2021-5-15 stepping away From his channel for a long while

[0:00 - 0:25] What's up guys? I know by the time you guys are probably wondering what's going on.
[0:25 - 0:42] Quite a bit actually. As you guys are probably aware, around this time last year I had lost
[0:42 - 0:51] my ex-girlfriend Lexie due to major major health problems. Stunt that I didn't know
[0:51 - 1:00] what was going on until I had actually talked to her family. I've never really had that
[1:00 - 1:13] time to grieve. Even when I found out she passed away last year, it's just been constant
[1:13 - 1:24] go go go go go go go. Constantly putting out contact, constantly doing that. For the first
[1:24 - 1:30] time since her death, I actually wound up hanging out with her family today, more or
[1:30 - 1:44] less her older sister who I'm very much close to and I'm very close with her family. Today
[1:44 - 1:53] we were sitting out talking and literally all I could do was just break down and cry
[1:53 - 2:03] so bad. Because Lexie was the kind of girl that when I was with her, I knew she had health
[2:03 - 2:11] issues. But I didn't know that they were as bad as they were. Because she was very
[2:11 - 2:24] good at hiding. She was very very good at hiding and what was wrong with her. Like we
[2:24 - 2:30] were just talking about the good times, how me and her used to laugh and how we went to
[2:30 - 2:41] the school dance together and how we would always spend time together. Me and Lexie
[2:41 - 2:49] were like how me and Jayka are. We were ultimately we were inseparable. Like we were completely
[2:49 - 2:58] inseparable. When we were together, we were just as crazy as me and Jayka are together.
[2:58 - 3:14] But like you said, I never really had that chance to actually step away and go through
[3:14 - 3:22] that grieving process and going through everything that I've been going through with the attacks
[3:22 - 3:28] and having my family's lives threatened and having my life threatened. It's made
[3:28 - 3:40] me realize a bunch of things. It's really made me realize a lot. And the one constant
[3:40 - 3:46] thing that I'm being reminded of is that I need to step away. I need to get away from
[3:46 - 3:55] this. I haven't even allowed myself time to grieve over the loss of my fucking ex-girlfriend.
[3:55 - 4:05] Because I'm constantly putting out content. Constantly battling trolls. Constantly trying
[4:05 - 4:18] to clean up my reputation. Because people want to be so fucking dumb and self-centered.
[4:18 - 4:29] They just want me to give and give and give and give and give without understanding my
[4:29 - 4:34] situation. They just constantly want me to give and constantly want me to put it out.
[4:34 - 4:44] Like I'm some sort of ATM or some sort of bank. And it fucking kills me because there
[4:44 - 4:55] are things that I've wanted to do with my life that I've not been able to do because
[4:55 - 5:07] of all this. Like I haven't had time to you know to you know even more the loss of my
[5:07 - 5:18] ex-girlfriend who I was very close to since high school. I've not been able to do things
[5:18 - 5:23] that I used to do. I've not been able to record the videos that I would like to record.
[5:23 - 5:29] I've not been able to do the content that I want to create. Hell the last time I did
[5:29 - 5:37] any artwork was like literally I can't even remember when. I can't even remember the last
[5:37 - 5:47] time I sat down to work on any artwork. At all. Like I can't remember the last time
[5:47 - 6:13] I got to have a normal life. And it's hard. It really is fucking hard. So I'm sorry to
[6:13 - 6:30] say guys. But I'm stepping away from the channel for a while. I don't know when I'll be back.
[6:30 - 6:35] I don't know when that's gonna be but I know that I'm not. I'm not deleting the channel
[6:35 - 6:45] but I am stepping away for a long while so that I can get my head right. I need to get
[6:45 - 6:52] away from this negative bullshit. I need to get away from the negativity. I need to get
[6:52 - 7:05] away from the hatred. I need to escape this place I've been stuck in for over a year.
[7:05 - 7:18] So if you guys don't hear from me on this channel, you guys know what? I'm taking a
[7:18 - 7:27] break from this channel to work on other projects that I've always wanted to work on. I've
[7:27 - 7:35] always wanted to work on other projects that actually mean something to me and I need
[7:35 - 7:43] to take the time to do that and more importantly I need to spend time with friends, family,
[7:43 - 7:52] and more importantly get through the grieving process that I should have been allowed to
[7:52 - 8:05] go through with the loss of my girlfriend from last year. So with that being said, I
[8:05 - 8:16] love you guys and I hope you guys understand where I'm coming from and why I have to step
[8:16 - 8:26] away. I love you guys and hopefully I'll be back one day. But when that day is, I don't
[8:26 - 8:41] know. I really don't know. Right now, I need to get away and do my own thing for a while.
[8:41 - 8:45] I'm not going to be live streaming on this channel. I'm not going to be going on anyone's
[8:45 - 8:58] live stream at all. I'm focusing on me and what I want to do and what I need to do.
[8:58 - 9:15] So until I come back, I hope you guys do okay. I wish you all the best and I'll see
[9:15 - 9:23] you guys later. Peace.