2022-2-16 ROAD TO RECOVERY

[0:00 - 0:02] What's up everybody?
[0:02 - 0:09] This stream is
[0:09 - 0:17] Probably one of the most important streams I'm ever gonna make it ever period
[0:17 - 0:25] As you guys know a couple years ago, I got drug into
[0:25 - 0:28] the troll community
[0:29 - 0:31] And over time the lost sense of who
[0:31 - 0:36] I lost sense of who I was as a person
[0:36 - 0:40] I almost lost myself
[0:40 - 0:46] I was on the road to a very destructive ending
[0:46 - 0:58] It almost cost me to have permanent PTSD almost irreversible PTSD
[0:59 - 1:01] Because of everything that I had gotten put through
[1:01 - 1:10] But I want to do this show not only to tell my story about what it's like to go through that
[1:10 - 1:18] But also to say thank you to my wonderful fucking support team
[1:18 - 1:25] Everybody from Adrian
[1:27 - 1:33] My brother Matt my best friend Michael charity my brother from across the pond adding
[1:33 - 1:37] My best friend Ellie and her mom
[1:37 - 1:45] I want to say thank you to all you guys for having my fucking back and being there for me when I need you guys
[1:45 - 1:49] I want to say thank you because you guys are fucking awesome
[1:49 - 1:53] And I can't thank you guys enough for doing what you guys have done for me
[1:55 - 2:00] Like I appreciate every single fucking second of what you guys have done for me
[2:00 - 2:07] So this show is not only
[2:07 - 2:09] for myself
[2:09 - 2:12] And for those like myself just going out to them as well
[2:12 - 2:16] And hopefully by the end of it you guys will understand what it's like to be
[2:16 - 2:21] Not necessarily a soldier facing a battle
[2:21 - 2:24] But as someone facing a mental battle here at home
[2:24 - 2:26] I
[2:26 - 2:34] Also, I want to give a new shout out
[2:34 - 2:41] To soldier hard and wreck on the music group on this entire thing. So let's go
[2:41 - 2:53] You got this
[2:53 - 2:55] You
[2:55 - 2:57] Know
[2:57 - 2:59] I
[2:59 - 3:01] Know
[3:01 - 3:03] I
[3:03 - 3:05] Know
[3:05 - 3:07] I see you
[3:07 - 3:09] When I see myself
[3:09 - 3:11] You
[3:11 - 3:13] Know
[3:13 - 3:15] Broken in this door
[3:15 - 3:17] You
[3:17 - 3:19] Know
[3:19 - 3:21] You
[3:21 - 3:23] Know
[3:23 - 5:39] You
[5:39 - 5:54] I don't want you around anymore, I'm crossing you out like tic-tac-toe. I'm writing you this letter just to let you know, this moment in time, I gotta let you know. I really don't want you around anymore, I'm crossing you out like tic-tac-toe.
[5:54 - 6:21] [music]
[6:21 - 6:36] My triggers, try to expect my own high point and soar so it walks up on you, so we start again. So we have to sit right back there, at the tiles of the rising country, at the firefight, and go into that fire frame load.
[6:36 - 6:47] Sometimes held good, at times all night, and you take control of how I pull a pie, tryna block damn memories, cause yeah I got a lot, I'm talking 'bout triggers, yeah I wish it would stop me.
[6:47 - 7:12] It's my pretty smoke, I'm inviting my friends, I hear a loud sound, it's an I.T. bank, it's a gun fight, I let the cops up, thank you to the enemy, shooting bullets, got no mission, I'm just a chill shot, so you still touch me, heavy B in my soul fighting the hygiene, but you can't stop me, that's just how it is, you tell me you pull around me to my new face, it is what it is, cause it's my new life, my fist so split you in.
[7:12 - 7:41] I'm fighting, it's how it's felt, it feels right, others can't imagine to us, it's a, yeah I'm only trying to live, but the triggers get the best of me, every day, yeah the past keeps on real, cause all reality is the same, it ain't right, my soul war is ready to fight, each time you tryna live, but the triggers get the best of me, every day, yeah the past keeps on real, it's all reality, it's who say it ain't right, my soul war is ready to fight, my soul war is ready to fight,
[7:41 - 8:10] triggers can happen every morning, day, noon and night, the triggers are better when you feel the back of your heart, your only option is fight, just like a tawser, triggers are anniversary, since when your friends die, triggers can't feel, they can make you take your own life, give you just a spell, don't wanna touch that line, it's the truth, yeah y'all, it's the only rhyme, even seeing people out in the funeral crying, it can hurt many times, even people dying, it's been working everywhere, it always reminded me, it's been a run, but it's still time, it's been trying to fight,
[8:10 - 8:39] it's been trying to fight, you never would have worked, it's a life in the world fighting, who feels nothing, we don't feel a thing, yes we feel no, triggers stay with us, till death comes, only tryna live, but the triggers get the best of me, every day, yeah the past keeps on real, it's all reality, it's who say it ain't right, my soul war is ready to fight, each time you tryna live, but the triggers get the best of me, every day, yeah the past keeps on real, it's all reality, it's who say it ain't right, my soul war is ready,
[8:39 - 8:46] It's like, hey, I'm not having a comment. I gotta go respond to this. It lasts longer than a picture.
[8:46 - 8:50] I gotta go respond to this. It lasts longer than a picture.
