2021-6-26 HOW AM I NO THE VICTIM

[0:00 - 0:22] I know that this is my first post on this channel for the day, but I want to talk about something
[0:22 - 0:39] serious here. Something serious that keeps being brought up. And that's the fact of people
[0:39 - 0:53] saying they're saying that I'm not the victim. Let me ask you this. How am I not the victim
[0:53 - 1:04] in all of this? How am I not the victim? Yes, I've called names. Yes, I've told people
[1:04 - 1:14] to end their lives. Yes, I made a mistake that I shouldn't have felt for. But in all
[1:14 - 1:22] of that you have to look at the other side of it. The people that pushed me to call
[1:22 - 1:29] their names. The fact that they put me on the edge of suicide and I tried to end my
[1:29 - 1:38] life many times on live streams. The fact that these people, the fact that these people
[1:38 - 1:49] bully me so much that I call them names. You have to think about that. You have to
[1:49 - 1:55] think about those things. Well, yes, it may be true that I made a mistake that no one
[1:55 - 2:00] really wants to let me live down and that's fine. That's fine if you don't want to let
[2:00 - 2:09] me live that down. That's fine. But you have to take into consideration how people call
[2:09 - 2:22] me, blow up my phone, threaten my life, threaten my family's lives, attack me, bully me, try
[2:22 - 2:31] to ruin me by putting me on sites such as Kiwi Farms, stealing my private photos and
[2:31 - 2:41] videos and posting them to adult websites. So again, I ask you, how am I not the victim
[2:41 - 2:52] when I have all this stuff happening to me? I did not ask for any of this. I did not
[2:52 - 3:00] ask to be trolled. I did not ask to have my private photos and videos shared with the
[3:00 - 3:10] public. I did not ask to have my life threatened. I did not ask to be put on the edge of suicide.
[3:10 - 3:24] I did not ask to be bullied. So again, I ask you, how am I not the victim? Well, yes, it's
[3:24 - 3:31] true I have done stupid things. That is true. But that does not necessarily mean that I
[3:31 - 3:44] am the bad guy. Yes, I made a stupid mistake that I regret. But that does not make me the
[3:44 - 3:52] bad guy. You have to take a look at all parties involved. Take a look at Masshole reports.
[3:52 - 4:02] Our channel is riddled with people who she has victimized, people like myself, whom lives
[4:02 - 4:14] she has ruined, people like music biz Marty, who have private discords on me, who have
[4:14 - 4:27] made memes about me, who have personally taken and tried to humiliate me. People like Sneaky
[4:27 - 4:35] Jim who have tried to ruin friendships. So again, I ask you this, ladies and gentlemen,
[4:35 - 4:47] in what way am I not the victim? Do you think I like being angry? No, I do not. I am not
[4:47 - 4:56] an angry person. If anything, you can ask Lava. Ask Lava Girl. Ask Violet. Ask anyone
[4:56 - 5:05] that knows me personally. Help. Even ask music biz Marty himself. I am one of the most relaxed
[5:05 - 5:09] and chilled out people that you can never read. Help. Even though I don't really get
[5:09 - 5:20] along with Skeletor the God that much, even he has seen my chill side. Siznak has seen
[5:20 - 5:38] my chill side. And no, it is not that I crave attention. It's that people like you guys
[5:38 - 5:47] that bully me bring on negative attention. Help. Ask Courtney. Help Courtney, I'll tell
[5:47 - 5:59] you, I'm one of the chills motherfuckers there is. I'm normally not an angry person, but
[5:59 - 6:06] when you push me so far, what do you expect me to do? To sit there and just take the
[6:06 - 6:13] bullying and not say something? To sit there and let you take my friends away from me
[6:13 - 6:37] and not say something? To let you victimize me and not say something? Hell, Lava Girl
[6:37 - 6:48] here for a fact can tell you that I've held many conversations with many people and what's
[6:48 - 6:56] calm as fuck. Ask Lava, she can tell you how calm I am. I'm usually relaxed. You want
[6:56 - 7:05] to know what I enjoy? I don't enjoy being mad. I don't enjoy being angry. What I enjoy
[7:05 - 7:13] is hanging out, relaxing, creating content that I enjoy, such as an anti-suicide film
[7:13 - 7:18] that I'm currently working on called Alone. It's an anti-suicide short film that I'm
[7:18 - 7:23] working on where I'm taking real events of things that I've been through and compiling
[7:23 - 7:31] them into a film and turning it into something. Ah, we got a proud number coming, ladies and
[7:31 - 7:41] gentlemen. Hello? Can you tell your husband they can open up his fucking eyes and watch
[7:41 - 7:47] my stream? Because obviously he doesn't know the full story and he needs to get the full
[7:47 - 8:04] thing in order to understand, so tell him to watch my stream along with yourself. As
[8:04 - 8:20] I said, you guys think that I'm not a victim. When, what do you call having private photos
[8:20 - 8:27] and videos leaked onto adult websites without my knowledge or permission? What do you call
[8:27 - 8:35] hacking into my Discord, stealing private photos and videos? What do you call making
[8:35 - 9:01] AQE forms about myself? What do you call? What are we doing? Hello? Yeah.
