2022-10-13 Keeping a Legacy alive (Facebook)

[0:00 - 0:17] [silence]
[0:17 - 0:46] I know that it's like 3.48 I'm here, but I have something that has been on my mind for a very long time.
[0:46 - 0:58] That has been just turning and turning on my stomach for the past several years.
[0:58 - 1:21] And it's finally got to the point where something needs to be said.
[1:21 - 1:40] I want to tell you guys why I'm not going to be doing much other than working on music for a very long time.
[1:40 - 1:59] My journey into music began in high school in 2009 with my best friend David.
[1:59 - 2:19] And that ultimately is not only where I would be my best friend, but where I would also lose that same best friend to a drowning accident on May 1st of that year.
[2:19 - 2:48] I want to tell you, when you lose a loved one like that, when you lose somebody that has stuck up for you, been there for you for so long, it becomes hard.
[2:48 - 2:59] Yeah, me and David had just met that year, but we had bonded so quickly that he became family.
[2:59 - 3:07] He was always over here hanging out, and I was always hanging out with him.
[3:07 - 3:36] And then May 1st of that year rolled around, and then I found out that he died in a drowning accident down at the place down here called the Gorge.
[3:36 - 3:53] And, you know, it really killed me because he was the one that introduced me into music.
[3:53 - 4:13] He was the one that saw something in me that I didn't see in myself.
[4:13 - 4:22] Fast forward to 2015.
[4:22 - 4:32] Well, actually fast forward to 2014.
[4:32 - 4:49] 2014 is when we found out that my older brother, my older blood brother, was terminally diagnosed with lung cancer.
[4:49 - 5:00] And when I say terminally diagnosed, we didn't know how long he was going to have left. We had no idea.
[5:00 - 5:06] And so we dealt with it.
[5:06 - 5:12] Went to all the appointments and did everything that we could.
[5:12 - 5:20] Went through chemotherapy treatment like crazy.
[5:20 - 5:39] Did radiation treatment like crazy on February 3rd of that year.
[5:39 - 5:54] But older than I know, January 23rd of that year, older than I know that that would be the last time he would celebrate his birthday.
[5:54 - 6:07] Because that next month on February 3rd,
[6:07 - 6:13] he died from the cancer.
[6:13 - 6:21] He had lost his fight with the cancer.
[6:21 - 6:37] And around that time, me and my girlfriend at the time had just gotten back together. Me and her had known each other since high school. Her name was Lexi.
[6:37 - 6:44] She was the sweetest girl you could ever want to be around.
[6:44 - 6:51] And don't get me wrong, she had her moments where she was a hard ass, rightfully so.
[6:51 - 7:00] But it was because she cared that she was that way.
[7:00 - 7:28] And when me and her got back together, she really helped me. She did. She helped me in a very big way.
[7:28 - 7:43] She made me feel like everything was going to be okay.
[7:43 - 7:59] But little did I know that that statement wasn't true for very long.
[7:59 - 8:13] Because a couple years later, she lost her dad to some sort of sickness.
[8:13 - 8:32] I don't know what it was, but she had lost her dad. And by that point, me and her were actually engaged.
[8:32 - 8:44] And I kept telling her like, I kept telling her that it would be okay.
[8:44 - 8:56] But little did I know that that was far from the truth.
[8:56 - 9:07] I went from the board to 2020 when I had gotten back in contact with one of my good friends from high school, Crystal.
[9:07 - 9:12] Who is still to this day, one of my closest friends.
[9:12 - 9:25] She's not my closest friend out of all my female friends. She's literally my little sister.
[9:25 - 9:32] We came up together through high school. She's always been one of my closest friends, hands down.
[9:32 - 9:39] If I needed a place to stay right now, I could call her out and be like, "Hey, can I crash over with your boys for a few days?"
[9:39 - 9:51] And she'll have zero problem with that.
[9:51 - 10:00] But fast forward from the time that Lexi lost her dad to 2020.
[10:00 - 10:06] During that time, she told me that she was going to take some time for herself.
[10:06 - 10:12] And I understood. I had no problem with it. We still kept in contact on and off.
