2022-4-18 half dead almost alive

[0:00 - 0:10] Are you guys ready?
[0:10 - 1:01] (Music)
[1:01 - 1:15] How will they go away? Can't dig in hell no more. This is the only way. I will still be gone.
[1:15 - 1:38] These feelings will be gone. These feelings will be gone. Now I see the times they've changed. Leaving doesn't seem so strange. I'm hoping I can find where to leave my heart behind.
[1:38 - 1:51] All the sheen I seem to take. All alone I seem to break. I live the best I can. Doesn't make me not a man.
[1:51 - 2:16] The hour I'm ready. I stop. I stand alone. Can't dig in hell no more. This is the only way.
[2:16 - 2:44] Can't dig in hell no more. This is the only way. I will still be gone. These feelings will be gone. These feelings will be gone. Now I see the times they've changed. Leaving doesn't seem so strange.
[2:44 - 3:03] I'm hoping I can find where to leave my heart behind. All the sheen I seem to take. All alone I seem to break. I live the best I can. Doesn't make me not a man.
[3:03 - 3:25] What is it I'm running from? Is there nothing more to come?
[3:25 - 3:37] What is the new in this race? Is there like going to win this race?
[3:37 - 3:55] Will it all depend on the sky? What is it that I've become? What is anything more to come? More to come.
[3:55 - 4:17] Now I see the times they've changed. Leaving doesn't seem so strange. I'm hoping I can find where to leave my heart behind. All the sheen I seem to take. All alone I seem to break. I live the best I can.
[4:17 - 4:45] Doesn't make me not a man. All the sheen I seem to change. Leaving doesn't seem so strange. I'm hoping I can find where to leave my heart behind. All the sheen I seem to take. All alone I seem to break. I live the best I can. Doesn't make me not a man.
[4:46 - 5:27] I'm hoping I can find where to leave my heart behind.
[5:27 - 5:45] For life's better.
[5:46 - 6:21] I'm hoping I can find where to leave my heart behind.
[6:21 - 6:39] It's my disgrace. Suck in my head again. Feels like I'll never leave this place. There's no escape. My own worst enemy. I'll keep it.
[6:39 - 7:00] I think I'm going to be away. Even though the new gun sign. Take this ball away. Because I'm advocating. Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me.
[7:00 - 7:18] I don't know what to take. Thought I was focused but I'm scared. I'm not prepared. I'm prepared away. Looking for help somehow somewhere. And no one cares.
[7:18 - 7:46] I'm my own worst enemy. I'll keep it. I think I'm going to be away. Even though the new gun sign. Take this ball away. Because I'm advocating. Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me.
[7:46 - 8:15] God, put me out of my misery. Put me out of my misery. Put me out of my, put me out of my misery.
[8:15 - 8:34] [SCREAMING]
[8:34 - 8:59] I'm going to be away. Even though the new gun sign. Take this ball away. Because I'm advocating. Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me.
[8:59 - 9:24] [SCREAMING]
[9:24 - 17:16] [MUSIC PLAYING]
[17:16 - 17:37] How the fuck is everybody doing this morning, man? How the fuck is everybody today, man? I hope you guys are doing good. Shout out to Seren.
[17:37 - 17:50] Shout out to all the real ones that do truly support me, man.
[17:50 - 18:02] I want to tell you right now, you guys think that you know who I am. Just by what you see on the internet, you guys think that you know who I am.
[18:02 - 18:09] But let me tell you, there's one person in here that knows me better than any one of you guys.
[18:09 - 18:17] And that person just happens to be my motherfucking Maude and a close friend of mine, Seren.
[18:17 - 18:29] She could tell you guys for a fact and will tell you for a fact that I'm not the way that you trolls make me out to be.
[18:29 - 18:34] I'm not that evil person that you guys make me out to be.
[18:34 - 18:55] You can ask her yourself, she'll tell you.