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[14:28 - 14:36] Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen. I do apologize for that. Ouch.
[14:36 - 14:58] Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen. I do apologize for that. I had to help my family
[14:58 - 15:12] with something real quickly, but let me explain to you guys something. Some of you may not realize
[15:12 - 15:22] this. Some of you may not realize what it is exactly that I've been through. Some of you
[15:22 - 15:38] may not realize this, and I know some of you are going to laugh, and that's okay if you do
[15:38 - 15:48] laugh, because you don't want to see it. I don't mind if you sit there and you laugh, but what I'm
[15:48 - 15:56] about to tell you is very real. Before the "Asshole Reports" thing, let me tell you, I was getting
[15:56 - 16:06] victimized long before that. I was getting victimized long before Kate even came along. See, when
[16:06 - 16:12] my name first started getting known, music biz Marty fucked with me a little bit. Nothing
[16:12 - 16:20] too serious. Until last year, after our common friend Jamie's passing, our mutual friend
[16:20 - 16:28] Jamie, after she passed, what did Marty decide to do? Music biz Marty decided to have his little
[16:28 - 16:38] friends hack into my Facebook, my personal Facebook, mind you, have private photos and videos
[16:38 - 16:46] that were between me and my exes, along with private videos between me and my exes, on
[16:46 - 16:58] Discord, and post them to adult websites, such as X videos, X answer, Pornhub, many different
[16:58 - 17:12] adult websites. Okay, and then, to top it all off, what did he do? He had people Photoshop pictures
[17:12 - 17:24] of me hanging myself, made a fake website, attacked my dead brother, attacking my brother
[17:24 - 17:38] who lost his life to lung cancer back in 2015. And then, to boot, I had people such as the
[17:38 - 17:49] vendor boys attacking me, people such as Bloated Kiki going around and attacking me. And then,
[17:49 - 17:55] what happens when things died down and things finally settled and I got them to stop? Then,
[17:55 - 18:03] what happened? National reports came along and trolled the shit out of me. And as I said,
[18:03 - 18:15] as I said, I do not harbor what I did as being okay. Do I agree with what I did? No. I understand
[18:15 - 18:27] fully and I'm very much aware of what I did and how wrong that it was. But, how is it that
[18:27 - 18:36] people expect me to move on with my life and do better for myself and to learn from my mistakes
[18:36 - 18:45] if no one lets me live my life, lets me move on from the past? You can't hang on to the past
[18:45 - 19:00] forever. You can't do it. Because, see, in order to survive in this world, in order to be able
[19:00 - 19:07] to survive in this world, you have to have progress. And if you're constantly holding me
[19:07 - 19:17] to my past, how am I supposed to make any progress? How am I supposed to make any kind
[19:17 - 19:42] of progress if I'm constantly being tied down to my past?
