Original upload date: May 26th, 2022 (automatically grabbed from title)
[0:00 - 0:19] What is up? What is up? What is up you guys? How is everybody doing today? I hope you guys
[0:19 - 0:35] are doing good.
[0:35 - 1:07] [Silence]
[1:07 - 1:15] We're going to start this off right.
[1:15 - 1:33] [Silence]
[1:33 - 1:43] Something takes some time off me. Something else I never had seen.
[1:43 - 1:53] Not gonna always want to believe. Something's right they're taking from me.
[1:53 - 2:07] Not gonna always be messing with me. Can't they chill and let me be free? Can't they take away all this pain?
[2:07 - 2:31] I'm trying to ruin all this pain. Sometimes I cannot take this place. Sometimes it's my life I can't take. Sometimes I cannot feel my face. You'll never see me for a race.
[2:31 - 2:51] Something takes a part of me. You and I was meant to pay. You're a cheap fuck for me to lay. Something takes a part of me.
[2:51 - 3:20] Feeling like I have no release. How many times have I felt disease? Nothing in my life is free. Sometimes I cannot take this place. Sometimes it's my life I can't take.
[3:20 - 3:30] Sometimes I cannot feel my face. You'll never see me for a race.
[3:30 - 3:49] Something takes a part of me. You and I were meant to pay. You're a cheap fuck for me to lay. Something takes a part of me.
[3:49 - 3:59] You're a cheap fuck for me to lay.
[3:59 - 4:13] You're a cheap fuck for me to lay. You're a cheap fuck for me to lay.
[4:13 - 4:27] (Grunts)
[4:27 - 4:45] Something takes a part of me. You and I were meant to pay. You're a cheap fuck for me to lay. Something takes a part of me to lay.
[4:45 - 5:03] Something takes a part of me. You and I were meant to pay. You're a cheap fuck for me to lay. Something takes a part of me.
[5:03 - 5:21] Part of me. Part of me. Part of me.
[5:21 - 5:45] I'm a big fucker.
[5:45 - 6:13] All I gotta say is how the fuck is everybody doing today, man? How the fuck is everybody doing today, man?
[6:13 - 6:35] Where's my OP fans at, man? Where's my Linkin Park family at? Where's my OP family at, man? Where's my hybrid soldiers? Where you guys at?
[6:35 - 6:43] This one's for Chester.
[6:43 - 6:58] I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of discard, and cruel things, but I can help the fact that I want to see these scars. I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel, but I no matter what I do, I can't convince you just leave this real.
[6:58 - 7:21] So I will go watching you, turn you back. You always do this way, pretend that I'm not, but I'll get you all that I got. I can't fail, the way I did before. Don't turn your back on me, I won't be enough. I won't lose you anymore. Don't turn your back on me, I won't be enough.
[7:21 - 7:35] I am a little bit of insecure, little bit of unconfident. You don't understand to what I can, sometimes it don't make sense. I am what you never want to say, but I never had a doubt, but I don't matter what I do, I can convince you just to hear me out.
[7:35 - 7:44] So I will go watching you, turn you back. You always do this way, pretend that I'm not, but I'll get you all that I got.
[7:44 - 8:00] I can't fail, the way I did before. Don't turn your back on me, I won't be enough. I won't lose you anymore. Don't turn your back on me, I won't be enough.
[8:00 - 8:16] You're gonna listen to me longer than that, right now. You're gonna listen to me longer than that, right now.
[8:16 - 8:42] Don't turn your back on me, I won't be enough. I am a little bit more. Don't turn your back on me, I won't be enough. I won't lose you anymore. Don't turn your back on me, I won't be enough.
[8:42 - 8:54] I won't be enough. I won't lose you anymore. Don't turn your back on me, I won't be enough.
[9:03 - 9:23] We got one more song to do, and then after that I'm gonna sit down and talk to you guys for a minute.
[9:24 - 9:32] Hot dang it. Get you a chip that can do both. Doritos, flaming hot in the moon.
[9:32 - 9:39] We interrupt your telecast for emergency address.
[9:39 - 9:46] Oh, I got to say, right the fuck now, as where's my motherfucking BVB army at, man?
[9:46 - 10:02] The state looked out justice over the rebel known as the Prophet. Let this stand as a warning to every man, woman, and child tempted to follow in his path.
[10:02 - 10:11] Diversity of thought will not be tolerated. His reign of terror is today.
[10:11 - 10:16] Our truth is in all nature.
[10:16 - 10:29] Oh, oh, wake up. Oh, oh, wake up. Oh, we know a time or something from our lives.
[10:29 - 10:36] The world may kill the truth hidden in the lies.
[10:40 - 10:44] Standing on a stage, leaning out on you.
[10:44 - 10:51] Create a holy wall and send a pen to you.
[10:51 - 11:05] We're shining from the top of this building. Wait, don't let them turn away. We'll show them what they made. We'll be here with our hearts on pain.
[11:05 - 11:13] Wait, don't let you know today. Our hearts on their feet. We'll be here with our hearts on pain.
[11:13 - 11:21] Oh, oh, wake up. Oh, oh, wake up.
[11:21 - 11:26] We'll never die.
[11:26 - 11:29] Oh no, let's ruin our lives, by the way.
[11:29 - 11:35] Wait, don't let them turn away. We'll be here with our hearts on pain.
[11:35 - 11:47] Oh, oh, wake up. Oh, we know a time or something from our lives that we will never die.
[11:47 - 11:55] I will fight for you until the day I die.
