2021-9-6 Why im LEaving the Community

[0:00 - 0:25] What's up everyone? I wanted to make this video because I want to explain why I am leaving
[0:25 - 0:35] this community and what started all this, how it began, why I did the things that I did
[0:35 - 0:50] so that maybe you guys will have a better understanding of where I'm coming from and
[0:50 - 1:02] so that maybe there can be a little bit more clarity of what's truly going on. As many
[1:02 - 1:13] of you already know or are already aware I was born very very premature. I was born one
[1:13 - 1:23] pound 10 ounces with one kidney and one very severely underdeveloped lung and was not supposed
[1:23 - 1:34] to live past birth. But as a result of me being born the way that I was, I was born
[1:34 - 1:49] fighting my whole life. Quite literally I was born fighting essentially my entire life.
[1:49 - 1:56] Throughout grade school, throughout high school, even after high school I was raised
[1:56 - 2:18] fighting my whole life. So growing up, growing up fighting is all I knew how to do and that
[2:18 - 2:29] wasn't my fault that was just my life. When I was in school I would always be in detention
[2:29 - 2:40] and I would always be getting suspended for fighting. And that's just what I grew up
[2:40 - 2:48] doing because I was always that kid that everybody always picked on. I was that outcast
[2:48 - 2:57] kid that everybody felt like they could push around because I look different from everyone
[2:57 - 3:20] else. But when I joined YouTube back in 2009, back when I joined YouTube back in 2009, I
[3:20 - 3:33] joined because I wanted to find a place where I can be myself, where I can do things that
[3:33 - 3:42] I enjoy and find a community of people like myself that were different, that enjoyed
[3:42 - 3:49] the things that I enjoy like anime and video games and hanging out and having fun and
[3:49 - 3:55] creating music and stuff like that and doing artwork and all that stuff. And that's why
[3:55 - 4:04] I initially joined. But my first video I ever posted was a memorial to my best friend David
[4:04 - 4:15] who passed in May of that very same year of 2009 due to a drowning accident down at
[4:15 - 4:23] the place down here that everybody knows as the gorge. And that was one of the hardest
[4:23 - 4:31] times of my life at that point in time because I had just lost my best friend who essentially
[4:31 - 4:47] introduced me to the music scene. He was the one that brought me into the scene of doing
[4:47 - 4:55] music. And when I lost him, I felt helpless. I felt like I didn't know what I was going
[4:55 - 5:06] to do because here I was on the road to success through one of my best friends who was constantly
[5:06 - 5:13] helping me. I was constantly hanging out with his band. I was constantly helping out on
[5:13 - 5:20] his band. I was helping to set up. I was there at practices with them, rehearsals.
[5:20 - 5:29] I was at all their shows. So, you know, I essentially felt like I had lost a family
[5:29 - 5:37] member when he had died because this is something that I had known in high school and essentially
[5:37 - 5:45] my whole high school career. This was something that stuck up to me every chance he got because
[5:45 - 6:02] that's the kind of person that he was. But when I joined YouTube, I was hoping that
[6:02 - 6:08] all that fighting that I had done back in high school and as a kid growing up would
[6:08 - 6:21] have come to an end. But I soon found out just a little over a year and a half ago that
[6:21 - 6:37] my fight was not over because I unknowingly got drugged into a community where people
[6:37 - 6:49] began to judge me. People began to attack me. People began to do all these awful things.
[6:49 - 6:56] And some of them even going so far as to create fake contracts that I did not know were fake.
[6:56 - 7:12] Because as I said, when I came into the music scene, I came into the music scene through
[7:12 - 7:24] my friend who taught me a lot. But when I came at it on my own, that's when I started
[7:24 - 7:54] to find my own. Hold on guys. Alright I want to try something guys. Give me just a minute.
[7:54 - 8:13] Alright. It was just my new virtual sending me some ideas. Shout out to virtual raps by
[8:13 - 8:29] the way. But as I said, when I came into the music scene after my friend had passed, I
[8:29 - 8:38] didn't have anybody to teach me what a real music contract looked like or what people
[8:38 - 8:52] to trust and not to trust. I had to learn everything on my own. So when I got that
[8:52 - 8:58] music contract, when I got that record label contract or what I thought was a real label
[8:58 - 9:07] contract, I felt like that was a life changer for me because just a few years prior I had
[9:07 - 9:15] lost my older brother to lung cancer and then I had lost another best friend of mine from
[9:15 - 9:25] high school to murder. He was murdered in his own family's pizza. He was murdered in
[9:25 - 9:36] his family's own pizza shop. So I had essentially lost two people within not even a year time
[9:36 - 9:51] span and that was hard. So for me, I felt like getting this record deal contract was
[9:51 - 10:00] going to change a lot of things for me. But then I later found out that it wasn't. It
[10:00 - 10:08] literally was fake and this is what people like that have been doing to me my whole life.