[8:50 - 8:56] You had your life on your legs. Now, Karen, if you fall down, I'm leaving for tomorrow. Go leave me for tomorrow. Go leave me for tomorrow.
[8:56 - 9:01] Leave me like you're living. Leave me where it's hard to smile and find another. Leave me downtown, all the way down.
[9:01 - 9:06] If it's just a war, come out right back to me. A train that's a kill, now you gotta deal with it.
[9:06 - 9:11] So I'm feeling boomer. I get supposed to be. Did we kill you to yourself? We just live, you can't.
[9:11 - 9:16] We still live good, but the heart bleeds. We want peace, so we're wearing hearts on sleep.
[9:16 - 9:21] We just live, but the triggers get the best of me. But it's really hard to forget history.
[9:21 - 9:24] We just try to live, but the triggers get the best of me.
[9:24 - 9:28] Every day, yeah, the past keeps on me. It's all reality, it's insane, ain't right.
[9:28 - 9:35] One month 'til the war was ready to fight. One month 'til the war was ready to fight.
[9:35 - 9:39] Every day, yeah, the past keeps on me. It's all reality, it's insane, ain't right.
[9:39 - 9:45] One month 'til the war was ready to fight.
[9:45 - 9:50] That's what I'm working on now. I don't think therapy is the try-in.
[9:50 - 9:54] Give myself a snap out of that part of my response.
[10:06 - 10:17] One month 'til the war was ready to fight. One month 'til the war was ready to fight.
[10:17 - 12:26] One month 'til the war was ready to fight.
[12:26 - 12:28] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[12:28 - 12:30] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[12:30 - 12:32] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[12:32 - 12:34] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[12:34 - 12:36] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[12:36 - 12:38] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[12:38 - 12:40] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[12:40 - 12:42] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[12:42 - 12:44] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[12:44 - 12:46] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[12:46 - 12:48] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[12:48 - 12:50] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[12:50 - 12:52] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[12:52 - 12:54] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[12:54 - 13:22] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[13:22 - 13:24] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[13:24 - 13:26] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[13:26 - 13:28] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[13:28 - 13:30] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[13:30 - 13:32] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[13:32 - 13:34] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[13:34 - 13:36] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[13:36 - 13:42] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[13:42 - 13:44] It's loud, you can even hear 'em.
[13:44 - 18:30] All you gotta do is stop and open eyes.
[18:30 - 35:07] [MUSIC]
[35:07 - 35:18] >> So yeah, your boy is back on that good road to recovery.
[35:18 - 35:23] Your boy is doing good every day, getting back to where I was two years ago.
[35:23 - 35:28] And let me tell you, every day that goes by is just that one step closer, baby.
[35:28 - 35:31] I'm excited to be who I used to be again.
[35:31 - 35:38] Cuz I got a great support team, great friends, a great fucking team that is behind me 100%.
[35:38 - 35:42] I appreciate the fuck out of every single one of you guys, man.
[35:42 - 35:51] Everyone from my brother Jake, Michael, Charity, everyone, man.
[35:51 - 35:54] And again, I cannot thank this personally enough.
[35:54 - 35:59] I cannot thank Adrian enough for having my motherfucking back.
[35:59 - 36:06] Adrian, I can honestly tell you, I cannot thank you enough for having my fucking back through all this shit.
[36:06 - 36:14] I appreciate the living hell out of everything that you do for me.
[36:14 - 36:17] It means the fucking world to me.
[36:17 - 36:21] I cannot thank you enough.
[36:21 - 36:28] Like you've done more for me in the past week than most have done in the last two years.
[36:28 - 36:34] Like you've done so much for me in the last week that it's crazy.
[36:34 - 36:38] And Charity, Michael, Matt, everybody that I mentioned, man,
[36:38 - 36:44] I want to say thank you guys for keeping my head as leveled as you could, man.
[36:44 - 36:50] You guys keeping me level-headed like y'all did for a while, like that means a lot to me.
[36:50 - 36:54] I can't thank y'all enough, dude.
[36:54 - 37:00] So with that being said, guys, I want to sit down and chill, start writing some more music.
[37:00 - 37:09] And yeah, hopefully by the end of all this shit, your boy will be back to a good mindset to where I was a couple years ago, man.
[37:09 - 37:14] I'm excited. I'm happy. I'm pumped to be back where I was.
[37:14 - 37:19] It feels good to finally be able to say, "Hey, I'm doing good again."
[37:19 - 37:26] And there ain't a damn fucking person alive that's going to stop me from hitting my goal of being the way that I was two years ago.
[37:26 - 37:33] There ain't nobody that's going to fucking stop me, no fucking body.
[37:33 - 37:40] So to all these little trolls that want to act like y'all were making bad, go write a fucking head.
[37:40 - 37:47] Go write a fucking head, say whatever the fuck you want to say, because y'all know in real life you ain't going to do shit.
[37:47 - 37:55] Y'all are just like the internet. Y'all think it's fuck.
[37:55 - 38:00] But to the real supporters, man, I fucking love y'all. I got balance. I got shit I got to do.
[38:00 - 38:05] I'll catch y'all whenever I catch you. I don't know when my next upload will be.
[38:05 - 38:13] But I will keep you guys updated as much as I can. So yeah, I'll catch y'all later, man. Peace.