[0:00 - 0:02] (sighs)
[0:02 - 0:11] You're welcome.
[0:11 - 0:14] (sighs)
[0:14 - 0:23] What's up, guys?
[0:23 - 0:25] Um...
[0:25 - 0:27] (sighs)
[0:27 - 0:29] No, no.
[0:29 - 0:31] (sighs)
[0:31 - 0:39] No, no.
[0:39 - 0:41] (sighs)
[0:41 - 0:47] No.
[0:47 - 0:49] I know everybody wants another truth.
[0:49 - 0:55] And, um...
[0:55 - 0:58] I finally have some answers.
[0:58 - 1:03] And those answers I have...
[1:03 - 1:13] are very upsetting.
[1:13 - 1:17] (sighs)
[1:17 - 1:19] You see, shortly after though,
[1:19 - 1:22] not this last lecture when they got cut short,
[1:22 - 1:26] but the one before that that I did
[1:26 - 1:30] where I was doing my music and hang out with you guys,
[1:30 - 1:34] shortly after that I ended that live stream.
[1:34 - 1:41] I decided to call Ricky to let him know what was going on, right?
[1:41 - 1:46] You know, I told him, "Hey, look, you know, this is what Heather's doing, yada, yada, yada."
[1:46 - 1:48] Well...
[1:50 - 1:54] He got Heather on the phone so that we could, you know, talk civilly.
[1:54 - 2:02] And we did.
[2:02 - 2:06] We managed to talk civilly.
[2:06 - 2:11] And...
[2:11 - 2:16] I found out from Heather the reason that she left was because we're kids.
[2:18 - 2:20] That was true.
[2:20 - 2:22] But...
[2:22 - 2:25] it was because of multiple people
[2:25 - 2:30] having evidence against her
[2:30 - 2:35] stating that if she did not leave me,
[2:35 - 2:38] she was not going to get her kids back.
[2:38 - 2:43] And you want to know who the main person was,
[2:43 - 2:47] I'm pretty sure you guys guessed who the main person was.
[2:47 - 2:51] The main person was her ex, Jessica.
[2:51 - 2:59] And they... several people found out, told Heather that if
[2:59 - 3:04] she did not leave me, that she was not going to get her kids back
[3:04 - 3:08] and that they would use every bit of evidence
[3:08 - 3:13] they had of me flipping out on live stream against Heather.
[3:14 - 3:18] And they would stop at nothing to make sure
[3:18 - 3:23] that Heather didn't get her kids back.
[3:23 - 3:26] And see, and that's unfair to me.
[3:26 - 3:29] And that sure as hell...
[3:29 - 3:33] is unfair to Heather.
[3:40 - 3:45] Like... what kills me though, even more than her leaving,
[3:45 - 3:48] is the fact that y'all motherfucking trolls
[3:48 - 3:52] that have video evidence of me flipping out on live stream,
[3:52 - 3:58] the fact that y'all have that shit and you guys are willing to use that
[3:58 - 4:04] against anyone I get with just to screw me over is fucked up.
[4:04 - 4:09] But that's not cool.
[4:09 - 4:11] Because of you guys, she's afraid.
[4:11 - 4:15] She was afraid that I was going to hurt her kids when I wouldn't.
[4:15 - 4:17] I'm not like that.
[4:17 - 4:18] Okay?
[4:18 - 4:23] I watched my fucking niece, who's only two fucking months old,
[4:23 - 4:25] all the goddamn time.
[4:25 - 4:34] Like, dude, I watched my niece, Raelynn,
[4:34 - 4:36] who's only two months old all the fucking time.
[4:36 - 4:41] And my nephew Sean, who's going to be fucking five here in a couple days.
[4:41 - 4:51] And like, that shit ain't right.
[4:51 - 5:00] And Jessica, I hope you're watching this, you fucking bitch.
[5:00 - 5:04] Because you're part of this too.
[5:05 - 5:11] The fact that you threatened Heather to have her kids remote from her,
[5:11 - 5:15] if she stayed with me, is wrong.
