2023-4-12 FUCK SUICIDE (Kick) *CAPTURE

[0:00 - 0:10] What is up?
[0:10 - 0:23] What is up everybody?
[0:23 - 0:29] How is everyone man?
[0:29 - 0:36] Well, I promise you guys cover show.
[0:36 - 0:46] But this one is different.
[0:46 - 0:50] Anyone know why it's different?
[0:50 - 1:00] Because two years ago today was the second.
[1:00 - 1:15] And the last time I tried to take my life two years ago today.
[1:15 - 1:24] Two years ago today I tried to take my life for the second time.
[1:24 - 1:27] And here we are baby.
[1:27 - 1:30] I'm back!
[1:30 - 1:36] And still surviving.
[1:36 - 1:48] And I ain't calling no one out.
[1:48 - 1:53] Try re-sending your stuff.
[1:53 - 2:05] Try re-loading the page.
[2:05 - 2:15] Now to celebrate two years of being freed from suicide.
[2:15 - 2:21] I wanted to celebrate with you guys.
[2:21 - 2:25] And I wanted to do something special for y'all man.
[2:25 - 2:34] So you guys ready?
[2:34 - 2:36] Celebrate.
[2:36 - 2:46] Who's ready to fucking celebrate now?
[2:46 - 2:52] All the stupid lies and the stupid games
[2:52 - 2:57] Left a vacancy in this picture frame.
[2:57 - 3:03] A prisoner by my own hands.
[3:03 - 3:08] If I can't have a man then no one can.
[3:08 - 3:13] I need to heal what I inflict.
[3:13 - 3:19] But I'll burn that bridge when I get to it.
[3:19 - 3:24] It's a play roll and with a broken gun
[3:24 - 3:29] I can flash the pieces with a shard.
[3:29 - 3:31] To find the dog.
[3:31 - 3:37] So how do I avoid the charge?
[3:37 - 3:42] Then put the stickers back in your eyes.
[3:42 - 3:47] I can recognize that I think
[3:47 - 3:57] Is the best part of peace made of love and hate.
[3:57 - 4:02] I then guilt my portraits.
[4:02 - 4:07] In a gallery where the walls lie bare.
[4:07 - 4:13] As I modernize my antiquates.
[4:13 - 4:17] To color that can't stand.
[4:17 - 4:20] So how's your faith?
[4:20 - 4:25] So how do I avoid the charge?
[4:25 - 4:31] Then put the stickers back in your eyes.
[4:31 - 4:36] I can recognize that I think
[4:36 - 4:46] Is the best part of peace made of love and hate.
[4:46 - 4:49] Now I'm straight on my pain.
[4:49 - 4:54] And standing on my back.
[4:54 - 4:57] And standing on my back.
[4:57 - 5:06] And standing on my back.
[5:06 - 5:19] So how do I avoid the charge?
[5:19 - 5:25] Then put the stickers back in your eyes.
[5:25 - 5:30] I can recognize that I think
[5:30 - 5:35] Is the best part of peace made of love and hate.
[5:35 - 5:41] And standing on my back.
[5:41 - 5:44] I can recognize that I think
[5:44 - 6:01] Is the best part of peace made of love and hate.
[6:05 - 6:14] Now to that dude that asked that question a few minutes ago.
[6:14 - 6:17] I want to answer that.
[6:17 - 6:21] Let me tell you right now.
[6:21 - 6:24] I don't condone suicide.
[6:24 - 6:26] I don't.
[6:26 - 6:29] But when it comes to bullying.
[6:29 - 6:32] And they keep it going.
[6:32 - 6:39] What needs to end itself is the bullying.
[6:39 - 6:43] I never stand for bullying.
[6:43 - 6:51] Because bullying is what leads to suicide.
[6:51 - 6:54] If you stop the bullying.
[6:54 - 6:56] You stop the suicide.
[6:56 - 7:00] Period.
[7:00 - 7:04] Maybe instead of looking out different.
[7:04 - 7:05] We are.
[7:05 - 7:09] Maybe we need to start looking at how alike we are.
[7:09 - 7:12] Because maybe if we did that.
[7:12 - 7:14] And stopped all the bullshit.
[7:14 - 7:16] Stopped all the bullying.
[7:16 - 7:19] Stopped all the fucking hatred.
[7:19 - 7:21] Maybe then.
[7:21 - 7:26] There'd be a little bit less suicide in this world.
[7:26 - 7:28] Maybe then.
[7:28 - 7:30] Maybe then.
[7:30 - 7:34] People like myself who attempted to take my life.
[7:34 - 7:43] Wouldn't be doing that.
[7:43 - 7:46] Because there's one thing.
[7:46 - 7:48] That I do not stand for.
[7:48 - 7:50] Above all else.
[7:50 - 7:52] Which is bullying.
[7:52 - 7:55] Because bullying leads to suicide.
[7:55 - 7:57] And suicide leads to hurt.
[7:57 - 8:00] And hatred even more.
[8:00 - 8:06] And it just continues a fucking cycle.
[8:06 - 8:10] A cycle that I'm trying to break.
[8:10 - 8:17] Because no one deserves that.
[8:17 - 8:20] No one deserves hatred.
[8:20 - 8:23] No one deserves to be bullied.
[8:23 - 8:27] So what if you look different?
[8:27 - 8:31] So what if I look different?
[8:31 - 8:33] I'm proud to be different.
[8:33 - 8:37] And you should too.
[8:37 - 8:41] I'm proud to stand out.
[8:41 - 8:44] I'm glad that I stand out.
[8:44 - 8:47] Because I get to help people like myself.
[8:47 - 8:52] Every fucking day.
[8:52 - 8:56] And if I can help even just one person.
[8:56 - 8:58] At the end of the day.
[8:58 - 9:01] I'll do my job as a human being.
[9:01 - 9:04] At saving a life.
[9:04 - 9:06] The same way that Chester.
[9:06 - 9:08] From Lincoln Park.
[9:08 - 9:10] The same way.
[9:10 - 9:12] That Mitch Walker.
[9:12 - 9:13] From suicide silence.
[9:13 - 9:15] The same way.
[9:15 - 9:17] That Chris Cornell.
[9:17 - 9:21] The same way that friends and family.
[9:21 - 9:26] Saved me.
[9:26 - 9:29] So I'll do everything I can.
[9:29 - 9:40] To help those that fucking need it.
[9:40 - 9:41] Now.
[9:41 - 9:44] On my mark.
[9:44 - 9:47] When I say go.
[9:47 - 9:50] I want to see hashtag fuck bullying.
[9:50 - 9:53] And hashtag fuck suicide.
[9:53 - 9:57] And hashtag end suicide.
[9:57 - 9:58] And bullying.
[9:58 - 10:04] Going in the comments all my life.
[10:04 - 10:08] You ready?
[10:08 - 10:10] When I say go.
[10:10 - 10:19] This shit kicks in.
[10:19 - 10:23] You ready?
[10:23 - 10:28] On my mark.
[10:28 - 10:30] Three.
[10:30 - 10:32] Two.
[10:32 - 10:43] Go!
[10:43 - 10:46] There's no tomorrow.
[10:46 - 10:49] Life is but an echo.
[10:49 - 10:52] Starts become a memento.
[10:52 - 10:57] This is war.
[10:57 - 10:59] Expansion.
[10:59 - 11:02] Ashes on your pale skin.
[11:02 - 11:05] Love becomes the symptom.
[11:05 - 11:10] Of the crime.
[11:10 - 11:15] This shit sucks.
[11:15 - 11:18] I pour the sun from the sky.
[11:18 - 11:21] To raise a future of time.
[11:21 - 11:24] And just as one they'll begin.
[11:24 - 11:27] But now.
[11:27 - 11:31] I found the sun from the sky.
[11:31 - 11:34] You are my cannon eyes.
[11:34 - 11:36] I don't think it's tomorrow.
[11:36 - 11:40] Fuck your lips.
[11:40 - 11:43] Clothes and the roses.
[11:43 - 11:46] They don't die in no sense.
[11:46 - 11:49] Ring around the roses.
[11:49 - 11:55] They goodbye.
[11:55 - 11:57] When I say go.
[11:57 - 11:58] This is war.
[11:58 - 11:59] This is war.
[11:59 - 12:00] This shit sucks.
[12:00 - 12:02] I pour the sun from the sky.