[18:55 - 19:02] Because Seren has seen me at my best and Seren has seen me at my worst.
[19:02 - 19:20] Hell, she's seen me broken down to where I wanted to take my own fucking life.
[19:20 - 19:49] So, to whatever you guys think of me as being evil, well, let me tell you right now, that perception that you have of me is very wrong.
[19:49 - 20:18] All of the stupid lies and the stupid games they can make and see in this big child frame.
[20:18 - 20:30] A prisoner by my own hands, 'cause if I can't have me then no one can.
[20:30 - 20:40] To hear what I can't flick, but I'll burn that bridge when I can't do it.
[20:40 - 20:53] As I play roulette with a broken gun, I confess these sins with a sharp spiteful tongue.
[20:53 - 21:18] A minor I apologize and put the tears back in your eyes when every canvas that I paint is a masterpiece made of my mistakes.
[21:18 - 21:29] How lies and guilt my poor dread stares in a gallery where the walls are bare.
[21:29 - 21:53] The mountain eyes, my antique waist, true colors can't escape. Brush your bite, don't do I apologize and put these tears back in your eyes.
[21:53 - 22:11] The lemon canvas that I paint is a masterpiece made of my mistakes.
[22:11 - 22:36] All of lies, burn, burn, and all of lies.
[22:36 - 22:58] How I do, I apologize and put these tears back in your eyes when every canvas that I paint is a masterpiece made of my mistakes.
[22:58 - 23:08] The mountain eyes my demise, I see the failures in your eyes.
[23:08 - 23:23] Every canvas that I paint is a masterpiece made of my mistakes.
[23:23 - 23:52] How I do, I apologize and put these tears back in your eyes when every canvas that I paint is a masterpiece.
[23:52 - 24:20] How I do, I apologize and put these tears back in your eyes when every canvas that I paint is a masterpiece made of my mistakes.
[24:20 - 24:36] Then I paint, then I need you, but never enough, and I'm broken and bleeding, but never came off.
[24:36 - 25:03] Then I paint, then I need you, the end of me. The day that you're on was the casual day. No, I hate that I need you.
[25:03 - 25:14] I'm leaving you alone, like no son of fate, though an instant can't close, could not play your pain.
[25:14 - 25:25] But I can tell through time, I can still see your ghost, but I can't close my eyes for a stare.
[25:25 - 25:41] You have made the matter on me, the mind, then I need you, but never enough, then you have been bleeding, but never came off.
[25:41 - 25:58] I hope that I see through your memory, if we yet go through time in this mess of time, I hate that I need you.
[25:58 - 26:09] You will now, when you said it hurts, but it had to fall, fall apart to work.
[26:09 - 26:21] I see you now, in what's left of me, it's too late to be, be, and not say.
[26:21 - 26:40] I had nothing new that means you were never enough, then you fell, then they're bleeding, in the name of love, and I hope that we meet in another life.
[26:40 - 27:04] I hope that we meet in another life, then I need you, then I need you.
[27:05 - 28:22] [silence]
[28:22 - 28:45] I can't remember anything at all, I've been turning it all around, I'm sorry, oh so sorry, this is what I have become.
[28:45 - 28:57] Wish I may, wish I might, wish someone else tonight, sometimes I wish I was never born at all.
[28:57 - 29:22] And I'll try to save the world, 'cause Cindy and I know, I'm the chosen one, I'm the chosen one.
[29:22 - 29:45] I can't remember what I used to be, something's turning me upside down, you made me, didn't I love you, but I can't change the things I've done, I'm the chosen one.
[29:45 - 29:57] Wish I may, wish I might, wish someone else tonight, sometimes I wish I was never born at all.
[29:57 - 30:17] And I'll try to save the world, 'cause Cindy and I know, I'm the chosen one, I'm the chosen one.
[30:17 - 35:02] [silence]
[35:02 - 35:21] Ooh, okay, okay, I got you.