[5:15 - 5:18] Like, the fact that you went that far to do that is not right.
[5:18 - 5:21] Heather never wanted to leave me,
[5:21 - 5:26] but y'all motherfuckers left her with no goddamn choice but to do so.
[5:27 - 5:29] (silence)
[5:29 - 5:49] Because I just told them that she flat out told me herself that she did not want to leave.
[5:49 - 5:52] But due to all the fucking drama,
[5:53 - 5:57] and due to the fact that she was afraid that I was going to hurt the kids,
[5:57 - 6:00] that made her fucking leave.
[6:00 - 6:03] And the ones that blame her are you stupid-ass motherfucking trolls
[6:03 - 6:07] who caused me to fucking flip out on all these goddamn livestreams.
[6:07 - 6:21] Like, that's not right.
[6:22 - 6:25] Because let me tell you something right now, motherfuckers,
[6:25 - 6:28] and I know how a few fucking trolls are watching too.
[6:28 - 6:32] I know a lot of you motherfuckers that hate my ass are watching.
[6:32 - 6:34] Y'all watch all my fucking shit.
[6:34 - 6:37] So listen up and listen good, motherfuckers.
[6:37 - 6:45] You better hope and pray to God that I don't see any of you motherfuckers in the street.
[6:45 - 6:49] Because guess what, if I see you out here, I'm knocking your ass the fuck out.
[6:49 - 6:52] And that's not a threat, that's a goddamn promise.
[6:52 - 6:58] Because I'm tired of you motherfuckers making my life a living fucking hell.
[6:58 - 7:08] It's what you fucking live for, you live to make my life fucking miserable.
[7:08 - 7:14] Like...
[7:14 - 7:27] The fact that y'all threatened Heather with those videos of me, if she didn't leave me, that's not right.
[7:27 - 7:32] The fact that y'all would be willing to stoop that low and use those videos against me
[7:32 - 7:39] just to make her leave me, that's not right. At all.
[7:39 - 7:44] Remember about Jasmine, I am going to make you a mom, that way nobody times you out.
[7:44 - 7:58] I know it seems like an excuse but I actually sat down and I actually talked with Heather for a pretty good while.
[8:01 - 8:10] And I can tell whenever she's, you know, lying to my face or she's being straight up honest.
[8:10 - 8:14] And she was being genuinely honest with me when I spoke with her.
[8:14 - 8:23] But what pisses me off is that you motherfuckers that want to fucking hate on me and destroy me?
[8:27 - 8:35] The fact that y'all want to fucking sit there and do that shit, just to fuck with my life, that ain't cool.
[8:35 - 8:40] Like, y'all don't fucking get it man.
[8:40 - 8:51] Like, I was straight up honest man, when I told Heather that I saw her kids as my own, I fucking meant it.
[8:54 - 8:58] I saw her son and daughter as my own fucking flesh and blood.
[8:58 - 9:05] And because you fucking asshole that don't fucking like me.
[9:05 - 9:14] Like, just because y'all motherfuckers like me don't mean you have to go and do that shit.
[9:19 - 9:25] When y'all made Heather leave me, y'all took away the one good thing in my fucking life.
[9:25 - 9:34] Yeah, I may have changed and lost my hard edge, but in return I gained something way more valuable.
[9:35 - 9:50] Somebody who actually loved and cared about me and two kids that I loved more than anything in this world.
[9:55 - 10:05] And it sucks because, you know, I loved Heather's kids as if they were my own fucking flesh and blood.
[10:05 - 10:17] And you know, it's funny because ever since I was a kid I always wanted a family of my own, and I finally get it.
[10:18 - 10:29] And that happens. Y'all motherfuckers take that away from me by threatening Heather to use those videos against me to keep her from getting her daughter back.
[10:29 - 10:38] And that ain't right. I'm not this bad guy that everybody makes me have to fucking be. I'm really not.
