2021-6-3 idk what to do anymore

[0:30 - 0:43] Hello, everyone.
[0:46 - 0:53] Before I get into things, I do want to take a minute to apologize to
[0:53 - 0:59] Mari for what I did on your, well, not what I did on your stream, don't skate.
[0:59 - 1:05] But what I said to you, I do apologize for calling you fake, Mari.
[1:05 - 1:08] And I do hope you feel forgive me.
[1:08 - 1:14] And I do hope that you understand that when I said what I said, I was angry.
[1:14 - 1:15] I was mad.
[1:15 - 1:20] I was very pissed off and upset and rightfully so.
[1:26 - 1:39] Also, [BLANK_AUDIO]
[1:39 - 1:40] I don't know what to do anymore.
[1:43 - 1:45] I don't know what to do about Kate anymore.
[1:48 - 1:54] Cuz it seems like every time I bust my eyes and work my ass off.
[1:59 - 2:07] Making paintings, posting them up on Instagram.
[2:07 - 2:11] I get called fake and a thief.
[2:11 - 2:18] I take and I make clothing designs out of my own home artwork that I've done.
[2:18 - 2:22] The shop gets taken down and I get called fake.
[2:28 - 2:30] I don't know what to do anymore.
[2:33 - 2:40] Like, I really just, I don't know what to do anymore.
[2:40 - 2:45] Like, I'm fighting so hard.
[2:48 - 2:55] To actually make a living and ultimately a career out of doing my artwork.
[2:55 - 3:02] But yet, it seems like everyone in the world is out to fucking stop me and
[3:02 - 3:03] I don't understand why.
[3:05 - 3:13] Like, what did I ever do to anyone that makes them wanna fucking shut me down?
[3:13 - 3:17] And not let me do the things I want to do with my life.
[3:17 - 3:21] Like, turning my fucking artwork that people love into a career.
[3:21 - 3:28] Artwork that people genuinely enjoy, I don't get it.
[3:36 - 3:38] That's not what I'm talking about.
[3:38 - 3:41] I'm not talking about this shit with Kate.
[3:41 - 3:44] I'm not worried about that.
[3:44 - 3:52] What I wanna know is why is it that everyone seems to be fucking
[3:52 - 3:56] out to shut me down when I've done nothing wrong?
[4:06 - 4:14] Like, I literally worked my ass off on these two abstract art pieces earlier today.
[4:14 - 4:18] Well, yesterday now, but I have this one right here.
[4:28 - 4:30] And I have this one right here as well.
[4:30 - 4:34] Both of which I busted my ass on.
[4:34 - 4:38] And people think this shit is easy to do.
[4:41 - 4:43] This actually is not easy to do.
[4:43 - 4:48] Cuz when you do trick style art, you have to get it proper.
[4:48 - 4:49] You have to get it right.
[4:49 - 4:53] That in itself is a fucking art form.
[5:02 - 5:08] And that painting that I did for you guys live, that first one that I did,
[5:08 - 5:10] I don't know how I did that.
[5:10 - 5:13] I really don't.
[5:14 - 5:22] See, I'm the kind of artist, see, I'm the kind of artist that when I do artwork,
[5:22 - 5:26] I can never replicate the same piece.
[5:26 - 5:31] And a lot of people have been asking me, can I do that exact piece?
[5:31 - 5:33] Honestly, I can't.
[5:33 - 5:40] I don't know why, I don't know if it's me as an artist,
[5:40 - 5:43] but I'm the kind of artist that when I do an art piece,
[5:43 - 5:45] I can never replicate it again.
[5:45 - 5:48] I can never do the same style again.
[5:48 - 5:55] Believe me, I have tried and tried and tried to do the exact same image before,
[5:55 - 6:01] multiple times with some of my older drawings growing up and I just can't do it.
[6:01 - 6:06] I'm the kind of person that it's literally a one off image.
[6:06 - 6:10] No image for me is the same.
[6:10 - 6:13] For me, no art piece is the same.