[11:58 - 12:08] Shining from the top of this building. Wait, don't let them turn away. We'll show them what they made. We'll be here with our hearts on pain.
[12:08 - 12:16] Wait, don't let you know today. Our hearts on their feet. We'll be here with our hearts on pain.
[12:16 - 13:02] Wait, don't let them turn away. We'll show them what they made. We'll be here with our hearts on pain.
[13:02 - 13:18] Oh, oh, wake up. Oh, oh, wake up. Oh, oh, wake up.
[13:19 - 13:43] I don't know about you guys.
[13:43 - 13:58] But let me tell you right now, there's one thing I'm getting sick and tired of seeing every fucking day.
[13:58 - 14:14] I don't know about you guys, but there's one thing I'm really getting fucking tired of seeing every fucking day going on, both on the internet, outside of the internet, and every single fucking place on this earth.
[14:14 - 14:28] And that is the fact that people like myself get fucking bullied and pushed to suicide because of people that want to sit there and judge them for whatever fucking reason.
[14:28 - 14:39] I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of the suicide and I'm tired of the fucking bullying that goes on every fucking day.
[14:39 - 15:02] Y'all don't know just how much it fucking hurts me inside to see anybody being put through that shit. No one fucking deserves that at all, period.
[15:02 - 15:21] The legendary David Draymond from Disturbed said it best when he said these exact words, maybe if we started paying attention to how much alike we are, instead of how different we are, maybe this war that we've gotten involved in wouldn't be going on.
[15:21 - 15:45] Whether it be a physical war like our brothers in Ukraine, or whether it be the mental wars that we fight here at home, how we've battled depression and battled suicide and battled bad thoughts every fucking day of the week.
[15:45 - 15:56] I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of fucking seeing that shit. I'm tired of seeing the negativity. I'm tired of seeing the fucking bullying going on.
[15:56 - 16:20] So when I tell you guys that I say I need you guys to be alright, that is for a very important fucking reason. Because you guys, being okay, helped me to be okay. We helped each other. You guys helped me just as much as I helped you.
[16:20 - 16:35] And I can honestly say to those of you that have shown love to me, and have done what you can to help me, people like my brother C.I.A. Ho, and like my brother Nylar, who's currently live streaming right now, shout out to Nylar.
[16:35 - 16:45] Because of you guys, I get the chance to be okay. I get the chance to do what I love.
[16:45 - 16:57] And to my friends that pulled me away from suicide a couple years ago, and made me realize I don't need to do that.
[16:57 - 17:21] To my friends that saved my life and pulled me back from suicide. I want to say thank you. Because if you guys pull me back from that, I'm still standing. I'm still here. And now, I have a mission and a purpose, and I'm going to see that mission and that purpose to the very end.
[17:21 - 17:47] Because like the Spartan pledge says, my mission is to fight a mission to help my warfighter family.
[17:47 - 18:08] And whether you're in the military, or whether you're battling with depression, or suicide, you are all fucking warfighters, all the same. We are all warfighters all the same. We all have our own battles that we fight every fucking day.
[18:08 - 18:22] And for those that don't understand what it's like to go through those battles, and through that hell, let me show it to you.
[18:22 - 18:37] Give me two minutes. Go. We need a counselor. You know, you're going to have to watch your problems. Some people can never understand. It's the one side of the head.
[18:37 - 18:49] Lately I've been listening from the world in a quiet place. Please let me by my wire. Differently I can't embrace. From all the hurt and all the pain. Can you feel my rage? Going up is bullying. They consider me a better case.
[18:49 - 19:01] But things have changed. The past is done and over with. Why I keep on dwelling on it. Why my thoughts are cancerous. Why my best plan to die. God can you feel the emptiness. Why I'm missing agonizing on my left relationship.
[19:01 - 19:11] Maybe I'm a crumb. I'm taking shots. I'm seeing double. You can hear my song. One more reason I can never settle. I'm coming from the struggle. I can promise there ain't no more. I'm sorry for the trouble.
[19:11 - 19:25] But thoughts get really cute. Best believe I will be dead. I am out here saving lives. Sometimes I forget that my demons came to play. I'm barely hanging by a thread. Maybe I should pull this trigger and just lay my mind to rest.
[19:25 - 19:44] Yeah. I was standing in the middle of the therapy. And hanging on. I don't know if I can do this. When I rise what I fought. When I rise what I fought. I don't know anymore. Look at my reflection. The introverse is teeming. Wishing I was dreaming.
[19:44 - 19:54] When I rise what I fought. When I rise what I fought. I don't know anymore. I know you're not glamorous. I can see it in your eyes.
[19:54 - 20:01] You can't even say yourself. Your past's haunting you. So you go to rhyme a little. Thoughts are turning every. Not defending if it even helps.
[20:01 - 20:10] You quit the partying. Quit the drugs. Quit the reefer. And now you think it's problem solved. Cause you change the people. You wake your miserable. It's cause you're feeding off an evil.
[20:10 - 20:19] Take my hand tonight and knock the promise you'll be yours feasible. What about my family? I can leave them in a disarray. Give it time and then we'll both forget about you anyway.
[20:19 - 20:30] Know them mama fans in the impact I have made on them. Find another source. Do not worry. They will all admit it's better if you go. Do not act like you have any friends. Heaven don't exist. This is it.
[20:30 - 20:37] When you take my hand, voice can get louder. You can fight a business sign you will. Show me on the dog's eye through the drear desert.
[20:37 - 20:44] Lost in them yours. They just helped you. They been hanging on. I don't know if I can do this.