[19:42 - 19:54] And see, to you, it might not get a pass. But again, I say this. Again, I tell you this,
[19:54 - 20:03] and I say this with conviction. I learned my lesson when my family's lives got put
[20:03 - 20:12] in danger. And do you guys realize that? Do you guys realize that my family's lives got
[20:12 - 20:23] put in very real danger? Do you realize that? My family's lives got put in danger because
[20:23 - 20:30] people wanted to threaten my life. Because see, something you guys don't realize, when
[20:30 - 20:37] you threaten my life, you threaten my family's lives. And that's something that a lot of
[20:37 - 20:45] you don't seem to realize. Now, like I said, while yes, what I did was wrong, I understand
[20:45 - 20:50] that and I've been taking responsibility for that. I've been taking responsibility
[20:50 - 21:02] for what I've done wrong. But on the same token, as I said last night, why point the
[21:02 - 21:09] finger at just me? Why not take a look and point the finger at everyone else involved
[21:09 - 21:15] as well? Why point the finger at the little guy? Why point the finger at the guy who
[21:15 - 21:25] committed the crime? And why don't you point the finger at the source of the problem? Point
[21:25 - 21:41] the finger at the person that caused the problem, which in this case is Mass Hall reports.
[21:41 - 21:56] Along with many other people who have victimized me.
[21:56 - 22:02] So tell me again, ladies and gentlemen, how I'm not a victim when I've been being
[22:02 - 22:10] bullied long before Mass Hall reports even came along. I've had private videos and
[22:10 - 22:27] photos stolen. I've had people make memes about me. I've had people attack my family,
[22:27 - 22:34] my friends, people I care about. And you're going to sit there and say that I'm not
[22:34 - 22:40] the victim. You're going to sit there and say that I'm the bad guy and you're not
[22:40 - 22:49] even going to look at the people who caused it. And here's the thing, I did not make
[22:49 - 22:57] the choice to have my stuff being broken into. I did not make that choice. That one
[22:57 - 23:05] was out of my control. And yes, I made the choice to make a stupid decision. And I'm
[23:05 - 23:11] very well aware of that. I am very well aware of the fact that I made a stupid decision.
[23:11 - 23:22] But at the same time, you guys should have common sense enough to know that when I
[23:22 - 23:28] get home from what I did and I write my wrongs, you should have the common sense enough to
[23:28 - 23:35] be like, okay, this person was man enough to come out and admit his wrongs. We should
[23:35 - 23:50] let him live his life. Exactly, Lava. And that is true. A lot of you people don't see
[23:50 - 23:56] the tears that I cry every night because of what I get put through. You don't see
[23:56 - 24:09] the pain that I suffer through every night. You don't see what it is that I deal
[24:09 - 24:34] with, how my family hurts every day because of what you guys put me through.
[24:34 - 24:41] As a matter of fact, I'd like to dedicate this song, Angel versus Demon, to those like
[24:41 - 24:48] myself who have gotten bullied and have been victimized. So to anyone out there who
[24:48 - 25:09] has been victimized, this is for you.
[25:10 - 25:52] So to anyone out there who has been victimized, this is for you.
[25:52 - 25:56] So to anyone out there who has been hypothesized, this is for you.
[25:56 - 26:03] So to anyone out there who has been victimized, this is for you.
[26:03 - 26:08] So to anyone out there who has been criticized, this is for you.
[26:08 - 26:35] So to anyone out there who has been victimized, this is for you.
[26:35 - 26:44] So to anyone out there who has been hospitalized, this is for you.
[26:44 - 26:46] So to anyone out there who has been hypothesized, this is for you.
[26:46 - 26:50] So to anyone out there who has been victimized, this is for you.
[26:50 - 26:58] So to anyone out there who has been hospitalized, this is for you.
[26:58 - 27:00] So to anyone out there who has been victimized, this is for you.
[27:00 - 29:42] So to anyone out there who has been hospitalized, this is for you.
[29:42 - 29:48] To anyone out there who has been hospitalized, this is for you.
[29:48 - 32:39] So to anyone out there who has been hospitalized, this is for you.
[32:40 - 32:45] Thank you.
[32:46 - 33:29] So to anyone out there who has been hospitalized, this is for you.
[33:29 - 33:56] and I just told me what to do. Why is it that? Not even you can ever let me go. Why is it that? I'm always caught up in this drink. Check the death. It be fucking dead. I just want to put my life through a fucking death. Pull my trigger and I can probably go up to my brain and spit my cranium. Told me that. Then we might break it. Come on over here, my friend. I feel free. Then my spirit can't go away. I'll get to the heaven in the sky. So why you gotta suck around more?
[33:56 - 34:20] But I'm still me. You said that I'm fake, guys, but that's the real me. Looking at me through your eyes, but you don't see me. Maybe you should free me. You should free me. You said that I lost myself, but I'm still me. You said that I'm fake, guys, but that's the real me. Looking at me through your eyes, but you don't see me. Maybe you should free me. You should free me.
