2021-6-29 making the HArdest Choice of my life

[0:00 - 0:28] (coughing)
[0:28 - 0:39] (crying)
[0:39 - 0:52] You know, I didn't want it to come to this.
[0:53 - 0:55] I didn't want this to happen.
[0:55 - 1:07] I know I made a promise to my brother, Sean.
[1:07 - 1:13] I know I made a promise to my brother
[1:13 - 1:14] that I would keep posting.
[1:14 - 1:19] But anymore, I don't know what I can do.
[1:19 - 1:22] I just, I don't know.
[1:22 - 1:24] (crying)
[1:24 - 1:30] I know you guys are probably wondering what happened,
[1:30 - 1:33] why you upset, what's going on.
[1:33 - 1:34] Well, let me tell you.
[1:34 - 1:41] I was sitting down,
[1:41 - 1:48] preparing to work on some artwork
[1:48 - 1:51] for a merchandise shop, okay?
[1:51 - 1:53] I was preparing to work on a merchandise shop.
[1:53 - 1:59] When I got a message from one of my friends,
[1:59 - 2:03] not realizing I was brought into a group on Facebook
[2:03 - 2:07] that I had no idea I was even made part of.
[2:07 - 2:11] And you know what the group consisted of?
[2:11 - 2:14] Kate and her little fucking friends.
[2:14 - 2:18] Kate's little fucking friends
[2:19 - 2:23] were sitting there harassing me
[2:23 - 2:26] and attacking me for no reason.
[2:26 - 2:35] Acting like I deserve every bit of it.
[2:35 - 2:38] They had close friends of mine,
[2:38 - 2:42] friends of mine that I known for years up in there,
[2:42 - 2:44] watching as I got harassed and attacked.
[2:44 - 2:46] (crying)
[2:46 - 2:58] Every time I would leave, they would pull me right back in.
[2:58 - 3:00] I would leave, they would pull me right back in
[3:00 - 3:02] and I can't do anything to stop that.
[3:02 - 3:07] The only way I could stop it is by ignoring the messages.
[3:13 - 3:15] And let me tell you, the things I saw in that group
[3:15 - 3:17] were horrifying.
[3:17 - 3:22] They were degrading, disrespectful.
[3:22 - 3:25] So far to the point to where I've thought
[3:25 - 3:26] about taking life tonight.
[3:26 - 3:29] That's how bad it got.
[3:29 - 3:33] I genuinely was on the edge of wanting to end my life.
[3:33 - 3:38] I was at that point again
[3:38 - 3:40] to where I genuinely wanted to end my life
[3:40 - 3:42] because of what they're doing to me.
[3:42 - 3:44] (crying)
[3:44 - 3:51] I genuinely wanted to end my life because of it.
[3:51 - 4:08] And that's not even the worst of it.
[4:08 - 4:12] That's not even the worst fucking news.
[4:13 - 4:15] (crying)
[4:15 - 4:27] I just found out from my best friend Marcus's
[4:27 - 4:28] little brother Dominic.
[4:28 - 4:33] I just found out from my best friend's little brother,
[4:33 - 4:37] my childhood best friend Marcus,
[4:37 - 4:41] that he's in the hospital dying right now.
[4:41 - 4:43] (crying)
[4:43 - 4:45] Waiting for surgery.
[4:45 - 4:52] My best friend is in the fucking hospital, possibly dying.
[4:52 - 4:55] And you guys want to attack me?
[4:55 - 5:02] My best friend is laid up in a fucking hospital bed,
[5:02 - 5:03] possibly on his last leg,
[5:03 - 5:06] possibly at the end of his fucking life.
[5:06 - 5:10] And I didn't know about it until a little bit ago.
[5:11 - 5:13] (crying)
[5:13 - 5:16] My best friend is laid up in the fucking hospital,
[5:16 - 5:18] dying right now.
[5:18 - 5:23] And you want to sit here and attack me?
[5:23 - 5:26] You want to sit here and bully me?
[5:26 - 5:31] Do you hear how fucked up you are for that shit?
[5:31 - 5:33] Do you know how fucked up that is?
[5:33 - 5:36] It's bad enough
[5:38 - 5:40] that I have to deal with my best friend
[5:40 - 5:43] being in the hospital right now.
