2021-2-8 FACING MY DEMONS

Uploaded by UNOFFICIAL CYRAX ARCHIVE on January 5th, 2023

Link: https://odysee.com/@UnofficialCyraxArchive#b/2021-2-8-FACING-MY-DEMONS#4

Original upload date: February 8th, 2021 (automatically grabbed from title)

[0.00 - 22.72] [heavy breathing]
[22.72 - 24.72] What's up guys?
[24.72 - 29.72] You guys are probably wondering
[30.72 - 32.72] Why did what I did?
[32.72 - 112.72] And why I said it's because I wanted to take you guys on a very realistic journey
[112.72 - 122.72] And that was the time period where I was being abused on and off in different relationships
[122.72 - 136.72] I had been mentally abused, verbally abused, attacked a lot
[136.72 - 159.72] And, you know, I wanted to show you guys a very real side where I spoke about those demons that I dealt with, the depression
[159.72 - 164.72] And I wanted to show you guys, I wanted to make you guys feel the pain that I felt
[164.72 - 168.72] And show you guys the very real pain that I had to deal with
[168.72 - 184.72] You know, like I wanted to take you guys on that journey of, you know, the pain that I dealt with every day, waking up
[187.72 - 194.72] Being abused, dealing with shit like with what Mari does and all that shit
[194.72 - 198.72] Like I wanted to bring that guys to you guys
[198.72 - 205.72] And I wanted to do it in a raw, organic way by facing my demons on the spot
[215.72 - 221.72] You know, and I always shared, if honest, what you guys witnessed
[221.72 - 232.72] What you guys witnessed was me facing my demons for the first time
[232.72 - 242.72] I've never faced my demons up until just a few minutes ago
[242.72 - 254.72] Like, I can honestly say, it was scary for me to do
[254.72 - 260.72] It very much was scary
[260.72 - 271.72] Like, this is the first time that I've actually sat down and faced my demons
[271.72 - 281.72] And I figured the best way to do that is to take you guys on a journey through the darkest parts of my life, through my mind
[281.72 - 289.72] Showing you guys the very real pain that I've held inside for so many years
[291.72 - 303.72] Everything from losing family, friends, loved ones, facing the grim reaper every day with people telling me to kill myself
[303.72 - 314.72] Like, I wanted you guys to see that first hand and witness me going through that struggle
[314.72 - 322.72] Going through facing my demons and becoming a better person
[322.72 - 341.72] And I wanted you guys to bear witness to that because a lot of you guys have been there since the very beginning
[341.72 - 349.72] A lot of you guys have saw the struggle, but you guys never got to see the full extent of it like I showed you
[349.72 - 355.72] And I wanted to do that in the most realistic way possible
[355.72 - 364.72] And show you guys, you know, my demons that I've had to deal with
[365.72 - 370.72] And I wanted to do that in the most raw, organic way possible
[370.72 - 378.72] And I figure, why not take that and turn it into a recording so that maybe you guys can get help out of it
[378.72 - 385.72] And no we're not, we're far from it
[385.72 - 390.72] I'll never be friends with him
[390.72 - 408.72] But I just wanted to hop on here and give you guys
[408.72 - 416.72] You know, a huge thank you for everything that you guys have done
[416.72 - 423.72] You guys have allowed me to, you know, essentially face my demons
[423.72 - 431.72] And doing it live, I feel like, you know, a lot of you guys felt
[431.72 - 441.72] And got to see the pain that I legit went through, the pain that I suffered through, the pain I had to endure
[441.72 - 452.72] All the pain of being abused for years, then being left and tossed aside
[452.72 - 459.72] Being broken, being fixed again, being broke again, going back to being fixed
[459.72 - 470.72] You know, I've endured a lot of loss
[470.72 - 474.72] More than most, actually
[474.72 - 478.72] I lost both my grandparents as a kid
[478.72 - 489.72] Then in 2015 I lost my older brother
[489.72 - 499.72] Then I lost, well, back in 2009 I lost my best friend David who was like an older brother to me
[499.72 - 502.72] Then I lost my legitimate older brother
[502.72 - 514.72] And then in 2015, that same year I lost my best friend to his shooting
[517.72 - 530.72] And then earlier last year I lost, you know, not only a good friend who was a fellow YouTuber, Jamie
[530.72 - 535.72] But I also lost somebody who was actually my girlfriend back in high school
