2021-4-5 A new me

[0:00 - 0:26] What the fuck was up you guys. How the fuck you guys today. Now if you guys don't know
[0:26 - 0:34] I do have a brand new song that I was dropping called I don't understand which is a song
[0:34 - 0:43] referencing what I've been through in my life and how I don't understand what's been going
[0:43 - 0:54] on me, how I don't understand why people do what they fucking do to me. Now that being
[0:54 - 1:09] said your boy Cyraxx me Scarface is back on blackout motherfucking records. And I can
[1:09 - 1:21] honestly say I have the best fucking team in the goddamn world. I got the best motherfucking
[1:21 - 1:27] team in the world not only do I have the man that runs the shit but I also got my wonderful
[1:27 - 1:32] amazing girl that's been holding me the fuck down and not listening to what these fuckbags
[1:32 - 1:39] like Marty have to say but I also have my brothers my friends and my family riding
[1:39 - 1:46] with me and let me tell you right now I couldn't ask for anything more than that. So right
[1:46 - 1:59] now we're going to take this back to some old school shit.
[1:59 - 2:25] Now also before I start to show off I do want to give a huge massive rest in peace
[2:25 - 2:33] as some of you may know we lost an amazing moderator just a few days ago which I just
[2:33 - 2:41] found out about last night. Over the last few days we lost a moderator and a fan of
[2:41 - 2:55] ours a member of this community we lost somebody we lost somebody to suicide due to Marty
[2:55 - 3:08] and his bullion and then we also lost one of our moths catnap to unknown issues. So
[3:08 - 3:15] I would like to dedicate this song that I'm about to do. Even though it's not dealing
[3:15 - 3:22] with that I'd like to dedicate this song to them to start this off. So rest in peace
[3:22 - 3:33] to catnap and rest in peace to the homie Jonathan who unfortunately took his life. We fucking
[3:33 - 3:43] love you and miss you guys and your legacy will never be forgotten.
[3:43 - 3:49] Every day when I wake up all I see is devil in the fucking mirror peeping head at me
[3:49 - 3:54] that they don't want me to succeed they want to see me fall see me fail make me out to
[3:54 - 4:02] be a failure but little do they realize here I am going through the motions of the everyday
[4:02 - 4:09] life just doing what I gotta do to fucking get by. Hell no you wanna try to get in my
[4:09 - 4:16] face better say goodbye super little motherfucker what are you thinking acting like you're gonna
[4:16 - 4:21] fucking take me but the truth is here I am making it every fucking day I'm ripping it
[4:21 - 4:27] up in the fucking booth for people like me unlike you I go through the emotions and
[4:27 - 4:33] the pain every fucking day I don't love too many fucking people out here in these fucking
[4:33 - 4:40] streets to not give them the respect that they fucking deserve all you wanna do is
[4:40 - 4:47] sit here a fucking hate act like I can't discern from what is real what is true everybody
[4:47 - 4:53] wanna try to get at me acting like I ain't got a clue about the snakes in the grass
[4:53 - 5:00] what the fuck you gonna do thinking that I don't fucking see you bitch I'm like a snapper
[5:00 - 5:06] up on the fucking rooftop too all you fucking haters when you trying to get at me go ahead
[5:06 - 5:12] pull the trigger guarantee you that yo this is shot but when I take my shot guarantee
[5:12 - 5:17] you that you won't hear me you'll see me but you will feel the fucking bullet going
[5:17 - 5:23] into your motherfucking cranny yo spit it in that shit open and I laugh is I watch
[5:23 - 5:31] your motherfucking body drop like as your motherfucking body flops ain't no way I'm
[5:31 - 5:39] backing down I came too far to think about giving up and I'm give a fuck about what
[5:39 - 5:47] y'all say cuz I'm here to make my name not only for me and my girl but for my family
[5:47 - 5:55] and my team as well you acting like you fucking know me acting like you got the right to
[5:55 - 6:00] judge me bitch why don't you look in the fucking mirror take a look at your fucking self you
[6:00 - 6:07] don't wanna be the one to end up on a motherfucking shelf cuz here I am looking like motherfucking
[6:07 - 6:14] pain at the end of the day I go through all these fucking cycles of this pain lost so
[6:14 - 6:20] many fucking people that lived deep within my fucking heart every day lay legacy will
[6:20 - 6:26] never ever ever been lost hell nah y'all thinking that I'm gonna fall off you better get the
