2021-5-17 HOW CAN WE MOVE ON FROM THE HATE

[0:00 - 0:06] Oh
[0:06 - 0:25] All right, yeah look
[0:25 - 0:29] We're talking
[0:33 - 0:35] We seriously need have a motherfucking talk
[0:35 - 0:43] See
[0:43 - 0:58] I've been seeing what a lot of you guys have been saying in the comments. Okay, I've been seeing it
[0:58 - 1:01] quite a lot and
[1:01 - 1:04] I can't wait you guys want me to do I
[1:04 - 1:06] Really do I get it
[1:06 - 1:12] Like you guys way to own up to what I did, correct
[1:12 - 1:16] You guys want to own up to the wrongdoings that I did
[1:16 - 1:23] And here's the thing I did own up to them
[1:23 - 1:29] Okay, I admitted my wrongdoings of what I did I
[1:30 - 1:35] Admitted I was wrong and phoned for the troll that I felt for and in doing what I did. I
[1:35 - 1:38] Admitted my wrongs
[1:38 - 1:42] Okay, I admitting what I did wrong
[1:42 - 1:45] But what I don't understand is this
[1:45 - 1:53] What else is it that you guys want me to do to show that I'm sorry about what happened?
[1:53 - 1:58] Because see I've noticed something you guys genuinely want me to
[1:59 - 2:01] You know
[2:01 - 2:06] Take responsibility and action from what I've done wrong and I have done those things
[2:06 - 2:10] But what you guys don't understand is this
[2:10 - 2:15] If you guys keep bringing up that situation
[2:15 - 2:19] How am I supposed to move on and better myself?
[2:19 - 2:27] How am I supposed to become a better person if you guys constantly, you know constantly remind me every day
[2:27 - 2:34] Hey, you did this. Hey, you did this. Oh, don't forget you did this. Oh, don't forget you did this
[2:34 - 2:36] Oh, don't forget you did this
[2:36 - 2:42] How am I supposed to grow as a person if you guys keep bringing up the past?
[2:42 - 2:46] It doesn't make any sense. I
[2:46 - 2:53] Want to be a better person. I want to put out content that people genuinely enjoy
[2:53 - 2:56] I want to content that people love
[2:57 - 3:00] But yet I'm stuck here every day
[3:00 - 3:05] constantly reminded of what I got put through I
[3:05 - 3:13] Want to be a humbler person I want to be that person that my real friends
[3:13 - 3:19] That are on here and my real supporters knew before this Kate stuff happened
[3:19 - 3:25] I want to be that person that enjoys putting out content again. I want to be
[3:26 - 3:29] That humble guy that everybody knows
[3:29 - 3:34] That everybody knew before all this stuff happened
[3:34 - 3:38] Okay, I want to be that guy again
[3:38 - 3:45] I want to be that good confident fun-loving person that everybody used to know
[3:45 - 3:50] But how am I supposed to do that if you guys?
[3:50 - 3:53] Don't let the past go. I
[3:54 - 4:01] Understand what I did was wrong. Okay, and I apologize for that. Okay
[4:01 - 4:07] I am truly and deeply sorry for that a hundred percent. I am sorry for what I did wrong
[4:07 - 4:09] I'm sorry for my wrongdoings
[4:09 - 4:12] Okay, I'm not perfect
[4:12 - 4:16] Nobody on this earth is perfect
[4:16 - 4:22] I'm not perfect. You guys aren't perfect. No one is perfect
[4:22 - 4:24] So
[4:24 - 4:31] What I don't understand is how do you guys expect me to be better or
[4:31 - 4:39] Be a better person and learn from my mistakes and grow from my mistakes if you don't
[4:39 - 4:43] Let me move on and you don't let me
[4:43 - 4:45] Forget what happened. I
[4:45 - 4:48] Get that what I did was wrong. I
[4:50 - 4:55] Understand that and I do take responsibility for that and never should have happened
[4:55 - 5:00] Kate should have never did what she did and I never should have fell for what I fell for
[5:00 - 5:06] Okay, I never should have fell for that and I understand that I
[5:06 - 5:09] Get that
[5:09 - 5:19] But how can I be a better person if you don't let me move on and you don't let me grow and learn from my mistakes
[5:20 - 5:21] I
[5:21 - 5:23] Don't get it
[5:23 - 5:25] Like what else can I do?
[5:25 - 5:32] What else is it that you fucking want me to do in order to learn from my mistakes?