[535.72 - 538.72] And we had dated all in all since then
[538.72 - 542.72] So, you know, I've dealt with a lot of loss
[544.72 - 548.72] I really have dealt with a lot of loss
[548.72 - 556.72] And I really feel like, you know, like this might help someone
[556.72 - 560.72] And I hope you guys see now
[560.72 - 564.72] You know, what I feel inside every day
[564.72 - 568.72] When I see the attacks going on, when I feel that rage
[568.72 - 571.72] And I deal with all this
[572.72 - 576.72] You know, I hope you guys see now what it is that I had to deal with
[576.72 - 579.72] And what it is that I do deal with from time to time
[579.72 - 584.72] Whether people are telling me that I'm not good enough
[584.72 - 590.72] You know, that I'm trash, that I'm this, that I'm that
[590.72 - 596.72] You know, it was tough
[596.72 - 599.72] It was very, very tough for me to do what I did
[599.72 - 601.72] But I'm glad that I did it
[602.72 - 605.72] It was tough for me to do what I did
[605.72 - 611.72] Yeah, I did
[611.72 - 614.72] And I will admit, I did lose her as well
[614.72 - 620.72] I actually lost her, you know, in a house fire
[620.72 - 622.72] When I was younger
[622.72 - 624.72] And it didn't really affect me
[624.72 - 628.72] Like it normally would most people
[628.72 - 631.72] But I did have to deal with that as well
[631.72 - 637.72] But I do want to thank you guys for allowing me to create this piece
[637.72 - 639.72] It will be put up on YouTube
[639.72 - 642.72] I'm not going to do an audio spectrum on it
[642.72 - 645.72] I'm just going to email it to myself and then post it out
[645.72 - 648.72] And but
[648.72 - 656.72] I just want to say thank you guys for allowing me to do that
[657.72 - 658.72] And on a side note
[658.72 - 663.72] I don't know if any of you guys have been watching or not
[663.72 - 671.72] But I do want to send my biggest and most heartfelt condolences
[671.72 - 675.72] To Jack, the guy and his family
[675.72 - 682.72] If you guys don't know, Jack just lost his dad just a couple weeks ago
[683.72 - 687.72] I'm not sure what from, I'm not sure the details
[687.72 - 691.72] But, you know
[691.72 - 699.72] Major, major condolences to Jack, the guy and his family
[699.72 - 703.72] Shout out to Sean, shout out to his girlfriend Abby
[703.72 - 709.72] You know, shout out to his family for sure
[710.72 - 716.72] And you know, definite major rest in peace to Jack's dad
[716.72 - 721.72] You know, I support you 110% dude
[721.72 - 727.72] Like I've been following you for God as long as I can remember
[727.72 - 749.72] And, you know, I can honestly say, you know, your family definitely has my condolences for sure Jack
[749.72 - 754.72] You know, me and my whole family, we send you our deepest condolences
[755.72 - 758.72] 110% you have our condolences
[758.72 - 766.72] And, you know, like you said, whenever you're ready to come back, bro, we're gonna be here, man
[766.72 - 782.72] I do plan on, from this moment forward, from today on, I do plan on doing more music streams, more art streams
[782.72 - 792.72] And I do plan on talking more about my life and, like, stuff that I've dealt with, whether it be through, you know, my music
[792.72 - 797.72] If you guys don't know, I do have a brand new album coming out called Scar Tissue
[797.72 - 803.72] Which is gonna cover more in depth of, you know, the stuff that I've dealt with
[803.72 - 810.72] And stuff that I've been through, so I'm definitely looking forward to that
[811.72 - 814.72] I'm actually about two songs deep into Scar Tissue right now
[814.72 - 824.72] I don't actually know that one very, but I will learn it and I will try to see what I can do
[824.72 - 830.72] But I would definitely say, guys, I just wanted to hop on here and say thank you to you guys
[830.72 - 835.72] You guys have legit been amazing
[836.72 - 843.72] And more importantly, shout out to new deity for standing out for me like she did yesterday
[843.72 - 852.72] If you guys have not seen that stream, I will actually post the link in the chat for you guys to check it out
[852.72 - 858.72] Cause honestly, it's very much worth a watch
[865.72 - 867.72] It's very much worth
[867.72 - 871.72] You guys have not seen it
[871.72 - 886.72] Yo, Rayquan, what up, man? Thank you
[886.72 - 891.72] But if you guys have not checked out that video, go do it
[891.72 - 898.72] I promise you guys you will not be disappointed. This chick literally aways into Marty full blown