[6:26 - 6:33] fuck away from me before you drown and turn your own motherfucking negativity ain't nobody
[6:33 - 6:40] ever fucking stopping me I am like the motherfucking Akatsuki ain't nobody stopping me y'all
[6:40 - 6:48] may as well call me Madara Uchi better yeti touch you better yet call me fucking Sasuke cuz
[6:48 - 6:54] I'm taking that knife to your fucking throat and jamming your motherfucking eye out like
[6:54 - 7:01] Madara did to Kakashi back in the days of the motherfucking Utsuki what the fuck are
[7:01 - 7:08] you gonna do to me none of you names are anything to me yeah I may be a little bit different I
[7:08 - 7:16] may stand out in the fucking crowd but that's okay with me cuz take a look around got so many
[7:16 - 7:41] people screaming my name cuz they know what I'm about
[7:41 - 7:59] ain't no I feel it only right to play this song for those that we lost over the last
[7:59 - 8:17] few days and trust me what I say this is not gonna be easy but this song has to be
[8:17 - 8:34] done for them so let me see all those candles with RFP catnap and RFP Jonathan in the comments
[8:34 - 8:42] right now because this is for them as well as everyone else that has ever taken their own life
[8:42 - 9:10] and anyone who we've lost should've stayed when the signs I ignored cannot help you not to hurt
[9:10 - 9:38] anymore we saw brilliance when the world was asleep we can have but can't keep if they say
[9:38 - 9:44] alright hold on let me restart that something went on with that
[9:44 - 9:51] your next memory is out there it might be a small one or giant leak
[9:51 - 10:01] [MUSIC]
[10:20 - 10:28] Should've stayed where the signs I ignored.
[10:28 - 10:39] Cannot help you, not to hurt anymore.
[10:39 - 10:50] Without brilliance, when the world was asleep.
[10:50 - 11:02] There were things that we can't help, but can't keep.
[11:02 - 11:08] If they say, who cares if one more light goes out?
[11:08 - 11:16] In the sky of a million stars, it flickers, flickers.
[11:16 - 11:20] Who cares if someone's time runs out?
[11:20 - 11:28] If a moment is all we are, we're quicker, quicker.
[11:28 - 11:32] Who cares if one more light goes out?
[11:32 - 11:36] Well, I do.
[11:40 - 11:48] A reminder, pull the floor from your feet.
[11:48 - 12:00] In the kitchen, one more check than you need.
[12:00 - 12:08] Oh, when you're angry, then you should be.
[12:08 - 12:16] It's not fair, just 'cause you can't see it.
[12:16 - 12:22] Doesn't mean it isn't there.
[12:22 - 12:28] If they say, who cares if one more light goes out?
[12:28 - 12:36] In the sky of a million stars, it flickers, flickers.
[12:36 - 12:40] Who cares if someone's time runs out?
[12:40 - 12:47] If a moment is all we are, we're quicker, quicker.
[12:47 - 12:51] Who cares if someone light goes out?
[12:51 - 12:57] Well, I do.
[13:02 - 13:08] If you guys have lost anybody along with Katnatt or Jonathan,
[13:08 - 13:12] I want you guys to put their names in the comments right now with a candle
[13:12 - 13:16] to pay respects to those people.
[13:16 - 13:24] Who cares if one more light goes out?
[13:24 - 13:31] In the sky of a million stars, it flickers, flickers.
[13:31 - 13:35] Who cares if someone's time runs out?
[13:35 - 13:43] If a moment is all we are, we're quicker, quicker.
[13:43 - 14:01] Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do.
[14:01 - 14:22] And speaking on those that we lost,
[14:22 - 14:35] especially to the one that took his life,
[14:35 - 14:39] I would like to do this song for him,
[14:39 - 14:47] because not only was he a fan, but he was a very good friend to all of us.
[14:47 - 14:52] And if any of you guys are going through something,
[14:52 - 15:01] I would rather you choose the pen instead of the knife.
[15:01 - 15:04] If you feel like you're ever going through something,
[15:04 - 15:11] I want you to choose that knife and throw that knife away
[15:11 - 15:17] and pick up that pen and write out your problems.
[15:17 - 15:19] Don't take your own life.
[15:19 - 15:24] And this song is dedicated to Jonathan.
[15:24 - 15:29] This is Knives Intense.
[15:30 - 15:44] In looking at young people involved in the book,
[15:44 - 15:47] you see a particular type of bridge.
[15:47 - 15:53] I personally observe people wearing black fingernails,
[15:53 - 15:59] having their hair painted black, wearing black t-shirts.
[15:59 - 16:28] Sometimes they will tune themselves.
[16:28 - 16:38] You know that last week is even fine.
[16:38 - 16:43] I've lost all faith in this blue moonlight.
[16:43 - 16:48] Stay right here, worry and change your blood.