[12:02 - 12:04] To raise a future of time.
[12:04 - 12:06] I don't think it's tomorrow.
[12:06 - 12:08] I pour the sun from the sky.
[12:08 - 12:10] To raise a future of time.
[12:10 - 12:12] And just as one they'll begin.
[12:12 - 12:14] But now.
[12:14 - 12:16] I found the sun from the sky.
[12:16 - 12:18] You are my cannon eyes.
[12:18 - 12:20] I don't think it's tomorrow.
[12:20 - 12:22] Fuck your lips.
[12:22 - 12:24] I pour the sun from the sky.
[12:24 - 12:26] You are my cannon eyes.
[12:26 - 12:28] I don't think it's tomorrow.
[12:28 - 12:30] Fuck your lips.
[12:30 - 12:32] This is war.
[12:32 - 12:36] Fuck your lips.
[12:46 - 12:49] Don't you wanna live?
[12:49 - 12:52] Don't you wanna die?
[12:52 - 12:54] When Heaven falls
[12:54 - 12:56] I will be your light.
[12:56 - 12:58] The clouds are gone.
[12:58 - 13:03] This hell you are my parent, you son!
[13:14 - 13:16] What the hell?
[13:16 - 13:18] Tell me, yeah!
[13:18 - 13:20] Say what is it that you're gonna do with me?
[13:20 - 13:21] Yeah!
[13:21 - 13:21] What are you gonna do?
[13:21 - 13:24] Just to play me again!
[13:24 - 13:25] I'll say it again!
[13:25 - 13:26] Yeah!
[13:26 - 13:29] Great C.A.A.R.
[13:29 - 13:32] I find the sound inside
[13:32 - 13:35] Your arm again and I
[13:35 - 13:38] That drifters would throw me in
[13:38 - 13:39] P.A.R.
[13:39 - 13:42] And I
[13:42 - 13:45] And I would dance in granites
[13:45 - 13:48] I wasn't willing to die
[13:48 - 13:51] And to back it's your upon
[13:51 - 13:55] G.A.R.
[13:55 - 13:57] And I
[13:57 - 13:59] I've made
[13:59 - 14:00] Pardon
[14:00 - 14:02] And I've tasted
[14:02 - 14:05] Come and find
[14:05 - 14:06] The way
[14:06 - 14:07] That drive
[14:07 - 14:09] And I
[14:09 - 14:11] I've danced
[14:11 - 14:13] For tears
[14:13 - 14:15] No pain
[14:15 - 14:16] No death
[14:16 - 14:18] No
[14:18 - 14:19] No one
[14:19 - 14:21] That blights
[14:21 - 14:22] I've made
[14:22 - 14:28] No, no, no, no, no, no!
[14:31 - 14:33] No!
[14:41 - 14:44] Oh, I got you on some original shit, man. Don't worry about that.
[14:44 - 14:47] Hey, you should have been able to write better lyrics this time, right?
[14:47 - 14:48] Yeah!
[14:48 - 14:51] Alright, man, I'm ready when you are. I'm ready, man, let's go!
[14:51 - 14:52] Let's get it!
[14:57 - 15:00] I don't think I need to explain this one.
[15:00 - 15:02] You guys already know this.
[15:03 - 15:07] All you see is our P-Chessers going in the comments.
[15:07 - 15:10] Write the vlog now.
[15:12 - 15:14] Let's see what's planned.
[15:14 - 15:18] Let's fucking see you guys and hear you guys.
[15:19 - 15:21] Waking a sweat again
[15:21 - 15:24] Another day's been laid to waste
[15:24 - 15:27] In my disgrace
[15:28 - 15:30] Stuck in my head again
[15:30 - 15:34] Feels like I'll never leave this place
[15:34 - 15:37] There's no escape
[15:37 - 15:41] I'm like the worst enemy
[15:41 - 15:46] I'm giving up!
[15:46 - 15:48] I think I'm feeling
[15:48 - 15:51] It's that love that you can't see
[15:51 - 15:55] Take this all the way
[15:55 - 15:57] I'll stop the journey
[15:57 - 16:04] Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
[16:04 - 16:07] I don't know what to take
[16:07 - 16:10] Thought I was focused, but I'm scared
[16:10 - 16:13] I'm not prepared
[16:14 - 16:16] I hide providently
[16:16 - 16:19] Looking for hell somewhere
[16:19 - 16:22] And no one cares
[16:22 - 16:26] I'm like the worst enemy
[16:26 - 16:31] I'm giving up!
[16:31 - 16:33] I think I'm feeling
[16:33 - 16:36] It's that love that you can't see
[16:36 - 16:40] Take this all the way
[16:40 - 16:43] I'll stop the journey
[16:43 - 16:50] Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
[16:54 - 16:59] Go!
[17:04 - 17:09] Put me out of my misery
[17:09 - 17:14] Put me out of my misery
[17:14 - 17:16] Put me out of my
[17:16 - 17:21] Put me out of my fucking misery
[17:21 - 17:38] Go!
[17:39 - 17:43] I'm giving up!
[17:43 - 17:45] I think I'm feeling
[17:45 - 17:48] It's that love that you can't see
[17:48 - 17:53] Take this all the way
[17:53 - 17:55] I'll stop the journey
[17:55 - 18:03] Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
[18:18 - 18:23] Take this all the way
[18:23 - 18:28] I'm giving up!
[18:34 - 18:38] I'll stop the journey
[18:48 - 19:15] Sorry about that guys, so I'm not gonna do some old school shit for you guys man
[19:15 - 19:38] Now I wrote this song when I was at one of the lowest points in my life
[19:38 - 19:46] And I finally started rising back up against the bullshit
[19:46 - 19:50] This is another days over
[20:09 - 20:12] Another days over
[20:12 - 20:15] The writings on the wall
[20:15 - 20:17] That suck your stuff
[20:17 - 20:19] Protecting all the dreams
[20:19 - 20:22] That make me stand so tall
[20:22 - 20:24] Now I'm fully awake
[20:24 - 20:28] And I'm standing all my years in pain
[20:28 - 20:31] From now until tomorrow
[20:31 - 20:34] Some won't be much colder
[20:34 - 20:37] Than no one within my dreams
[20:37 - 20:40] I know so much that it hurts
[20:40 - 20:44] I feel the pain deep within my heart
[20:44 - 20:47] I never knew that love would leave me
[20:47 - 20:50] Stand alone in the dark
[20:50 - 20:55] Now I'm feeling so empty
[20:55 - 20:59] There's nothing left to say
[20:59 - 21:02] So I can leave a smile and wait
[21:02 - 21:06] Then suddenly it comes to my distant past
[21:16 - 21:19] See your picture with me
[21:19 - 21:22] I'm sad that when I didn't think
[21:22 - 21:23] Just a thought
[21:23 - 21:25] All I was thinking was a kiss
[21:25 - 21:27] Now we've got a chance
[21:27 - 21:28] I'm thinking
[21:28 - 21:30] I don't know where I can
[21:30 - 21:32] I will stop and never get
[21:32 - 21:35] And pretend I know the end is here
[21:35 - 21:38] And hear my dream go away
[21:38 - 21:40] There won't be no end
[21:50 - 21:52] I love you
[21:52 - 21:55] So much that it hurts
[21:55 - 21:58] I feel the pain deep within my heart
[21:58 - 22:00] I never knew that love would leave me
[22:00 - 22:04] Stand alone in the dark
[22:04 - 22:07] Now I'm feeling so empty
[22:07 - 22:09] There's nothing left to say
[22:09 - 22:12] So I can leave a smile and wait
[22:12 - 22:16] Then suddenly it comes to my distant past
[22:19 - 22:23] So come a little closer
[22:23 - 22:26] Please hold my hand when you're born
[22:26 - 22:28] Let's get the breath out
[22:28 - 22:30] I know that hurts to know
[22:30 - 22:33] That you close the door
[22:33 - 22:36] And I'll take it upon myself
[22:36 - 22:40] To recall what we once had
[22:40 - 22:44] But when I look back
[22:44 - 22:47] And you're not there
[22:47 - 22:50] I'll hold my breath and find the negative
[22:50 - 22:53] And try at least one
[22:56 - 22:58] Stop and you'll pretend
[22:58 - 23:02] So much that it's on the wall
[23:02 - 23:04] There's nothing left to say
[23:04 - 23:06] So come a little closer
[23:06 - 23:09] Please hold my hand when you're born
[23:09 - 23:11] Let's get the breath out
[23:11 - 23:13] I know that hurts to know
[23:13 - 23:15] That you close the door
[23:15 - 23:17] And I'll take it upon myself