[10:39 - 10:50] And yes, I admit, I flipped out on livestreams a lot. Yes, I fucking left YouTube to make her happy so that I wouldn't have to deal with all the bullshit.
[10:50 - 11:02] But the fact that you guys did this is a new fucking low.
[11:04 - 11:15] Like I told Heather when I was on the phone with her, because at the time it was just me and her talking. No one else. We were on, you know, a voice call and we were talking on the phone.
[11:15 - 11:25] So I can tell when she's being sincere and when she's fucking full of shit.
[11:26 - 11:36] And she was being dead 110% honest with me. She was being 100% honest with me when she told me all this.
[11:47 - 11:59] You know, yes, I may not be perfect. Yes, I may have anger issues. That's true. But you want to know something? I was going to be going to counseling once all that shit was done and over with.
[11:59 - 12:02] I was going to get fucking help.
[12:09 - 12:16] But the fact that you guys took away the one thing I had going in my life kills me.
[12:16 - 12:27] Like I'm absolutely disgusted with the fucking trolls that fucking they genuinely hate me.
[12:27 - 12:31] Like I'm seriously disgusted.
[12:32 - 12:50] Oh, yeah, I know that Heather's not going to come back and I get that, but it's the fact that you guys took away something so genuine from me that kills me.
[12:53 - 13:08] That fucking kills me. Yeah, me and Heather didn't have the perfect iconic relationship. Sure, we fought a lot, but you want to know something? At the end of the day, I always told her
[13:08 - 13:19] that no matter what happens, I would always treat her kids as if they were my own flesh and blood and that I would do anything for them.
[13:20 - 13:28] And that's true. I would have given anything for them. I would have given them the fucking moon on a silver platter for those kids.
[13:28 - 13:32] I would take a bullet and die for those kids.
[13:32 - 13:40] And it fucking kills me.
[13:40 - 14:00] You know, like I said, me and Heather may not have had the perfect relationship. That is very, very true.
[14:00 - 14:09] But like I said, at the end of the day, I always saw her kids as my own flesh and blood, not treating them as such.
[14:09 - 14:24] But you fucking assholes that wanted to come on here and troll me took away the one thing I had going for me.
[14:24 - 14:36] And you guys wonder why I'm so upset and so angry all the fucking time. There's a reason.
[14:37 - 14:52] Because it's not bad enough that I went through four or five years of fucking mental and verbal abuse, my dad not being around when I was a kid, losing my fucking birth mother in a goddamn house fire.
[14:53 - 15:08] It's not bad enough that I got raped by my gay best friend in high school at the time. And oh, no, that's not bad enough. You guys decided to take it a step fucking further.
[15:09 - 15:25] You guys decided to take it that next step further and took away two of the most amazing kids in the world to me and took away the one thing I had going for me.
[15:34 - 15:45] Like you guys think those of you that told me you guys think you know fucking pain. You don't know pain. Not the kind of pain that I went through.
[15:45 - 15:53] I went through years of mental and verbal abuse.
[15:54 - 16:08] I went half my fucking life without my dad being around because he was always in the military and never really gave a fuck about me.
[16:08 - 16:16] I went through years of being bullied and attacked in high school.
[16:17 - 16:27] I had to live with the fact every day that my now ex best friend from high school who is gay fucking raped me and got away with it.
[16:27 - 16:33] I have to live with that.
[16:33 - 16:42] And you guys think that what you do is right and funny. You guys think it's okay, but it's not.
[16:43 - 16:47] What you guys do to me is fucked up.
[16:47 - 17:00] Yes, I'll admit what I did some of the times was wrong when I flipped on a live stream like that one live stream where I was bitching at Jessica or that one where I punched the fucking door.
[17:01 - 17:10] But you gotta realize something. Y'all motherfuckers are the run. Y'all are the motherfuckers that caused this shit. You caused me to do those things.
[17:10 - 17:16] And I don't think you guys really understand the consequences of your actions.