[20:44 - 20:50] When I rise, when I fall, when I rise, when I fall, I don't know anymore.
[20:50 - 20:56] Look at my reflection and diversity, man. Wish that I was dreaming.
[20:56 - 21:02] When I rise, when I fall, when I rise, when I fall, I don't know anymore.
[21:02 - 21:14] I feel like giving up, though. Some things I can't explain, though. I feel like giving up, though. What I can explain, though.
[21:14 - 21:26] When I rise, when I fall, when I rise, when I fall, I don't know anymore.
[21:26 - 21:49] [MUSIC]
[21:49 - 21:57] See, a lot of you guys that are in the chat talking shit right now about me or about whatever it is that I'm doing.
[21:57 - 22:04] Something that you guys don't fucking realize is what it's like to be in my shoes every day.
[22:04 - 22:10] You don't think I don't see the bullshit ass comments that you guys say about me?
[22:10 - 22:19] You don't think I don't see that shit? See, something that you guys don't realize is this, okay?
[22:19 - 22:27] Something that you guys don't fucking get is this. I don't give a fuck about your shitty comments.
[22:27 - 22:41] You know what I give a fuck about? I give a fuck about helping people like myself that have been through hell and back, the same fucking people that you guys cast aside or bully and pick on every day.
[22:41 - 22:51] They're the reason I do what I fucking do. And at the end of the day, if I can help even one motherfucker, then I'm doing my fucking job.
[22:51 - 23:02] I don't give a fuck about what you idiots have to say. You really think I give a fuck about a little bitch-ass troll that's running his mouth just like everyone else?
[23:02 - 23:13] You really think I give a fuck about the negative bullshit that you guys have to say about me? No, I don't give a fuck, and I never will.
[23:13 - 23:21] So honestly, you guys can take your bitchy-ass bullshit opinions and shove them up your goddamn ass.
[23:21 - 23:33] Because I don't give a fuck about negative opinions. I give a fuck about helping people, whether these are hanging out through my own music, through doing cover shows like I do.
[23:33 - 23:42] No matter what that thing may be, all I've ever given about is helping people. That's the only thing I've ever given a single fuck about.
[23:42 - 23:56] It's helping people. I don't care whether it's by hanging out with people, by doing songs that they can relate to, talking about shit that I go through in my personal life through my music, or whatever that thing may be.
[23:56 - 24:09] At the end of the day, all that fucking matters to me is being able to do what I love to do, and being able to help people in the process, and being able to show people that they're not alone in this fucking world.
[24:09 - 24:28] Because maybe if you don't fuck trolls, shut the fuck up, and set the fuck down and take a step back, you might fucking realize that a lot of the shit that goes on with these kids taking their own lives, you guys are the fucking reason for that shit.
[24:28 - 24:36] You're the reason why kids and young adults take their fucking lives every fucking day.
[24:36 - 24:53] And honestly, I don't know about you guys, but I'm sick of seeing the goddamn suicide. While you guys try to take lives, I'm out here trying to stop that shit. I'm out here trying to save lives. I'm out here trying to help people.
[24:53 - 25:03] And I don't give a fuck whether you like what I do or not. If you don't like what I do, then kick fucking rocks, and get the fuck out of here.
[25:03 - 25:17] Now if you do enjoy what I do, I say, keep fucking rocking. Keep being a badass.
[25:17 - 25:30] Because the only thing I give a fuck about is helping people like myself, and like the people that support me, that rely on my fucking music to get them through dark times.
[25:30 - 25:48] Yeah, I'll admit, my music may not be A1 with shit. It may not be first play, first stream type shit, but you know what? At least it's fucking real. At least it's fucking legit.
[25:48 - 25:58] At least I speak my fucking mind, instead of sounding like every other bitch ass rapper out there.
[25:58 - 26:06] At least my shit has substance to it. At least my music has a fucking message behind it.
[26:06 - 26:22] And I'm gonna continue to spread that message. I'm gonna continue to spread awareness about suicide, about bullying, about what it's like to be on the receiving end of your guys's fucking bullshit.
[26:22 - 26:33] And I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that's just the way it fucking is.
[26:33 - 26:56] And actually, no, none of my music I put out is ever fucking stolen. Check your fucking facts.
[26:56 - 27:07] And like I said, regardless of what you pussy ass trolls have to say, at the end of the day, your opinion don't mean shit to me.
[27:07 - 27:14] But what does mean something to me is seeing the fucking people that leave good comments.
[27:14 - 27:34] Yeah, they may be far and few in between, but you know what? Those good comments are what keep me going. Those messages that I get on Facebook every day from people saying how my music helps them, those are the things that I enjoy seeing. Those are the things that keep me going.
[27:34 - 27:40] And like I said, I'll be doing this shit until I'm dead in the fucking ground.
[27:40 - 27:50] I don't care whether I'm 80, 90 years old, until the day I die, I will die doing this shit. Okay.
[27:50 - 27:54] I will die on a live stream doing this shit.
[27:54 - 28:06] Because you want to know why? At least when I die, at least I can have something to look back on and say that I made a fucking difference.
[28:06 - 28:23] Question is, can you troll say that? Can you bitch ass trolls really sit there and look back on your life when you're on your deathbed? Will you be able to look back and say that you did something worth it?
[28:23 - 28:30] Because I don't think you will.
[28:30 - 28:49] At least when I look back on my life and my place on this earth and the legacy that I leave behind, at least I'll be able to sit there and say, hey, I helped somebody. I did something worthwhile.
[28:49 - 28:55] I helped somebody in my lifetime.