[6:13 - 6:20] I don't know if that runs in my family or what I don't understand,
[6:20 - 6:24] but what you guys that judge me don't understand is this.
[6:24 - 6:33] What you guys that want to judge me, what y'all don't understand is this.
[6:37 - 6:44] I've been doing artwork my whole life, my entire life, I've been doing artwork.
[6:44 - 6:49] And my art literally runs in my blood.
[6:49 - 6:58] Artwork legitimately runs in my fucking veins.
[6:58 - 7:06] My great grandmother was a very well-established, self-published author and artist.
[7:11 - 7:14] And many members of my family draw as well,
[7:14 - 7:22] including several of my nieces and nephews, my cousins, both my sisters draw.
[7:22 - 7:28] My mom is amazing at shading and coloring.
[7:28 - 7:31] She's one of the best at shading and coloring.
[7:31 - 7:35] I want to surprise she doesn't have a job doing it.
[7:36 - 7:40] So ultimately, me doing artwork fell into my lap.
[7:40 - 7:43] Well, it didn't really fall into my lap, but I was born with it.
[7:43 - 7:48] From the time I was four years old when I could hold a crayon,
[7:48 - 7:51] up until now, I've been doing artwork.
[7:51 - 7:57] So for 30 freaking years, I've been doing art my whole life.
[8:00 - 8:11] But what I don't understand is why people want to sit there and bash on me because I decide to go
[8:11 - 8:17] into the gray areas of doing fair use art, as well as my own paintings,
[8:17 - 8:22] like you guys have seen many times over, over the last few days.
[8:26 - 8:34] Like, I don't understand where it's fair that you guys sit there and tell me to get a job.
[8:34 - 8:38] Every day you guys tell me to get a job.
[8:38 - 8:45] And then when things start to take off, and I have had this happen,
[8:45 - 8:52] I have witnesses that have said this and have shown this and have seen this.
[8:53 - 8:57] Every time my stuff starts to take off and go somewhere good,
[8:57 - 9:02] and I start to make real money off of what I love,
[9:02 - 9:08] someone somewhere down the line shuts me down for no reason.
[9:08 - 9:11] And I don't understand why.
[9:11 - 9:20] I don't understand why it is that you guys feel like you have to single me out.
[9:20 - 9:29] Why not go after somebody like Tony, who is a real pedophile?
[9:29 - 9:37] Tony and Saucy are both very real pedophiles.
[9:37 - 9:42] Saucy has been convicted of pedophilia.
[9:42 - 9:47] Tony has actually been proven to be a pedophile.
[9:47 - 9:57] But here's the thing, vape rookie.
[9:57 - 10:02] And vape, I'm not trying to hate on you or anything at all, bro.
[10:02 - 10:02] I'm really not.
[10:02 - 10:04] I totally understand where you're coming from.
[10:04 - 10:05] And I get it.
[10:05 - 10:11] But what you don't, you're like, I'm not trying to say this to be rude or mean or anything, bro.
[10:11 - 10:12] I'm really not.
[10:12 - 10:15] But I don't know what any other way to put this.
[10:16 - 10:22] But I don't know if you're very aware of my story or my living conditions right now,
[10:22 - 10:32] but I'm unfortunately unable to get a regular job right now as my mom's boyfriend, my stepdad,
[10:32 - 10:41] here next month is actually going to be going into multiple surgeries over the next four months
[10:41 - 10:44] and will not be able to work.
[10:45 - 10:48] And they are actually their elderly.
[10:48 - 10:50] They are very much elderly.
[10:50 - 10:55] They're in their fifties and sixties and they're not able to do very much.
[10:55 - 10:58] I live here at home with my family.
[10:58 - 10:59] I help them out.
[10:59 - 11:06] Like I do what I can to help them out around the house with simple things,
[11:06 - 11:13] like helping them get to the bathroom, helping them get their socks and shoes on,
[11:13 - 11:16] helping them up and down stairs, helping them with the laundry,
[11:16 - 11:21] helping them with dishes, yard work, doing what I can to help.
