2022-5-16 FINDING MYSELF

[0:00 - 0:22] Good morning everybody. Or should I say good evening?
[0:22 - 0:29] First off, I want to say what's up to all my people.
[0:29 - 0:52] My people, my fans that truly do support me. I want to say what's up you guys.
[0:52 - 1:03] You guys ever have one of those days where you just you feel like something's different.
[1:03 - 1:12] Where you feel like there's a change and you feel something different and today was
[1:12 - 1:27] that day. See from the moment I woke up today felt different and I didn't know why.
[1:27 - 1:34] And I don't know just today was it was a really weird day. It was really weird I couldn't
[1:34 - 1:41] explain it because things started happening that don't normally happen. I had a very
[1:41 - 1:46] good friend of mine that I hadn't seen in four years come over and hang out for the
[1:46 - 1:59] first time and then tonight the craziest thing happened. I had another friend of mine that
[1:59 - 2:13] I have not spoken to in years contact me out of nowhere and I'll be honest I was nervous
[2:13 - 2:21] to talk to that person. I was so nervous and so scared because I didn't know how they
[2:21 - 2:27] were going to react. I didn't know what they were going to say I didn't know what they
[2:27 - 2:38] were going to do. I was nervous. But let me tell you talking to that person tonight showed
[2:38 - 2:51] me more about myself than I've ever known. You know I always say that everything happens
[2:51 - 3:02] for a reason. Everything always happens for a reason. And today happened for a very specific
[3:02 - 3:07] reason and I didn't understand why at the beginning of the day but now I do. It was
[3:07 - 3:20] to show me that I can be a better person. It was to show me the path I need to take.
[3:20 - 3:32] And I'll admit all these lashing out and all these trolls that I did it wasn't okay.
[3:32 - 3:44] It was not okay. My mental health was garbage. My mental health was trash. And let me tell
[3:44 - 3:54] you talking to this person tonight man. Me and this person sat down and talked for two
[3:54 - 4:03] and a half hours straight. And let me tell you talking to this person all I could do
[4:03 - 4:14] was sit down and cry. Not out of being upset. Not out of anger. Not out of hurt. But out
[4:14 - 4:26] of being thankful for God bringing this person back into my life. Because this person that
[4:26 - 4:45] I got brought back into my life is something I needed more than ever. I needed to be shown
[4:45 - 4:54] so bad the better side of things. Which is why I can promise all of you guys, my fans,
[4:54 - 5:02] the people that enjoy what I do, I can promise you guys no more calling anybody out. No more
[5:02 - 5:15] responding to the bullshit. No more responding to negativeness. If someone wants to call
[5:15 - 5:32] me out or say some crap about me, let them. I will not respond to any negativity anymore.
[5:32 - 5:42] Because something I learned tonight that I was unaware of. And something that I need
[5:42 - 5:49] to make happen for myself and for my family and for my friendships all the way around
[5:49 - 5:55] is this. He taught me this tonight. And this is something that I'm going to utilize to
[5:55 - 6:04] the death of me. If I want to succeed, I cannot let these trolls break me. I cannot
[6:04 - 6:14] let these people get in my way of what I want to do with my life. See when I started this
[6:14 - 6:20] channel, I had the hopes of being able to help people through my music and through
[6:20 - 6:28] my story and through things that I want to do with my life. And somewhere in the midst
[6:28 - 6:36] of it all, I lost sight of that. Somewhere in the midst of all the chaos, I lost myself.