[898.72 - 902.72] Goes after everybody that's attacked me full blown
[902.72 - 907.72] So shout out to new deity, man. She's super fucking dope
[907.72 - 919.72] Like a hundred percent, a hundred fucking percent. She's fucking awesome
[920.72 - 928.72] Like a hundred and ten percent. She is just straight up amazing
[928.72 - 942.72] Like she did something that not many have the balls to do
[943.72 - 973.72] So a huge shout out to new deity for doing what she did
[973.72 - 982.72] Yo, too sweet
[982.72 - 985.72] They said brother
[985.72 - 990.72] But with that being said guys, I am about to bounce up off here and just kick it
[990.72 - 993.72] Maybe work on some new instrumental work
[993.72 - 995.72] I'm not sure
[995.72 - 997.72] But
[998.72 - 1001.72] Like I said, I do appreciate you guys
[1001.72 - 1004.72] You know, allowing me to take you guys
[1004.72 - 1008.72] I know the journey was very dark, very weird
[1008.72 - 1012.72] Hearing me do what I was doing. I know that had to be weird
[1012.72 - 1015.72] But
[1015.72 - 1024.72] I did it that way because I wanted to get inside my head and kind of show you guys firsthand
[1025.72 - 1028.72] What it is that I had to deal with
[1028.72 - 1035.72] I wanted to, you know, show you guys raw, uncut
[1035.72 - 1038.72] What it is that I had to deal with
[1038.72 - 1043.72] Because the stuff I dealt with was very scary
[1053.72 - 1056.72] Like what I dealt with was very scary
[1056.72 - 1059.72] Very very dark, very evil
[1059.72 - 1068.72] It's definitely something that you know, I definitely
[1068.72 - 1074.72] You know feel like a lot of you guys now have a better understanding of what it is that I dealt with
[1074.72 - 1078.72] And I know I sounded crazy when I was doing it
[1078.72 - 1081.72] But I did the voices the way that I did them
[1082.72 - 1086.72] Because I wanted to kind of show you guys in my mind
[1086.72 - 1091.72] What I'm hearing when I hear these people saying all these things like
[1091.72 - 1094.72] You're not worth it. You're
[1094.72 - 1102.72] Unworthy your this your that and the other like I kind of wanted to give you guys a retrospective of what I hear in my head
[1102.72 - 1105.72] You know what I'm hearing in my head
[1105.72 - 1111.72] And what they're saying like I wanted to kind of give it that demonic vibe
[1111.72 - 1117.72] And there if I don't actually show you guys, you know exactly what I'm talking about
[1117.72 - 1132.72] Now this is just gonna be a one-off track so yeah
[1132.72 - 1140.72] Like this is gonna be just you know, one of those one-off tracks
[1141.72 - 1147.72] You know what I mean like it's gonna be just you know, a one-off or like I'm not gonna do any others like it
[1147.72 - 1149.72] but
[1149.72 - 1158.72] You know, I wanted to kind of give you guys an in-depth look and a first-hand look
[1168.72 - 1170.72] Good God
[1170.72 - 1181.72] God 23 minutes fuck dude. I might have to chop that open the parts
[1181.72 - 1188.72] Like for real I might just have to chop that open the fucking parts
[1196.72 - 1200.72] For real, I made you have to chop this whole thing out in the parts
[1200.72 - 1208.72] It's like literally 23 minutes long. Holy fuck. I knew it was long, but bro. I didn't think it was that long
[1208.72 - 1212.56] Fuck I'm gonna have to chop this thing up. I
[1212.56 - 1216.72] May just end up making an album out of this. I don't know shit
[1216.72 - 1221.72] I might just do a one-off album of this
[1224.32 - 1226.00] No, that's
[1226.00 - 1229.96] This is like 23 minutes on that'd be like half the frickin album
[1229.96 - 1236.26] But I may just end up making this as part of the album like
[1236.26 - 1238.96] do like
[1238.96 - 1240.96] You're actually giving me an idea here
[1240.96 - 1247.30] Like what I'm thinking is chopping it up. Here's what I'm thinking. I chop it up
[1247.30 - 1251.48] Like say I do the first part of this
[1252.72 - 1254.72] Then I do the first song
[1254.72 - 1260.84] Second part of this second song and so on and so on like have each voice part
[1260.84 - 1264.56] Right before so it's like one giant
[1264.56 - 1269.68] Thing like you have a little message right before the song
[1269.68 - 1276.36] It goes into another message another song another message another song. You see where I'm going with this now
[1278.44 - 1283.04] Yo, man, you literally just gave me a fucking idea literally
[1283.04 - 1307.04] You are unworthy!