[23:17 - 23:20] To recall what we once had
[23:20 - 23:22] But when I look back
[23:22 - 23:24] And you're not there
[23:24 - 23:28] I never knew that you'll believe me
[23:28 - 23:31] So no, no, and that's all
[23:31 - 23:33] Now I'm feeling so empty
[23:33 - 23:35] There's nothing left to say
[23:35 - 23:38] So I can leave a smile and wait
[23:38 - 23:43] Then suddenly it comes to my distant past
[23:45 - 23:47] See how big you are in me
[23:47 - 23:50] And hold it in your hand
[23:54 - 23:57] I know that hurts to know
[23:57 - 23:59] That you close the door
[23:59 - 24:02] And I'll take it upon myself
[24:02 - 24:05] To recall what we once had
[24:05 - 24:07] But when I look back
[24:07 - 24:09] And you're not there
[24:09 - 24:12] I never knew that you'll believe me
[24:12 - 24:14] So come a little closer
[24:14 - 24:17] Please hold my hand when you're born
[24:17 - 24:19] Let's get the breath out
[24:19 - 24:21] I know that hurts to know
[24:21 - 24:23] That you close the door
[24:23 - 24:25] And I'll take it upon myself
[24:25 - 24:27] To recall what we once had
[24:27 - 24:29] But when I look back
[24:29 - 24:31] And you're not there
[24:31 - 24:33] I never knew that you'll believe me
[24:33 - 24:35] So come a little closer
[24:35 - 24:38] Please hold my hand when you're born
[24:38 - 24:40] Let's get the breath out
[24:40 - 24:42] I know that hurts to know
[24:42 - 24:44] That you close the door
[24:44 - 24:46] And I'll take it upon myself
[24:46 - 24:48] To recall what we once had
[24:48 - 24:50] But when I look back
[24:50 - 24:52] And you're not there
[24:52 - 24:54] I never knew that you'll believe me
[24:54 - 24:56] So come a little closer
[24:56 - 24:58] Please hold my hand when you're born
[24:58 - 25:00] Let's get the breath out
[25:00 - 25:02] I know that hurts to know
[25:02 - 25:04] That you close the door
[25:04 - 25:06] And I'll take it upon myself
[25:06 - 25:08] To recall what we once had
[25:08 - 25:10] But when I look back
[25:10 - 25:12] And you're not there
[25:12 - 25:14] I never knew that you'll believe me
[25:14 - 25:16] So come a little closer
[25:16 - 25:18] Please hold my hand when you're born
[25:18 - 25:20] Let's get the breath out
[25:20 - 25:22] I know that hurts to know
[25:22 - 25:24] That you close the door
[25:24 - 25:26] And I'll take it upon myself
[25:26 - 25:28] To recall what we once had
[25:28 - 25:30] But when I look back
[25:30 - 25:32] And you're not there
[25:32 - 25:34] I never knew that you'll believe me
[25:34 - 25:36] So come a little closer
[25:36 - 25:38] Please hold my hand when you're born
[25:38 - 25:40] Let's get the breath out
[25:40 - 25:42] I know that hurts to know
[25:42 - 25:44] That you close the door
[25:44 - 25:46] And I'll take it upon myself
[25:46 - 25:48] To recall what we once had
[25:48 - 25:50] But when I look back
[25:50 - 25:52] And you're not there
[25:52 - 25:54] I never knew that you'll believe me
[25:54 - 25:56] So come a little closer
[25:56 - 25:58] Please hold my hand when you're born
[25:58 - 26:00] Let's get the breath out
[26:00 - 26:02] I know that hurts to know
[26:02 - 26:04] That you close the door
[26:04 - 26:06] And I'll take it upon myself
[26:06 - 26:08] To recall what we once had
[26:08 - 26:10] But when I look back
[26:10 - 26:12] And you're not there
[26:12 - 26:14] I never knew that you'll believe me
[26:14 - 26:16] So come a little closer
[26:16 - 26:18] Please hold my hand when you're born
[26:18 - 26:20] Let's get the breath out
[26:20 - 26:22] I know that hurts to know
[26:22 - 26:24] That you close the door
[26:24 - 26:26] And I'll take it upon myself
[26:26 - 26:28] To recall what we once had
[26:28 - 26:30] But when I look back
[26:30 - 26:32] And you're not there
[26:32 - 26:34] I never knew that you'll believe me
[26:34 - 26:36] So come a little closer
[26:36 - 26:38] Please hold my hand when you're born
[26:38 - 26:40] Let's get the breath out
[26:40 - 26:42] I know that hurts to know
[26:42 - 26:44] That you close the door
[26:44 - 26:46] And I'll take it upon myself
[26:46 - 26:48] To recall what we once had
[26:48 - 26:50] But when I look back
[26:50 - 26:52] And you're not there
[26:52 - 26:54] I never knew that you'll believe me
[26:54 - 26:56] So come a little closer
[26:56 - 26:58] Please hold my hand when you're born
[26:58 - 27:00] Let's get the breath out
[27:00 - 27:02] I know that hurts to know
[27:02 - 27:04] That you close the door
[27:04 - 27:06] And I'll take it upon myself
[27:06 - 27:08] To recall what we once had
[27:08 - 27:10] But when I look back
[27:10 - 27:12] And you're not there
[27:12 - 27:14] I never knew that you'll believe me
[27:14 - 27:16] So come a little closer
[27:16 - 27:18] Please hold my hand when you're born
[27:18 - 27:20] Let's get the breath out
[27:20 - 27:22] I know that hurts to know
[27:22 - 27:24] That you close the door
[27:24 - 27:26] And I'll take it upon myself
[27:26 - 27:28] To recall what we once had
[27:28 - 27:30] But when I look back
[27:30 - 27:32] And you're not there
[27:32 - 27:34] I never knew that you'll believe me
[27:34 - 27:36] So come a little closer
[27:36 - 27:38] Please hold my hand when you're born
[27:38 - 27:40] Let's get the breath out
[27:40 - 27:42] I know that hurts to know
[27:42 - 27:44] That you close the door
[27:44 - 27:46] And I'll take it upon myself
[27:46 - 27:48] To recall what we once had
[27:48 - 27:50] But when I look back
[27:50 - 27:52] And you're not there
[27:52 - 27:54] I never knew that you'll believe me
[27:54 - 27:56] So come a little closer
[27:56 - 27:58] Please hold my hand when you're born
[27:58 - 28:00] Let's get the breath out
[28:00 - 28:02] I know that hurts to know
[28:02 - 28:04] That you close the door
[28:04 - 28:06] And I'll take it upon myself
[28:06 - 28:08] To recall what we once had
[28:08 - 28:10] But when I look back
[28:10 - 28:12] And you're not there
[28:12 - 28:14] I never knew that you'll believe me
[28:14 - 28:16] So come a little closer
[28:16 - 28:18] Please hold my hand when you're born
[28:18 - 28:20] Let's get the breath out
[28:20 - 28:22] I know that hurts to know
[28:22 - 28:24] That you close the door
[28:24 - 28:26] And I'll take it upon myself
[28:26 - 28:28] To recall what we once had
[28:28 - 28:30] But when I look back
[28:30 - 28:32] And you're not there
[28:32 - 28:34] I never knew that you'll believe me
[28:34 - 28:36] So come a little closer
[28:36 - 28:38] Please hold my hand when you're born
[28:38 - 28:40] Let's get the breath out
[28:40 - 28:42] I know that hurts to know
[28:42 - 28:44] That you close the door
[28:44 - 28:46] And I'll take it upon myself
[28:46 - 28:48] To recall what we once had
[28:48 - 28:50] But when I look back
[28:50 - 28:52] And you're not there
[28:52 - 28:54] I never knew that you'll believe me
[28:54 - 28:56] So come a little closer
[28:56 - 28:58] Please hold my hand when you're born
[28:58 - 29:00] Let's get the breath out
[29:00 - 29:02] I know that hurts to know
[29:02 - 29:04] That you close the door
[29:04 - 29:06] And I'll take it upon myself