[11:21 - 11:30] And after the surgery, they're going to need somebody here to help out, which is me.
[11:30 - 11:34] I've been taking care of my family my whole life.
[11:34 - 11:35] That's all I've ever known.
[11:35 - 11:40] I've not had that luxury of working a regular job.
[11:41 - 11:43] I mean, I did for a while.
[11:43 - 11:45] I worked odd jobs.
[11:45 - 11:54] I mowed lawns and did odd jobs here and there from about 2010 to about 2015
[11:54 - 11:58] when my older brother passed away from cancer.
[11:58 - 12:06] When I wasn't in high school on the weekends, I was working odd jobs to help make ends meet.
[12:08 - 12:12] And then unfortunately, my brother got diagnosed with lung cancer and passed away.
[12:12 - 12:15] And that made things very hard on us.
[12:15 - 12:19] My mom was very, very depressed.
[12:19 - 12:20] I was very depressed.
[12:20 - 12:27] And we had to deal with a lot of stuff with the aftershock and the after effects
[12:27 - 12:29] of my brother's passing.
[12:29 - 12:33] And then literally that same year in December,
[12:34 - 12:38] I had actually lost my best friend Zach to a murder.
[12:38 - 12:42] Zach was like my little brother.
[12:42 - 12:45] He was my best friend since high school.
[12:45 - 12:51] And after he passed, I didn't know what to do with myself.
[12:51 - 12:55] I truly did not know what to do with myself.
[12:55 - 13:00] I had tried to go back to working odd jobs.
[13:00 - 13:04] And I just, I kept lashing out at people.
[13:04 - 13:08] I had gotten fired from many of my odd jobs because I'd lashed out
[13:08 - 13:17] because I was so upset and devastated by the loss of my best friend that it tore me up inside.
[13:17 - 13:26] And then that's when I started turning to my music as an outlet.
[13:28 - 13:32] And ultimately turning to my artwork as an outlet.
[13:32 - 13:37] And the whole time as I was doing my artwork and my music,
[13:37 - 13:41] I had people telling me that I should pursue those things as a career.
[13:41 - 13:47] And that's what I had started to take my music seriously.
[13:47 - 13:50] And I had actually had a record deal at one point.
[13:50 - 13:57] But due to a lot of the negative stigma on YouTube that had been thrown my way,
[13:58 - 14:00] I had unfortunately lost that deal.
[14:00 - 14:05] It was just a small time vocal label.
[14:05 - 14:06] They're still pretty cool people.
[14:06 - 14:08] Like I'm still very cool with them.
[14:08 - 14:14] But once I'd lost that, I had to do everything on my own.
[14:14 - 14:20] I had to learn how to create music on my own.
[14:20 - 14:26] I had to learn how to do essentially everything that a record label does.
[14:27 - 14:30] I had to learn to do that all on my own.
[14:30 - 14:35] I had to learn to produce my own music, my own beats, instrumentals.
[14:35 - 14:43] I had to learn to record and mix and master, which I did master all those things.
[14:43 - 14:45] I was able to do all those things.
[14:45 - 14:51] But unfortunately, due to the lack of promotion from other people,
[14:51 - 14:55] it never really went anywhere.
[14:55 - 15:00] So that's when I decided to turn to my artwork here over the past few weeks.
[15:00 - 15:03] That's when I decided to turn to my artwork full time.
[15:03 - 15:09] Because I had grown up doing artwork my whole life since I was like four years old.
[15:09 - 15:15] So ultimately for me doing my artwork is that's in my blood.
[15:15 - 15:21] Artwork literally doing art legitimately runs in my veins.
[15:23 - 15:29] I'm an artist at heart, I have the blood of an artist.
[15:29 - 15:33] And honestly, I love doing art.
[15:33 - 15:38] I can honestly say that over the past few days, I have found I have literally
[15:38 - 15:44] reignited that flame and that passion for doing artwork again.