[16:48 - 16:57] So I'm in the wrong place to fight, let's ride.
[16:57 - 17:09] One final fight for this tonight.
[17:13 - 17:19] With knives and pins, we made our plans.
[17:19 - 17:30] Laying up until the end's inside,
[17:30 - 17:35] couches begs for you to do what's right.
[17:35 - 17:40] Every day is till the end tonight.
[17:40 - 17:44] So I'm in the wrong place to fight.
[17:44 - 17:50] So I'm in the wrong place to do what's right.
[17:50 - 18:01] One final fight for this tonight.
[18:05 - 18:11] With knives and pins, we made our plans.
[18:11 - 18:25] Laying can't go on without your love you've lost if never held on.
[18:25 - 18:39] We tried, your past turned out the lies, turned out the lies.
[18:39 - 18:45] Laying can't go on without your love you've lost if never held on.
[18:45 - 19:14] One final fight for this tonight.
[19:14 - 19:40] Laying can't go on without your love you've lost if never held on.
[19:40 - 19:54] We tried, your past turned out the lies, turned out the lies.
[19:54 - 20:21] And this one right here is going out to my motherfucking team on blackout.
[20:22 - 20:50] And this song is not only going out to my team on blackout, but it's also going out to all the fucking haters who think I'm faithless.
[20:51 - 21:02] Because I'm not faithless. I have the faith and I'm keeping it.
[21:02 - 21:19] Let's go.
[21:19 - 21:31] Behold a new age with all the same lost values for faith, it's evil and death will all believe us.
[21:31 - 21:54] Raise up your sirens, raise to the right lands, we are united in the search for something more, cross your heart open your mind, hide your faith in the disguise.
[21:54 - 22:15] Even when I fall down to my knees, I never say I'm praying wrong, don't believe and I don't want to look up to the sun, but I'll never be the faithless one.
[22:15 - 22:24] No, I will never be the faithless one.
[22:24 - 22:52] I refuse to destroy, they are to say I'm serving, thoughts that I don't need and it's that our souls are searching, raise our defiance, it's time to fight this, don't let them ever keep your words from being heard, cross your heart open your mind,
[22:52 - 22:58] hide your faith in the disguise.
[22:58 - 23:19] Even when I fall down to my knees, I never say I'm praying wrong, don't believe and I don't want to look up to the sun, but I will never be the faithless one.
[23:19 - 23:28] No, I will never be the faithless one.
[23:28 - 24:11] Yeah.
[24:11 - 24:40] When I fall down to my knees, I never say I'm praying wrong, don't believe and I don't want to look up to the sun, but I will never be the faithless one. Even when I fall down to my knees, I never say I'm praying wrong, don't believe and I'll never look up to the sun, but I will never be the faithless one.
[24:40 - 25:18] No, I will never be the faithless one.
[25:18 - 25:38] No, I do want to speak on these little motherfuckers that are running their mouths in the comments. See the difference between me and you guys is that I'm up here on this stage every day doing what I love.
[25:38 - 25:54] And see, I know what a lot of you guys thinking. Oh, it's not a real stage. Well, guess what, motherfuckers? The only difference between being on a physical stage in this stage is one thing, the crowd on here.
[25:54 - 26:06] There is a crowd and I can see you guys in the comments on a regular stage. The only difference is is that crowd is there physically. That is the only fucking difference.
[26:06 - 26:20] So to anybody that wants to hate, go ahead because guess what, bitch? That's free views for me. That's free views and free shit for me.
[26:20 - 26:49] When I said my head again, I didn't want to sign my own skin, so pull me on the call.
[26:49 - 27:18] I swallow myself, but the flavor remains. I'm numb to the pleasure, but still feel the pain, but so do my soul to cover your eyes, but so do the truth, which you bear me to lay.
[27:18 - 27:37] Voices in my head again, feeling me in the war. I can't win. I can't heal them now. Something that came inside my own skin and I don't know myself anymore.
[27:37 - 27:51] They're pulling me on our voices. Voices.
[27:51 - 28:12] As I walk through this valley of shadows and death, I curse not the wicked, I praise not the blessed, but so do my souls to take me to change. If it will recur and sing, you know the pain.
[28:12 - 28:30] Voices in my head again, feeling me in the war. I can't win. I can't heal them now. Something that came inside my own skin and I don't know myself anymore.
[28:30 - 28:55] They're pulling me on our voice. I don't want to live. So can I sit broken, ugly and hopeless? I don't want to live forever. I just want to live right now.
[28:55 - 29:05] You can't take me from me.
