2021-6-21 The Very real story behind my song Letter to my son

[0:00 - 0:20] [breathing]
[0:20 - 0:31] and some guys. I'm sorry if I sound upset it's because I am and there's a real good reason.
[0:31 - 0:43] I wanted to keep this private but with the release of my song, Letter to My Son,
[0:45 - 0:53] a lot of people, a lot of people are asking me why'd you record that song? Who's it for?
[0:53 - 1:01] and to be honest it's for my son Jamie
[1:01 - 1:13] and as you guys know my ex Heather was pregnant when she left here and didn't tell me
[1:14 - 1:22] me. Soon after she got to her ex baby daddy's Ricky's house
[1:22 - 1:36] she would soon have the baby and leave but not before giving the baby up for adoption.
[1:36 - 1:48] She had me believing that it was Ricky's the whole time and not mine
[1:48 - 1:59] and through a very dear old friend of mine who knows about this kind of stuff who works
[1:59 - 2:06] in this kind of stuff whose name I'm not going to mention out of respect for them because they
[2:06 - 2:17] don't want to be involved in this. They did some research and they found out that the baby is
[2:17 - 2:37] actually mine and that baby boy that Heather had is actually mine and let me tell you it took
[2:37 - 2:52] everything in me to not break down recording that song. It hurts so bad and it hurts me so
[2:52 - 3:06] bad knowing that I lost my son to the state. It kills me knowing that I'll never get to see my
[3:06 - 3:11] son grow up. I'll never get to take him to his first day of school.
[3:11 - 3:19] I'll never get to see him on his birthday holidays like Christmas.
[3:19 - 3:26] I'll never get to hug him hold him and tell him how much I love him talk him in at night.
[3:29 - 3:36] Be there to teach him all the things with a good father should teach your son.
[3:36 - 3:41] And I know what a lot of you are thinking because of my freak outs and who I am and
[3:41 - 3:45] it's not the other I would have been a bad father. No I wouldn't have
[3:45 - 3:54] because my dad was never around and I don't want that for my child.
[3:58 - 4:04] If anything I wanted to give him the whole world. I wanted to give him every
[4:04 - 4:12] opportunity in life. I wanted to give him a life that I wish I could have had and the life that he
[4:12 - 4:26] deserves. I know it doesn't like really sound like I'm crying but that's because I'm fighting
[4:26 - 4:29] every single ounce of me not to fucking cry.
[4:29 - 4:41] Because that's my son that I lost and you guys recording me freaking out over the past
[4:41 - 4:49] and spreading all these lies and rumors about me doesn't help. That only helps my ex
[4:50 - 5:03] to be able to get the child to the state to where my son has been adopted by a family.
[5:03 - 5:10] Who that family is I don't know because I guess Heather wanted to make the adoption private
[5:11 - 5:20] and the family to remain anonymous but not because of you guys.
[5:20 - 5:33] Because of you guys and because of my bitch and ex Heather I lost my son my pride and joy.
[5:33 - 5:40] And for those of you that aren't parents you don't understand that feeling
[5:40 - 5:41] and you never will.
[5:41 - 5:56] The only the only thing I can compare to is this. Imagine losing the one that you love more than
[5:56 - 6:05] anything in the world. Imagine losing them to death to suicide with no answers.
[6:07 - 6:12] That's what it feels like to me. I lost my son with no answers.
[6:12 - 6:19] Don't know where he's at don't know who he's with.
[6:19 - 6:26] So now I have to live my life knowing that I'll never get to see my son grow up
[6:28 - 6:36] and that hurts me as a father. That hurts me more than you know.
[6:36 - 6:48] And this is part of the reason why I've been begging you guys to leave me alone
[6:49 - 6:59] and to let me build a future for myself doing what I love. That way if I ever have a child
[6:59 - 7:06] I can provide. I can give it a good home. I can give it the life that it deserves
[7:06 - 7:16] which I could have told my son but now I can't and that hurts a lot.
[7:17 - 7:23] And don't bother reaching out to Heather because she's just going to sit there and deny it.
[7:23 - 7:32] She's literally going to sit there and deny it and so is Ricky. They're both going to sit there and deny it.
[7:39 - 7:49] But they know the truth. They know the truth. That that child is mine.
[7:49 - 7:56] I just wish you guys would leave me alone.
[7:56 - 8:05] So that I can live my life and find somebody to spend the rest of my life with
[8:06 - 8:13] and be happy and have a family and be able to provide for my family
[8:13 - 8:16] and give back to my parents who gave me everything.
[8:16 - 8:21] But now I can't even do that.
[8:21 - 8:31] Let me tell you yesterday I spent the whole day on and off in tears
[8:34 - 8:38] because of the fact that I found out that I had a son
[8:38 - 8:43] that I lost to the state and I didn't know it until yesterday.
[8:43 - 8:57] That shit didn't hurt so much then it took everything in me not to fucking
[9:00 - 9:10] want to go after Heather. All I can do is sit there and cry and blow my eyes out because I lost my son.
[9:10 - 9:20] And it hurts so bad more than you know it hurts.
[9:29 - 9:38] But I also want to make this video for my son in the future if you ever do come looking for me.
[9:38 - 9:45] I want you to know that I'm proud of you son and that I love you.
[9:49 - 9:58] And that you grow to be a fun young man and that I know you'll do great things in life.
[9:58 - 10:08] And if you do have a girlfriend or a wife by the time you see this walk a little family.
[10:17 - 10:24] But to my son Jamie I want you to know that I love you son. I hope you see this one day.
[10:24 - 10:34] I hope you see that I love you and that I tried everything I could to reach out to you.
[10:34 - 10:43] But I hope even more that you trolls have been attacking me and bashing me see now
[10:43 - 10:51] the pain that you caused me. And Heather I hope that you would I hope to God
[10:51 - 10:55] it's hard for you to sleep knowing what you've done to me.
[10:55 - 11:06] You stole my son from me and made it so I can never see it and that hurts
[11:08 - 11:17] so much and I hope you live with that disgusting rotten feeling.
[11:17 - 11:23] I hope to God that you're not able to sleep at night.
[11:23 - 11:30] I hope that you feel the same agony that you caused me.
[11:34 - 11:41] I hope you do but to my son I want you to know that I love you
[11:41 - 11:46] and then I hope to see you again one day.
[11:46 - 11:56] I love you Jamie. I love you my son and I'm so proud of you.
[12:01 - 12:03] I won't