[6:36 - 6:42] But tonight I found myself. Tonight I found myself and I am back and I am better than
[6:42 - 6:51] ever. And I can promise this to all my real fans that support what I do. I want to say
[6:51 - 7:00] thank y'all for having my back. And to that person that finally taught me tonight after
[7:00 - 7:07] all these years, I would like to say thank you. Thank you for showing me what I need
[7:07 - 7:16] to do with myself. Thank you for showing me the light man. And more importantly, thank
[7:16 - 7:25] you for leading me back to God. Because like I told you, and I'm saying this to the person
[7:25 - 7:44] that helped me. Like I told you earlier, your friendship and your familyhood and your presence
[7:44 - 7:50] in my life means more to me than any amount of subscribers or any amount of money I can
[7:50 - 7:56] ever get. Because you were there for me when I was at my lowest. You were there for me
[7:56 - 8:02] when I wanted to give up and you taught me not to give up, to keep going, to keep fighting,
[8:02 - 8:09] to keep moving forward. And for you, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to swing
[8:09 - 8:14] for the fences. I'm going to get right with God again. And I'm going to make this channel
[8:14 - 8:20] a success, not just for you, not just for myself and my family, but for everybody that
[8:20 - 8:26] needs me. For everybody that looks up to me for guidance through my music and needs
[8:26 - 8:41] somebody there for them that understands their situation. I'm doing this for them. And this
[8:41 - 8:54] first song is going out to that person. And not just that. This song is not only my promise,
[8:54 - 9:02] my never ending oath to that person. This song is also my promise to God right here
[9:02 - 9:28] and now in front of everyone. Make credit. Make a deal with God. Give me just one more
[9:28 - 9:38] change. Just to make it right. Something so wrong. What's the time? Just slip away. I'm
[9:38 - 9:47] getting so wrong. But ain't nothing but another way of life. So no, the shot dies to so much
[9:47 - 10:02] wrong, but it ain't nothing but another way of life. The shot dies to so much wrong. I
[10:02 - 10:09] did my eyes in a trip back to the days I suffered relapse. I can see my mother's tears. I can
[10:09 - 10:18] see this wasted years. I can receive. For just I can accept the fee. This is a task
[10:18 - 10:25] for peace. This is the reason my mind is talking about. Don't never shine. Don't turn to shine.
[10:25 - 10:30] When God calls you, I'll respawn. Don't know if this will make change. Don't listen to
[10:30 - 10:37] my father's flame. They'll be wrenching your name. They'll tell this again. Cry out for
[10:37 - 10:43] peace to save the standard release send the bed then a dream no there's a time in the streets
[10:43 - 10:49] that i don't know in the sight don't you know there's no life you know just look at my life
[10:49 - 10:57] there's a regular right there's a deep disease there's a tear to my knees this is Jesus for me
[10:57 - 11:04] don't you be steaming for me i'm been writing so long right now nigga t in this song i give my life
[11:04 - 11:07] till i'm caught please won't forgive me then so wrong
[11:07 - 11:15] why did time just slip away i've been so wrong
[11:15 - 11:23] but in any one of the where life is only shot and i do so much wrong
[11:23 - 11:31] finding this memory the canvas i've been so wrong
[11:34 - 11:39] but in another one of the where life is only shot and i do so much wrong
[11:39 - 11:47] that that that that to you but don't see you here
[11:47 - 11:51] i know no place i can
[11:51 - 12:03] your friend tell the danger to trust that the tension you touch that there is so much
[12:03 - 12:09] to know that then you can't do that then you think that they don't accept it
[12:09 - 12:16] that his hand is a sign they're gonna help you provide it don't never allow it let them
[12:16 - 12:22] you provide it that they're just running running that doesn't understand that they tell me it's
[12:22 - 12:29] a man's that the drag world that they're many family and friends that just can't use a roof
[12:29 - 12:33] that they just very fit this boot so it's fit these people with truth
[12:33 - 12:41] they've been writing so long right now nigga t in this song i'll give my life till i'm gone
[12:41 - 12:51] please won't forgive me then so wrong watching time just slip away i've been so wrong
[12:54 - 12:59] but another but another way of life is shot shot and i do so much wrong
[12:59 - 13:07] finding this memories i can't erase i've been so wrong
[13:07 - 13:15] but another but another way of life is shot and i do so much wrong
[13:18 - 13:30] find some time just slip away i've been so wrong but another but another way of life is shot and
[13:30 - 13:39] i do so much wrong finding this memories i can't erase something so wrong
[13:39 - 13:47] but another but another way of life is shot and i do so much wrong
[13:47 - 13:58] until we're gone we're gone
[13:58 - 14:25] so
[14:46 - 14:49] tips away in her shoes also try as much old cookies
[14:49 - 15:09] with got to be metallics we'll just stand out i shine past our goal i decide
[15:09 - 15:14] to go to the next place we'll be back in a minute.
