2021-7-10 trapped in darkness

[0:00 - 33:53] [ Pause ]
[33:53 - 33:59] Let me tell you, Aaron, I'm not showing off on your screen.
[33:59 - 34:02] It's not because I'm not scared of you.
[34:02 - 34:09] It's that I don't have time for pussy bullies like you.
[34:09 - 35:33] [ Pause ]
[35:33 - 35:36] Now I do want to do something for you guys.
[35:36 - 35:44] This is something that I have not released yet that I wanted to do on here for you guys.
[35:44 - 35:55] And I want to know what you guys think.
[35:55 - 36:41] [ Pause ]
[36:41 - 36:49] Yo, it's like every day I wake up wondering why I got these demons in my head every day.
[36:49 - 36:55] But then I realize when I lay in my bed that these demons are running through my head.
[36:55 - 37:04] All the reason that I'm not okay, and the reason I'm not okay is because you bullies have put me in that place.
[37:04 - 37:07] You sit there and you talk shit up on the internet.
[37:07 - 37:10] I act like everybody's into it.
[37:10 - 37:14] You sit there and hide your own insecurities behind your keyboard.
[37:14 - 37:17] Because you know damn well that I'm destined for more.
[37:17 - 37:20] So here I stand every day looking at you.
[37:20 - 37:23] Like, what do you got to say to me?
[37:23 - 37:25] What do you got to do to me?
[37:25 - 37:31] What more pain can you cause me than anyone else has ever caused me for?
[37:31 - 37:35] You constantly attack me, acting like I'm begging for more.
[37:35 - 37:39] But yeah, here I stand, staring right at you.
[37:39 - 37:46] Because I'm not afraid of you.
[37:46 - 37:49] You act like I'm afraid of you, but the truth is I'm not afraid of you.
[37:49 - 37:55] I don't fear you, and I'm sure as hell am never going to bow down to you.
[37:55 - 37:58] You want to try and sit there and act like you're better than me.
[37:58 - 38:04] All because you can hide behind a fake ass name and try to bother me.
[38:04 - 38:07] Try to get under my skin like it bothers me.
[38:07 - 38:10] But the truth is nothing you say is to whatever bothers me.
[38:10 - 38:17] You can sit there and attack me, bash me, but literally I don't care.
[38:17 - 38:22] At the end of the day, I'm staring at you with an evil dark blank stare.
[38:22 - 38:26] Letting you know that I'm rising above you.
[38:26 - 38:35] While you're down here, I'm climbing up to somewhere better.
[38:35 - 38:40] And you really think that you can stop everything I've done.
[38:40 - 38:44] I done been bullying my whole damn life.
[38:44 - 38:48] So nothing you ever say will ever faze me, alright?
[38:48 - 38:57] So I just fucking put down your bullshit keyboard words and kill out the fight.
[38:57 - 39:02] Because you're never going to win against me.
[39:02 - 39:04] I don't care if you love me or hate me.
[39:04 - 39:07] I'm here to do me.
[39:07 - 39:12] And there's nothing you can do to ever fucking stop me from being me.
[39:12 - 39:17] And if you want to try and stop me, that's fine.
[39:17 - 39:22] Because it's not like I got nothing but time anyway.
[39:22 - 39:26] Because at the end of the day, I'm not going to be the one laying in the grave.
[39:26 - 39:28] That'll be you.
[39:28 - 39:31] When you're on your death bed and you're looking back on your life,
[39:31 - 39:36] I want you to think about something.
[39:36 - 39:38] Why did you bully all these people?
[39:38 - 39:43] Why did you bash on all these people?
[39:43 - 39:47] Was all that negativity really worth anything in your life?
[39:47 - 39:49] Because when you attack somebody like me,
[39:49 - 39:54] it's like you're stabbing us in the back and twisting that fucking knife.
[39:54 - 39:56] Well, let me tell you right now.
[39:56 - 40:00] I'm taking that knife out of my motherfucking back.
[40:00 - 40:09] And I'm adding it into the angel wings of knives that I've made.
[40:09 - 40:12] Because I'm staring right at you with everything that I've built
[40:12 - 40:16] and everything that I've made.
[40:16 - 40:19] Letting you know that I'm never going to fade.
[40:19 - 40:25] Letting you know that I'm here and I'm standing strong.
[40:25 - 40:31] And no matter what you do, you can never, ever make me fall.
[40:31 - 40:34] No matter how hard you try, no matter what you do,
[40:34 - 40:39] there's nothing you can ever do to break me, dude.