[10:08 - 10:17] And yes, I will admit there were times where I flipped out on people and rightfully so
[10:17 - 10:24] because people would bash on me on this platform. They would attack me, criticize me for the
[10:24 - 10:34] littlest things. But something that not a lot of people have seen the grasp is that
[10:34 - 10:49] my whole life, I grew up fighting. I grew up physically fighting my entire life. Everything
[10:49 - 10:59] different from other students, teachers, security guards, my whole life I grew up fighting.
[10:59 - 11:08] So for me, lashing out at these people like I had was all I knew. That was all I knew
[11:08 - 11:16] how to do because I grew up fighting my whole life. So me lashing out at these people on
[11:16 - 11:28] these trends was all I knew how to do. That was all I knew. But little did I know that
[11:28 - 11:36] that lashing out and that me fighting back like I was would lead to something even worse
[11:36 - 11:43] where people would ridicule me, attack me, bash on me and make all these videos about
[11:43 - 12:06] me and make life hard for me. But then five months ago, things got really, really bad.
[12:06 - 12:19] I got catfished by somebody that completely changed my world upside down. Because see,
[12:19 - 12:27] five months ago, I had a good life. Five months ago, I had a happy life. I had a wonderful
[12:27 - 12:43] girlfriend that meant the whole world to me. I had had my dream job. Well, one of my dream
[12:43 - 12:57] jobs, I had had my family beside me. I had a lot going for me. But then for some reason,
[12:57 - 13:08] Mad Soul Reports, who I was unaware of before that had come in and ruined my life in any
[13:08 - 13:19] way that she could, costing my biological father and my birth father his job, costing
[13:19 - 13:33] me my job with somebody who was a friend. But most importantly, ruining my reputation
[13:33 - 13:45] and who I was as a person. But nothing could have prepared me. Those five months can have
[13:45 - 13:53] prepared me for these past couple weeks. Just a couple weeks ago, I lost my best friend
[13:53 - 14:05] of 10 years. My best friend of 10 years up and walked out the door because of Mad Soul
[14:05 - 14:16] Reports and what she had done to me and the evil stuff that transpired because of her.
[14:16 - 14:29] And then just last night, I lost a good friend who was in the music industry. And I also
[14:29 - 14:48] wound up being stolen from. And that right there fucking kills me. Because ever since
[14:48 - 14:55] I started noticing my gifts and what I'm very good with, with the 3D card photography,
[14:55 - 15:02] the artwork, the music, all this different stuff. I knew I had something great on hand.
[15:02 - 15:10] I knew that I could be something great. I knew that I could make a living doing what
[15:10 - 15:25] I love to do. And I've been trying so hard to push that. Put on the flip side of that,
[15:25 - 15:33] there's a dark side of YouTube that not everyone sees. No one sees the fashion, the bullying,
[15:33 - 15:41] the attacks, the videos being made about me by random people, the memes and the joke photos
[15:41 - 15:49] that are made about me. Nobody really gets to see those things, but I do and trust when
[15:49 - 16:05] I see them, it hurts a lot. It really does hurt me a lot to see this kind of crap. And
[16:05 - 16:11] it seems like the further away from the drama I try to get, the more people try to shove
[16:11 - 16:21] it down my throats, which is a very big reason as to why I initially have been wanting to
[16:21 - 16:35] leave YouTube for a while and being normal again. Because back before I got drug into
[16:35 - 16:41] the drama community, I had a good normal life. I had a year average run of the mill life.
[16:41 - 16:47] Very typical average everyday person that enjoys watching anime and spending time with
[16:47 - 16:54] his girlfriend and spending time with his family. That's the kind of life that I had.
[16:54 - 17:01] And honestly, that's the kind of life I would love to get back. Because I'm 30 years old.
[17:01 - 17:11] I should have been settled down a long time ago. Like, I should have had a wife and kids
[17:11 - 17:36] already. But the one thing that still eludes me is this. Why is it that I got drug into
[17:36 - 17:42] the drama community? When I never asked to be brought in, if anything, I tried to shy
[17:42 - 17:52] away from it. So my question is, to all of you that do follow that trend and you do
[17:52 - 18:07] attack me, why did you feel like it had to be me that you attacked? Why? Like, I don't
[18:07 - 18:21] understand why you trolls feel like you have to attack me. Like, I don't understand it.
[18:21 - 18:28] Quite frankly, at this point in time, I really don't care to anymore. But what I do know
[18:28 - 18:42] is this. And that is that I want my normal life back. I want the life that I once had
[18:42 - 18:55] back. Because these last few weeks have been the worst few weeks of my life. From losing
[18:55 - 19:06] my best friend 10 years to being stolen from and all this very fucked up stuff that never
[19:06 - 19:19] should have happened. You don't know how many times I'm glad to wake at night. Balling
[19:19 - 19:34] in my eyes, obviously they hurt so bad that none of this pain will stop. Like, losing
[19:34 - 19:42] a friend of over 10 years is one of the worst feelings I've heard. Especially when you're
[19:42 - 19:55] as close to that friend as I was to mine. I have been wanting to leave this drama community
[19:55 - 20:05] so bad and do things and be successful. But when I'm constantly being stolen from and
[20:05 - 20:15] being held back, I can't be successful. And that hurts me. A lot. It hurts me. It hurts
[20:15 - 20:27] my family. It hurts my friends. It hurts people that I genuinely care about. Because
[20:27 - 20:34] as I said, I never wanted to be part of this drama-filled community. I never asked for
[20:34 - 20:47] it. And nor did I want it. I just want the life I had before I started YouTube. That's
[20:47 - 20:54] the life that I want back. That's the me that I need to be again. And in order to do
[20:54 - 21:08] that, I have to leave this platform. Because I cannot be in an environment where there's
[21:08 - 21:16] nothing but hatred and negativity. I don't want that for myself. I want to be successful
[21:16 - 21:27] doing things I love. I want to be successful for my family. And I've said this many times.