[5:43 - 5:45] That's bad enough that I have to deal with my best friend
[5:45 - 5:46] being in the hospital.
[5:46 - 5:52] That's more than enough.
[5:52 - 5:55] I don't deserve this bullying shit
[5:55 - 5:57] that you guys are putting me through,
[5:57 - 6:01] attacking my friends, attacking my family.
[6:01 - 6:03] I don't need it.
[6:03 - 6:05] I don't.
[6:05 - 6:08] I've got enough going on right now.
[6:08 - 6:13] I don't need this bullshit.
[6:13 - 6:24] Which is why I'm at the point,
[6:24 - 6:28] and I know I said I wasn't gonna do it.
[6:28 - 6:31] I know I said I wasn't going to.
[6:31 - 6:33] But it's gotten to the points
[6:33 - 6:36] where I may have to delete my channel
[6:36 - 6:37] and not come back, ever.
[6:38 - 6:42] Because of the harassment that I face every day.
[6:42 - 6:49] Hell, I may even have to delete my Facebook at start over.
[6:49 - 6:50] That's how bad it is.
[6:50 - 6:54] I may have to fucking delete my Facebook at start over.
[6:54 - 7:00] And I don't want to have to do that.
[7:07 - 7:10] (audience laughing)
[7:10 - 7:16] My dude, you fucking trolls need to leave me the hell alone.
[7:16 - 7:20] Leave me the fuck alone, all right?
[7:20 - 7:26] You guys need to grow up and get a goddamn life, man.
[7:26 - 7:33] Let me live mine.
[7:33 - 7:35] Let me live my life.
[7:36 - 7:38] Oh yeah, hey, Kate.
[7:38 - 7:41] Let me live my life, mass home reports.
[7:41 - 7:44] 'Cause I know it was you that sent those people to my page.
[7:44 - 7:47] I know it was your little fucking posse
[7:47 - 7:49] that did this shit.
[7:49 - 7:54] I know it was your friends,
[7:54 - 7:57] 'cause you're the only one that would do shit like that.
[7:57 - 8:00] You're the only one that would send people after me.
[8:00 - 8:04] You're the only one that would do something like that.
[8:05 - 8:08] And Kate, I'm telling you,
[8:08 - 8:12] you and your little friends need to leave me alone.
[8:12 - 8:19] Let me live my life in fucking peace.
[8:19 - 8:32] You think it's easy going through what I go through?
[8:32 - 8:37] You think it's easy having to wake up every day
[8:37 - 8:41] and the first thing you see is a bullying message,
[8:41 - 8:44] knowing that you can't do anything about it?
[8:44 - 8:57] You think it's easy waking up every day,
[8:57 - 8:59] knowing that the first thing you're gonna see
[8:59 - 9:03] when you get on Facebook is a bullying message?
[9:03 - 9:06] Or get on YouTube to do a livestream
[9:06 - 9:08] and all you get is harassed and bullied?
[9:08 - 9:21] My best friend is laid up in the hospital
[9:21 - 9:27] fighting for his fucking life right now.
[9:27 - 9:29] I don't need this.
[9:29 - 9:40] My best friend is in the hospital
[9:40 - 9:43] fighting for his fucking life right now.
[9:43 - 9:49] And you wanna sit here and bully me?
[9:49 - 9:51] You wanna sit here and harass me?
[9:51 - 9:54] You wanna sit here and attack me?
[9:54 - 9:57] When my childhood best friend is laid up
[9:57 - 10:01] in the fucking hospital possibly dying?
[10:01 - 10:08] You guys are fucking cowards.
[10:08 - 10:10] You guys are monsters.
[10:10 - 10:14] This ain't no goddamn game.
[10:14 - 10:16] This ain't no goddamn joke.
[10:16 - 10:18] This is real life, people.
[10:18 - 10:20] This is real fucking life.
[10:20 - 10:24] This ain't no YouTube joke shit.
[10:24 - 10:26] This is real goddamn life.
[10:26 - 10:39] This is real goddamn life, man.
[10:39 - 10:45] My best friend is in the hospital
[10:45 - 10:51] possibly dying right now,
[10:51 - 10:56] down in Florida, and I have no way to get there.
[10:56 - 11:18] And you think it's funny to harass and attack me?
[11:21 - 11:25] My best friend is down in Florida in the hospital
[11:25 - 11:26] fighting for his life right now,
[11:26 - 11:29] and you think that this is a game?