[15:44 - 15:49] And one of which I actually did the other night is the Art and Chill live stream.
[15:49 - 15:51] If you're if you want to check it out, you're more than welcome.
[15:51 - 16:01] You're more than welcome to check that stream out.
[16:01 - 16:13] But like I said, I want to make my artwork a career.
[16:15 - 16:22] You know, I want to be able to say, hey, I get to do artwork for a living.
[16:22 - 16:27] I get to paint pictures for people and do fun stuff like that.
[16:27 - 16:32] I want to be able to sit there and say, hey, I got an art sponsor.
[16:32 - 16:36] I'm doing something that nobody else can do like me.
[16:39 - 16:47] But in order for me to be able to get those art sponsorships, I need people to quit bullying me,
[16:47 - 16:53] quit taking down my shops and quit harassing me and my family every day.
[16:53 - 17:01] Like, guys, for those of you that troll me and attack me the way that you guys do,
[17:01 - 17:08] what you guys don't seem to understand or seem to realize is that my parents are elderly.
[17:09 - 17:15] They cannot handle this level of stress that you guys bring on to me.
[17:15 - 17:19] They don't need it, OK?
[17:19 - 17:24] My family didn't ask for the stress that you guys bring on to me.
[17:24 - 17:37] You don't know how many times my mom alone has felt bad that
[17:37 - 17:45] nobody will let me do what I need to do.
[17:45 - 17:51] You have no idea how many times my mom has tried to reach out and fucking help
[17:51 - 17:55] to put all this to a stop so I can be successful.
[17:55 - 17:58] I have literally watched my mom
[17:58 - 18:05] blow her fucking eyes out because she's so upset at the fact that y'all do what you do to me.
[18:06 - 18:10] It's not fair to me and it sure as fuck isn't fair to her
[18:10 - 18:13] or anyone else in my family that you guys go after.
[18:13 - 18:18] You guys seriously need to re-evaluate what you do
[18:18 - 18:22] because what you guys do to me just doesn't affect me.
[18:22 - 18:26] It affects everyone in my family.
[18:26 - 18:28] It affects my mom, my stepdad.
[18:28 - 18:30] It affects everyone.
[18:30 - 18:34] It affects other people other than just me.
[18:34 - 18:41] And you guys need to understand that.
[18:41 - 18:49] Everybody has been asking me lately why am I not doing music?
[18:49 - 18:55] Why have I not made any music recently other than the covers that I did on live?
[18:55 - 19:00] Well, the reason for that is because I want to leave the music industry for good.
[19:00 - 19:03] I don't want to do music anymore.
[19:03 - 19:08] I really don't, I'm burnt out on it.
[19:08 - 19:16] I've been doing music for so long when really I should have been doing my artwork the whole time.
[19:16 - 19:21] I've been focusing on the wrong things the whole time when I should have been focusing on my artwork.
[19:21 - 19:27] I really should have been focusing on my artwork this whole time.
[19:27 - 19:32] And now that I'm finally doing it, all of a sudden I'm getting attacked for no reason.
[19:33 - 19:42] All because I'm trying to make my true skills as an artist real.
[19:42 - 19:47] Trying to create something that people love.
[19:47 - 19:52] Something that I can actually make a very real living at.
[19:52 - 20:01] But unless you guys leave me alone and you stop causing my family stress, that'll never happen.
[20:02 - 20:14] So, I'm asking you guys to please, please stop causing me and my family stress.
[20:14 - 20:21] Please stop with the attacks and please stop reporting my shots.
[20:21 - 20:25] Especially when it's my original work that I do by hand.
[20:25 - 20:30] I do deserve a chance to make my dreams a reality.
[20:31 - 20:36] My family deserves the money, because my family has given me life.
[20:36 - 20:41] And I'm just trying to give back to them the same way that they gave to me.
[20:41 - 20:44] They gave me life.
[20:44 - 20:49] So, it's only fair that I'm able to repay them for what they've done.