[21:27 - 21:36] I want to give back to my family and those that gave everything to me. Which is why
[21:36 - 21:46] after this video is done, I will no longer be posting on here for a good long while.
[21:46 - 21:53] How long? I don't know. And no, I'm not doing it in my channel. But I am leaving this platform
[21:53 - 22:02] and I am stepping away for a while. Because I never asked for the drama. I never asked
[22:02 - 22:13] for it. And nor did I ever want it. All I've ever wanted was a normal, happy life with
[22:13 - 22:23] an amazing girlfriend or wife to grow old with and to be able to have kids and to have
[22:23 - 22:29] a future and to build a future for myself and my family. And to be successful doing
[22:29 - 22:40] what I love. And those reasons right there is exactly why I am stepping away from this
[22:40 - 22:49] platform. Because I want a normal life again. I want the life that I used to have again.
[22:49 - 22:54] I don't want this drama and I don't need it in my life. Because it has drug me down
[22:54 - 23:13] so bad that it has almost become a part of me and I don't want that. Which is why as
[23:13 - 23:20] soon as this video is done, I will not be coming back for a good long time. How long
[23:20 - 23:26] that's going to be, I don't know. It could be a month, it could be a couple of years.
[23:26 - 23:36] I don't know. But I know that I need to focus on myself. I need to focus on myself and get
[23:36 - 23:46] myself back to where I once was. So that I can be that successful person. So that I
[23:46 - 23:57] can make money doing what I love for myself and my family. And so most importantly, most
[23:57 - 24:21] importantly above all else. So that I can get myself back. So with that being said,
[24:21 - 24:28] I'm sorry guys, but I have to leave this platform for myself so that I can get better.
[24:28 - 24:38] Because I want to be better and I want to do better for myself, my friends, my family.
[24:38 - 24:47] People I love and care about. And how long that process is going to take, I don't know.
[24:47 - 25:02] But I need to do what's right for me. I need to look after myself. I need to look out for
[25:02 - 25:18] those around me. But with that being said, guys, I do hope that you understand now how
[25:18 - 25:29] I got drug into all this and how I never asked for it. But I love you guys. I don't know
[25:29 - 25:38] when I'll be back, but I'll see you guys whenever I come back. And hopefully by then
[25:38 - 25:47] I'm a better person. And hopefully by then I will have some stuff under my belt to where
[25:47 - 25:58] I'll be successful. It's time for me to start a new chapter in my life of healing, of becoming
[25:58 - 26:06] a better person. And in order for me to heal and become a better person, I have stuck
[26:06 - 26:16] away from YouTube for a while to do that. But just know that I love you guys. I'm
[26:16 - 26:20] always going to be thinking about you guys. I'm always going to be wondering what you
[26:20 - 26:28] guys are up to. I'm always going to be asking how you guys are doing. But I just want you
[26:28 - 26:36] guys to know that I love and I appreciate everyone of you that supports me. And hopefully
[26:36 - 26:43] when I come back, I'll be a lot better than I've been over these past years. Over this
[26:43 - 26:50] past year and a half, hopefully I'll be better. Hopefully I'll be a better person and I'll
[26:50 - 26:56] actually have some money under my belt because I do have some projects I am going to be
[26:56 - 27:13] focusing on. Cool, that means that guys, I love you guys. And I'll see you guys on the
[27:13 - 27:22] other side when I'm better. I love you guys. Be safe, be humble, we can do each other,
[27:22 - 27:30] we can talk for each other, okay? You guys take care of yourselves and don't do anything
[27:30 - 27:42] stupid because you have a community here that loves you and cares about you. I love
[27:42 - 27:55] you guys. And like I said, I'll see you guys when I'm ready to come back and when I feel
[27:55 - 28:06] like I'm better. But like I said, I have to do this for me. I have no choice, I have
[28:06 - 28:25] to do this for me. And I hope you guys can understand that. I love you guys and I'll
[28:25 - 28:36] miss you. And I'll see you guys on the other side. I'll see you guys when I'm on the other
[28:36 - 28:45] side and I'm myself again. I love you guys. Stay positive, look out for yourselves and
[28:45 - 28:55] be good to each other, man. Be good to those around you. I love you guys. Peace. Be safe
[28:55 - 29:00] guys. Take care of yourselves.