[1307.04 - 1314.54] Nonsense!
[1314.54 - 1318.04] What is this?
[1318.04 - 1320.04] Nonsense!
[1320.04 - 1327.46] Exactly manic!
[1327.46 - 1336.04] I did nothing wrong! Why do you keep doing this?!
[1336.04 - 1342.92] God that is dark
[1342.92 - 1344.92] God that is dark!
[1344.92 - 1351.92] Oh my soul!
[1351.92 - 1355.92] God that is dark!
[1355.92 - 1364.92] Let me tell you man if this next album don't sell I'm gonna be in shock
[1364.92 - 1371.92] There actually is dude like you can actually hear it like listen
[1371.92 - 1383.92] What do you keep doing this?!
[1383.92 - 1388.92] Okay, yeah, I see what you're talking about there does need to be a little reverb on the vocals
[1388.92 - 1397.92] I see exactly what you're talking about now. Yeah, I do need a little bit more reverb not gonna lie
[1397.92 - 1400.92] So I actually am going to add to it
[1401.92 - 1405.92] I see exactly what you're talking about here
[1405.92 - 1411.92] What do you keep doing this?!
[1428.92 - 1430.92] Don't touch me
[1430.92 - 1437.92] Let's hear how this sounds
[1437.92 - 1448.92] I did nothing wrong! Why do you keep doing this?!
[1448.92 - 1455.92] Oh that is dead ass holy fuck that just gave me fucking chills
[1456.92 - 1465.92] Here's the thing mistress, I've been creating my own shit and if you don't like what I do then hit the road
[1465.92 - 1468.92] Hit the road
[1469.92 - 1476.92] And you're actually very right about that like you know, I can easily go between doing this and doing this
[1476.92 - 1480.92] And you're actually very right about that
[1480.92 - 1485.92] Like you know, I can easily go between doing this and doing this
[1485.92 - 1494.92] And you're actually very right about that like you know, I can easily go between doing this and doing this
[1494.92 - 1505.92] And you're actually very right about that like you know, I can easily go between doing a rock song a hip-hop song to doing you know, spoken word stuff whatever it is
[1505.92 - 1514.92] There actually is good that actually is actually one of those actually I just started working on that song last night
[1520.92 - 1525.92] All right, listen, no, I think I think you got it twisted
[1525.92 - 1535.92] I think I think there's you know, some you know misunderstanding there everything that I've done has been about my life
[1543.92 - 1550.92] Oh my god, you're from back to where the weeds where the weed at track. No, I've not done that yet
[1550.92 - 1558.92] But like if you take a listen to like especially this album that I'm going to be dropping here very soon
[1558.92 - 1560.92] As soon as I get my banking set up
[1560.92 - 1570.92] You know, this is I get all that set up I will actually be releasing the CDs that I have now
[1571.92 - 1574.92] Which I currently have fucking 38 of those damn things
[1574.92 - 1577.92] But once I do that
[1577.92 - 1583.92] And you pop the CD and you'll kind of hear, you know songs about my life
[1583.92 - 1589.92] You'll kind of hear like what I dealt with
[1589.92 - 1593.92] Oh, you're totally good
[1593.92 - 1600.92] You're totally good
[1600.92 - 1602.92] Exactly
[1602.92 - 1611.92] Man, this is why I fuck with you. This is why I fuck with you man. You know, like it's like you're in my fucking head
[1611.92 - 1618.92] I swear to God you're you're in my fucking head every time like dude
[1627.92 - 1634.92] Oh wow start a millionaire. Yes. I'm gonna have my own banking account dude. I had my own banking account before dude
[1634.92 - 1637.92] I had my own account until Tyler broke in
[1637.92 - 1641.92] But manic I swear to God, this is why I fuck with you
[1641.92 - 1648.92] This is exactly why I fuck with you manic cuz like you know my headspace all too fucking well
[1648.92 - 1656.92] Like you know my fucking headspace, you know where my head's at like that is dude
[1657.92 - 1660.92] Are you reading my fucking mind or something?