[15:14 - 15:42] No. Hello. So far so good thanks.
[15:42 - 15:55] I'm the guy you suggested doing yeah yeah yeah
[15:55 - 16:05] uh not right off hand dude but if i were thinking anymore i'd let you know for sure
[16:09 - 16:14] all right we'll do that sorry about that y'all
[16:14 - 16:26] but i do want to say one thing before i start this next song
[16:26 - 16:32] to everybody out there that truly did actually try to help me
[16:38 - 16:41] to everybody out there that has tried to help me over the years
[16:41 - 16:46] i want to say that i'm sorry for not listening to you guys
[16:49 - 17:11] i am truly sorry for not listening to you guys
[17:11 - 17:16] there we go
[17:18 - 17:22] but to everybody that did genuinely tried to help me with good advice
[17:22 - 17:28] and me not listening to them i want to say to you guys that i'm sorry for not listening
[17:28 - 17:34] like i said my mind was not in a very good state when i was making those choices
[17:34 - 17:44] but now that i have a clear path on what to do i can promise you guys things are going to be
[17:44 - 17:51] changing things are going to be changing for the better you're going to see a better version of me
[17:51 - 17:58] and for those of you out there that might be in the situation that i'm in right now
[17:58 - 18:04] for those of you that are going through what i'm going through or something that i have been
[18:04 - 18:12] through let me extend my hand to you to help you out because you don't have to fight this fight
[18:12 - 18:16] alone
[18:16 - 18:32] just give your powers to me and to god and to all your fellow fans of me and we got you
[18:33 - 20:36] you
[20:36 - 21:04] the more you fall for it the more stars the sack
[21:04 - 21:11] the more you fall for it is ever gonna cry
[21:11 - 21:17] you'd have been good i should have found down i couldn't let go what could i do i could
[21:17 - 21:24] take all the way the feeling thank you for the pain and start the healing i should have
[21:24 - 21:31] withstood i should have found down i couldn't get through what could i do i can bring apart
[21:31 - 21:36] the pain sit really bring apart the pain and start the healing
[21:36 - 21:49] bring apart the pain and start the healing
[21:49 - 21:59] and i want you guys to know
[22:00 - 22:03] whatever you guys are going through you can get through it
[22:03 - 22:18] no matter what it is there's always a way out suicide and depression and giving into the hatred
[22:18 - 22:23] that's not the answer
[22:23 - 22:28] that is never the answer
[22:28 - 22:47] so if you are going through something right now i want you to know to keep fucking fighting
[22:47 - 22:51] never give up never give in
[22:51 - 23:04] don't let this pain destroy you like it almost destroyed me
[23:04 - 23:14] i almost got destroyed by the pain i almost got destroyed by the darkness
[23:14 - 23:19] don't let it do the same thing to you that it almost did to me
[23:19 - 23:28] because if you settle
[23:28 - 23:39] and you let that darkness sink in the outcome is not going to be pretty
[23:39 - 23:45] i can promise you that the outcome is not going to be one that you like or want
[23:45 - 23:52] you can do it.