[29:06 - 29:08] To recall what we once had
[29:08 - 29:10] But when I look back
[29:10 - 29:12] And you're not there
[29:12 - 29:14] I never knew that you'll believe me
[29:14 - 29:16] So come a little closer
[29:16 - 29:18] Please hold my hand when you're born
[29:18 - 29:20] Let's get the breath out
[29:20 - 29:22] I know that hurts to know
[29:22 - 29:24] That you close the door
[29:24 - 29:26] And I'll take it upon myself
[29:26 - 29:28] To recall what we once had
[29:28 - 29:30] But when I look back
[29:30 - 29:32] And you're not there
[29:32 - 29:34] Let's get the breath out
[29:34 - 29:36] I know that hurts to know
[29:36 - 29:38] That you close the door
[29:38 - 29:40] And I'll take it upon myself
[29:40 - 29:42] To recall what we once had
[29:42 - 29:44] But when I look back
[29:44 - 29:46] And you're not there
[29:46 - 29:48] I never knew that you'll believe me
[29:48 - 29:50] So come a little closer
[29:50 - 29:52] Please hold my hand when you're born
[29:52 - 29:54] Let's get the breath out
[29:54 - 29:56] I know that hurts to know
[29:56 - 29:58] That you close the door
[29:58 - 30:00] And I'll take it upon myself
[30:00 - 30:02] I know that hurts to know
[30:02 - 30:04] That you close the door
[30:04 - 30:06] And I'll take it upon myself
[30:06 - 30:08] To recall what we once had
[30:08 - 30:10] But when I look back
[30:10 - 30:12] And you're not there
[30:12 - 30:14] I never knew that you'll believe me
[30:14 - 30:16] So come a little closer
[30:16 - 30:18] Please hold my hand when you're born
[30:18 - 30:20] Let's get the breath out
[30:20 - 30:22] I know that hurts to know
[30:22 - 30:24] That you close the door
[30:24 - 30:26] And I'll take it upon myself
[30:26 - 30:28] To recall what we once had
[30:28 - 30:30] I know that hurts to know
[30:30 - 30:32] That you close the door
[30:32 - 30:34] And I'll take it upon myself
[30:34 - 30:36] To recall what we once had
[30:36 - 30:38] But when I look back
[30:38 - 30:40] And you're not there
[30:40 - 30:42] I never knew that you'll believe me
[30:42 - 30:44] So come a little closer
[30:44 - 30:46] Please hold my hand when you're born
[30:46 - 30:48] Let's get the breath out
[30:48 - 30:50] I know that hurts to know
[30:50 - 30:52] That you close the door
[30:52 - 30:54] And I'll take it upon myself
[30:54 - 30:56] I know that hurts to know
[30:56 - 30:58] That you close the door
[30:58 - 31:00] And I'll take it upon myself
[31:00 - 31:02] To recall what we once had
[31:02 - 31:04] But when I look back
[31:04 - 31:06] And you're not there
[31:06 - 31:08] I never knew that you'll believe me
[31:08 - 31:10] So come a little closer
[31:10 - 31:12] Please hold my hand when you're born
[31:12 - 31:14] Let's get the breath out
[31:14 - 31:16] I know that hurts to know
[31:16 - 31:18] That you close the door
[31:18 - 31:20] And I'll take it upon myself
[31:20 - 31:22] To recall what we once had
[31:22 - 31:24] But when I look back
[31:24 - 31:26] I know that hurts to know
[31:26 - 31:28] That you close the door
[31:28 - 31:30] And I'll take it upon myself
[31:30 - 31:32] To recall what we once had
[31:32 - 31:34] But when I look back
[31:34 - 31:36] And you're not there
[31:36 - 31:38] I never knew that you'll believe me
[31:38 - 31:40] So come a little closer
[31:40 - 31:42] Please hold my hand when you're born
[31:42 - 31:44] Let's get the breath out
[31:44 - 31:46] I know that hurts to know
[31:46 - 31:48] That you close the door
[31:48 - 31:50] And I'll take it upon myself
[31:50 - 31:52] To recall what we once had
[31:52 - 31:54] But when I look back
[31:54 - 31:56] I know that hurts to know
[31:56 - 31:58] That you close the door
[31:58 - 32:00] And I'll take it upon myself
[32:00 - 32:02] To recall what we once had
[32:02 - 32:04] But when I look back
[32:04 - 32:06] I know that hurts to know
[32:06 - 32:08] That you close the door
[32:08 - 32:10] And I'll take it upon myself
[32:10 - 32:12] To recall what we once had
[32:12 - 32:14] But when I look back
[32:14 - 32:16] I know that hurts to know
[32:16 - 32:18] That you close the door
[32:18 - 32:20] And I'll take it upon myself
[32:20 - 32:22] You
[32:50 - 32:53] What's your strategy
[33:20 - 33:22] Oh
[33:50 - 33:52] Oh
[34:20 - 34:23] Oh
[34:50 - 35:10] Oh
[35:20 - 35:23] Oh
[35:50 - 36:18] Oh
[36:18 - 36:28] Oh
[36:28 - 36:38] Oh
[36:38 - 36:48] Oh
[36:48 - 36:58] Oh
[36:58 - 37:08] Oh
[37:08 - 37:18] Oh
[37:19 - 37:28] Oh
[37:28 - 37:38] Oh
[37:38 - 38:04] Oh
[38:04 - 38:21] From beat making to song writing, FL Studio delivers fast results. Each version of Image Line's premiere production DAW includes a massive range of instruments and effects, making it one of the quickest routes from concept to track. Download FL Studio instantly when you shop at Sweetwater.com
[38:21 - 38:43] And now, I don't have a discord right now, but I am going to trust that one up. Keyword, try. And that song was one of my new songs that's unreleased, called Outnumbered.
[38:51 - 39:03] Now, this song right here, I want to say thank you to Image.
[39:03 - 39:18] Cause when I was in there, there was a very, very dark flash. This is so insane.
[39:18 - 39:30] I'm ashamed of me.
[39:30 - 39:40] I'm ashamed of myself.
[39:40 - 39:50] I'm ashamed of myself.
[39:50 - 40:00] I'm ashamed of myself.
[40:00 - 40:10] I'm ashamed of myself.
[40:10 - 40:20] I'm ashamed of myself.
[40:20 - 40:30] I'm ashamed of myself.
[40:30 - 40:40] I'm ashamed of myself.
[40:40 - 40:50] I'm ashamed of myself.
[40:50 - 41:00] I'm ashamed of myself.
[41:00 - 41:10] I'm ashamed of myself.
[41:10 - 41:20] I'm ashamed of myself.
[41:20 - 41:30] I'm ashamed of myself.
[41:30 - 41:40] I'm ashamed of myself.
[41:40 - 41:50] I'm ashamed of myself.
[41:50 - 42:00] I'm ashamed of myself.
[42:00 - 42:10] I'm ashamed of myself.
[42:10 - 42:30] I'm ashamed of myself.
[42:40 - 42:50] I'm ashamed of myself.
[42:50 - 43:00] I'm ashamed of myself.
[43:00 - 43:10] I'm ashamed of myself.
[43:10 - 43:20] I'm ashamed of myself.
[43:20 - 43:36] You know, for those of you that didn't see it in the last stream, for those of you that are brand new, by the way, I'd like to say welcome.
[43:36 - 43:46] Welcome to my little crazy, fun, odd, weird corner of kick here on the internet.
[43:46 - 43:50] It's like my little crazy, welcome to the crazy corner of the internet, man.
[43:50 - 43:54] Welcome to the fun, crazy corner of the internet.
[43:54 - 44:10] We have crayons on the left, straight jacks on the right, and coloring books on the back wall, so you guys are good.
[44:10 - 44:14] But no, for real though, man.
[44:14 - 44:22] I want to sit down and talk to you guys for real, one on one here.
[44:22 - 44:36] Whatever, dude.
[44:36 - 44:41] But I want to talk to you guys for real, man.
[44:41 - 44:46] For those of you that didn't catch it earlier, man, I want to say thank you to you guys.
[44:46 - 44:49] And you want to know why I want to say thank you to you guys?
[44:49 - 45:02] Because you guys gave me a chance to relive my dreams after having them stolen away from me over the past seven years.