[20:49 - 20:56] It's only fair.
[21:04 - 21:08] You know, all I've ever wanted to do my whole life was artwork.
[21:17 - 21:21] You know, all I've ever wanted to do since I was a little kid
[21:25 - 21:28] is do something that I can be remembered for.
[21:31 - 21:33] And I did some good stuff with music.
[21:33 - 21:35] I really did.
[21:44 - 21:47] You know, I did stuff with my music that nobody else can do.
[21:47 - 21:49] I created new genres.
[21:49 - 21:52] I broke boundaries and barriers.
[21:54 - 21:55] And people loved it.
[21:55 - 21:57] Even though it didn't really take off like it should have,
[21:57 - 22:02] I still created something that people will always remember and love.
[22:05 - 22:08] But when it comes to my artwork, that's where my true passion was.
[22:10 - 22:14] That's where my true talent comes out at is in my artwork.
[22:18 - 22:23] And for you guys to rob me of that is not fair to me,
[22:23 - 22:25] nor is it fair to my family.
[22:28 - 22:32] I'm trying to run a fair legitimate business with my artwork.
[22:33 - 22:35] But it seems like nobody wants to let me do that.
[22:36 - 22:40] And I don't understand why for the love of God, I don't get it.
[22:41 - 22:42] Like what is it?
[22:42 - 22:50] What's so bad about me that makes you want to make it to where I don't make it doing my artwork?
[22:52 - 22:55] I get that I did some fucked up shit, okay?
[22:55 - 23:01] I get that what I fell for and how I was framed by Kate and how I was tricked
[23:01 - 23:05] and catfished by Kate and how I fell for it.
[23:05 - 23:07] I get that what I did with that was wrong.
[23:07 - 23:11] I understand that and I've already taken responsibility for that
[23:11 - 23:14] by admitting my wrongs, by admitting what I did.
[23:14 - 23:17] I admitted to my wrongs.
[23:17 - 23:21] I admitted what I did was wrong, okay?
[23:22 - 23:23] And I paid the price for it.
[23:26 - 23:32] Most people wouldn't even have the courage or the balls to even admit to what they did wrong.
[23:32 - 23:36] But me, I manned up and I admitted to my wrongs.
[23:36 - 23:38] I faced my demons.
[23:44 - 23:49] So what I don't understand is why is it that nobody can seem to let me do me?
[23:51 - 23:55] Why is it that nobody can let me do what I have to do with my life
[23:55 - 23:57] and my artwork to make a true living?
[23:59 - 24:02] Why is it that I have to be the one to be singled out when there are plenty
[24:02 - 24:09] of other pedophiles out there like Tony and Saucy who are actually known pedophiles?
[24:10 - 24:12] Who actually have a history of this shit?
[24:14 - 24:17] Why go after somebody that's only done it one time?
[24:18 - 24:23] And fell for a fucking trick and got framed in catfish.
[24:24 - 24:27] Why go after the guy that got catfished?
[24:27 - 24:34] Why not go after people like Tony and Saucy who are actually pedophiles
[24:34 - 24:38] and have proven to be pedophiles on many live streams?
[24:42 - 24:46] I'm just an artist trying to do what he needs to do to provide for his family.
[24:47 - 24:50] Is there anything wrong with doing that?
[24:50 - 24:54] Is there anything wrong with wanting to use my artwork to be able to provide for my family?
[24:57 - 24:59] Like I don't understand the harm in that.
[25:03 - 25:10] I don't understand the harm in me wanting to use my artwork to make a living for my family.
[25:18 - 25:23] And Chi-town, that was before I found out that Saucy was a pedophile.
[25:23 - 25:32] I did not know he was a pedophile until after I gave him the shout out and I started doing
[25:32 - 25:34] research on him with some friends of mine.
[25:34 - 25:39] That's when I found out because one of my friends found some stuff on him and they showed me.
[25:40 - 25:43] I was unaware at the time when I gave him the shout out,
[25:43 - 25:46] I was unaware that he was a pedophile.