[28:55 - 29:09] I can look back proudly on my fucking life and say, yeah, I was that motherfucker that defied the odds. I was the guy that all y'all doubted.
[29:09 - 29:21] But yet I rose above that shit, did something with my life and put my selfishness aside and helped somebody like myself that really needed it.
[29:21 - 29:33] But you trolls, you'll never be able to say that shit. You'll never be able to look back on your life and say, hey, I helped somebody out. I did something good for somebody.
[29:33 - 29:50] I didn't attack anybody. I didn't bully anybody. You won't be able to look back and say that. The people like myself, CIA whole, my family, my friends, my family, they'll all be able to look back and say that.
[29:50 - 30:01] And honestly, I hold my messages of positivity and kindness and caring. I hope that shit spreads for generations.
[30:01 - 30:12] I hope to God that my message that I leave here on this earth today follows through a hundred years down the road from now when I'm dead and gone.
[30:12 - 30:24] Because at least then somebody will have something to look back on and hang on to when they're in that dark spot in their life.
[30:24 - 30:35] At least a hundred years down the road, people will be able to look back on my music and say, hey, this guy knows this guy knew what it was like to go through this.
[30:35 - 30:47] This guy was there. This guy was a guy that was bullied. This guy was somebody that got picked on and attacked every day for no reason.
[30:47 - 31:13] And I can honestly say that's a legacy that I'll be damn proud to leave behind.
[31:13 - 31:34] Now, this next song is going out to anybody out there that feels like they're fucking trapped and feels like they don't have a way out because of whatever it is that you may be going through, whatever it is that you may be going through.
[31:34 - 31:45] This for anybody out there going through something in their life right now and you feel like you can't escape it. This is for you.
[31:45 - 32:02] All the stupid lies and the stupid games left to fake and see in this picture frame, they're prisoner by my own hands.
[32:02 - 32:18] 'Cause if I can't help me, then no one can. I need to hear what I inflict, but I'll burn that bridge when I can't do it.
[32:18 - 32:47] They're stainless with a broken gun. They're fast, they stand with a sharp, spiteful tongue. So how do I apologize and put these tears back in your eyes with every canvas that I bring?
[32:47 - 32:56] It's a master's piece made of my mistake.
[32:56 - 33:19] My guns and zels like fortress stairs in a gallery where no laws lie bare. I antagonize my antique ways. True colors can't erase. No, no, no, I'm sorry.
[33:19 - 33:45] So how do I apologize and put these tears back in your eyes with every canvas that I bring? It's a master's piece made of my mistakes.
[33:45 - 34:13] It's a strength of my pain. It's set in all of lies. Burn. It's set in all of lies.
[34:13 - 34:34] So how do I apologize and put these tears back in your eyes with every canvas that I bring? It's a master's piece made of my mistakes.
[34:34 - 35:03] And in the light of my demise, I see my failures in your eyes with every canvas that I bring. It's a master's piece made of my mistakes.
[35:04 - 35:32] Thank you.
[35:32 - 35:58] I have something for you guys.
[35:58 - 36:21] All I'm going to say is this right here, and I'm not saying this for notoriety or whatever. I'm saying this being a genuine person and being a survivor of suicide myself, I genuinely care about everyone that is going through that.
[36:21 - 36:42] So that anybody out there right now that is thinking about taking their own life, and I'm not saying this to the trolls. I'm not saying this to be funny. I fucking mean this shit from the bottom of my goddamn heart, from the pit of my fucking stomach.
[36:42 - 36:58] So anybody out there right now that does feel like they're on the edge, that does feel like they want to end their life. For those of you out there that do feel like you want to take your own life right now, because of whatever it is that you're going through.
[36:58 - 37:14] I want you to know that you are not alone, and that you have someone here fighting for you, you have people like CIA whole, and my friends, and my fan base that have got your fucking back no matter what.
[37:14 - 37:23] And I'm sorry about whatever it is that put you in that position, but just know that this is not the end for you.
[37:23 - 37:33] This is not the end for you at all.
[37:33 - 37:58] And if you're going to do anything, just please, for this one song. Just one song is all I asked to please put down whatever it is that you're thinking about killing yourself with, whether it's a rope, a razor gun, whatever it is, put that down and just hear me out for a few minutes.
[37:58 - 38:10] Because I want to help. I want to help you to be okay. I want to help you get through whatever it is that you're fucking going through in your life.
[38:10 - 38:15] No matter what that thing may be I want to fucking help you through it.
[38:15 - 38:27] Because like I said, I know very well what it's like to be on the edge of suicide. I myself am a survivor of suicide two times over.
[38:27 - 38:31] So trust me I know all too well what that feeling is like.
[38:31 - 38:36] I know all too well what that feeling is like and it's not a fun feeling.
[38:36 - 38:45] I know what it's like to feel, to have the whole world against you. I know what it feels like to think that no one cares.
[38:45 - 38:51] And if that's you right now and you feel like no one cares, I want you to know that I care.
[38:51 - 38:58] I want you to know that I'm your friend. I'm somebody that you can reach out to, no matter what.
[38:58 - 39:08] I want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what that thing may be. And just know that we can get through this together.
[39:08 - 39:26] So for all you out there right now watching this across the world, if you are in that position, this song is me asking you to please don't end your life.
[39:26 - 40:45] It's not worth it.
[40:45 - 40:53] Deep down, we have been pushed aside.
[40:53 - 41:03] Within this hour, you don't die. Within this hour, around you, down to the vision of the push aside.
[41:03 - 41:11] You are the loneliest part of life. Within this hour, throw you down.