[45:02 - 45:07] The past seven years have been a fucking nightmare for me.
[45:07 - 45:15] It's been brutal.
[45:15 - 45:21] I've had all the bad stuff that you can have happen to a person on the internet.
[45:21 - 45:33] I've been extorted, blackmailed, entrapped by a bunch of fucking assholes looking for somebody to attack.
[45:33 - 45:37] Just a whole lot of bad shit.
[45:37 - 45:43] But you guys, when I came onto the here, I was a nobody.
[45:43 - 45:48] When I came onto here, I was a nobody that didn't know what he was doing with his life.
[45:48 - 45:51] Didn't see a way out of any of this bullshit.
[45:51 - 45:58] But you guys, you guys gave me a fucking chance to relive what I love to do.
[45:58 - 46:08] You guys gave me a second chance.
[46:08 - 46:16] And honestly, I can't thank you guys enough for that.
[46:16 - 46:25] I cannot thank you guys enough for that shit.
[46:25 - 46:45] Like, I know I say it, but genuinely, you guys don't know genuinely how much it means to myself and my friends and my family that you guys are giving me a chance to actually live my fucking dreams to do what I want to do.
[46:45 - 46:53] I know I say thank you a lot, but believe me when I say you guys have no idea how much that shit means to me.
[46:53 - 47:06] Because for the last seven years, I have been bullied, harassed, attacked, been almost killed twice, and survived two suicide attempts because of the bullying.
[47:06 - 47:21] And I can genuinely say that you guys doing what you guys do, it means the world to me.
[47:21 - 47:29] And like I have always said since the very inception of my very first YouTube channel, up till now.
[47:29 - 47:40] And I have always said this when I was streaming on YouTube, on Facebook, and I'm gonna say it again right here right now.
[47:40 - 47:43] I'm gonna say this shit again right here right now.
[47:43 - 47:54] If I could help even one of you guys, whether it be being a friend, whether it be doing certain songs to help you guys get through a hard time,
[47:54 - 47:59] whether it be sitting down gaming out with you guys, having a good time doing that,
[47:59 - 48:11] or whether it's just simply sitting down and talking with you guys and just hanging out and having a chill day or working on artwork or whatever and hanging out.
[48:11 - 48:18] If I could help even just one person at the end of the day, that means more to me than anything in the world.
[48:19 - 48:26] It really does, because I've been through some very fucked up shit, so I know what it's like to be attacked.
[48:26 - 48:29] I know what it's like to be bullied and it fucking sucks.
[48:37 - 48:44] So at the end of the day, if I can help even just one person, then I'm doing my job as a human being.
[48:45 - 48:53] Now like I said, I know I've said and done a lot of bad shit over on YouTube and I get that and I take responsibility for that.
[48:53 - 48:55] But I'm not the only one at fault.
[48:55 - 49:02] These people on YouTube that like to target people like myself, they're the real ones at fault.
[49:02 - 49:04] They're the real villains.
[49:04 - 49:08] People want to paint me out to be this bad person.
[49:10 - 49:12] But who's the real bad guy?
[49:13 - 49:19] The one that says evil shit and acts upon what people do to him?
[49:19 - 49:24] Or the people that actually do the targeting and the bullying?
[49:29 - 49:30] You know what I'm saying?
[49:30 - 49:33] I'm aware that my name is out there.
[49:33 - 49:37] I'm aware that my life is out there for everyone to read upon.
[49:37 - 49:42] But I am going to say this right now for those that seem to think that I talk to my biological father.
[49:42 - 49:43] I don't.
[49:43 - 49:45] I don't talk to him.
[49:45 - 49:46] I have nothing to do with him.
[49:46 - 49:48] I have nothing like him.
[49:49 - 49:55] I have nothing like he is and never will I ever be like that.
[49:55 - 50:06] What my biological father did is disgraceful and disgusting.
[50:08 - 50:11] And for that, I could never have anything to do with him.
[50:20 - 50:23] For that, I want nothing to do with him.
[50:24 - 50:32] For the last seven years, I've been trying to get away from all the crazy fucked up shit that people have made up about me.
[50:32 - 50:39] Saying that I was dead, that I'm an AI, that I'm a pedophile, that I'm this, that I'm that.
[50:39 - 50:44] None of that shit comes close to even being fucking true.
[50:45 - 50:50] All of that shit is just garbage that people use to attack me.
[50:54 - 50:59] And honestly, I'm tired of seeing the garbage.
[51:06 - 51:14] And it's funny how people like this Syrax as a child predator keep on coming in here and trying to ruin my name.
[51:14 - 51:16] But let me tell you something.
[51:16 - 51:22] Right now, Syrax video games, because I know what you're making these accounts, dude.
[51:22 - 51:23] I know it's you.
[51:24 - 51:26] So let me tell you something right now, kid.
[51:26 - 51:29] Over here, you have no power.
[51:31 - 51:34] Over here, you have no say.
[51:39 - 51:43] Over here, I am free from your bullying and your bullshit.
[51:44 - 51:54] Over here and on Facebook, around my friends, around my family, and more importantly, around my fans that appreciate what I do.
[51:56 - 52:01] Over here and on Facebook, I am free from your guys's bullying.
[52:05 - 52:06] I trust you.
[52:06 - 52:09] When the time is right, y'all will get shut down.
[52:09 - 52:13] And when that day comes, I'll be celebrating.
[52:16 - 52:18] Because I know that day is coming.
[52:18 - 52:26] And when it does, I'll be over here celebrating because I know that I'll be able to be free fully.
[52:26 - 52:39] Hey, Amanda, let me tell you something right now.
[52:39 - 52:47] Anybody can be a father, but it takes a special kind of person to be a dad.
[52:47 - 52:51] And now, Amanda, I spoke of, he's not my dad.
[52:51 - 52:53] He's not.
[52:53 - 52:56] He may be my biological father, yes.
[52:59 - 53:03] But in my eyes and in my family's eyes, he's not my dad.
[53:06 - 53:10] He never has been and never will be my dad.
[53:11 - 53:23] My teachers growing up were more father figures to me than that piece of shit ever was.
[53:36 - 53:38] My teachers growing up.
[53:40 - 53:45] Were more father figures to me than my own biological father ever was.
[53:54 - 54:02] And to my teachers that I grew up with, I want to say, if you guys are watching this,
[54:02 - 54:08] I want to say thank you guys for everything that you guys have taught me growing up as a kid.
[54:08 - 54:16] Because of you guys, I became the man that I am today who goes around and helps people as much as I can.
[54:16 - 54:19] Who's a friend to those that need it.
[54:26 - 54:29] Alright, I got you, nature. Don't worry, brother.
[54:29 - 54:32] You be safe, big dog. Be safe out there and be careful, man.
[54:32 - 54:36] And hey, be careful of the stupid caring drivers out there, man.
[54:36 - 54:40] Because trust me, I know how some Cairns can be, man. They fucking suck.
[54:40 - 54:43] So just be careful when you're driving, dude.
[54:45 - 54:47] Because there's crazy motherfuckers everywhere.
[54:55 - 55:01] Now, with all that being said, I do have an announcement for you guys.
[55:02 - 55:08] That over the next coming weeks, I am going to be setting up a merchandise shop.
[55:18 - 55:30] But I also am going to be resurrecting a very special brand that I started a long time ago called the Urban Samurai Clothing Brand.
[55:32 - 55:37] And what I'm going to do with that Urban Samurai Clothing Brand is this.
[55:39 - 55:44] On the front, you're obviously going to have a really cool design.
[55:44 - 55:56] But on the back, you're going to have the 10 quotes that I designed to go against bullying.
[56:01 - 56:20] And when you go, when you buy one of those shirts, you're not only promoting myself
[56:20 - 56:28] and helping me out as a content creator, but you'll also be promoting anti-bullying.
[56:28 - 56:33] You'll be promoting anti-suicide. You'll be promoting helping someone.
[56:33 - 56:44] You'll be showing that, hey, I stand against bullying and saying, hey, I want to join the fight to put a stop to bullying all the way around.
[56:45 - 56:56] I started the Urban Samurai Clothing Brand about a year ago before everything went wacko, crazy, and went sideways for me.
[56:56 - 57:07] I started the Urban Samurai Clothing Brand as a way to fight back against cyberbullying and a way to give back to those that need it.