[5:32 - 5:45] And I get that I shouldn't forget what happened and I never will forget that
[5:45 - 5:49] That was a mistake on my part and on Kate's part
[5:50 - 5:52] I get that I shouldn't forget what happened
[5:52 - 5:55] but at the same time
[5:55 - 5:58] You guys should have
[5:58 - 6:04] This that's enough to know that I want to be a better person that I want to grow from this
[6:04 - 6:13] All I'm asking is that you guys quit bringing this up
[6:13 - 6:18] Quit attacking me and let me learn from my mistakes
[6:19 - 6:24] Like if you keep bringing out the same subject over and over and over and over
[6:24 - 6:33] How is somebody supposed to learn from their mistakes if you won't let them grow from it and you won't let them learn from it
[6:33 - 6:39] You guys are constantly holding me back in the same spot saying hey, no
[6:39 - 6:46] You're being stuck here. You're gonna remember this. We're not gonna let you you know grow from this
[6:46 - 6:50] We want you to be stuck here, but that's not what I want
[6:50 - 6:55] I want to be that person that I used to fucking be I
[6:55 - 7:01] Want to be the me that used to do artwork that used to do gaming tournaments
[7:01 - 7:08] That used to sit down and do coffee and chill live streams. I want to be that person again
[7:08 - 7:13] But how can I do that if you won't fucking let me move on?
[7:14 - 7:20] How am I supposed to be a better person if none of you will let me move on from what I did I?
[7:20 - 7:27] Understand where you guys are coming from. You don't want me to forget it and I understand that I
[7:27 - 7:34] Get that but that doesn't mean you have to constantly bring it up every single day
[7:34 - 7:44] Only that doesn't mean you constantly have to attack me over and over and over and attack my family and
[7:44 - 7:49] make these threads on kiwi farms about me and do this and that and the other I
[7:49 - 7:58] Get it. Okay. I get that what I did was wrong. Okay, and I take responsibility for that. I
[7:58 - 8:03] Really do I'm sorry that that happened
[8:03 - 8:11] Okay, I'm sorry that Kate's such a shitty person and she decided to do what she did
[8:11 - 8:16] But I'm also sorry for the fact that I felt or something. I shouldn't have felt for oh
[8:16 - 8:22] Hey, I get it. I shouldn't have fallen for that trick and I get it
[8:22 - 8:27] But that doesn't mean you guys constantly have to bring it off
[8:27 - 8:34] Day in and day out day in and day out over and over and over and over
[8:34 - 8:37] It's ridiculous. I
[8:39 - 8:43] Want to move on and be a better person so fucking bad. I
[8:43 - 8:48] Really do like I want to move on and be that person that I used to be
[8:48 - 8:52] But how can I be that good person again?
[8:52 - 8:56] How can I be that person that everyone wants me to be again?
[8:56 - 9:02] If none of you will let me move on and learn from my mistakes and grow from them
[9:02 - 9:05] It doesn't make no sense
[9:05 - 9:07] I
[9:07 - 9:16] Want to grow and be a better person I
[9:16 - 9:22] Want to be that person that enjoys live streaming again
[9:22 - 9:27] I want to be that person that enjoys putting out music again. I
[9:27 - 9:32] Want to be able to get my career and music off the ground again
[9:32 - 9:36] I want to get my art career off the ground again. I
[9:36 - 9:40] Want to put out good content again?
[9:40 - 9:47] But unless you guys let me move on from what happened, how can I do that? I
[9:47 - 9:58] Don't understand like what else can I do to show how sorry I am
[9:59 - 10:06] Okay, I don't took responsibility for my actions and I apologized for them
[10:06 - 10:11] Okay, I took responsibility for what I've done. I
[10:11 - 10:18] Know that what I did was wrong and I get that I should be held accountable and believe me
[10:18 - 10:24] I do hold myself accountable and I am being more conscious now. I get it
[10:27 - 10:31] Though my question to you is this how am I ever supposed to move on?
[10:31 - 10:36] Past what I did if you won't let me
[10:36 - 10:39] grow as a person
[10:39 - 10:45] How am I supposed to grow as a person if you won't let me move on from what happened? I
[10:45 - 10:51] Get that I shouldn't forget about what I did and I never will forget about it. I
[10:51 - 10:55] Never will forget about that
[10:55 - 10:57] But
[10:57 - 11:07] I don't need to be reminded of it. I
[11:07 - 11:11] Don't need to be reminded of what I did
[11:11 - 11:20] What I need is for you guys to stop attacking me and allow me to grow as a person
[11:21 - 11:24] allow me to create content that I want to create and
[11:24 - 11:29] Stop the trolling me and stop the attacking my family and myself
[11:29 - 11:35] Stop making these threads about me. Stop going after me. I
[11:35 - 11:39] Want to be a better person? I want to grow my career
[11:39 - 11:48] Okay, I want to be a successful youtuber for myself for my family my friends
[11:48 - 11:51] And other people that I want to be able to help
[11:51 - 11:57] But my question is this how can I do any of that?