[34:20 - 34:49] Maybe you should free me. Every single day, every single night, every one of you motherfucking trolls tries to motherfucker, give me tag and that's what you wanna say. They're important to me. You don't ever wanna see what I go through every fucking day. It's like I'm on the fucking edge. You're left alone in the dark. Don't know where they go. Don't know where the fucking start. I'm so sick of this shit. Sick of being up. Talk your victim on my own. Self-demise. So sick of being on me. Yeah, just say it.
[34:49 - 35:18] I'm feeling on me. Yeah, just suicide. Every fucking day and night. Nobody here know what to see. The demons that are battling every day, every night. I'm all alone. Always fucking scared. I'm always looking for a way out at the top. I just wanna disappear. I'm so sick. I'm so fucking sick of all these demons that are running through my head. I get so fucking sick of myself, but I'm still me. You said that I'm fake, guys, but that's the real me. Looking at me through your eyes, but you don't see me.
[35:18 - 35:34] Maybe you should free me. You should free me. You said that I lost myself, but this is real me. You said that I'm fake, guys, but that's the real me. Looking at me through your eyes, but you don't see me. Maybe you should free me. You should free me.
[35:34 - 35:54] Yeah, maybe you should free me so fast, you can fucking see me. You say I'm fake as fuck, but this is the real me. I am a motherfucking victim to everything that every one of you is fucking. Put me through my brain, so fuck your loss.
[35:54 - 36:12] My, my supporters can't act, what? 'Cause I need to pay what price do I have to fuck to pay to be able to get free from this agonizer pain? I wanna break the chain to be the real me. Be a better me, but how can I be a better me if I'm always broken down?
[36:12 - 36:37] Why? Is it that I can't be the real me? How am I supposed to be the real me? How am I supposed to break this damn chain? Take it don't let me go and let me do it. This is not who I wanna be. I wanna be a better me. I'm tired of getting up, motherfucking victim, make me think they don't need it too big. I'm some sick of the shit. Please let me go, I need to get away.
[36:38 - 37:06] [silence]
[37:06 - 37:23] [typing]
[37:23 - 37:51] Hey Grandpa!
[37:51 - 38:18] Why? Is it that everybody always has to attack me? Every single day and night it's always why, why, why? Why attack me? Why pulling me? Why me? Why my family? Why everybody that I care about? Why am I always being the one to believe out on the ground? Be a left to get by? Everybody that wants to attack me? I don't understand it very clearly. Somebody please explain it to me.
[38:18 - 38:38] I just wanna be a better me. I just wanna be who I used to be before. All of this funny and all of this antagonizing. Yeah kid I made a few mistakes and I'm not perfect. But neither of you is getting deep. None of us are perfect. We are all the same on the inside. Why? Is it that you can't see that?
[38:38 - 38:53] Why me? Why now? Why do you? Gotta say they're avoiding me. Every fucker they are so sick of the shit. Sick of always being angry. Sick of being on the end of suicide. Sick of wanting to take my life. Sick of the depression every day and night.
[38:53 - 39:13] Sick of these demons running through my head every single night. Every single day they wanna put me away. At the time I wanna pull the trigger cuz my eyes will go away every single night. At the time I wish that I wouldn't wake up. At the time I wish I wasn't born at all because of everything that you put me through.
[39:13 - 39:34] This isn't right at all. This is not what I want for myself. I'm so sick of being made out to be a bully. Sick of being made out to be this way when I'm not. So why do you gotta sit there and make me out to be a bully when really I'm the victim in all this motherfucker bullshit.
[39:34 - 39:50] All this niggas that space every single day trying to get to me. I'm so sick of crying these fucking tears every day I don't understand a bully. Why is it that I'm the one that you gotta bash on? Is it because to you I'm the fucking true?
[39:50 - 40:16] Is it because to you I'm delusional? Or is it because of the fact that my vision's just way different than yours and I'm here fighting for my dreams every fucking day. Finding to make a change, finding to do something to make a better change in my life every single day. God I dedicate away so I can make sure I got somebody help me.