[29:05 - 29:23] Voices in my head again, feeling me in the war. I can't win. I can't heal them now. Something that came inside my own skin and I don't know myself anymore.
[29:23 - 29:49] They're pulling me on our voices. Voices pulling me on our voices.
[29:49 - 30:01] As I said, I can always sign because I know the man is everything but kind. I can always sign because I know the man is everything but kind.
[30:01 - 30:24] Let's take this up a notch, shall we?
[30:24 - 30:45] Let's see here again. You've got to just go for it. Don't think about what comes after or what came before. You've just got to bend your knees, take a piece of it, and jump.
[30:45 - 30:55] And you might say, "Where's my mom?" "I don't know. Where'd she go?" "Where's your flight?"
[30:55 - 31:04] "Don't tell me that you're a real man. You've been thinking of me."
[31:04 - 31:26] Actually, hold up. That's not the one I was looking for.
[31:26 - 31:38] No, that definitely ain't right. You know, fuck it. I was going to do some Lil Peep type shit, but fuck it.
[31:38 - 31:52] Since y'all like my rage rock and my rage rap, let's get it. Y'all ready for some heavy metal rap? Let's go.
[31:52 - 32:10] Y'all are so fucking sick of everything that everyone does to me. They want to try to put me in this. Fucking hell, I don't understand.
[32:10 - 32:25] Y'all want to hear me, God? Hear you, and let you know me, and let you want me, but you can fucking love me.
[32:25 - 32:46] I'm so sick of all of this. Everybody tried to bring me down. I'm so broken deep inside. I don't know what to do with myself at home every single day and night.
[32:46 - 33:07] Can these demons just run through my mind? Why is it at the time I just want to take this gun, die, leave this world and say goodbye?
[33:07 - 33:30] I don't understand why I am. I curse with suicide in my mind.
[33:30 - 33:49] I'm so sick, so sick, I'm fucking tired of this bullshit.
[33:49 - 34:15] Why is it that everyone does to act so fucking fake? They smile in my face and in my back, they twist a knife and they like everything is all right when it's not.
[34:15 - 34:34] I'm so sick of this hatred deep inside of me. I'm so sick, so fucking sick of being in this house.
[34:34 - 34:58] Why is it that everyone has to push me? I don't understand. Who the fuck are you? What? Why do you fucking have to attack me like you do?
[34:58 - 35:16] I don't understand. I've got this darkness in my head.
[35:16 - 35:23] Now for all you motherfuckers that want to laugh and hate, let's see you do that shit.
[35:23 - 35:34] Let's see you pull a fucking scarlet and do a fucking scream-out style rap like I just fucking did. I bet none of y'all motherfuckers can do that, not one of you.
[35:34 - 36:32] [Music]
[36:32 - 36:59] Not the right one I was looking for.
[36:59 - 37:26] I'm so sick, every day I wake up with this nauseous feeling in my mind and I don't know what to do. I've got this feeling in my mind that will sense you walk down the door and say goodbye.
[37:26 - 37:45] It's kind of like nothing makes any sense anymore. I'm always feeling like I'm on the edge of suicide. Got that knife to my neck every night.
[37:45 - 38:03] Am I better off leaving this place, saving myself and saying goodbye to the hate? What do I do? I just don't know anymore.
[38:03 - 38:30] Since you walked out the door, nothing feels real anymore. Always lost in my thoughts. Don't know where I'm going, don't know what I'm doing. All I know is you're abused.
[38:30 - 38:57] Turn me into this person that I didn't want to be. All your evil just destroyed me. Now I'm left here not knowing what to do. I don't want change back to myself.
[38:57 - 39:06] How do I escape this hell that you put me in?
[39:06 - 39:34] I really don't understand anything anymore. Nothing makes sense since you walked out the door. And God, this doesn't seem right. I don't understand why it's that you had to abuse me, treat me like shit, then walk out the door.
[39:35 - 39:54] Did I really mean that little to you that you don't like? I'm not worth your time and I'm worthless in the end.
[39:54 - 40:05] Please tell me why you did this to me so I can be free.
[40:05 - 40:32] I want to say I repeat a little peep on this one.
[40:32 - 40:48] It's like I got all these nightmares running through my head and I just don't know what to do.
[40:48 - 41:07] Every night when I go to sleep I've got these nightmares running through my head and they won't let me sleep. I don't understand why it's that these demons have been surrounding me since I was a kid.
[41:07 - 41:23] They always attack me, look inside my mind like they want me to die. I can never rest in peace and I just don't know why.
[41:23 - 41:38] Why is it that I can't escape, get away from everything, everything and everyone is done to me. They created these demons that surround me when I go to sleep.