[35:21 - 35:33] That's actually a good one to add to this song about how I feel inside, so that's a perfect one.
[35:33 - 35:45] Shout out to Bad Wolves on this one, man.
[35:45 - 36:09] [singing]
[36:09 - 36:21] You see, it's not me, it's not my family. In your head, in your head, they are fighting.
[36:21 - 36:37] With their tanks in their bombs, in their bombs, in their drones, in your head, in your head, they are crying.
[36:37 - 36:43] What's in your head, in your head?
[36:43 - 36:49] Zombie, zombie, zombie, hey, hey.
[36:49 - 36:55] What's in your head, in your head?
[36:55 - 37:04] Zombie, zombie, zombie, hey, hey, yo.
[37:04 - 37:15] No, no, no, no, this blanket child is lurking over.
[37:15 - 37:27] When the violence causes silence, we must be mistaken.
[37:27 - 37:39] [singing]
[37:39 - 37:51] With their tanks in their bombs, in their guns, in their drones, in your head, in your head, they are dying.
[37:51 - 38:03] What's in your head, in your head? Zombie, zombie, zombie, hey, hey.
[38:03 - 38:18] What's in your head, in your head? Zombie, zombie, zombie, hey, hey, yo.
[38:18 - 38:36] [singing]
[38:36 - 38:53] The same old thing in 2018, in your head, in your head, they are dying.
[38:53 - 39:05] What's in your head, in your head? Zombie, zombie, zombie, hey, hey.
[39:05 - 39:19] What's in your head, in your head? Zombie, zombie, zombie, hey, hey, hey.
[39:19 - 39:31] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
[39:31 - 39:59] [singing]
[39:59 - 40:09] That's the first thing I said the day that music died, that's one of them.
[40:09 - 40:23] But the day that music truly died is the day that we lost one of the best motherfucking vocalists on the face of this earth.
[40:23 - 40:34] The day that music died is the day that Chester Bennington passed away.
[40:34 - 41:00] The day that Chester died is the day that music died along with it.
[41:00 - 41:17] I think a lot of people will agree with me when I say this, that there will never, ever be another vocalist on the face of this earth like Chester ever again.
[41:18 - 41:46] [silence]
[41:46 - 42:04] You know, a lot of people say they know me through comments and through videos that they see of me lashing out at people.
[42:04 - 42:16] People say they know me because of what's been posted on the internet, on sites like Kiwi Farms and what other people have posted about me.
[42:16 - 42:29] But the truth is, those people don't really know me.
[42:29 - 42:40] Those people really don't know me like they think they do, or like they like to think that they do.
[42:40 - 43:02] You see, I don't have an off switch when it comes to doing what I do. I have no off switch. The off switch I have for going as hard as I can for doing what I love to do, that off switch does not exist for me.
[43:02 - 43:24] I don't know how to hold back what I do.
[43:24 - 43:53] Hold on guys, see if somebody's at the front door.
[43:53 - 53:40] [silence]
[53:40 - 53:44] See, you guys can attack me all you want.
[53:44 - 53:47] Put out DVDs of me all you want.
[53:47 - 53:51] I don't care.
[53:51 - 53:54] I really do not fucking care.
[53:54 - 54:10] [silence]
[54:10 - 54:18] Matter of fact, let me show you what I'm really about when it comes to you guys.
[54:18 - 54:49] [phone ringing]
[54:49 - 54:53] Hey Ronnie, let me ask you something, man.
[54:53 - 54:57] What do you think you're gaining by fucking with me, huh?
[54:57 - 55:01] What do you really think you're gaining?
[55:01 - 55:08] Because I'm saying, man, you know what I see when I look at you and when I hear your voice?
[55:08 - 55:13] I don't see it here, see it or hear a badass motherfucker.
[55:13 - 55:19] I see a coward hiding behind his own fear, behind his own guilt,
[55:19 - 55:25] behind the fact that he hasn't got the fucking balls to do what I fucking do.