[10:12 - 10:23] We still told each other that we loved each other, still told each other that we cared and that we spent as much time as we could.
[10:23 - 10:46] And I wanted to give her the space that she needed to grieve over her dad, because I understand how hard that shit can be.
[10:46 - 11:04] And during that time period, my older brother, he passed away February 3rd of that year.
[11:04 - 11:16] Fast forward to December of that year, I was sitting here at home that morning.
[11:16 - 11:21] I had just gotten out. I was actually getting ready to work on some music.
[11:21 - 11:29] I had already had some piano parts laid out from the night before that I had worked on.
[11:29 - 11:34] And all I had to do was just create the beat and lay the instrumental to it and stuff like that.
[11:34 - 11:38] Just lay the beat down over it and it was good to go.
[11:38 - 11:42] So I didn't really have too much to do during that time.
[11:42 - 11:52] So I started texting one of my best friends, Zach, who I had not seen in years.
[11:52 - 11:59] Like the last time I saw him was my senior year of high school.
[11:59 - 12:11] And we started talking that morning like, "Hey, we need to catch up. You know, it's been a long time. Why don't we catch up and hang out?"
[12:11 - 12:20] Little did I know that that morning would be the last morning I would ever see him alive.
[12:20 - 12:28] Because that night around midnight I had gotten a call from his older brother Omar who went to high school with us.
[12:28 - 12:35] I'm still to this day very good friends with him, still very close to him.
[12:35 - 12:48] But I got a call from him that night saying that Zach had been killed.
[12:48 - 13:01] Somebody had robbed his family's pizza shop and killed them at gunpoint.
[13:01 - 13:12] He had died from three gunshot wounds to the chest.
[13:12 - 13:23] And believe me, at that moment all I could do was just break down and just, I just, I lost it right there.
[13:23 - 13:44] Like, out of all my friends, he was the least one I would have expected to, you know, lose his life.
[13:44 - 13:54] But there's a quote that he said that morning right before he left that he posted on his Facebook that to this day is still there.
[13:54 - 13:59] And it's a quote that I still carry with me.
[13:59 - 14:11] And it's something I will always carry for the rest of my life, which is forgive those who have hurt you and remember those who have made you smile.
[14:11 - 14:29] A little did I know that that would be the last quote that he would ever post on Facebook.
[14:29 - 14:53] And then after all that went down, I had come to find out in 2020, right after the coronavirus hit,
[14:53 - 15:01] I found out from my best friend Crystal, who I guess is literally like my little sister.
[15:01 - 15:06] She was hysterical.
[15:06 - 15:09] And she told me to call her, so I did.
[15:09 - 15:16] And I asked her, what's wrong?
[15:16 - 15:29] And what she said next just completely shook me to my fucking core.
[15:29 - 15:55] She had told me that she had just gotten a call from Lexi's older sister that she had passed away from just letting herself go.
[15:55 - 16:09] And what I mean by letting herself go is I didn't know this at the time, but because of her dad's passing, Lexi had stopped eating.
[16:09 - 16:25] She was not taking care of her body at all whatsoever. And when I mean not taking care of body, I don't just mean eating wise. I mean, she wouldn't shower. She wouldn't do anything. She wouldn't get out of bed.
[16:25 - 16:37] She literally just laid there and let herself go because the death of her dad affected her so much because her and her dad were super, super close.
[16:37 - 16:47] That slowly over time, her health deteriorated so bad that she unfortunately passed away.
[16:47 - 16:58] And I know what I'm about to say next might sound gross and disgusting and I'm sorry, but this is just the reality of what she went through.
[16:58 - 17:27] When the coroner's were checking her body like they usually do, they had literally found a month old tampon still inside of her that was so old that it literally was fused with the inside of her body because they had been there for so long.
[17:27 - 17:49] And that's part of what killed her because she let herself go that far that much.
[17:49 - 18:14] And then, this year at the beginning, well, towards the middle of this year, I found out that my now, that my ex, my current ex, the one that nobody really liked, that even though me and her weren't together, I still cared about.
[18:14 - 18:26] My ex Heather had passed away from severe, severe problems with health.