[57:14 - 57:19] Because no one deserves to be bullied. No one deserves to be attacked.
[57:20 - 57:37] And honestly, I'd like to eventually get it to where not only will we, as a community, be able to donate to charities that go against bullying,
[57:37 - 57:54] but maybe in some capacity, start up an organization that can help people that are in my situation that have gone through shit like this.
[58:07 - 58:36] Because I want to be able to give everybody the resources they need to be able to battle this kind of stuff.
[58:37 - 58:42] And who knows, maybe some other stuff will spawn off from that.
[58:45 - 58:50] And yeah, I know it'll take a long time and I know it'll take a lot of money, but you know what?
[58:50 - 58:58] If it means making this world just a little bit better and it means getting rid of these trolls and these bullies on the internet,
[58:59 - 59:02] I'll do whatever I can to help.
[59:05 - 59:07] Because I was bullied my whole life.
[59:09 - 59:14] From the time I was a little kid all the way up through high school, I was bullied my whole life.
[59:14 - 59:29] And you know, when I started getting bullied again, I felt like I was back in school again, being attacked, being harassed.
[59:29 - 59:32] But the only difference with this one is this.
[59:44 - 60:02] I can really not get you, man. No worries. I'll hit you back as soon as I can, brother. No worries, and I do apologize.
[60:02 - 60:07] It's just my phone is set up to where the trolls cannot contact me, period.
[60:07 - 60:18] I have it set up for a message and call blocking due to the massive amount of, you know, harassment that I get on a daily basis.
[60:18 - 60:26] So I do apologize for missing your call, man. I fully apologize for that, but I will definitely reach out to you as soon as I can.
[60:26 - 60:44] Man, like I said, I'm aware that I have a name to me on the internet. I'm aware. I'm very aware that I'm a public figure and I get that.
[60:56 - 61:03] Hey, thanks man. I've had these for about three and a half years, four and a half years now.
[61:03 - 61:18] These are actually a blue wasp gaming headphones for PC, but I use them for stuff like this and I also use them for studio headphones whenever I'm recording songs and shit.
[61:18 - 61:25] They work quite well actually as studio headphones for doing music and shit. They work really well. I highly recommend these.
[61:25 - 61:46] But you know, like I said the other day, man, for those of you that didn't drop by or for those of you that, you know, didn't know, I want everybody to be able to see the real me and who I am.
[61:46 - 62:02] And be able to be the person that I was before all this bullying got started, before I started being attacked, before I started being slandered, before I started being put out there as a pedophile.
[62:02 - 62:12] Like I want you guys to be able to see the me that you guys deserve to see because I honestly feel like you guys got robbed of that.
[62:12 - 62:20] And that's not fair to you guys that y'all don't get to see the real me, all because some assholes on the internet want to sit there and bully me.
[62:20 - 62:36] That ain't fair to you guys. And that's why I want to give you guys the best version of myself and the realest, most vulnerable, fun having version of me that you guys can have.
[62:37 - 62:50] Like I want you guys to be able to see how I was before I was trolled, before I was attacked. I want you guys to be able to see how I was before everything.
[62:50 - 63:01] So you guys know for a fact that I'm actually a good person. I just got drug into a bullshit community of trolls that I never wanted any part of to begin with.
[63:36 - 63:45] This actually my brother Jake made, the skull chain, the skull necklace, my little brother and best friend of 17 years, Jake made this.
[63:45 - 64:11] And then besides the dog tag right here, because this dog tag was given to me by an ex who sadly and unfortunately has no longer with us.
[64:15 - 64:26] But besides this dog tag that was given to me by one of my exes who sadly is no longer among the living.
[64:26 - 64:34] As of a few years ago. Besides this right here, everything else was given to me by fans.
[64:35 - 64:46] Like all these are, you know, fan gifts that I wear on a daily basis. I appreciate my fans, dude, always.
[64:46 - 65:01] I appreciate the fuck out of my fans. Everything on here outside of the dog tag, the My Hero Academia bracelet, the corn bracelet, this torque right here.
[65:02 - 65:11] This one I handmade, I made this myself. This is the one that I made on my own. So this is a design of my own.
[65:11 - 65:20] But everything else is from fans. These gloves, I've had these for a while.
[65:20 - 65:30] But let me show you guys something. I want to show you guys something very, very special to me.
[65:30 - 65:59] This right here was given to me by a fan who actually wrote this letter for me.
[66:00 - 66:11] And here's why this thing means so much to me because the whole King of Akron nickname, that was given to me by a good friend of mine.
[66:11 - 66:29] Hey, CBG, just know this, I'll continue to come out to your channels for bullying, bitch.
[66:30 - 66:47] But I want to read you guys this letter real quick, or at least part of it.
[66:47 - 67:04] He's like, I just wanted to, this is from, I don't know, let's see, who is it?
[67:04 - 67:16] This is by a guy named Richard Eric Shawn. Shout to Eric by the way.
[67:16 - 67:29] He said, I chose an 18, I chose and created this 18 karat gold crown. As a fan, I have been inspired by your creativity, passion and dedication to your craft.
[67:29 - 67:40] I hope this gift will serve as a reminder of your remarkable talent and inspire you to continue creating music that moves and inspires people.
[67:40 - 67:51] But it's not just your music that I admire, it's you as a person. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to deal with all the trolls and the haters that kill your way.
[67:51 - 68:00] It's not fair that your family have to deal with all that harassment and negativity.
[68:00 - 68:13] I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to express my love and admiration for your music as your biggest fan and in the letter you will also find a photo which yada yada yada.
[68:13 - 68:26] But this right here is what gets me. As your number one fan, I will always be here to lift you up and show you love and appreciation that you deserve.
[68:26 - 68:40] Keep being the amazing artist and person that you are and never let the trolls bring you down.
[68:40 - 69:04] As stuff like this that keeps me fucking going. All the letters you guys send in, all this shit, it means the fucking world to me man.
[69:04 - 69:14] Like the letters and the stuff you guys send in, means the fucking world to me.
[69:14 - 69:26] Now the whole King of Akron thing, there's actually a very large, there's a much larger story behind it that I'd like to explain.
[69:26 - 69:32] And you guys can look this up on YouTube, you guys can find it everywhere.
[69:32 - 69:46] But in 2015, I lost one of my best friends.
[69:46 - 70:01] In 2015, I lost my best friend of 18 years, Zach Hussain, to a murder in his sandwich pizza restaurant.
[70:01 - 70:15] The guy came in, demanded money, he handed over the cash without a fight, and he was still shot and killed.
[70:15 - 70:25] Thankfully the guy was caught and sentenced after two years of finding him, like after two years of looking for and finding the guy.
[70:25 - 70:31] The guy was captured, he was found and he is currently serving prison time.
[70:31 - 70:40] But one of the nicknames that everybody gave Zach around here in Akron was the King of Akron and for a very specific reason.
[70:40 - 70:54] Because not only was he an Akron used student, he also majored in business and was actually going around helping people around Akron and everybody in Akron knew him.
[70:54 - 71:00] Everybody here knew who he was and loved him.
[71:00 - 71:12] And when he died, when he passed away, that role then got passed on to his brothers and myself.
[71:12 - 71:23] And I promised him that if anything did ever happen that I would continue on his legacy, that I would continue to fight for good in any way that I can.
[71:23 - 71:46] Whether it be helping people out like he did outside of social media or whether it be doing like I'm doing now and trying to spread awareness about bullying, about cyber bullying, about what people do to me and putting my story out there.
[71:46 - 71:53] And let me tell you, when Zach passed away, that was one of the darkest moments of my life.
[71:53 - 72:03] Because me and Zach, man, we were like this, man. We were super fucking tight.
[72:03 - 72:12] And let me tell you, if you guys have never gotten that call, and I hope and pray to God that you guys never do get that call.
[72:12 - 72:25] But when I got that call from his older brother saying that he was shot and killed, I fucking lost it.
[72:25 - 72:34] I literally dropped the phone and just started bawling my eyes out.
[72:34 - 72:41] And it fucking killed me because this is the man that helped me get through high school.
[72:41 - 72:47] This is the man that pushed me to be the best that I could fucking be.
[72:47 - 72:53] This is the man that I could call at 3am if something was going on.
[72:53 - 73:00] And he would still pick up and be like, yo, what's going on? Everything good?