[25:46 - 25:49] I had no knowledge of it at all.
[25:50 - 25:52] I was not told this ahead of time.
[25:52 - 25:54] I was not showing any kind of information.
[25:55 - 25:57] And honestly, he didn't give up that kind of vibing.
[25:58 - 26:01] I thought he was just a guy that had no offense to Saucy,
[26:01 - 26:06] but I thought that he was just a guy that had special needs that was a little bit off.
[26:07 - 26:09] And he was just being nice.
[26:09 - 26:12] I was unaware that he actually was a pedophile.
[26:16 - 26:19] And I do regret shouting out Saucy.
[26:19 - 26:19] I really do.
[26:19 - 26:24] Had I known he was a pedophile, I would not have shouted him out.
[26:24 - 26:27] I would not have befriended him at all.
[26:29 - 26:33] I was unaware that Saucy is actually a pedophile.
[26:35 - 26:40] I was not made aware of this stuff until a few weeks ago.
[26:42 - 26:45] Why do you think I no longer speak to Saucy?
[26:46 - 26:50] Why do you think I no longer speak with the images and all those guys?
[26:51 - 26:53] Why do you think I no longer associate with them?
[26:55 - 26:59] Because of Saucy and other people that are in that community that are actually pedophiles
[26:59 - 27:02] and other shit like that.
[27:04 - 27:11] I'm focused on me and what I need to do for my family.
[27:23 - 27:30] Actually Travis, it does matter, dude.
[27:30 - 27:32] It really does.
[27:35 - 27:37] It really does matter.
[27:37 - 27:40] I understand what I did was wrong Travis, I get it.
[27:41 - 27:43] But that doesn't mean you have to keep bringing it up.
[27:45 - 27:48] I get what I did was wrong, and I atoned for that.
[27:49 - 27:51] All right, I admit it my wrong.
[27:51 - 27:57] I admit I was wrong in doing what I did, and I owned up to it.
[27:57 - 28:01] So why can't you and everyone else leave it alone?
[28:01 - 28:04] And stop worrying about what I did back then.
[28:04 - 28:07] Stop paying attention to what I did back then.
[28:12 - 28:17] Like real, stop paying attention to what I did back then,
[28:17 - 28:18] and take a look at what I'm doing now.
[28:20 - 28:22] I'm not that same person that I was.
[28:25 - 28:29] I'm actually better than what I was.
[28:33 - 28:36] Well, dude, I guess that just makes you a shitty person then, doesn't it?
[28:40 - 28:42] Like what I wanna know, Travis, is this.
[28:43 - 28:46] What is it gonna take for y'all to fucking let this shit go?
[28:57 - 28:59] Like, what's it gonna take for y'all to let this shit go,
[28:59 - 29:02] and let me live my fucking life in peace?
[29:10 - 29:13] Yo, babe, I'm about to freakin' mod you, dog.
[29:18 - 29:19] Well, here's the thing, dude.
[29:19 - 29:21] Here's what you don't understand, Travis.
[29:23 - 29:29] YouTube is the only place I have where I can promote my artwork, dude.
[29:30 - 29:31] I'm not leaving.
[29:33 - 29:35] I'm not going anywhere.
[29:52 - 29:54] Like, you don't understand how it works, do you?
[29:56 - 30:00] You really don't understand how it works, do you, Travis?
[30:02 - 30:04] You obviously don't get it.
[30:05 - 30:11] YouTube is my source of promotion for my artwork, okay?
[30:11 - 30:15] I have no choice but to be on YouTube to promote my work,
[30:15 - 30:18] 'cause half my fan base comes from YouTube.
[30:22 - 30:23] Yeah, triple.
[30:24 - 30:25] I'm not good, dude.
[30:27 - 30:31] And that's what some of you guys don't realize is a lot of my fan base,
[30:31 - 30:36] a lot of my fan base for my artwork comes from my YouTube channel.