[40:16 - 40:31] Bring me away from this dope brutality. Somebody bring me away from all these demons that I'm dealing with. That I'm struggling with every fucking day. On the day they have the time I just wanna throw away and say goodbye to this fucking earth.
[40:31 - 40:49] So maybe then I can fuck your recipes and get away from all of these motherfucking bullies and hate me I can be somebody that I'm not. Yeah I kid that I did something wrong but at what cost you I have to fuck yourself a bit cuz of what you decide to hold against me.
[40:49 - 40:55] I'm out here being victimized on the day that you wanna hold it against me.
[40:55 - 41:07] I'm out here every day trying to make a better me. Trying to make a change but yeah you want to attack me? I don't get it.
[41:07 - 41:28] [Music]
[41:28 - 41:53] I don't know what happened to me God. I'm just trying to get a hold of mine. Heaven won't you let me in? I am gambled every day. I can really love this family love. I've been killing my business plans. I've been cold of all my fears. I don't need a souvenir. I don't know what happened to me God.
[41:53 - 42:01] Heaven won't you let me in? Heaven won't you let me in? I'm just trying to get out of my life. Heaven won't you let me in? Heaven won't you let me in? Heaven won't you let me in? I'm just trying to get out of my life.
[42:01 - 42:55] [Music]
[42:55 - 43:23] Heaven won't you let me in? I am gambled every day. I can really love this family love. I've been killing my business plans. I've been cold of all my fears. I don't need a souvenir. I don't know what happened to me God. Heaven won't you let me in? Heaven won't you let me in? I'm just trying to get out of my life. Heaven won't you let me in?
[43:23 - 43:55] [Music]
[43:55 - 44:13] All the negativity always fun. Kids around me I'm so sick of this shit. Sick and tired of everything of everything and everybody always doing this rock shit to me. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired of everything. I just want to do me and make a better life for me and my family.
[44:13 - 44:41] [Music]
[44:41 - 44:49] I'm just trying to get out of my life to the beats.com
[44:49 - 45:13] [Music]
[45:13 - 45:19] Shout out to the homie David J on this man. Shout out to my boy Cryptic Wisdom. Much love to you brother.
[45:19 - 45:25] [Music]
[45:25 - 45:27] I want to do a new big L.
[45:27 - 47:53] [Music]
[47:53 - 48:15] That right there, that song right there is about people like me face every fucking night. We have a mental gun to our head every night. Every night we have a mental gun to our head. Wondering should we pull that trigger?
[48:15 - 48:25] Should we pull that trigger and give up on everything? Give up on our life? Or should we put it down and keep fighting?
[48:25 - 48:31] That's what people like me go through every fucking day, every fucking night.
[48:31 - 48:45] And you guys that want to sit there and troll and bully and attack, you guys are the motherfuckers that put us there. It's not that we want to be there, you put us there.
[48:45 - 49:32] [Silence]
[49:32 - 49:47] And this one right here, this is for everyone that's been on the edge. This for everyone like me that faces the edge every day. We're fighting this together, you're not alone.
[49:47 - 50:11] It's the gaming around me, when I thought we saw the ground. I tried to look the other way, but I couldn't turn around. It's okay for you to hate me, all the things I've done. I've made a few mistakes, but I'm not the only one.
[50:11 - 50:40] Step away from the ledge, I'm coming down. I can never grieve what you want me to. You're fully under, just to save yourself. You will never see what's inside of me. I'm fully under, just to save myself.
[50:40 - 50:44] [Silence]
[50:44 - 51:08] Were there ever any questions on how much I could take? You can't beat me, you're bullshit. Hopefully I would break. Is there anybody out there? Is there anyone who cares? Is there anybody listening? Or is there anybody out there?
[51:08 - 51:37] Step away from the ledge, I'm coming down. I can never grieve what you want me to. You're fully under, just to save yourself. You will never see what's inside of me. I'm fully under, just to save myself.
[51:37 - 51:59] It's keeping you around me. It's tearing me apart. It's all coming down around me. Take one, take one, carry on.
[51:59 - 52:10] I can never grieve what you want me to. You're fully under, I'm fully under.
[52:10 - 52:56] [Music]
[52:56 - 53:21] I can never grieve what you want me to. You're fully under, just to save yourself. You will never see what's inside of me. I'm fully under, just to save myself.
[53:21 - 84:57] [Music]