[41:17 - 41:23] So you don't die.
[41:23 - 41:33] I will show you a hint of redemption, a place where you can find your own.
[41:33 - 41:40] We will be tortured by the hatred, taking the laws we make in our home.
[41:44 - 41:48] We are the beaten down push aside.
[41:48 - 41:58] Within this hour, you don't die.
[41:58 - 42:07] We are the beaten down push aside.
[42:13 - 42:17] You don't die.
[42:17 - 42:27] Within these hours, so you don't die.
[42:27 - 42:34] We are the broken down, the beaten up push aside.
[42:34 - 42:38] You are the loneliest part of life.
[42:38 - 42:49] Within this hour, you don't die. Within this hour, around you, down to the beaten up push aside.
[42:49 - 42:52] You are the loneliest part of life.
[42:52 - 42:57] Within this hour, throw you down.
[42:57 - 43:03] You don't die.
[43:04 - 43:12] Within this hour, so you don't die.
[43:12 - 43:31] And that song is very true.
[43:31 - 44:05] It is very fucking true.
[44:27 - 44:31] And that song didn't work.
[44:31 - 44:34] I have so many that I am going to let.
[44:34 - 44:38] I have so many that I am going to let it speak right now.
[44:38 - 44:44] And I am going to let this, what you are about to hear, I am going to let it speak for itself.
[44:44 - 44:50] And what you are about to hear, this is my way of pleading for you.
[44:50 - 44:55] So please, don't take your life.
[44:55 - 45:01] So please, just sit through this and hear this man out.
[45:02 - 45:05] (knocking on door)
[45:06 - 45:09] (coughing)
[45:09 - 45:13] (screaming)
[45:13 - 45:16] (coughing)
[45:42 - 45:44] Please don't kill yourself.
[45:44 - 45:46] I am talking to you.
[45:46 - 45:48] And I don't pretend to know everything that you have been through.
[45:48 - 45:51] But if it is shame, you feel just know that I have been through.
[45:51 - 45:54] And if it is pain, you are feeling just know that that is something I went through.
[45:54 - 45:57] I don't know your story, but I know you and me are a lot alike.
[45:57 - 46:00] So let me talk to you for a minute while I got this mic.
[46:00 - 46:02] I was 18 when I pulled a gun out.
[46:02 - 46:05] At the time, it felt like my options had run out.
[46:05 - 46:08] So I put that barrel to my chest and I pulled the trigger halfway.
[46:08 - 46:11] I tried to muster up the courage to put myself away that day.
[46:11 - 46:14] But halfway into that trigger pull, I stopped.
[46:14 - 46:16] Tears flooded my eyes and that pistol dropped.
[46:16 - 46:18] And I sat in my room and I sobbed for an hour.
[46:18 - 46:21] On the outside, I was fine. On the inside, a coward.
[46:21 - 46:24] The noise of my depression, it got louder and louder.
[46:24 - 46:27] I had planned a way out in a baptism shower of gunpowder.
[46:27 - 46:30] I have been lied to just like you are being lied to now.
[46:30 - 46:32] Other people can't help you, but I might know how.
[46:32 - 46:35] Because I have walked in your shoes and I have been at my lowest.
[46:35 - 46:37] And if you don't know anything, know this.
[46:37 - 46:40] You might tell me you are going to kill yourself and you are close to this.
[46:40 - 46:43] But God wants to meet you in the middle of your hopelessness.
[46:43 - 46:46] God wants to give you a way out of these feelings of doubt.
[46:46 - 46:50] And the sounds of chaos might be reverberating around you like heavy metal.
[46:50 - 46:53] But confusion isn't from God, it's straight from the devil.
[46:53 - 46:56] And he wants to silence the noise and bring peace to you.
[46:56 - 46:58] And I promise if you just ask him, he'll see you through.
[46:58 - 47:01] You got to this place because you tried fighting your own fight.
[47:01 - 47:05] And where did that get you except contemplating about taking your own life?
[47:05 - 47:08] And if you got bullied at this point, I'm sorry you went through that.
[47:08 - 47:11] But God wants to take those words from your attackers and send them back.
[47:11 - 47:14] You don't have to be defined by what people said about you.
[47:14 - 47:16] Let me pick you up if you don't know how to.
[47:16 - 47:18] You are not alone man, you got a friend in me.
[47:18 - 47:21] You got better days ahead of you, I just pray you begin to see.
[47:21 - 47:24] Know that everything the devil did to you, he wants you to replay.
[47:24 - 47:27] But everything the devil took from you, God wants to replace.
[47:27 - 47:30] Listen to me right now and you better look me right in the face.
[47:30 - 47:32] You were created for more than to die in this place.
[47:32 - 47:35] Don't do it man, please don't take your life.
[47:35 - 47:37] Just take my hand and we'll make this right.
[47:37 - 47:39] I promise if you do this you'll regret it.
[47:39 - 47:41] You'll wake up in eternity and remember I said it.
[47:41 - 47:44] And you wish so bad you could just go back.
[47:44 - 47:46] I'm here with you right now, please just know that.
[47:46 - 47:49] And if you think you're alone in this fight, you've been lied to.
[47:49 - 47:52] That depression came after me and I nearly died too.
[47:52 - 47:55] I thought suicide was the only way and death was meant for me.
[47:55 - 47:58] The devil played his music and I sat front row through that symphony.
[47:58 - 48:00] I walked through the fire and I felt that heat.
[48:00 - 48:03] But I pushed past the clutter and I stood to my feet.
[48:03 - 48:05] I walked out and I refused to look back.
