then throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust myself and you.
[59:25 - 59:53] Take everything from the inside, and throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust you.
[59:53 - 60:13] Take everything from the inside, then throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust myself and you.
[60:13 - 60:42] Take everything from the inside, then throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust you.
[60:42 - 61:07] Take everything from the inside, and throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust myself and you.
[61:07 - 61:33] Take everything from the inside, and throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust you.
[61:33 - 61:45] I want to tell you right now, Kate, because of people like you, this song is what my soul has become.
[61:45 - 62:14] Because of you, this is what my soul has become.
[62:14 - 63:00] Take everything from the inside, and throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust you.
[63:00 - 63:08] I want to tell you right now, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust you.
[63:08 - 63:28] Take everything from the inside, and throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust you.
[63:28 - 64:10] Take everything from the inside, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust you.
[64:10 - 64:26] Take everything from the inside, and throw it all away, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust you.
[64:26 - 65:38] Take everything from the inside, 'cause I swear, for the last time, I will trust you.
[65:39 - 65:50] [eerie music]
[65:50 - 66:01] [drumming]
[66:01 - 66:12] [drumming continues]
[66:12 - 66:18] Someone exciting to love you, disagreeing my mind behind you.
[66:18 - 66:23] I just never break this ground, that it's hard for us all to know.
[66:23 - 66:34] I'm so sick of monsters and catapults, time to bring myself back from the dead.
[66:34 - 66:46] Sometimes, I hate the life, I hate everything from every time.
[66:48 - 66:58] I'm saying all I can to escape, everything that comes my way is only me taking it's sweet time.
[66:58 - 67:05] All I know is that all I say is it's my life, the end of my days.
[67:05 - 67:10] Don't wanna be rude, but I know too, nothing's good about the hell you're going through.
[67:10 - 67:17] I just need to look around, see the light that's coming down in your soul.
[67:17 - 67:26] I'm saying all the monsters and catapults, time to bring myself back from the dead.
[67:26 - 67:38] Sometimes, I hate the life, I hate everything from every time.
[67:40 - 67:50] I'm saying all I can to escape, everything that comes my way is only me taking it's sweet time.
[67:51 - 68:20] Sometimes, I hate the life, I hate everything from every time.
[68:20 - 68:34] I'm saying all I can to escape, everything that comes my way is only me taking it's sweet time.
[68:34 - 68:49] All I know is that all I can to escape, everything that comes my way is only me taking it's sweet time.
[68:49 - 68:55] All I can to escape, everything that comes my way is only me taking it's sweet time.
[68:55 - 69:01] Sometimes, I hate everything that comes my way is only me taking it's sweet time.
[69:01 - 69:07] I'm saying all I can to escape, everything that comes my way is only me taking it's sweet time.
[69:07 - 78:45] Sometimes, I hate everything that comes my way.
[78:45 - 78:54] I hate everything that comes my way.
[78:54 - 84:17] Sometimes, I hate everything that comes my way.