[11:57 - 12:03] how can I provide for my family and grow as a youtuber if
[12:03 - 12:11] You guys won't let me move on I don't understand I don't get it
[12:16 - 12:24] Okay, I know it might not sound like it but I am genuinely a hundred and ten percent. Sorry about what I did. I
[12:24 - 12:29] Know that what I did was wrong and it shouldn't have happened. Okay, I get it
[12:29 - 12:35] What I did was fucked up and it makes me look bad and I understand that and I accept that
[12:44 - 12:52] And here's the thing man, I don't need to pay my debt in jail. I already paid my debt with humiliation. I
[12:52 - 12:55] Already paid my debt with humiliation
[12:55 - 13:03] From you guys. I already paid my debt. I don't need to pay anymore. I
[13:03 - 13:07] Paid my debt. I
[13:07 - 13:11] Paid my debt in embarrassment and humility. I
[13:11 - 13:14] Paid my debt
[13:15 - 13:18] Owned up to it and paid my dues. I
[13:18 - 13:23] Got embarrassed by you guys and rightfully so
[13:23 - 13:36] I've done paid my debt. Okay, I paid my debt in embarrassment. I learned my lesson
[13:36 - 13:41] What more do you want?
[13:41 - 13:43] Oh
[13:43 - 13:47] And what more do you want from me I
[13:47 - 13:52] Paid my debt in embarrassment and humility. I
[13:52 - 14:00] Paid my debt in my life getting threatened and my family's life's getting threatened. I
[14:00 - 14:08] Paid my debt in my career almost being ended because I'm a mistake. I never should have made I
[14:10 - 14:12] Paid my debt. I paid my dues
[14:12 - 14:15] Let me move on and grow
[14:15 - 14:21] Let me move on and grow as a person as a youtuber
[14:21 - 14:29] Let me be that person that people know me as let me be that person that everybody knew before the shit started
[14:29 - 14:38] Let me be that person
[14:39 - 14:43] There are people like Tripp Lane games Marty tang
[14:43 - 14:46] Crip Kay my brother Sean
[14:46 - 14:57] Let me be that person that I used to be before all of this started
[14:57 - 15:03] I'm sorry about what I did. I
[15:03 - 15:07] Paid my dues
[15:07 - 15:09] I
[15:09 - 15:18] Pained my dues in humility and embarrassment. I
[15:18 - 15:26] Get that what I did was wrong and it could have almost cost me my career and it almost did cost me my career
[15:26 - 15:30] But what I'm asking is this
[15:30 - 15:35] What more do you want from me? I
[15:36 - 15:40] Paid my respects to you guys. I
[15:40 - 15:45] Get why you attacked me. I get what I did was wrong. I
[15:45 - 15:55] Get that you don't want me to forget it and trust me believe me. I never will forget that I
[15:55 - 15:57] Never will forget what I did
[15:57 - 16:05] But I don't need to be reminded of it every single fucking day of the week
[16:06 - 16:11] All I ask is that you let me move on with my life
[16:11 - 16:16] Wait, you let me move on with my life and let me learn from my mistakes
[16:16 - 16:29] Yes, it's a medic that's something else I do is doing a dramatic is the stitch covers a lot of people enjoy seeing me
[16:29 - 16:34] Do that I miss doing that. I miss having fun
[16:34 - 16:42] I miss being that person that everybody used to fucking know before all this shit started. I
[16:42 - 16:51] Am fucking begging you guys and pleading with you guys
[16:51 - 16:55] Let me move on and grow
[16:55 - 16:59] Let me learn from my mistakes
[17:01 - 17:04] Let me be that person that I used to be
[17:04 - 17:11] Let me show you that I can be that good humble kind person
[17:11 - 17:15] Let me show you what I can do
[17:15 - 17:23] Let me show you what I'm capable of when I'm not being attacked when I'm not being harassed when I'm not being trolled
[17:23 - 17:26] Let me show you that side of me
[17:26 - 17:29] Let me show you what I can do
[17:29 - 17:36] Let me show you the humble side of me that everyone wants to see
[17:36 - 18:01] That is true, A.B.
[18:01 - 18:07] I'm not the monster that everybody makes me out to be
[18:07 - 18:13] Yes, I may say things that are wrong and violently fucked up at times
[18:13 - 18:21] But let me ask you this who hasn't said things
[18:21 - 18:28] That are fucked up that are wrong from time to time who hasn't made that mistake
[18:29 - 18:37] Who hasn't made death threats towards somebody when their life is getting threatened or their families lives are getting threatened
[18:37 - 18:43] Who hasn't done that out of pure self-defense for their family?