[73:00 - 73:17] This is the man that literally pushed me to be the best version of myself that I could be.
[73:17 - 73:29] And let me tell you, if it wasn't for people like my best friend and brother Zach pushing me like he did, I wouldn't have made it through high school.
[73:29 - 73:34] And yes, the rumors about me not graduating, that is true.
[73:34 - 73:49] But I made it to 12th grade. I made it to the end of 12th grade.
[73:49 - 73:58] And let me tell you, I have Zach and my friend Kat and my friends and family to thank for that.
[73:58 - 74:14] Because if it wasn't for Zach especially getting all my ass and beating an enemy that I need to do good, I probably wouldn't have even made it to 12th grade.
[74:14 - 74:19] Because there was a time where I was thinking about dropping out, but I didn't.
[74:19 - 74:32] And I'm still here.
[74:32 - 74:41] And like I said to everybody here, if you guys have never gone through this or gone through what I've gone through,
[74:41 - 74:47] I hope and pray to God that you guys never do.
[74:47 - 74:58] I hope that you guys never have to go through what I've gone through. I really do.
[74:58 - 75:05] Because what I've gone through, I would never wish on my worst enemy.
[75:05 - 75:09] I would never wish any of that on anyone.
[75:09 - 75:14] Honestly, everything that I've gone through, I wouldn't wish on Marty.
[75:14 - 75:22] I wouldn't wish on CVG, William and Glory Hall, Master of Mafia, none of that.
[75:22 - 75:26] I wouldn't wish what they put me through on anyone.
[75:26 - 75:30] Because no one deserves that.
[75:30 - 75:48] And I want to play something for you guys real quick that saved my life.
[75:48 - 75:51] But here's the thing Brown missed.
[75:51 - 75:56] When I said that stuff, it was out of anger.
[75:56 - 76:03] It's not something that I actually would mean to have happen, but you gotta understand.
[76:03 - 76:12] I've been bullied and cornered for over seven years, quite a bit.
[76:12 - 76:19] I would never wish that on anyone, but when you corner someone and you attack them,
[76:19 - 76:48] they're gonna say and do shit that is out of character.
[76:48 - 76:53] And like I said, Brown missed, that's why I'm over here.
[76:53 - 77:00] Because there's one thing that I learned from my dad growing up, you never stop fighting.
[77:00 - 77:10] You never stop fighting for what's right.
[77:10 - 77:15] Because yeah, you may be down now, but you never stop fighting.
[77:15 - 77:20] Because the minute you stop fighting, they win.
[77:20 - 77:25] If you don't stop fighting, they're at a loss.
[77:25 - 77:31] And I will continue to fight until I'm dead in the ground.
[77:31 - 77:35] Because if I can help even just one person at the end of the day,
[77:35 - 77:39] even if it's just one, then I'm doing my fucking job.
[78:05 - 78:23] Now, I wanna play something for you guys that somebody sent me when I had attempted to take my life for a second time.
[78:35 - 78:48] You just send the sign in here.
[79:05 - 79:34] You just send the sign in here.
[79:34 - 79:38] Now, I want you guys to listen to this.
[79:38 - 79:49] Because this right here was sent to me when I had attempted to take my own life a second time.
[79:49 - 79:57] And let me tell you, if it wasn't for this, I probably wouldn't be here right now.
[79:57 - 80:16] And I wanna play this for any of you out there that are in that place like I've been.
[80:16 - 80:33] And I hope this helps you the same way that it helped me.
[80:33 - 80:35] Please don't kill yourself.
[80:35 - 80:39] I'm talking to you and I don't pretend to know everything that you've been through.
[80:39 - 80:42] But if it's shame, you feel just know that I've sinned to.
[80:42 - 80:45] And if it's pain, you're feeling just know that that's something I went through.
[80:45 - 80:48] I don't know your story, but I know you and me are a lot alike.
[80:48 - 80:51] So let me talk to you for a minute while I got this mic.
[80:51 - 80:53] I was 18 when I pulled a gun out.
[80:53 - 80:55] At the time, it felt like my options had run out.
[80:55 - 80:59] So I put that barrel to my chest and I pulled the trigger halfway.
[80:59 - 81:02] I tried to muster up the courage to put myself away that day.
[81:02 - 81:04] But halfway into that trigger pull, I stopped.
[81:04 - 81:06] Tears flooded my eyes and that pistol dropped.
[81:06 - 81:09] And I sat in my room and I sobbed for an hour.
[81:09 - 81:10] On the outside, I was fine.
[81:10 - 81:12] On the inside, I cowered.
[81:12 - 81:14] The noise of my depression had gotten louder and louder.
[81:14 - 81:18] I had planned a way out and a baptism shower of gunpowder.
[81:18 - 81:21] I'd been lied to just like you're being lied to now.
[81:21 - 81:23] Other people can't help you, but I might know how.
[81:23 - 81:26] Because I've walked in your shoes and I've been at my lowest.
[81:26 - 81:28] And if you don't know anything, know this.
[81:28 - 81:31] You might tell me you're gonna kill yourself and you're close to this.
[81:31 - 81:34] But God wants to meet you in the middle of your hopelessness.
[81:34 - 81:37] God wants to give you a way out of these feelings of doubt.
[81:37 - 81:41] And the sounds of chaos might be reverberating around you like heavy metal.
[81:41 - 81:43] But confusion isn't from God, it's straight from the devil.
[81:43 - 81:46] And he wants to silence the noise and bring peace to you.
[81:46 - 81:49] And I promise if you just ask him, he'll see you through.
[81:49 - 81:52] You got to this place because you tried fighting your own fight.
[81:52 - 81:56] And where did that get you except contemplating about taking your own life?
[81:56 - 81:59] And if you got bullied to this point, I'm sorry you went through that.
[81:59 - 82:02] But God wants to take those words from your attackers and send them back.
[82:02 - 82:05] You don't have to be defined by what people said about you.
[82:05 - 82:07] Let me pick you up if you don't know how to.
[82:07 - 82:09] You're not alone man, you got a friend in me.
[82:09 - 82:12] You got better days ahead of you, I just pray you begin to see.
[82:12 - 82:15] Know that everything the devil did to you, he wants you to replay.
[82:15 - 82:18] But everything the devil took from you, God wants to replace.
[82:18 - 82:21] Listen to me right now and you better look me right in the face.
[82:21 - 82:23] You were created for more than to die in this place.
[82:23 - 82:26] Don't do it man, please don't take your life.
[82:26 - 82:28] Just take my hand and we'll make this right.
[82:28 - 82:30] I promise if you do this you'll regret it.
[82:30 - 82:32] You'll wake up in eternity and remember I said it.
[82:32 - 82:35] And you wish so bad you could just go back.
[82:35 - 82:37] I'm here for you right now, please just know that.
[82:37 - 82:40] And if you think you're alone in this fight you've been lied to.
[82:40 - 82:43] That depression came after me and I nearly died too.
[82:43 - 82:46] I thought suicide was the only way and death was meant for me.
[82:46 - 82:49] The devil played his music and I sat front row through that symphony.
[82:49 - 82:51] I walked through the fire and I felt that heat.
[82:51 - 82:54] But I pushed past the clutter and I stood to my feet.
[82:54 - 82:56] I walked out and I refused to look back.
[82:56 - 82:59] I took my depression and threw it right back into that wood stack.
[82:59 - 83:02] And that fire must have blazed 50 feet high.
[83:02 - 83:05] And now I plan on leaving a legacy to look back on some day when I died.
[83:05 - 83:08] And right now I'm telling you to stand up too.
[83:08 - 83:10] Deep down inside you know it's the right thing to do.
[83:10 - 83:13] Think about your family, think about you.
[83:13 - 83:15] Don't kill yourself, please don't do it.
[83:15 - 83:17] Whatever you're facing God will see you through it.
[83:17 - 83:21] I had a fan kill himself and his mom asked if I could come see her.
[83:21 - 83:23] She was depressed and asked if I could meet her.
[83:23 - 83:25] Two weeks later the depression beat her.
[83:25 - 83:28] She ran into a telephone pole without a seat belt and a two-seater.
[83:28 - 83:31] And I wish right now I could crawl through these speakers
[83:31 - 83:34] and somehow convince you not to go the same route she did.
[83:34 - 83:37] I wish I could change the fact that you feel defeated.