[48:05 - 48:08] I took my depression and threw it right back into that wood stack.
[48:08 - 48:11] That fire must have blazed 50 feet high.
[48:11 - 48:14] And now I plan on leaving a legacy to look back on some day when I died.
[48:14 - 48:17] And right now I'm telling you to stand up too.
[48:17 - 48:19] Deep down inside you know it's the right thing to do.
[48:19 - 48:22] Think about your family, think about you.
[48:22 - 48:24] Don't kill yourself, please don't do it.
[48:24 - 48:26] Whatever you're facing, God will see you through it.
[48:26 - 48:30] I had a fan kill himself and his mom asked if I could come see her.
[48:30 - 48:32] She was depressed and asked if I could leave her.
[48:32 - 48:34] Two weeks later the depression beat her.
[48:34 - 48:37] She ran into a telephone pole without a seatbelt and a two seater.
[48:37 - 48:40] And I wish right now I could crawl through these speakers
[48:40 - 48:43] and somehow convince you not to go the same route she did.
[48:43 - 48:46] I wish I could change the fact that you feel defeated.
[48:46 - 48:49] I wish I could lock my arms around you and tell the devil to beat it.
[48:49 - 48:53] But I can't reach everyone even though I do my best to try.
[48:53 - 48:56] Some people believe the lie that it's just best to die.
[48:56 - 48:58] And they think it's the simple way out.
[48:58 - 49:00] But they're not here to see the way things play out.
[49:00 - 49:03] They don't see the hurt they cause and the pain they leave.
[49:03 - 49:06] I take this seriously, this isn't a game to me.
[49:06 - 49:09] Even thinking about ending your life is living dangerously.
[49:09 - 49:11] So please just listen to my voice.
[49:11 - 49:13] Right now you have the choice.
[49:13 - 49:16] You can choose life or you can get drowned by the noise.
[49:16 - 49:17] Please don't do it.
[49:17 - 49:19] Please just ask for help.
[49:19 - 49:20] It's not for your family.
[49:20 - 49:22] Do it for yourself.
[49:23 - 49:47] [inaudible]
[50:05 - 50:09] And believe me when I say I know what it's like to be there.
[50:09 - 50:15] So I'm asking you right now to please don't end your life because it's not worth it.
[50:15 - 50:18] Ending your life is not worth it.
[50:18 - 50:24] These assholes that drag you down, they're not worth it.
[50:24 - 50:32] These assholes that bully you and talk shit on you, they're not worth you taking your life over.
[50:33 - 50:42] A couple of years ago, I tried to take my life twice because of all the shit that I've been through.
[50:42 - 50:45] And if you don't know my story, let me explain to you.
[50:45 - 51:01] A couple of years ago, I got bullied and I got entrapped into a troll that never should have happened from the very beginning.
[51:02 - 51:07] And let me tell you, every day since that, I've been attacked.
[51:07 - 51:09] My family has been attacked.
[51:09 - 51:11] My friends have been attacked.
[51:11 - 51:18] I lost my job as a professional music artist on a level that I was signed to.
[51:18 - 51:22] I lost the ability to get a regular job.
[51:22 - 51:30] And it got so bad to the point to where I felt like ending my own life was the only way out for me.
[51:31 - 51:38] Because everybody kept attacking me over and over and over and over every day, day in, day out, day in, day out.
[51:38 - 51:44] Non-stop, endlessly, every day I was attacked.
[51:47 - 52:10] But let me tell you something, when I tried to end my life that second time, and I failed, all I could do was sit there and follow my eyes out for three hours straight, wondering to myself, why me?
[52:10 - 52:17] Why do I have to be the one to get put through this? Why do I have to be the one to get attacked?
[52:17 - 52:21] Why do I have to be the one that everyone targets?
[52:21 - 52:29] Why do I have to be the one that everybody makes shitty videos about?
[52:29 - 52:33] Why do I have to be the one that everybody steals from?
[52:33 - 52:38] Why do I have to be the one that everybody takes everything away from?
[52:38 - 52:48] And in that moment when I was thinking about all that, I realized something.
[52:48 - 52:58] There was something I realized in that moment, and I haven't looked back since that moment.
[52:58 - 53:12] When I was sitting there replaying those thoughts in my head, I came to the realization that nobody knows my life the way that I do.
[53:16 - 53:26] I also came to the realization that all that shit that I've been through was for a purpose.
[53:26 - 53:45] You see, I got put through all that for a reason, so that I can help people like you, so that I can help people like myself who get bullied and harassed and beat down every fucking day of the week.
[53:45 - 53:54] So that I can look back and say, "Hey, I got you. I know what it's like to be there. I understand your pain. I understand your feeling."
[53:54 - 54:05] Was that a pain I went through necessary? Yes. Was it fun? No.
[54:05 - 54:14] Was all of it necessary? No. Is the bullying I go through every day worth it? No.
[54:15 - 54:17] It's really not.
[54:17 - 54:32] But believe me when I say this, I don't care who you are.
[54:33 - 54:52] Whether you're a troll, or whether you're a fan, whether you like my stuff, or whether you don't, or whether you're just some random person watching right now, I want you to know that suicide and bullying isn't a game to me.
[54:53 - 55:08] This is what I do is not a game to me. And I want every single one of you to be alright, because whether you hate me or don't, as long as you're okay, I'm okay.
[55:08 - 55:19] I need you guys to be okay so that I'm okay, because you guys being okay helps me to be okay and gives me a reason to keep fucking going.
[55:20 - 60:09] Thank you.