[11:29 - 11:31] You think that this shit is okay?
[11:31 - 11:36] You think this shit's funny when it's not?
[11:36 - 11:41] Why can't you just leave me alone?
[11:41 - 11:46] Why can't you back off and leave me alone?
[11:46 - 11:47] I don't get it.
[11:49 - 11:52] Why can't you leave me alone
[11:52 - 11:54] and let what happened to me go?
[11:54 - 11:57] Let it go.
[11:57 - 12:02] Let what I did go.
[12:02 - 12:05] I admitted what I did was wrong.
[12:05 - 12:09] I had my life threatened.
[12:09 - 12:11] I had cops out here.
[12:11 - 12:15] Now leave me alone.
[12:18 - 12:21] Leave me the fuck alone.
[12:21 - 12:23] Let me live my life.
[12:23 - 12:38] You think it's okay to just sit there
[12:38 - 12:40] and bully people, motherfuckers?
[12:40 - 12:42] You're dead ass wrong.
[12:42 - 12:46] And you wonder why I sat in that fucking Facebook group
[12:46 - 12:49] and threatened to kill every one of you motherfuckers
[12:49 - 12:52] that's harassing me.
[12:52 - 12:55] You wonder why it's 'cause you pushed me to it.
[12:55 - 13:00] You pushed me to threaten your lives.
[13:00 - 13:03] It's not that I wanted to,
[13:03 - 13:06] but you keep on harassing me and attacking me
[13:06 - 13:08] and pushing me so far that I snapped.
[13:08 - 13:15] I don't deserve this.
[13:15 - 13:16] I don't.
[13:16 - 13:50] (crying)
[13:53 - 13:54] You know, it's pretty fucked up.
[13:54 - 13:59] My best friend Marcus is laying up
[13:59 - 14:01] in the fucking hospital right now.
[14:01 - 14:03] And all you trolls wanna do is sit here
[14:03 - 14:06] and attack me and laugh at me
[14:06 - 14:10] and bully me and make my life miserable.
[14:10 - 14:13] My best friend is laying up in the hospital
[14:13 - 14:14] and what are you doing?
[14:14 - 14:21] My best friend is dying in the fucking hospital right now.
[14:22 - 14:24] And what are you doing?
[14:24 - 14:30] Attacking me, harassing me, and bullying me,
[14:30 - 14:32] turning my friends against me?
[14:32 - 14:46] I'm sick of it, man.
[14:46 - 14:49] You guys need to grow up and get a fucking life.
[14:49 - 14:51] (crying)
[14:51 - 14:54] And leave me alone.
[14:54 - 15:09] For real, y'all need to leave me alone.
[15:09 - 16:25] (crying)
[16:25 - 16:33] You know, it's pretty fucking shitty
[16:33 - 16:35] of you guys to do what you're doing.
[16:35 - 16:40] It's pretty fucking shitty.
[16:41 - 17:17] (crying)
[17:42 - 17:45] Why can't you guys just leave me alone?
[17:45 - 17:48] I don't understand it.
[17:48 - 17:50] Why can't you just leave me the hell alone?
[17:50 - 18:04] Just leave me alone.
[18:04 - 18:08] That's all I ask, is to be left alone.
[18:09 - 18:34] (crying)
[18:34 - 19:01] Wait, why me?
[19:01 - 19:03] I don't understand it.
[19:03 - 19:05] Why attack me?
[19:29 - 19:31] I don't understand it.
[19:32 - 19:50] (crying)
[20:16 - 20:22] If you don't know the extremes that you trolls are pushing me to.
[20:22 - 20:28] If you don't know what dark place you trolls are pushing me to.
[20:28 - 20:31] Let me show you.
[20:31 - 20:36] Let me show you the dark place that you're pushing me to.
[20:36 - 20:43] Let me show you where you're pushing me.
[20:43 - 20:45] (crying)
[20:45 - 21:09] And it's not a place I want to go back to, but you're putting me in that position.
[21:12 - 21:16] People will tell you, "Why don't you go get some help?"
[21:16 - 21:18] Take some meds.
[21:18 - 21:23] Go see a counselor, and they can help you with your problems.
[21:23 - 21:27] Some people can never understand.
[21:27 - 21:30] It's a war inside your head.