[40:39 - 40:41] So let me ask you this again.
[40:41 - 40:46] Why do you feel like you got to bully people like me every day?
[40:46 - 40:51] Because we look different than the norm?
[40:51 - 40:58] Or because you know deep down, people like me are destined for more.
[40:58 - 41:05] I'm so sick of this negativity that you put me through.
[41:05 - 41:10] Every day I fight and I fight and I fight just to get through another day and another night.
[41:10 - 41:16] Knowing that I can't get with the fight because my family depends on it.
[41:16 - 41:21] So if you really don't think that I'm going to make it,
[41:21 - 41:26] let me tell you right now, motherfucker, don't count on it.
[41:26 - 41:29] Because I'm here and I'm standing tall and I'm doing what I've got to do.
[41:29 - 41:33] I know damn well all you trolls out there that want to bash you.
[41:33 - 41:38] Now I know I never should have trusted any of you all along.
[41:38 - 41:45] While I walk along this path to greatness,
[41:45 - 41:51] you guys are just sitting there looking feeble and helpless.
[41:51 - 41:56] Maybe you need to open up your eyes and look around and see that this negativity
[41:56 - 42:03] is not something that this world needs.
[42:03 - 42:07] So I ask you,
[42:07 - 42:11] why do you got to bash on me and bully me?
[42:11 - 42:16] Why is it that you're kidding? You see that nothing you do will ever phase me.
[42:42 - 42:52] [MUSIC]
[43:21 - 43:23] I don't fucking get it.
[43:23 - 43:27] It's like every day everyone wants to bash on me and bully me,
[43:27 - 43:30] acting like you're better than me.
[43:30 - 43:32] I don't fucking get it.
[43:32 - 43:36] What did I ever do to deserve the shit that you do to me?
[43:36 - 43:39] Every day I constantly fight and I fight and I fight
[43:39 - 43:42] to get my life on the right track.
[43:42 - 43:46] Every day, every night I fight.
[43:46 - 43:50] But yet, here you stand right at me, bullying me.
[43:50 - 43:53] Every fucking thing, I don't get it.
[43:53 - 43:58] What did I ever do to deserve this shit?
[43:58 - 44:00] You act like you own me.
[44:00 - 44:02] You act like you're better than me.
[44:02 - 44:06] But the truth is, none of you own me.
[44:06 - 44:11] And none of you are better than me.
[44:11 - 44:15] But yet, here I fight these demons in my head every night when I go to sleep,
[44:15 - 44:21] hoping and praying to God that I don't end up dead.
[44:21 - 44:26] Half the time I cry, I'm still asleep.
[44:26 - 44:29] I give you the fact that no matter what I do,
[44:29 - 44:32] no matter how much help I reach out for,
[44:32 - 44:37] nobody will lend that hand that I seek.
[44:37 - 44:41] So all I can do is sit here in the dark alone wondering,
[44:41 - 44:43] how did I get here?
[44:43 - 44:44] Where do I start?
[44:44 - 44:45] How do I get out?
[44:45 - 44:47] How do I escape?
[44:47 - 44:48] Is this what I was meant for?
[44:48 - 44:53] Is this my fate?
[44:53 - 44:55] I don't know.
[44:55 - 44:57] But all I know is I'm sick of being attacked
[44:57 - 45:04] and I'm sick of being bullied by people like you in the chat.
[45:04 - 45:08] People like Krip Kay, who want to run their mouths about me?
[45:08 - 45:11] You act like everything's okay.
[45:11 - 45:14] But the truth is, nothing is okay.
[45:14 - 45:17] I'm mentally broken, mentally scarred,
[45:17 - 45:20] and emotionally broken down.
[45:20 - 45:23] All because of what you did to me.
[45:23 - 45:26] All you trolls put me through this shit.
[45:26 - 45:29] Why is it that you can't see that shit?
[45:29 - 45:32] I don't get it.
[45:32 - 45:36] Why won't you just fucking quit?
[45:36 - 45:43] Why won't you get a fucking life and stay the fuck out of mine?
[45:43 - 45:49] I don't get it.
[45:49 - 45:53] Because of you, I have no idea where my life's fucking headed.
[45:53 - 45:56] It's like I'm pointing around in every direction in the fucking dark,
[45:56 - 45:58] looking for a way out.
[45:58 - 46:05] But the truth is, I don't even know where to start.
[46:05 - 46:08] And it's all because of you guys, the trolls, the bullies,
[46:08 - 46:13] the few that that show me that I am the way that I am.