[41:38 - 41:57] Please can somebody help me, break me free.
[41:57 - 42:18] I've got so many rainy days and I don't know why. I've got so many rainy days and yet I don't understand why. Why is it that I have to be stuck in the cold with you.
[42:18 - 42:27] Running through my mind saying please just let me be, get the fuck away from me.
[42:27 - 42:56] This is not who I was meant to be and you fucking know and get away from me, go the fuck away and go to where else get away from me.
[42:56 - 43:18] Now this will be the final song for the stream. Before I start this next song I want to give a huge shout out to my boys over at blackout records.
[43:18 - 43:34] I fucking love you guys. For the most part I want to say thank you to my girl for holding me down and always being there. I fucking love you.
[43:34 - 43:49] Thank you.
[43:49 - 44:01] Got too many people running around in my fucking head. Everybody always wishing that I was fucking dead. They don't really understand what I go through.
[44:01 - 44:26] Every day they try to judge me, try to name me, try to break me down inside and it's like finding a wall that I know that I'll never win. Why is it that I'm stuck in this place, in this hell all because of you not wanting me to do well.
[44:26 - 44:55] God all this song comes over my head every single day everybody wishing I was dead. Well, guess what motherfucker, here I am, I'm never gonna go away no matter what.
[44:55 - 45:19] No matter what you fucking say I'm gonna be doing me till I'm dead in the grave. Don't sing for a minute. You are stopping me. I am always gonna be everything that you wish you could be.
[45:19 - 45:39] I'm always gonna be everything that you're not you, judge me because I'm always gonna be everything that you know you try to scrutinize me, try to fucking break me, name me, act like you know me bitch, you don't know anything about me so get the fuck away from me.
[45:39 - 45:57] All you fucking see is what I post up on the internet. You always I can get everyone's in the way but they're not. Get the fuck away from me. So many dead bodies of the trolls around me.
[45:57 - 46:22] You guys are like a gentleman but you're not.
[46:22 - 46:48] Oh you stupid little fucking haters act like you're getting to me but the truth is you're not even facing me so give the fuck up. Get the fuck away from me. You don't know me like you think. Who the fuck do you think you are acting like you got this right to judge me when you don't.
[46:48 - 47:04] You're not my mom, you're not my dad, you sure as hell ain't gone.
[47:04 - 47:16] And that's facts man all y'all motherfucker trolls want to sit there and play God after like you got the right to judge me, but there's only one person that got that actually has that right to judge me.
[47:16 - 47:22] And that's God himself motherfuckers. He's the only one that has the right to judge.
[47:22 - 47:39] But to all the fans, I fucking love you guys. Once again man. All right, Peter can that rest in peace cat. We fucking love you miss you. You're going to be fucking missed I can promise you that.
[47:39 - 47:53] And more importantly, shout out to my team over at blackout records, and more importantly man, and I know what y'all motherfuckers are going to try to do it too so I am going to say this right the fuck now.
[47:53 - 48:10] I want to give the biggest fucking shout out to my girl man, because I'm saying right now man, my girl has been holding me down and not listening to what these motherfuckers say, and that right there means more to me than anything in the fucking world.
[48:10 - 48:26] She's been holding me the fuck down and helping me the fuck out and everything that I do. She always keeps me positive, always keeps me fucking humble, and always keeps me in good spirits man, and I can never ask for anything more than that.
[48:26 - 48:40] And despite what you fuckbags think she's actually loyal and honest and open about everything, just like I am with her, and I couldn't ask for anyone better than that at all, period.
[48:40 - 48:45] So don't think that y'all motherfuckers are going to come between us because y'all ain't.
[48:45 - 48:56] Because guess what, she's my ride or die and I'm her ride or die. So no matter what you say y'all motherfuckers ain't doing shit.
[48:56 - 49:01] So massive shout out to my girl, fucking love you babe, thank you for everything that you've done.
[49:01 - 49:10] Shout out to my brothers, my sisters, my family, who have helped me get to this point, along with my girl and my motherfucking team at blackout records.
[49:10 - 49:26] I fucking love you guys, and you guys heard it here first. Your boy Scarface, your truly Scarface, is dropping a brand new album called Scar Tissue, coming very fucking soon.
[49:26 - 49:37] So be ready for that. I fucking love you guys. Stay humble, stay positive, and remember, don't let any motherfucker throw any kind of shit at you.
[49:37 - 49:52] Because you guys are awesome, you guys are wonderful, you guys are gifted, you are talented, and you have the will and the power to do whatever the fuck you want to do with your life.
[49:52 - 49:58] And remember, suicide is never the answer.
[49:59 - 50:13] Thank you.