[21:31 - 21:34] Lately, I've been distant from the world in a quiet place.
[21:34 - 21:37] These are my people I have differently I can't embrace.
[21:37 - 21:39] Who am I to hurt and all the pain?
[21:39 - 21:43] Can you feel my rage growing up as bullies that consider me a fancy case?
[21:43 - 21:46] For things to change, the past is done and over with.
[21:46 - 21:49] Why I keep on dwelling on it while my thoughts hold cancerous?
[21:49 - 21:51] All my best friends have to die.
[21:51 - 21:52] God, can you please answer this?
[21:52 - 21:54] Why am I still agonizing?
[21:54 - 21:55] I'm gonna let's relate.
[21:55 - 21:58] Shit, maybe I'm a criminal. Take a shot in Z and W.
[21:58 - 21:59] Get in my stomach.
[21:59 - 22:01] Promo reason that we never said a lot.
[22:01 - 22:03] Promo fun and struggle, I can promise.
[22:03 - 22:05] Stay at home, my lame son.
[22:05 - 22:07] Put in trouble, lock inside my fucking throne.
[22:07 - 22:08] Feel my thoughts get really killed.
[22:08 - 22:10] Best we leave, I will be dead.
[22:10 - 22:11] High and mild, get safe in life.
[22:11 - 22:13] Yeah, and sometimes I forget.
[22:13 - 22:14] Feel my demons flee to play.
[22:14 - 22:16] I'm barely hanging by the thread.
[22:16 - 22:19] Maybe I should pull this trigger and they just let my mind arrest.
[22:19 - 22:21] Yeah, lost in the music.
[22:21 - 22:22] This is their ability.
[22:22 - 22:25] I feel it barely hanging on.
[22:25 - 22:27] I don't know if I can do this.
[22:27 - 22:28] Will I rise?
[22:28 - 22:29] Will I fall?
[22:29 - 22:30] Will I rise?
[22:30 - 22:31] Will I fall?
[22:31 - 22:33] I don't know any more.
[22:33 - 22:35] Look at my reflection.
[22:35 - 22:39] In the presence of David, we said I was dreaming.
[22:39 - 22:40] Will I rise?
[22:40 - 22:41] Will I fall?
[22:41 - 22:42] Will I rise?
[22:42 - 22:43] Will I fall?
[22:43 - 22:45] I don't know any more.
[22:45 - 22:47] I know your life is glamorous.
[22:47 - 22:49] I can see it in your eyes.
[22:49 - 22:50] You can't even stand yourself.
[22:50 - 22:51] Your past's on you.
[22:51 - 22:53] So you go around my little tosser.
[22:53 - 22:54] Turning every night to pay.
[22:54 - 22:57] Then if it even helps, you quit the party.
[22:57 - 22:59] Quit the drugs, quit the reaper.
[22:59 - 23:02] And now you think it's problem solved 'cause you change your people.
[23:02 - 23:03] You wake up miserable.
[23:03 - 23:05] It's clear your feet enough for evil.
[23:05 - 23:08] Take my hand tonight and I can promise you'll be always peaceful.
[23:08 - 23:11] Would've thought my family, I can't leave 'em in a disarray.
[23:11 - 23:12] You got time and they'll move on.
[23:12 - 23:14] Forget about you anyway.
[23:14 - 23:17] Would've bought my fans and the impact I had made on them.
[23:17 - 23:18] Find another source.
[23:18 - 23:19] Do not worry.
[23:19 - 23:20] There was other men.
[23:20 - 23:22] If you go, do not act like you have any friends.
[23:22 - 23:23] Heaven don't exist.
[23:23 - 23:24] This is it.
[23:24 - 23:25] Will you take my hand?
[23:25 - 23:26] The voice is getting louder.
[23:26 - 23:27] You can't find it.
[23:27 - 23:28] Best to sign your will.
[23:28 - 23:29] Show me on the darker side.
[23:29 - 23:30] Throw the truth.
[23:30 - 23:31] Live to hell.
[23:31 - 23:32] Y'all stealing me with it.
[23:32 - 23:33] This is it.
[23:33 - 23:47] That's the kind of shit that y'all put me into.
[23:47 - 23:49] That's where y'all motherfuckers put me.
[23:49 - 40:47] That's where y'all put me.