[30:39 - 30:47] And that's why I have to promote it on here, because of the fact that my fan base is on here.
[30:49 - 30:52] Believe me, if I had another fucking source,
[30:52 - 30:56] if I had another platform, I would use it, but I don't.
[30:57 - 31:00] I have to utilize what's given to me.
[31:03 - 31:05] I just hope that you guys can find it in you,
[31:05 - 31:09] the same way that everybody else here has found it in them,
[31:09 - 31:14] to let me move on with my life and quit attacking me.
[31:24 - 31:34] Like I would love to find another platform,
[31:34 - 31:39] but I don't really have another platform like I have YouTube.
[31:43 - 31:49] Like I said, I just hope that y'all can find it in yourselves to let me do me,
[31:49 - 31:53] stop bringing up what I did.
[31:55 - 31:58] Is that too much to ask for?
[32:01 - 32:05] Is you guys not bringing up my past and paying attention to what I'm doing now?
[32:06 - 32:08] Is that too much to ask for?
[32:10 - 32:14] To stop looking at my past and start looking at what I'm doing now.
[32:16 - 32:21] How I'm trying to better myself, is that too much to ask for?
[32:23 - 32:29] Is it too much to ask to let me do my artwork and make a living for my artwork for my family?
[32:33 - 32:36] Like I don't understand what's so hard about that.
[32:38 - 32:40] I guess I just don't see what you guys see.
[32:45 - 32:49] Cuz let me tell you, if one of you guys were in my position,
[32:49 - 32:54] if the roles were switching, you guys had made the mistake that I made.
[32:56 - 33:02] Yes, I would get on your ass at first, but I would also not bring it up.
[33:05 - 33:10] Like after I speak with you about it, and I see that you're doing better, I wouldn't bring it up.
[33:10 - 33:12] I would let you live your life.
[33:13 - 33:15] I would let you live your life in peace.
[33:18 - 33:22] So I don't understand why you can't do the same for me in return.
[33:23 - 33:25] I don't hate anyone.
[33:27 - 33:29] I don't want to fight with anyone.
[33:32 - 33:38] What I want is to be able to do my artwork and have my own art shop where people can come in
[33:38 - 33:42] and purchase t-shirts and stuff that they enjoy with my art on it
[33:42 - 33:45] without being taken down or being harassed.
[33:46 - 33:51] So that I can turn my passion for artwork into a full-time job.
[33:54 - 33:57] But it's like no matter what I do, people want to shut me down and hold me back.
[33:59 - 34:00] And I'm tired of it.
[34:01 - 34:04] I'm tired of being stepped on and walked on and taken advantage of.
[34:06 - 34:11] All because of a mistake that I made a few weeks ago, well, a little over a few months ago.
[34:12 - 34:15] All because of a mistake I made a couple months ago.
[34:16 - 34:20] I feel like I'm being held back and I don't like that.
[34:22 - 34:23] I don't like being held back.
[34:26 - 34:28] And I just wish you guys would see that.
[34:39 - 34:44] Cuz let me tell you, I am genuinely sorry for what I did and the tricks that I felt for.
[34:45 - 34:48] I am genuinely sorry for that shit, okay?
[34:50 - 34:57] I am truly in 110% honestly from the bottom of my heart, sorry for what I fucking did wrong.
[34:59 - 35:01] I admit I was wrong in doing what I did.
[35:09 - 35:11] And yeah, maybe I don't deserve a second chance.
[35:12 - 35:16] Maybe I don't deserve to be able to do shit.
[35:18 - 35:23] But I'm hoping that you guys can look past all this shit and look past what I did.
[35:24 - 35:28] And let me show you what I'm doing now and you let me earn that second chance.
[35:29 - 35:32] Let me show you that I'm not doing that shit anymore.
[35:33 - 35:36] Let me show you that I'm better than that.
[36:14 - 36:23] You know, I get it, you know, and I know I keep referring to this one line,
[36:23 - 36:26] but I refer to it because it's very, very true.