[60:09 - 60:17] Embrace the chaos.
[60:17 - 60:30] And like I said, I don't care whether you're bi, gay, straight, furry, whatever your preference is, every single one of you guys fucking means something to me.
[60:30 - 60:34] Let's go.
[60:34 - 60:38] Now the time begins to rise.
[60:38 - 60:40] Save your breath.
[60:40 - 60:43] It's far from over.
[60:43 - 60:47] Leave a lost and dead behind.
[60:47 - 60:52] Now's your chance to run for cover.
[60:52 - 60:56] I don't want to change the world.
[60:56 - 61:00] I just want to leave him cold.
[61:00 - 61:05] But I can feel the breeze.
[61:05 - 61:09] Take a path that leads to nowhere.
[61:09 - 61:14] I'm lost again.
[61:14 - 61:19] I'm not giving in.
[61:19 - 61:22] I will not break.
[61:22 - 61:26] I shot the world away.
[61:26 - 61:28] I will not fall.
[61:28 - 61:30] I will not fade.
[61:30 - 61:35] I will take it back away.
[61:35 - 61:45] Fall.
[61:45 - 61:53] Now the door is sinking over.
[61:53 - 61:57] Show me where I am forever.
[61:57 - 62:02] Take the fall and run to heaven.
[62:02 - 62:06] Hold it lost again.
[62:06 - 62:10] But I'm not giving in.
[62:10 - 62:12] I will not bow.
[62:12 - 62:14] I will not break.
[62:14 - 62:18] I will not shut the world away.
[62:18 - 62:21] I will not fall.
[62:21 - 62:23] I will not fade.
[62:23 - 62:27] I will take your breath away.
[62:27 - 62:30] It don't survive.
[62:30 - 62:32] Paranoid.
[62:32 - 62:36] I have lost the will to change.
[62:36 - 62:39] I'm not ground.
[62:39 - 62:41] Cold blood and faith.
[62:41 - 62:50] I will shut the world away.
[63:08 - 63:11] I will not bow.
[63:11 - 63:13] I will not break.
[63:13 - 63:17] I will shut the world away.
[63:17 - 63:19] I will not fall.
[63:19 - 63:21] I will not fade.
[63:21 - 63:25] I will take your breath away.
[63:25 - 63:28] It don't survive.
[63:28 - 63:30] Paranoid.
[63:30 - 63:34] I have lost the will to change.
[63:34 - 63:37] And I'm not proud.
[63:37 - 63:39] Cold blood and faith.
[63:39 - 63:44] I will shut the world away.
[63:44 - 64:31] No.
[64:31 - 64:57] Now this next song right here.
[64:57 - 65:22] I want to dedicate this song not only to my older brother who passed away from cancer back in 2015 but I want to dedicate this to anybody out there that knows somebody or has somebody or you yourself or going through some sort of cancer.
[65:22 - 65:36] This for anybody out there that has lost someone to cancer or knows somebody that is dealing with it right now whether it's a friend a family member no matter who it is this is for you guys.
[65:36 - 65:46] And for those of you that have lost somebody to cancer I want you to know that I'm sorry for your loss and then I know the feeling.
[65:47 - 66:08] No.
[66:08 - 66:15] good, for our uncle's sake and our freedom.
[66:15 - 66:23] Mom and Daddy dressed in black, a late phone and a day flight.
[66:23 - 66:29] And they lit the day and started praying.
[66:29 - 66:36] And he went out, twenty-one girls blazing.
[66:36 - 66:41] And that's one hell of an amen.
[66:41 - 66:46] It's the only way to go, find a good find.
[66:46 - 66:49] 'Til the good Lord calls you home.
[66:49 - 66:58] So be well, my friend, 'Til I see you again.
[66:58 - 67:19] Yeah, you just say it's all as good by the hell of an amen.
[67:19 - 67:25] Before I start this next one, before I start this next verse,
[67:25 - 67:37] I want every single buddy in the fucking chat right now to put #fuckcancer in the fucking comments right the fuck now.
[67:37 - 67:42] Not just for my older brother, but for yourselves and for those that have died from it,
[67:42 - 67:49] and for those that are currently fucking fighting it right now as we speak.
[67:49 - 68:09] 'Cause this one's for them. This for all those out there fighting the good fight right now.
[68:09 - 68:17] He says he ain't got it all. He just smiles and brings it on.
[68:17 - 68:23] And he thinks I'm scared. Yeah, he got me all wrong.
[68:23 - 68:30] Little kids, they can't break me. My heart's riding, I believe.
[68:30 - 68:36] We all hit our knees and started praying.
[68:36 - 68:43] Oh, he never gave a, said the good Lord's waiting.
[68:43 - 68:48] Last one, yeah, Lord, amen.
[68:48 - 68:57] It's the only way to go, find the good fight 'til the good Lord calls you home.
[68:57 - 69:06] So be well, my friend, 'til I see you again.
[69:06 - 69:16] This is our last goodbye. It's a hell of an amen.
[69:25 - 69:34] So be well, my friend, 'til I see you again.
[69:34 - 69:38] This is our last goodbye.
[69:38 - 69:44] It's a hell of an amen.
[69:44 - 69:52] Amen.
[69:53 - 70:02] It's a hell of an amen.
[70:03 - 70:28] [MUSIC]
[70:28 - 70:35] And I just want to say this right now, to anybody out there who is currently fighting cancer and you are watching this,
[70:35 - 70:42] all I have to say to you is this, keep fighting that fucking good fight and never give the fuck up.
[70:42 - 70:47] Don't you ever give up. Keep fighting.