[18:26 - 18:47] And what made her death hard wasn't the fact that, you know, me and her weren't together anymore or anything like that. What made it hard is that after she had left, she had told me, after her and her baby daddy Ricky got back together,
[18:47 - 19:01] she had told me that she was pregnant with a child and that it could possibly be mine.
[19:01 - 19:18] And unfortunately, due to her passing before we can get the DNA test, I possibly have a kid that I'll never get to see,
[19:18 - 19:36] which hurts me a lot. But in between all these deaths that I've had to deal with, that I've had to endure, something darker was going on.
[19:36 - 19:46] Something that I tried to stop so bad.
[19:46 - 19:58] Something that to this day I still battle with, which is the whole internet trolling and gang stalking shit.
[19:58 - 20:15] Because of that going on since 2018, I've not had a moment to grieve. It's just been constantly me defending myself without a moment to grieve, without a moment to breathe.
[20:15 - 20:44] Just a little bit ago, as I was sitting here watching TV on, I was actually watching a documentary. I just, I broke down because tonight was the first night in many years that I've actually been able to grieve over all these people that I've actually fucking lost over time.
[20:44 - 21:11] And as I was sitting there, as I was sitting here just sobbing, wondering, "Why me?" I just kept asking, "Why me? Why me? Why did these people choose me to attack? Why me?"
[21:11 - 21:32] And it was in that moment that I knew that this whole time I was going down the wrong fucking path.
[21:32 - 21:50] This whole time I thought I had been keeping up. I could see alive, but I wasn't.
[21:50 - 22:14] I've gone through so fucking much.
[22:14 - 22:24] I had worked my ass off. I had done everything right.
[22:24 - 22:33] But yet, what did the trolls do other than take everything away from me?
[22:33 - 22:54] They took friends away, took my chance to get a normal job away, stole songs of mine that I had worked very hard on, away from me, and are now making money off of them.
[22:54 - 23:11] These trolls have cost me so much in my life.
[23:11 - 23:21] And I know a lot of people think that just getting off the internet solves it, but it really doesn't. Getting off the internet will not stop it.
[23:21 - 23:29] I know that's what the police say, but don't listen to them because it will not stop.
[23:29 - 23:43] I am living proof that being in real life or on the internet, it will not stop these trolls.
[23:43 - 23:52] It might slow them down for a while, yes, but it will not stop them.
[23:52 - 24:21] Because just last year, like I said many times before, I'm sure some of you may or may not know this, but for those of you that don't, early last year, the troll known as William Gloryhole had a whole squadron of cops show up to my house to where there were ten plus police officers there.
[24:21 - 24:32] Arms to the teeth, ready to kill me at a moment's notice.
[24:32 - 24:39] And let me tell you, that moment was the scariest moment of my entire life.
[24:39 - 24:56] Staring down the barrel of all these pistols with these officers ready to pull the trigger if I made even one wrong slight move.
[24:56 - 25:09] One wrong move and I wouldn't be here right now. One wrong move and I would be dead in the ground right now.
[25:09 - 25:30] If I had even reached into my pocket to grab a napkin or a tissue, they could have killed me.
[25:30 - 25:51] And ever since then, I have been battling for my life every fucking day. I have been battling to get my life back every day.
[25:51 - 26:15] And believe me when I say, it's not been easy in the slightest. It has not been easy at all, especially dealing with the PTSD that I have gained because of that police swatting that night.
[26:15 - 26:40] I mean these people even called Adult Protective Services on my family the other night.
[26:40 - 26:46] Saying that I was doing stuff to my mom that I was not doing at all whatsoever.
[26:47 - 27:15] [silence]
[27:15 - 27:41] And you know, tonight as I was sitting here thinking about all this, it made me realize that maybe it's time that I stepped away from YouTube and
[27:41 - 27:53] not saying fully step away from social media, but not just because I can't go live on YouTube
[27:53 - 28:06] for about a week because of these assholes stealing my music and me getting a copyright strike for playing my own music on my own channel that they stole from me and now get the rights to.
