2021-3-31 Focusing on my health and work

[0:00 - 0:28] What's going on everybody, it's your boy Cyraxx. This stream isn't going to be as long. I wanted to give you guys a lot of updates on what I'm going to be doing and how things are going to be going for a while.
[0:28 - 0:51] No, first and foremost, I'm not quitting YouTube. I'm not quitting YouTube and I'm not stopping streaming, but as you guys know, I've been under quite a lot of stress.
[0:51 - 1:14] I've been under a lot of stress with Marty doing what he's doing with threatening my family and just tonight doing even worse outside of the public eye and whatnot to where I'm even on more high alert than I already am.
[1:14 - 1:34] But as you guys may know, you guys probably saw my video from this morning where I stated that, you know, I'm barely eating and barely sleeping because of depression due to Marty and all of that is very, very true.
[1:34 - 1:50] Like I really am barely sleeping. When I do sleep, I'm sleeping maybe one to two hours. If not, like a half hour and then I'm just right back up again.
[1:50 - 2:01] I'm barely eating. I'm not eating as much as I should because I'm always worried, always sitting at the computer, always wondering what Marty's going to be doing next.
[2:01 - 2:11] So that being said, I am going to be stepping away from doing, you know, streams as well.
[2:11 - 2:21] That way I can focus on getting my health back to where it needs to be both physically, mentally, you know, emotionally.
[2:21 - 2:32] Like I want to be able to get back to where I was because I've started to notice, like, I watched back my livestream that I had to delete due to somebody fucking with my internet.
[2:32 - 2:43] I was watching it back where I deleted it. And even I could tell I was not at 100%.
[2:43 - 3:02] And anybody who knows me knows that I like to give 110% whenever I do a show, whether, you know, whether it's a live cover show, whether it's just me hanging out, whatever, like, you know, I like to give you guys 110%.
[3:02 - 3:13] Like, I don't like to have fast anything. Like, when I do something like I like to go all in and give you guys the best that I can.
[3:13 - 3:18] And I just feel like I wasn't at my best.
[3:18 - 3:26] So over the next few weeks, like I'll still be doing live streams but they won't be as long.
[3:26 - 3:48] Also, as you guys know, I actually do have a very, very well paying job with my friend Enoch and his company Video Powered Studios, which as you guys know, probably by now is a video game company we're currently working on our first major project.
[3:48 - 4:08] And I'm doing a lot of the composition music for some of the boss fights and whatnot. So, you know, I am doing that and I am getting paid for I'm getting paid like 150 a day to do that so I am, you know, making money and I am focusing on that.
[4:08 - 4:17] I just really feel like, above all else, I want to give myself back to where I need to be health wise.
[4:17 - 4:23] You know, I need to be sleeping more I need to be eating more I need to be less stressed.
[4:23 - 4:41] And I feel like, you know, for me, doing, you know, shortened live streams and doing more for myself and focusing on myself more is something that you know is very much needed.
[4:41 - 4:56] I'm not saying that I'm going to step away from YouTube that's not happening. But I do want to get myself back to where I need to be health wise because right now, I'm not in a good spot mentally.
[4:56 - 5:05] I'm in a good position, health wise and emotionally and physically I'm just, I'm drained.
[5:05 - 5:15] Like, literally drained, because of all this crap going on.
[5:15 - 5:27] So, you know, I do need to take that time away to, you know, focus on getting myself back to where I need to be.
[5:27 - 5:45] And as I said, I'm not going to be doing as many live streams like I was to be live streaming but they won't be as long, and they won't be as frequent.
[5:45 - 5:52] But as I said, it's just until I can get myself back to where I need to be.
[5:52 - 5:58] Like I said, I'm still gonna do streams I'm still gonna do my thing.
[5:58 - 6:05] But right now I need to, you know, listen to my body pay attention to it.
[6:05 - 6:18] And, you know, get rid of the stress and do things that I need to do to get myself back to where I need to be.
[6:18 - 6:40] You know, anything, this is something that a lot of artists, whether you're in music or whether you do artwork or even a lot of YouTubers will tell you, you know, mental health and health in general is a very serious thing that we do struggle with.
[6:40 - 6:49] You always have that pressure of outdoing yourself, every time and it just, it becomes wear and tear on your body.
[6:49 - 7:00] But then when you add in that pressure of what Marty's been doing to me, on top of that, it makes things 100 times worse.
[7:00 - 7:09] And I really feel like I need to step away from Marty, focus on myself, you know, and do stuff.
[7:09 - 7:15] Hell, I may even go to my best friend Jake's and hang out with him or have him over here.
[7:15 - 7:20] Hell, I may even do a live stream with a man and we'll sit down and we'll hang out with you guys.
[7:20 - 7:30] Like, who knows?
[7:30 - 7:44] But I do hope that you guys understand where I'm coming from and how I got into this position that I got into, which is not a very good position.
[7:44 - 7:59] It's really not. And, you know, I just feel like right now I need to take a moment to focus on myself, my health, you know, give myself back to where I was before the Marty bullshit started.
[7:59 - 8:19] And, you know, go from there and try to create better content because honestly, the content I've been putting out recently, I've been looking back and I'm just, other than that funny video I put out the other day, basically going to Marty.
[8:19 - 8:25] I've been noticing a lot of streams aren't as good.
[8:25 - 8:30] And I wanted to be really, really, really good.
[8:30 - 8:42] So in order to do that, I need to focus and just get back to where I need to be.
[8:42 - 8:51] But with that being said, I love you guys. I'm not actually finish up what a little bit of work I had to deal with on one of the tracks.
[8:51 - 8:56] And then after that, I'll probably lay down, watch a movie and pass out.
[8:56 - 9:02] So, yeah, I'll catch you guys tomorrow.
[9:02 - 9:07] Oh, yes. Peace.
[9:07 - 9:21] And on a side note, before I do go, if you are going through a very similar situation, or if you're going through anything in general, just know that there are people here that do care.
[9:21 - 9:36] And, you know, just whenever your body tells you something, your best bet is to listen to it because your body knows itself very well and instead of ignoring it, listen to it.
[9:36 - 9:44] I've been ignoring my body for a long time now and I need to start listening to it, which is what I'm doing.
[9:44 - 9:50] Peace.