[36:29 - 36:32] And I had to show this to Kate and many other people that hate on me.
[36:36 - 36:43] I had to show this same video to many other people that art and people are not perfect.
[36:44 - 36:48] Art is not perfect. Art was not meant to be perfect.
[36:50 - 36:58] Art was meant to be subjective. People are not perfect. We all have flaws.
[37:00 - 37:06] Art work has flaws. No one piece of art work is ever perfect.
[37:07 - 37:12] A true artist like myself is constantly looking to see what we can do better,
[37:12 - 37:15] looking to see if we can top what we did.
[37:21 - 37:27] And no person is perfect. We all have flaws. We all have imperfections.
[37:29 - 37:32] But those imperfections are what make us human.
[37:33 - 37:37] The fact that we make mistakes. Us as human beings,
[37:37 - 37:42] we were built to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes.
[37:50 - 37:55] We were made as humans to make and learn from our own mistakes.
[37:58 - 38:02] I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes in my life that I regret.
[38:05 - 38:08] I've made many mistakes in my life that I regret, but you know what?
[38:08 - 38:13] I learned from those mistakes and I've better myself from that.
[38:16 - 38:24] So I don't understand why you guys can't do the same thing that I'm doing
[38:26 - 38:32] and let the past be in the past and take a look at what I'm trying to do now.
[38:32 - 38:36] What's my artwork and doing what I have to do.
[38:44 - 38:48] I get that and to you, I may be annoying and I get that.
[38:49 - 38:57] I understand that. To some of you guys, I may be annoying, but that doesn't mean
[39:01 - 39:07] That my shop deserves to be shut down, especially after I've worked so hard on it.
[39:12 - 39:16] See, people think that running a shop is easy. It's really not.
[39:21 - 39:28] It takes just as much time to get a shop up and going as it does to work on an art piece.
[39:28 - 39:32] Sometimes it could take days. Sometimes it could take months.
[39:37 - 39:40] But let me tell you, I put everything I have into my art shop.
[39:42 - 39:47] It's something that I could be proud of. [BLANK_AUDIO]
[39:47 - 39:51] I wanna be able to look back one day. [BLANK_AUDIO]
[39:51 - 39:55] I wanna be able to look back on my life when I'm old and gray and I'm on that deathbed.
[39:56 - 40:04] I wanna be able to look back on my life. [BLANK_AUDIO]
[40:04 - 40:08] And say if, you know, if God willing, I get married and have kids,
[40:08 - 40:17] I wanna be able to look back on my life and look at my wife and children and say, hey, I did that.
[40:18 - 40:25] I'm proud of what I did. I'm proud that I ran my shop. I'm proud that I made it as an artist.
[40:25 - 40:32] I'm proud that I left something for the world. I'm proud of the art legacy that I left behind.
[40:40 - 40:43] But how can I do any of that? [BLANK_AUDIO]
[40:43 - 40:52] If I'm constantly being attacked and shut down and bashed on and harassed and bullied every day.
[40:56 - 40:59] Cuz I wanna tell you guys something. I've been bullied my whole life.
[41:01 - 41:10] My whole life, I've been bullied growing up. I am 30 years old, about to be 31 this year.
[41:12 - 41:24] I don't deserve this. [BLANK_AUDIO]
[41:24 - 41:28] And to Marty, I do hold that you can forgive me for what happened.
[41:30 - 41:33] And from the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry.
[41:34 - 41:38] And I hope that you can forgive me for what I said to you.
[41:42 - 41:48] And as for the rest of you guys that wanna troll me, I hope that you can look past all this.
[41:50 - 41:56] And forgive me for my wrongdoings. And I hope that you guys can stop bringing up my past.
[41:57 - 42:04] And start looking towards my future and what I'm doing now with my life.
[42:10 - 42:12] Cuz maybe then I'll be able to do something.
[42:18 - 42:25] I just hope and pray that you guys can one day forgive me and move past all this.
[42:35 - 42:39] Thank you.