[70:47 - 70:50] Because I know you got that warrior in you.
[70:50 - 70:56] You got to dig down, you got to drag that motherfucker out of you, and you got to fight.
[70:56 - 71:02] You got a family, you got friends, you got people that care about you.
[71:02 - 71:09] So if you are dealing with cancer right now, just know this.
[71:09 - 71:15] You have someone here.
[71:15 - 71:21] If you're bullied, you got someone here to talk to.
[71:21 - 71:29] If you're on the edge, you have someone here to reach out to and talk to.
[71:29 - 71:44] Because, yes, I may be a big name as far as YouTube goes, but at the end of the day, I'm no one special.
[71:44 - 71:56] I'm just a normal guy trying to make the world a better place and trying to help those that I can along the way.
[71:56 - 72:10] I'm just a normal guy that's trying to be there for everyone, trying to be there for those that have been or are in the same position that I've been in or am currently in.
[72:10 - 72:29] At the end of the day, I'm just a normal guy who just happens to do music that actually wants to help people through his music and wants to help people to be better, to spread more understanding and love and kindness and caring in this fucking world.
[72:29 - 72:33] And I'm never going to stop doing that.
[72:33 - 72:42] Ever, no matter what.
[72:42 - 72:52] And like I said, to those of you that are dealing with cancer or has somebody that is dealing with cancer, just know that my thoughts and my prayers are with you guys.
[72:52 - 73:02] And just know that you're stronger than you think.
[73:02 - 73:11] So keep fighting that good fight and don't ever give in no matter what.
[73:11 - 73:27] Whether you're going through cancer, whether you're being bullied or whether you're fighting depression and suicidal thoughts, don't ever give up. Don't ever settle in. Don't ever let that darkness take a hold of you.
[73:27 - 73:48] Don't ever stop fighting and don't you ever give up because you have myself, CIA whole and many other people that genuinely do care about human life and do want to see you guys get better and do want to see you guys succeed at whatever it is you want to do.
[73:48 - 73:58] So to the people that hate on myself and what I do, I say fuck you.
[73:58 - 74:15] To those that want to hate on people like me, I say this, kiss our asses and find somewhere else to go.
[74:15 - 74:31] And I say kiss our asses, meaning not only my ass, but the fans asses and all those that see that I'm a good person, you can kiss all of our asses.
[74:31 - 74:51] Just waiting back and down and we sure so ain't gonna stop fighting.
[74:51 - 75:03] No matter what you trolls and what you bullies say about me or about anyone that supports me.
[75:03 - 75:16] At the end of the day, I'm still gonna be doing my part in this world and helping people in any way that I fucking can.
[75:16 - 75:33] And like I said, to those that are, you know, fighting cancer themselves or somebody that, you know, has a friend or a family member that's dealing with cancer, just know this.
[75:33 - 75:42] Just know that my thoughts and my prayers are with you 110%.
[75:42 - 75:54] And just know that if you ever need anybody to talk to, you can ask my good friend, CIA whole from my discord and he will gladly send it to you.
[75:54 - 75:59] And that mean you can sit down and we can talk.
[75:59 - 76:09] And don't think you trolls are gonna do that either because I'm not gonna let them because I don't know whether it's a troll or it's real.
[76:09 - 76:16] But to those that really are going through all that shit, I want you to know that I'm sorry for anybody out there that's lost someone to cancer.
[76:16 - 76:21] I want you to know that I am sorry that you had to go through that.
[76:21 - 76:33] And I'm sorry because that was not fair to you, but it was also not fair to that person that lost their life.
[76:33 - 76:44] Because not only did you lose a friend or a family member, you lost somebody that was an amazing, beautiful soul.
[76:44 - 76:54] So for those of you that are fighting the cancer right now, for those of you that knows me, that's currently in the hospital fighting it.
[76:54 - 76:58] I want you to know that my prayers are always with you.
[76:58 - 77:02] You guys are always in my thoughts and prayers every day.
[77:02 - 77:05] Every night you guys are in my thoughts and prayers.
[77:05 - 77:11] And that's how it's going to continue to be.
[77:11 - 77:18] So that anybody out there fighting a good fight, keep on going. Don't ever give up.
[77:18 - 77:23] Keep moving forward. Be relentless.
[77:23 - 77:30] Be relentless. Never give up. Never back down and don't ever surrender.
[77:30 - 77:38] Keep fighting a good fight and keep being that fucking badass that I know you are.
[77:38 - 77:44] I love you guys and I'll see you later today for a coffee and chill stream.
[77:44 - 77:49] I love you guys and I hope you guys enjoyed this and I hope that you guys got something from this.
[77:49 - 77:58] I hope that I was able to help some of you in some way.
[77:58 - 78:04] Because like I said at the end of the day, all I care about is helping people.
[78:04 - 78:10] That's all I've ever cared about and that's all I do care about.
[78:10 - 78:23] Now on a side note, if you guys would like to pick up the official Studio 43, get racks, hoodies, and mugs, and t-shirts,
[78:23 - 78:28] you guys can head over to my shop at bonfire.com/studio43
[78:28 - 78:32] and if you guys can't find it, the link is on my YouTube channel.
[78:32 - 78:40] So please feel free to head on over, pick you up a mug, pick you up a shirt or a hoodie, and have a good time.
[78:40 - 78:48] But with that being said, I love you guys and I'll see you guys in the next stream, y'all.
[78:48 - 78:51] Much love, guys. Peace.
Transcribed by lolcow.city as id '2830' on August 19th, 2024