[23:52 - 23:58] So
[23:58 - 24:18] so
[24:38 - 24:47] and i hope that those of you watching
[24:47 - 24:54] know that i am very serious about this change
[24:54 - 24:58] and that this kind of positive energy is what i'm going to keep on this channel
[25:06 - 25:15] me they may day the ship is slowly sinking they think i'm crazy but they don't know the feeling
[25:15 - 25:27] they're all around me circling like vultures they want to break me and wash away my colors
[25:27 - 25:37] wash away my colors take me i don't sing oh you make everything okay okay okay
[25:37 - 25:49] okay okay we are one and the same oh you take all of the pain away away
[25:52 - 25:57] save me if i'll become my teammates
[25:57 - 26:11] i cannot stop this sickness taking over it takes control and drags me into nowhere
[26:11 - 26:22] i need your help i can't fight this forever i know you're watching i can feel you out
[26:22 - 26:30] take me i don't sing oh you make everything okay okay okay
[26:30 - 26:41] we are one and the same oh you take all the pain away away
[26:44 - 27:01] save me if i'll become my teammates take me over the ones below fly forever don't let me go
[27:02 - 27:13] i need a savior to heal my pain when i become my worst enemy the enemy
[27:13 - 27:29] all right all right all right y'all fans pass man on the next one for you guys
[27:29 - 27:41] i want every one of you right now if you are a true fan
[27:41 - 27:52] being trapped in that same spot that you've been in in that same negative outburst
[27:53 - 28:01] filth and toxic waste that you've been in if you're sick of being there i want you guys in
[28:01 - 28:09] the comments to put that you're sick of it sick and sick and sick and sick of it
[28:10 - 28:25] every sick every sick every single bad when everything you do don't see no matter is none
[28:25 - 28:33] of this so use the world is getting blacker that we have you fail has no answers every empty
[28:33 - 28:43] promise made is a reminder no one can make this better take control it's now or never are you
[28:43 - 29:10] sick of that raise your hands get rid of that well there's a fine mean chance are you over it
[29:10 - 29:17] every single day i chase my own tail like right inside of me just gotta get gotta get
[29:17 - 29:25] get away i'm running out of time for me to make this i feel the feeling like i'm never gonna make
[29:25 - 29:35] this no one can make this better take control this now or never are you sick of that raise your
[29:35 - 29:43] hands get rid of that well there's no finding chance are you put to death over death are you
[29:43 - 29:52] and enough regret take a stand raise your hands if you're sick of it if you're sick of it if you're
[29:52 - 30:05] sick of it if you're sick if you're sick of it
[30:06 - 30:25] the portament if you're sick if you're sick of it raise your hands if you're sick if you're sick
[30:25 - 30:35] of it raise your hands get rid of that well there's a fine mean chance are you over it put to death
[30:35 - 30:43] have you and enough regret take a stand raise your hands if you're sick of it you say if you're sick
[30:43 - 30:51] if you're sick of it if you're sick if you're sick of it no i read put to death have you
[30:51 - 30:59] had enough regret take a stand raise your hands if you're sick if you're sick if you're sick
[30:59 - 31:26] sick of it if you're sick if you're sick if you're sick of it if you're sick if you're sick of it
[31:26 - 32:10] so
[32:10 - 32:21] and then everybody out there
[32:21 - 32:30] before i start this song
[32:31 - 32:38] everybody out there
[32:38 - 32:45] that is watching this right now that has ever attacked me or trolled me
[32:45 - 32:49] i just want you to know that every night when i go to sleep
[32:49 - 32:57] i pray for you guys i pray for you guys to find the light like i did i pray for you guys
[33:00 - 33:02] so hopefully one day not be this way anymore
[33:02 - 33:13] so god if you can hear me right now i want you to please guide these lost souls
[33:13 - 33:18] these people that troll i hope that you can guide them to the light just as you did me
[33:18 - 33:27] and just as you did my friends and those that rock with me and those that support me i hope
[33:27 - 33:31] that you can guide these lost souls to the light just as you did me
[33:31 - 33:40] and for those that are finding the light and for those that are finding the path and for those
[33:40 - 33:47] that are fighting back against the negativity like i'm doing right now you guys are fucking
[33:47 - 33:58] legendary you guys are fucking legends in my book and i will never go away you are all fucking
[33:58 - 34:08] legends so let's push back to darkness and get into a better mindset and say fuck suicide
[34:10 - 34:18] fuck the hatred and fuck the negativity
[34:18 - 34:23] there's in there's not crying the words unspoken
[34:23 - 34:46] when ashes fall legends rise we burn it out a mile wide when ashes fall legends rise
[34:46 - 34:56] things are tired but Jesus working through the lies the things that they did the things that died
[34:56 - 35:05] the wars that fought the things that brought me to see burning in town was burning high
[35:05 - 35:15] when ashes fall legends rise we burn it out a mile wide when ashes fall
[35:16 - 35:37] legends rise
[35:37 - 37:30] you