[18:43 - 19:08] (Silence)
[19:08 - 19:10] Allow me to move on
[19:12 - 19:14] Allow me to correct my mistakes
[19:14 - 19:27] I've been humiliated enough
[19:27 - 19:35] I've been humiliated more than enough
[19:40 - 19:42] So please guys
[19:42 - 19:45] I am begging you
[19:45 - 19:49] Let me move on
[19:49 - 19:52] Let me grow as a person
[19:52 - 19:56] I've paid my dues
[19:56 - 20:05] I've paid my dues in humility and embarrassment and believe me, I'm embarrassed about what I did
[20:05 - 20:08] I'm ashamed of myself for what I did
[20:09 - 20:13] You don't think I don't go to sleep every night hating myself for what I did
[20:13 - 20:18] Disgusting with myself for what I did, believe me I do
[20:18 - 20:21] Every night I go to sleep
[20:21 - 20:24] Constantly kicking myself in the fucking head
[20:24 - 20:31] For not seeing through the fucking troll for not seeing through that fucking trap
[20:31 - 20:38] I kick myself in the head every night
[20:39 - 20:44] For that shit every night. I kick myself in the head for that shit
[20:44 - 20:55] You don't think I don't want to make it right, but I do want to make it right
[20:55 - 20:58] But how can I do that if you guys won't let me move on?
[20:58 - 21:02] That's why I'm asking you guys
[21:03 - 21:08] To please let me move on with my life. Let me grow
[21:08 - 21:11] Let me be the person that I used to be
[21:11 - 21:18] Let me be that fun-loving person that everyone wants back
[21:18 - 21:23] Because that's the side of me I want you to see I
[21:23 - 21:30] Want you guys see the kind loving caring humble person that I used to be
[21:31 - 21:33] I want to be that person again
[21:33 - 21:37] So bad, but you guys won't fucking let me
[21:37 - 21:41] And I don't understand why
[21:41 - 21:45] You know, I used to have fun I
[21:45 - 21:52] Used to have fun creating content before all this crap started. I
[21:52 - 21:56] Used to have so much fun. You can even ask Marty
[21:59 - 22:05] Back before all this started. I was how even a nomadic you can ask a nomadic, bro
[22:05 - 22:09] Even a nomadic knows
[22:09 - 22:15] Back before all this started. I was doing two three four hour streams at a time
[22:15 - 22:19] Putting out content that people enjoyed and then I enjoyed
[22:19 - 22:21] But
[22:21 - 22:32] But now it's got no points where I can't even do that
[22:32 - 22:42] So guys I
[22:42 - 22:45] Get what I did
[22:45 - 22:53] Had kind of feel like actions to them. I understand that and I get that and I take responsibility for that. I
[22:53 - 22:57] Really do
[22:57 - 23:02] You don't think I don't go to sleep disgusted with myself for what I did I do I
[23:02 - 23:06] Go to sleep disgusted with myself by what I did every night
[23:11 - 23:14] But what I ask of you guys right now
[23:14 - 23:19] Before I end this stream
[23:19 - 23:25] I'm asking you guys to look deep within yourselves
[23:25 - 23:31] Look deep within yourselves
[23:31 - 23:41] And allow me to move on and show you guys
[23:42 - 23:44] The person that I could really be
[23:44 - 23:53] Allow me to move on and live my life
[23:53 - 23:58] Allow me to move on and make content that I want to make
[23:58 - 24:04] Allow me to move on and be the person that I used to be before all this stuff started. I
[24:04 - 24:10] Get what I did was wrong. I get that. I shouldn't be forgetting what I did and trust me
[24:10 - 24:14] I'll never forget that how can I ever forget what I did?
[24:14 - 24:18] Every night I go to sleep kicking myself in the head for that
[24:18 - 24:29] But what I'm asking is for some humility
[24:29 - 24:37] I'm asking
[24:38 - 24:41] For you guys to allow me to show you
[24:41 - 24:49] The humble person that I can be the humble person that I used to be before this I
[24:49 - 24:54] Want to be that fun loving caring person again
[24:54 - 25:07] So, please allow me to move on and allow me to live my life
[25:08 - 25:12] And allow me to grow and learn from my mistakes
[25:12 - 25:21] Because I am truly and deeply sorry for falling for what I fell for I'm truly deeply sorry for what I did
[25:21 - 25:30] And believe me when I say this is something that I will never ever forget
[25:30 - 25:34] This is something that I would never forget
[25:36 - 25:38] But I don't need to be reminded
[25:38 - 25:44] Because I remind myself every day to not do this again
[25:44 - 25:49] Thank you
[25:49 - 25:56] Thank you for allowing me to move on and thank you for allowing me to be a better person
[25:56 - 26:01] Thank you
[26:01 - 26:15] You
[26:15 - 26:16] Thank you.