[46:13 - 46:18] So I'm sick of playing my knee when you guys are the ones that fault.
[46:18 - 46:22] And yet, you sit there and tell me to take responsibility for my faults
[46:22 - 46:25] and for my actions.
[46:25 - 46:31] But yeah, you never take any kind of responsibility for your own.
[46:31 - 46:40] So how can you sit there and judge me and not judge yourself?
[46:40 - 46:42] That's how I'm so fucking afraid of this darkness
[46:42 - 46:46] that I feel like I'm going to end up on a shelf.
[46:46 - 46:51] It's like I'm constantly trying to my own personal hell every night, every day.
[46:51 - 46:59] It's a living nightmare that never ends and it won't go away.
[46:59 - 47:01] Half the time I want to fucking off myself,
[47:01 - 47:09] put that gun to my head and pull the trigger and say farewell to this world.
[47:09 - 47:13] But yet here I sit every day, fighting and fighting and fighting,
[47:13 - 47:18] trying to find a way out.
[47:18 - 47:22] Half the time I doubt myself.
[47:22 - 47:27] My mind always wanders and runs through doubt and depression.
[47:27 - 47:34] Every day I want to end up in a grave because of what you did to me.
[47:34 - 47:37] You caused this.
[47:37 - 47:43] You caused my mental breakdown.
[47:43 - 47:51] You caused me to emotionally break.
[47:51 - 47:58] I'm tired of feeling like I'm always going to end up in a fucking grave.
[47:58 - 48:02] Half the time people tell me to stay brave and stay strong.
[48:02 - 48:06] But it's not so easy when you've been broken all along.
[48:06 - 48:12] For years and years now I've been broken and torn apart.
[48:12 - 48:14] Now I don't even know where the pieces are.
[48:14 - 48:16] I'm looking around trying to find like,
[48:16 - 48:18] "Damn, where do I start?
[48:18 - 48:20] How do I put my life back together?"
[48:20 - 48:30] Like it was before all the hatred and the drama started popping off.
[48:30 - 48:34] Every day when I wake up and I see these nasty ass comments
[48:34 - 48:36] and I see what you say to me,
[48:36 - 48:38] I sit there and look at you like,
[48:38 - 48:41] "How can you do this to me?
[48:41 - 48:44] How can you do this to anyone?
[48:44 - 48:50] No one deserves what you fucking put me through."
[48:50 - 48:52] It's like every time I say that I'm gone,
[48:52 - 48:58] I keep going right back into the dark looking for a way out.
[48:58 - 49:01] I'm tired of feeling trapped inside my own mind
[49:01 - 49:08] with all this doubt taking over me every single day of the week.
[49:08 - 49:11] My mind feels so fucking weak and empty
[49:11 - 49:13] because of everything that you put me through.
[49:13 - 49:16] It's so empty that my eyes can't even see it
[49:16 - 49:19] clear we threw all the fog in the dark.
[49:19 - 49:26] And that's another reason why I don't know where to fucking start.
[49:26 - 49:31] I'm tired of the pain and I'm tired of the hurt.
[49:31 - 49:35] I'm tired of watching out and everybody is going fucking berserk.
[49:35 - 49:38] Every day I fight these demons in my head.
[49:38 - 49:40] It's like they won't go away.
[49:40 - 49:42] I've got demons so dark in my head
[49:42 - 49:47] that people think I need counseling.
[49:47 - 49:50] But it's like I keep on fighting and fighting and fighting
[49:50 - 49:55] trying to silence these demons.
[49:55 - 49:59] But yeah, I end up falling every fucking time
[49:59 - 50:02] because that's how I feel like this is my last fight,
[50:02 - 50:05] like I'm running out of time.
[50:05 - 50:08] So I ask you bullies again,
[50:08 - 50:12] why can't you just leave me be and stay in your own lane
[50:12 - 50:16] and stay the fuck out of my life?
[50:16 - 50:18] I don't get it.
[50:18 - 50:23] [phone ringing]
[50:23 - 50:24] Yeah.
[50:24 - 59:50] [inaudible]
[60:16 - 60:23] Alright guys, I do have the bouncer knocks. I do have some that I have to take care of.
[60:23 - 60:35] Carrie, I'm going to text you. AB, I'm going to hit you up wherever I can hit you up. By AB, if you've got Discord, I'll hit you up on there.
[60:35 - 60:42] Carrie has my Discord. A few others have my Discord, so I'll hit you guys up.
[60:43 - 60:46] [Silence]