[55:25 - 55:34] All I see when I look at you is a pitiful piece of trash fucking coward.
[55:34 - 55:39] That's all I see when I look at you, man, is a coward.
[55:39 - 55:43] Somebody who can't handle his own insecurities
[55:43 - 55:49] so you lash out at people like me to make yourself feel better.
[55:49 - 55:53] Oh, let me tell you, Ronnie, you fucked with the wrong one
[55:53 - 55:57] because you could do whatever you want to do to me, but I will not stop.
[55:57 - 56:00] I will continue to give back of the fucking fight.
[56:00 - 56:04] So go ahead, take your best shot.
[56:04 - 56:11] It won't work because you will fail.
[56:11 - 56:15] Because the only man who can stop me is myself.
[56:15 - 56:36] Not you, not any of your little friends, nobody but myself.
[56:36 - 56:40] And I stand behind every word of what I said to that man.
[56:40 - 56:46] And every word I said to that man just now is what I say to all you trolls.
[56:46 - 56:53] The only man who can stop me from succeeding is myself.
[56:53 - 57:06] I know that I've got real fans out there that give a fuck.
[57:06 - 57:12] All right, sir. Be safe.
[57:12 - 57:17] No, I got to send all you fucking trolls.
[57:17 - 57:29] You think that you can just waltz in and take whatever you want, but you can't.
[57:29 - 57:33] Because like I said, you can knock me down as many times as you fucking want.
[57:33 - 57:42] But every fucking time I'm going to get right back up and I'm going to keep fighting because that's all I know how to do is fight.
[57:42 - 57:54] That is all I know how to do is fight and win and overcome.
[57:54 - 58:10] So say whatever you want, do whatever you want.
[58:10 - 58:30] But the fact still remains that I'm going to keep fighting until I get what I came for, which is my success for my family and my friends.
[58:30 - 58:40] So say whatever you want, do whatever you want. I don't fucking care.
[58:40 - 58:55] I'm doing this for me, for my friends, for my family, and most importantly, I'm doing this for the people that you cast aside and that you labeled as nobodies.
[58:55 - 59:10] So say what you want about me and do what you will, but that's not going to change the fact that I'm on my way to success and I'm going to be successful with the rest of my fucking life.
[59:10 - 59:21] So hate if you want to, but that's not going to change who I am or how I am because I'm not changing for anybody like it or not.
[59:21 - 59:31] I mean, I don't plan on changing.
[59:31 - 59:40] But to all the fans out there that do genuinely appreciate my work, I just want to take the time to say thank you, man. You guys are awesome.
[59:40 - 59:48] And I fucking love every single one of you guys.
[59:48 - 60:11] For those that are genuinely true fans and not being fake, I appreciate you. And I want to say thank you for giving me the chance to be the voice for you guys and to speak up on behalf of people like you guys and myself that get bullied every day.
[60:11 - 60:19] And I just want those of you that are in the position that I've been in in the past.
[60:19 - 60:27] Just know that it's going to be all right and things will get better.
[60:27 - 60:39] I can promise you that things will get better because you have other fans that are fans of my work that you can reach out to and talk to.
[60:39 - 60:47] And just know that my doors are always open to those that do genuinely need the help.
[60:47 - 61:02] So I hope you guys have a good day and I hope that this motivated you guys to be better than you were yesterday and to be a good person and to do what you need to do to get through whatever it is, whatever kind of bullshit it is that you're going through.
[61:02 - 61:11] And that your life is worth something because you are awesome, you are beautiful, you are amazing, you are talented, and you are gifted.
[61:11 - 61:14] So keep fighting and keep pushing forward.
[61:14 - 61:17] Be relentless.
[61:17 - 61:19] Never stop.
[61:19 - 61:23] Never keep pushing and never stop fighting.
[61:23 - 61:26] Because things will get better.
[61:26 - 61:30] I can promise you that.
[61:30 - 61:32] Peace.