[28:06 - 28:34] But I've really been thinking and I think it's time that I stepped away from YouTube and most of, he learned most of social media to rework my music, to revamp and reinvent myself in the way that I needed to do a long, long time ago.
[28:34 - 28:45] Because this whole time instead of creating music, this whole time instead of creating music like I should have been doing, I've had to defend it.
[28:45 - 28:54] I've had to defend my work, defend my family, defend my life, literally defend my fucking life.
[28:54 - 29:05] And I do mean literally like somebody actually showed up here to the house wanting to kill me, kind of defending my life.
[29:05 - 29:31] And all this stuff going on really made me realize that I need to reinvent myself as a music artist because
[29:31 - 29:45] if I'm going to be successful, I need to say, you know, screw these people.
[29:45 - 29:54] And I need to get my sights back on upholding the legacy that I should have been upholding this whole time.
[29:54 - 30:03] I was given a legacy to uphold and I failed at doing it.
[30:03 - 30:18] Even though it was out of my control, I failed at doing it because I spent more time defending my work than actually doing something with it.
[30:18 - 30:23] I was essentially robbing myself.
[30:23 - 30:32] Forget about the trolls. Forget about what they do.
[30:32 - 30:41] But take and keep the damage that they've done.
[30:41 - 30:53] And right now my life is, right now my life is in ruins.
[30:53 - 31:01] My life is literally on the ground around me.
[31:01 - 31:11] And I don't know how to even begin to put it back together.
[31:11 - 31:28] Because these trolls have done so much damage to me that it's hard to even figure out what to do or even where to start.
[31:28 - 31:39] So starting tomorrow, I will not be, like even after the band is lifted here the next week or so or the next two weeks, I don't know how long.
[31:39 - 31:45] But even when that band is lifted, I'm not going to be on YouTube for a while.
[31:45 - 31:50] Because I want to be on that stage like my brothers wanted me to be.
[31:50 - 32:00] I want to be able to perform for you guys live like my brothers and my friends and my loved ones that are no longer with us wanted me to do.
[32:00 - 32:11] They saw something in me that I didn't see in myself and I think it was about goddamn time that I fucking picked up where they left off.
[32:11 - 32:18] I think it was about goddamn time I picked up where they fucking left off and I continue their legacy.
[32:18 - 32:30] And I take that shit back up and I fucking run with that shit.
[32:30 - 32:46] Because these trolls know that I have more talent in my little pinky than they do in their whole goddamn body and they know it.
[32:46 - 32:58] I've had several people messaging me about how cool what I do is.
[32:58 - 33:02] And I want to get back to that.
[33:02 - 33:12] I want to be able to one day look on my deathbed looking back on my life and be like, yes, I did something worth it.
[33:12 - 33:18] I helped somebody. I did something with my life and I want to be able to say that.
[33:18 - 33:24] But I can't say that if I'm just sitting here not doing anything.
[33:24 - 33:39] So if there's anybody out there who can help me shut down these trolls for good because of all the crimes that they've not only committed against me, but the atrocities they commit on YouTube every day.
[33:39 - 33:57] Like if anybody knows of any hackers, lawyers, let me know. Because what they've done to me almost not only ruined me, but almost took my life.
[33:57 - 34:04] And I don't want that. I want to be around for a long time, not a little while.
[34:04 - 34:13] I want to be around for a very long time, not just a month or two months.
[34:13 - 34:21] Which is why over the next several weeks, the next few months, I will not be on YouTube.
[34:21 - 34:33] And if I do go live on YouTube, it'll be way, way, way, way less than what it is now.
[34:33 - 34:41] Because I want to get my life back. I want to take back everything that was ripped away from me and build on it.
[34:41 - 34:50] And show these people what I can really do.
[34:50 - 34:58] So with that being said, I love you guys and I will see you guys whenever I see you.
[34:58 - 35:09] Like I said, if you guys have any information for me about how to stop these people, my DMs are always open.
[35:09 - 35:13] So please hit me up.
[35:13 - 35:29] Anyways, thank you guys for listening. I love you guys.
[35:29 - 35:37] Peace.
[35:37 - 35:41] (beeping)