[17:21 - 17:33] I want to tell you right now, if y'all motherfuckers have not attacked me that day on live stream, then maybe I wouldn't have blacked out in her head the way that I did.
[17:33 - 17:41] And maybe, just maybe, me and her would probably still be together and we may have her kids back by now. Who fucking knows?
[17:43 - 17:50] But we'll never fucking know now because y'all fucking trolls that wanted to attack me decided to take it an extra step further.
[17:50 - 17:59] And you took away the one thing I had going for me.
[18:02 - 18:12] Not because of you motherfucking trolls that hate my ass. Because of you motherfuckers. The woman I loved with all my heart left.
[18:12 - 18:26] And that kills me. Because I sat down and talked to her and she flat out told me that she did not want to leave. But she had no choice. Because of the fucking bullshit y'all motherfuckers had against her.
[18:27 - 18:30] And you want to know something?
[18:30 - 18:36] Y'all really want to know something? Y'all want to know why I put my shit out there? What did I do?
[18:36 - 18:40] And you want to know why I put my shit out there? What did I do?
[18:40 - 18:45] Y'all really want to know something? Y'all really want to know why I put my shit out there? What did I do?
[18:45 - 18:48] And you want to know something?
[18:48 - 18:54] Y'all really want to know something? Y'all really want to know why I put my shit out there? What did I do?
[18:55 - 19:09] Because I figured that maybe, just maybe, if I tell my story and my experiences and the shit that I've gone through, I figured that just maybe it would help somebody out there who's going through the same shit that I went through.
[19:09 - 19:18] I figured that maybe, just maybe, I could actually fucking help somebody for a chance and maybe even save a fucking life.
[19:19 - 19:24] Because you don't want to know something?
[19:24 - 19:41] When I was in high school, there was many, many times where I tried to kill myself because of the bullying that I went through, because of the rape that I endured.
[19:42 - 19:59] Because of that. And that's something I live with every fucking day and that's something that is never going to go away. I have to live with that.
[19:59 - 20:06] I have to fucking live with that shit for the rest of my life.
[20:06 - 20:32] But to everybody that has supported me, that truly knows what it's like to go through what I go through, I want to say thank you. You guys are fucking amazing.
[20:33 - 20:57] And I'm glad I could, we be. I really am glad that I could, dude.
[20:58 - 21:06] To all you fucking haters that want to fucking try to bring me down, it's not going to happen.
[21:06 - 21:18] Because you know what? In the end, you motherfuckers are going to get everything that you deserve and guess what? Karma's a bitch. Just remember that.
[21:18 - 21:25] Karma's a bitch and karma will come around and bite you in the fucking ass when you least expect it.
[21:25 - 21:39] Plain and fucking simple. Karma is a bitch and it will come for you guys eventually. And when it does, you're going to regret it.
[21:39 - 21:47] Because karma's going to hit when you least expect it. And it's going to destroy you.
[21:47 - 22:10] And I know nobody in the chat in here did anything. I'm aiming at the ones that did do shit. The ones that have the videos of me flipping out.
[22:11 - 22:30] I don't want anybody in here in the chat. You guys are fine. But like I said, the whole reason why I decided to tell my story and put my shit out there like I do, like I said, is so that maybe, just maybe I could help somebody.
[22:31 - 22:42] Somebody who's going through depression. Somebody who's on the edge of suicide. Somebody that's gone through the shit that I've gone through with not having a dad in their life and being raised by a single mother their whole life.
[22:42 - 22:59] Somebody who's lost a family member to cancer. Somebody who's lost a best friend to murder. Somebody who's lost a best friend to a drowning accident. Or to an accidental suicide or an overdose.
[23:00 - 23:09] That's why I do the music that I fucking do. So that maybe, just maybe, I can fucking help somebody.
[23:27 - 23:36] You know, and I know a lot of people try to disregard it and tell me to move on from it and shit. And to grow up and do everything, you know, differently and shit.
[23:37 - 23:52] But the truth is, like I said, I put my story out there to try to help somebody. So that maybe I can help somebody who needs a little help.
