2021-5-12 THE REAL REASON I AM THE WAY THAT I AM

[0:00 - 0:11] So since nobody can seem to get the fucking story straight, I'm going to speak for my
[0:11 - 0:18] motherfucking self since nobody can seem to get the motherfucking story about me correct.
[0:18 - 0:25] Now Kate, you want to know why I am the way that I am. And Marty, I am very cross with
[0:25 - 0:33] you motherfucker, I am going to have some fucking words for your ass later on boy. So
[0:33 - 0:38] Marty be ready for me to pick your ass out later on as well you tange. I am going to
[0:38 - 0:43] speak to the both of you motherfuckers later on because I'm cross with the both of you.
[0:43 - 0:50] I'm very cross with you guys right now. Now, everybody wants to know why I am the
[0:50 - 1:04] way that I am. Everybody wants to know what led me up to this point. Picture this. Alright,
[1:04 - 1:12] close your eyes and picture this. Put yourself in my position for a minute. Imagine going
[1:12 - 1:22] through almost 10 years of abusive relationships, mentally abusive, verbally abusive, and at
[1:22 - 1:35] times physically abusive, as well as emotionally abusive. 10 years of emotional birthless being
[1:35 - 1:43] told that I ain't shit. Being told that I don't deserve happiness. That's why I am
[1:43 - 1:52] the way that I am. And that ain't my fault. You can't blame, blame on me. Imagine being,
[1:52 - 1:57] imagine this. Alright, this is the worst relationship that I've ever been in that
[1:57 - 2:04] I'm about to explain to you guys. Imagine you get with somebody. You think the whole
[2:04 - 2:12] world of them, right? They're your entire world. You guys are happy together. You guys
[2:12 - 2:19] are doing great. You guys have a great relationship. Then out of nowhere, your girlfriend starts
[2:19 - 2:25] putting you down or your significant other starts putting you down. And it's little
[2:25 - 2:51] things like, Oh, I want you to change your, you know, comment or whatever. Now take that
[2:51 - 3:12] and make it worse. Imagine this. Imagine you're sitting there with your significant other.
[3:12 - 3:22] And then she tells you that you guys are done. Now she no longer wants to be with you. It's
[3:22 - 3:29] not because you did anything wrong. It's because you refuse to change who you are.
[3:29 - 3:41] You literally refuse to change who you are for her. You want to be yourself. And to
[3:41 - 3:49] her that's not good enough. And then you guys end up splitting up. And the next day she
[3:49 - 3:57] contacts you and says, Hey, alright, I didn't need it. Now imagine that. Okay, you guys
[3:57 - 4:05] get back together. Okay, whatever. Now imagine being called every name in the fucking book.
[4:05 - 4:13] Every day after that, being called an asshole, a low life, a piece of shit. Imagine getting
[4:13 - 4:21] a voicemail on your phone saying that your significant other curses your family and
[4:21 - 4:28] that you deserve to die in it. You get told that they hope you never have any kids because
[4:28 - 4:40] you don't deserve it because you're a low life piece of shit. Imagine being told that
[4:40 - 4:53] over and over every day and getting your emotions played with every day. And then you
[4:53 - 4:58] end up escaping that relationship. And every other relationship after that, you either
[4:58 - 5:11] get used for sex. You get played for a fucking fool. You get left in the dust. You get attacked.
[5:11 - 5:23] You get belittled every day after that. Think about that. That has been my life, my personal
[5:23 - 5:42] life for the last 10 fucking years. Think about that. Imagine you put that situation
[5:42 - 6:07] for 10 plus years. Imagine being put through that for 10 plus years. I guarantee you, any
[6:07 - 6:18] one of you motherfuckers goes through that. I guarantee you, you come out of that shit,
[6:18 - 6:25] you won't be the same way again. I know I wasn't. I know I'm not the same person
[6:25 - 6:31] I was 10 years ago because of it. Because of all that abuse I got put through from
[6:31 - 6:40] all my exes, I'm always depressed, always waking up with anxiety, always scared to be
[6:40 - 6:46] with someone. Do I want to be able to be happy with someone? Yes, but I'm constantly
[6:46 - 7:03] scared to be with anybody because of all the abuse that I fucking went through. Imagine
[7:03 - 7:13] wanting to be with somebody so bad to finally be fucking happy, but you're also scared
[7:13 - 7:27] to be with anybody because you don't want to get fucking hurt again. Think about that.
[7:27 - 7:31] That's what goes through my mind every fucking day. Do I want to be happy with somebody
[7:31 - 7:37] that doesn't give a fuck about my living situation, how I look, who I am, whether
[7:37 - 7:43] I have money or not, whether I live with my family. But imagine being with that person
[7:43 - 8:08] and constantly being scared of getting hurt. And it's not easy. It's the worst fucking
[8:08 - 8:21] feeling in the world. Now you take what I've been through for the last 10 years and add
[8:21 - 8:46] cake to the mix and what should be fucked up from all that. And yes, I am, dude. What
[8:46 - 8:57] the fuck I've been through? Unless you've been in an abusive relationship like I've
[8:57 - 9:07] been in, y'all ain't got no right to fucking speak on it. I've gone through abuse. I've
[9:07 - 9:13] gone through being put down. I've been mentally abused, verbally and emotionally abused and
[9:13 - 9:26] physically abused at times. And y'all wonder why I am the way that I am. Y'all wonder
[9:26 - 9:32] why it's hard for me to fucking be with anyone. That's why. It's not that I did anything
[9:32 - 9:47] wrong. It's not that I'm a bad guy. If anything, you can ask anybody that knows me. Hell,
[9:47 - 9:58] you can ask my brother Sean. My brother Sean knows way better than anyone how I am. He'll
[9:58 - 10:03] tell you for a fact. I have the biggest fucking, I don't sit there and fucking cheat on them.
[10:03 - 10:17] I don't do that dumb shit. I don't fuck around like that. I don't fuck around about that
[10:17 - 10:31] shit. When I'm with somebody, I am through high, low, good, bad, sick, health. Rich porn.
[10:31 - 10:40] I don't give a fuck. I really don't give a fuck. When it comes to being with somebody,
[10:40 - 10:45] I don't give a fuck about anything. I don't give a fuck about how you look, how much
[10:45 - 10:50] money you have or don't have, whether you have a job or not, whether you live with family
[10:50 - 10:56] or not. I don't give a fuck about any of that because I'm in that situation.