[83:37 - 83:41] I wish I could lock my arms around you and tell the devil to beat it.
[83:41 - 83:44] But I can't reach everyone even though I do my best to try.
[83:44 - 83:47] Some people believe the lie that it's just best to die.
[83:47 - 83:49] And they think it's the simple way out.
[83:49 - 83:51] But they're not here to see the way things play out.
[83:51 - 83:54] They don't see the hurt they cause and the pain they leave.
[83:54 - 83:57] I take this seriously. This isn't a game to me.
[83:57 - 84:00] Even thinking about ending your life is living dangerously.
[84:00 - 84:02] So please just listen to my voice.
[84:02 - 84:04] Right now you have a choice.
[84:04 - 84:06] You can choose life or you can get drowned by the noise.
[84:06 - 84:08] Please don't do it.
[84:08 - 84:10] Please just ask for help.
[84:10 - 84:13] If not for your family, do it for yourself.
[84:24 - 84:39] And let me tell you that right there.
[84:39 - 84:43] Over in my eyes there's so fucking much more.
[84:43 - 84:55] And you know, it takes a real man to be able to do something like that.
[84:55 - 85:00] A real badass does what that man just did.
[85:00 - 85:03] And speaks out against bullying.
[85:03 - 85:05] Speaks out against suicide.
[85:05 - 85:13] Speaks out against hatred.
[85:13 - 85:16] And like I said, I don't claim to know all.
[85:16 - 85:21] I don't claim to be the baddest motherfucker on the planet.
[85:21 - 85:31] I don't claim to be this super high-end fucking, you know, bow down to me, do whatever I say kind of artist.
[85:31 - 85:39] Because that's not me.
[85:39 - 85:50] And let me tell you right now, I'm glad to be an independent artist because I can build real authentic relationships with people like you guys.
[85:50 - 86:11] And I can put together stuff and do fun things with you guys while being able to be myself.
[86:11 - 86:14] I've done some similar stuff, yeah.
[86:14 - 86:40] I've done a few songs that are unreleased, which I am going to be releasing here very soon.
[86:40 - 86:48] But I want to do something very special for you guys, because as you guys know, my dad, my adopted dad, was in the military.
[86:48 - 86:56] And I know some of you guys have, you know, the family that has served in the military as well.
[86:56 - 87:03] And to you guys and your families, I want to say thank you.
[87:03 - 87:09] When I consider myself religious, yes, but to an extent.
[87:09 - 87:16] Like, I'm not like Bible-thumping religious or anything like that, but I do believe in God.
[87:16 - 87:22] You know, I do believe that there is an afterlife.
[87:22 - 87:28] But I want to play this song right now for you guys.
[87:28 - 87:31] This song right here is by a very good friend of mine, Soldier Hard.
[87:31 - 87:34] I buy the same products you do, only I get a much cheaper.
[87:34 - 87:39] I save hundreds of dollars a month by doing this one simple trick that I'm about to show you.
[87:39 - 87:43] Don't spend another dime.
[87:43 - 87:46] This is called triggers.
[87:46 - 87:52] My triggers, it's unexpected, like a loud noise or somebody walks up on here.
[87:52 - 87:54] Somebody stumbles me in.
[87:54 - 87:59] Certainly, I'm sent right back to the time when I was in country and I was in a firefight.
[87:59 - 88:02] And I go into that fight-or-flight mode.
[88:02 - 88:04] Sometimes I'm good.
[88:04 - 88:05] At times, no, I'm not.
[88:05 - 88:07] I ain't gonna take control like a high-balling pot.
[88:07 - 88:10] Try to block their memories, cause yeah, I got a lot.
[88:10 - 88:11] I'm talking about triggers.
[88:11 - 88:13] Yeah, I wish you would stop.
[88:13 - 88:14] Smell them for the smoke.
[88:14 - 88:15] I'm reminded by the flames.
[88:15 - 88:16] I hear a loud sound.
[88:16 - 88:18] It's a I.D. bang.
[88:18 - 88:20] We're missing gunfire that flies like a brick.
[88:20 - 88:22] The enemy's shooting bullets.
[88:22 - 88:23] Got no name.
[88:23 - 88:26] I guess I'm shell shot, so please don't touch me.
[88:26 - 88:28] Let me be in my zone fighting the high-G.
[88:28 - 88:29] No, you can't stop it.
[88:29 - 88:30] That's just how it is.
[88:30 - 88:33] Tell people around me to mind their own biz.
[88:33 - 88:36] It is what it is, but there's one new light.
[88:36 - 88:38] My fist's always clenching, ready to fight.
[88:38 - 88:41] Some say it's wrong, to us it feels right.
[88:41 - 88:43] Others get imagine to us it's life.
[88:43 - 88:46] Say I'm only trying to live, but these triggers get the best of me.
[88:46 - 88:49] Every day, yeah, the past keeps on me.
[88:49 - 88:51] It's on me, I ain't saying it ain't right.
[88:51 - 88:54] My mind's still at war, always ready to fight.
[88:54 - 88:57] Say I'm only trying to live, but these triggers get the best of me.
[88:57 - 88:59] Every day, yeah, the past keeps on me.
[88:59 - 89:01] It's on reality, some say it ain't right.
[89:01 - 89:04] My mind's still at war, always ready to fight.
[89:04 - 89:07] My mind's still at war, ready to fight.
[89:07 - 89:09] Triggers can have been more than day, noon and night.
[89:09 - 89:11] Triggers are memories coming back in.
[89:11 - 89:13] I'll haunt you, your only option is fight.
[89:13 - 89:15] Just like you talked to.
[89:15 - 89:17] Triggers are anniversary days when your friends died.
[89:17 - 89:20] Triggers can kill, they can make you take your own life.
[89:20 - 89:22] Even just a smell of a touch, I ain't lying.
[89:22 - 89:25] I'm speaking truth, yeah, y'all this ain't only rhyming.
[89:25 - 89:28] Even seeing people had a funeral crying.
[89:28 - 89:30] It can happen any time, seeing people dying.
[89:30 - 89:33] This day's lurking everywhere, always reminding.
[89:33 - 89:35] Y'all put a run on your log, but it's still fighting.
[89:35 - 89:37] The rules are fight, but never will I run.
[89:37 - 89:40] It's a life of a war fighter who feels nothing.
[89:40 - 89:43] We don't feel a thing, guess we feel nothing.
[89:43 - 89:45] Triggers can't with us, till death comes.
[89:45 - 89:48] Say I'm only trying to live, but these triggers get the best of me.
[89:48 - 89:51] Every day, yeah, the past keeps on me.
[89:51 - 89:53] It's on reality, some say it ain't right.
[89:53 - 89:56] My mind's still a war, it's ready to fight.
[89:56 - 89:59] Say I'm only trying to live, but these triggers get the best of me.
[89:59 - 90:01] Every day, yeah, the past keeps on me.
[90:01 - 90:03] It's on reality, some say it ain't right.
[90:03 - 90:06] My mind's still a war, it's ready to fight.
[90:06 - 90:10] Some other guys with PTSD, somebody startle something.
[90:10 - 90:13] It's like, hey, I'm having combat, I gotta go respond to this.
[90:13 - 90:16] Days last longer than it should.
[90:16 - 90:18] Imagine life on the ledge.
[90:18 - 90:20] Y'all can't if you fall down, not living for tomorrow.
[90:20 - 90:22] We're living for the right now.
[90:22 - 90:24] Tripping like a trampoline, living but it's all a smile.
[90:24 - 90:27] Fighting just to live again, trying hard to hold it down.
[90:27 - 90:30] They trained us for war, but not like after that.
[90:30 - 90:32] They trained us again, not had to deal with it.
[90:32 - 90:35] So what we feel is normal, I guess it's supposed to be.
[90:35 - 90:37] So keep me pretty to yourself and just let me be.
[90:37 - 90:40] We try to live good, though when heart bleeds.
[90:40 - 90:43] We want peace, so we wear our hearts on a sleeve.
[90:43 - 90:45] Try to live rapid, drinkers get the best of me.
[90:45 - 90:48] Cause it's really hard to forget history.
[90:48 - 90:51] Say I'm only trying to live, but these triggers get the best of me.
[90:51 - 90:53] Every day, yeah, the past keeps on me.
[90:53 - 90:55] It's all reality, so say it ain't right.