[23:52 - 24:01] Do I want to make money off of my music and shit? Absolutely. I would love that.
[24:02 - 24:25] Would I love, love, love to make money off my music? Absolutely. But you know what I enjoy even more? I enjoy knowing the fact that my music maybe, just maybe, can help somebody.
[24:26 - 24:36] Even if it's one person. If I can say just one fucking life with my music, I'm doing my job.
[24:41 - 25:01] Because honestly, a human life is priceless to me. I would rather help somebody else before helping myself. Because if I help somebody else, that person may just go on to help somebody else and help somebody else who needs the help.
[25:02 - 25:17] That's why I started music so that I can give those that don't have a voice a voice. People like me who get judged and attacked every day, not only by the music industry, but people in general.
[25:17 - 25:24] That's why I started music was to make a difference.
[25:24 - 25:43] And I hope that now you guys truly do understand and see just what it is that I go through every fucking day in my life.
[25:44 - 26:01] Because see, when you guys go to sleep at night, you guys go to sleep. You guys, you know, have dreams, maybe a nightmare here and there.
[26:02 - 26:18] But let me tell you something. Let me fucking tell you something. When I go to sleep, I don't go to sleep. I have to fight my demons inside my head every day and night.
[26:19 - 26:43] I have to sit there and go to war with myself every night fighting these demons that I've faced for the past almost 13 years.
[26:44 - 26:53] And honestly, a lot of people don't understand what that's like to go through that.
[26:54 - 27:18] Every day I have to live with that. And my music is my therapy. My music, that's everything to me. And like I said, if I can use my music to help even just one person, then I'm doing my job.
[27:19 - 27:29] Can I just sign to a label? Absolutely. Would I like to make money off my music? 110% yes.
[27:29 - 27:48] But more importantly, I want to be able to know that my music is actually helping that one person, that one kid that's getting put through hell, that one kid that gets bullied in high school, that one kid that gets picked on so bad that he wants to end his life.
[27:48 - 28:02] Just to make things better. That one kid who is on the edge of suicide. Because I know what it's like because I've been there. I've gone through that shit and it's not something that's easily dealt with.
[28:02 - 28:16] And it's a very serious subject that too many people take for granted.
[28:17 - 28:30] And one thing that one line that actually stands out to me the most from the song I did the other night by soldier hard from his song red flags.
[28:30 - 28:36] Too many people win a whole battle, but die at war at home.
[28:37 - 28:56] Too many people go to war with themselves or go to war overseas and end up taking their own life, whether it be out of guilt, whether it's survivor's guilt, whether it's not being able to cope with the pain.
[28:57 - 29:01] People go through that shit every day and it's very real.
[29:01 - 29:19] One major incident that I know I do bring out quite quite frequently is this one person, which is Chester Bennington. And Chester Bennington is the prime example of what it means to be on the edge.
[29:20 - 29:27] He had so many demons fighting him every day, every night.
[29:27 - 29:37] But in the long run, he ended his own life because of the fact that he cannot handle all the pain that he had endured over the years.
[29:40 - 29:49] And that's the thing you never know what somebody is really going through unless you've walked a mile in their shoes or you've gone through it yourself.
[30:06 - 30:20] And like I said, I hope that this video did help some of you and I hope that for those of you that were wondering the truth about why I made another split, I hope that this gives you guys some kind of closure just like it did for me.
[30:26 - 30:40] And I just want to say thank you guys to those of you that have been supporting me that have actually had my back this entire time that have been there when I've gone through real fucking shit.
[30:43 - 30:52] I want to say thank you guys. You guys are fucking awesome.
[30:52 - 31:12] And I hope that I can continue to, you know, create good music for you guys and I hope that, you know, maybe eventually my shit will actually, you know, reach to new heights to where I can take what I'm doing.
[31:12 - 31:15] To a global scale.
[31:15 - 31:18] Peace.
Transcribed by lolcow.city as id '3634' on August 20th, 2024
