2021-8-8 Working on myself Fur a while

[0:00 - 0:09] [sigh]
[0:09 - 0:12] What's up, everyone?
[0:12 - 0:16] Um...
[0:16 - 0:29] First off, I want to say to my supporters that I'm sorry you had to see me the way you saw me earlier.
[0:29 - 0:39] As I mentioned in that video, in that livestream, it's not been easy for me.
[0:39 - 1:02] Being ridiculed, attacked, harassed, bullied, being manipulated, catfished, trolled, call it what you want.
[1:02 - 1:09] Things have not been easy for me.
[1:09 - 1:27] Due to all the stress from this, my mental health has gone down quite a bit.
[1:27 - 1:44] Emotionally, I'm not well. Mentally and physically, I'm just drained. Emotionally, I'm a wreck.
[1:44 - 1:55] When I first set out to do YouTube, I had initially set out to make the living doing what I love.
[1:55 - 2:10] With things such as gaming, artwork, music, among various other things like photography.
[2:10 - 2:17] And I never really took it seriously until the last year and a half.
[2:17 - 2:23] But in that last year and a half, I've lost sight of my goals.
[2:23 - 2:33] I've gotten entrapped and ensnared in this horrid cycle of trolling.
[2:33 - 2:43] I've gained a level of infamy that I never wanted.
[2:43 - 2:59] I've essentially become infamous for freakouts, getting angry, flipping out, and that's not what I want to be known for.
[2:59 - 3:07] That's not what my intentions were ever to be known for.
[3:07 - 3:15] You see, I've always wanted to be known for doing artwork, for putting on good songs, doing music.
[3:15 - 3:24] And, you know, like I said, doing all this other stuff that I'm good at.
[3:24 - 3:31] That's the kind of stuff that I wanted to be known for.
[3:31 - 3:45] As a result for all this trolling, I can't even go down to the store, the local corner store, without being looked at weird.
[3:45 - 3:54] Well, yes, I am aware that some things I did do, and I'm aware of them.
[3:54 - 4:09] But in the same response and in the same respect, those things that I did wrong were caused by things that were done to me.
[4:09 - 4:27] Many of which have caused me my job, my former job, with my former friend, me.
[4:27 - 4:35] It always caused my step-daddy's job. It caused my biological father his job.
[4:35 - 4:50] And that's not what I want from my family. That's not the kind of legacy I want to leave behind for my family.
[4:50 - 5:10] The kind of legacy I want to leave for my family is the kind that I can be proud of. The kind where I can look back and be like, "Hey, this is what I did with my life."
[5:10 - 5:27] And I know this is going to be hard for me to do, and I know it's going to be hard for my supporters as well, because I know a lot of you supporters out there have shown me great love and great support, and I appreciate that.
[5:27 - 5:35] I appreciate that more than you know.
[5:35 - 6:03] But because of all this, my mental health has gone so far downhill that at this point in time, I feel like I need to take a break and focus on other things like my artwork and doing photography and all these things that I enjoy.
[6:04 - 6:28] And no, this is not, you know, this is not a goodbye for good, but I feel truly in my heart that I need to step away for a while.
[6:28 - 6:57] And then at a later time, come back and reinvent myself and try to build a better audience, because I truthfully want to be able to collab with other YouTubers that I enjoy and, you know, other YouTubers whom I know in real life.
[6:57 - 7:17] Who are unable to collab with me because of their target audience and how negative an outlook I'm getting on my channel.
[7:17 - 7:42] And I want to change all that, but in order to change all that, I need to leave and focus on myself for a while and eventually come back and try to reinvent myself into what I've always wanted to be, which is an artist.
[7:42 - 7:58] Now, as I said, this is no goodbye for good, but I wanted you guys to know that I am stepping away for a very good while.
[7:58 - 8:24] For how long? I don't know, but I need to do this. I need to do this for myself so that I can get well and so that I can come back better than ever.
[8:24 - 8:36] Now, to my supporters, I just want to say thank you for everything. You guys are awesome. You guys are wonderful. You guys are amazing. I love every single one of you.
[8:36 - 8:56] And I don't want you guys to worry about me. I want you to know that I'm fine. I'm in very good hands and that I'm doing good with my life.
[8:56 - 9:12] But with that being said, y'all, I love you guys. Thank you so much for the support and everything that you guys have done for me up to this point.
[9:12 - 9:37] I, in words, can't even express how grateful I am to those that truly support me. You guys are awesome. And I couldn't put it any simpler than that. You guys are fucking amazing.
[9:37 - 9:53] But with that being said, guys, I love you all. I wish you guys the best. And I will see you guys on the other side when I get well. I love you guys.
[9:53 - 10:04] Stay rockin', stay positive, stay humble, keep being yourself. I love you guys. Peace.