[1660.92 - 1663.92] I swear
[1663.92 - 1665.92] I don't know what to do with you
[1665.92 - 1900.92] I swear to God, this is actually a real thing

[0:00 - 0:22] [heavy breathing]
[0:22 - 0:24] What's up guys?
[0:24 - 0:29] You guys are probably wondering
[0:30 - 0:32] Why did what I did?
[0:32 - 1:52] And why I said it's because I wanted to take you guys on a very realistic journey
[1:52 - 2:02] And that was the time period where I was being abused on and off in different relationships
[2:02 - 2:16] I had been mentally abused, verbally abused, attacked a lot
[2:16 - 2:39] And, you know, I wanted to show you guys a very real side where I spoke about those demons that I dealt with, the depression
[2:39 - 2:44] And I wanted to show you guys, I wanted to make you guys feel the pain that I felt
[2:44 - 2:48] And show you guys the very real pain that I had to deal with
[2:48 - 3:04] You know, like I wanted to take you guys on that journey of, you know, the pain that I dealt with every day, waking up
[3:07 - 3:14] Being abused, dealing with shit like with what Mari does and all that shit
[3:14 - 3:18] Like I wanted to bring that guys to you guys
[3:18 - 3:25] And I wanted to do it in a raw, organic way by facing my demons on the spot
[3:35 - 3:41] You know, and I always shared, if honest, what you guys witnessed
[3:41 - 3:52] What you guys witnessed was me facing my demons for the first time
[3:52 - 4:02] I've never faced my demons up until just a few minutes ago
[4:02 - 4:14] Like, I can honestly say, it was scary for me to do
[4:14 - 4:20] It very much was scary
[4:20 - 4:31] Like, this is the first time that I've actually sat down and faced my demons
[4:31 - 4:41] And I figured the best way to do that is to take you guys on a journey through the darkest parts of my life, through my mind
[4:41 - 4:49] Showing you guys the very real pain that I've held inside for so many years
[4:51 - 5:03] Everything from losing family, friends, loved ones, facing the grim reaper every day with people telling me to kill myself
[5:03 - 5:14] Like, I wanted you guys to see that first hand and witness me going through that struggle
[5:14 - 5:22] Going through facing my demons and becoming a better person
[5:22 - 5:41] And I wanted you guys to bear witness to that because a lot of you guys have been there since the very beginning
[5:41 - 5:49] A lot of you guys have saw the struggle, but you guys never got to see the full extent of it like I showed you
[5:49 - 5:55] And I wanted to do that in the most realistic way possible
[5:55 - 6:04] And show you guys, you know, my demons that I've had to deal with
[6:05 - 6:10] And I wanted to do that in the most raw, organic way possible
[6:10 - 6:18] And I figure, why not take that and turn it into a recording so that maybe you guys can get help out of it
[6:18 - 6:25] And no we're not, we're far from it
[6:25 - 6:30] I'll never be friends with him
[6:30 - 6:48] But I just wanted to hop on here and give you guys
[6:48 - 6:56] You know, a huge thank you for everything that you guys have done
[6:56 - 7:03] You guys have allowed me to, you know, essentially face my demons
[7:03 - 7:11] And doing it live, I feel like, you know, a lot of you guys felt
[7:11 - 7:21] And got to see the pain that I legit went through, the pain that I suffered through, the pain I had to endure
[7:21 - 7:32] All the pain of being abused for years, then being left and tossed aside
[7:32 - 7:39] Being broken, being fixed again, being broke again, going back to being fixed
[7:39 - 7:50] You know, I've endured a lot of loss
[7:50 - 7:54] More than most, actually
[7:54 - 7:58] I lost both my grandparents as a kid
[7:58 - 8:09] Then in 2015 I lost my older brother
[8:09 - 8:19] Then I lost, well, back in 2009 I lost my best friend David who was like an older brother to me
[8:19 - 8:22] Then I lost my legitimate older brother
[8:22 - 8:34] And then in 2015, that same year I lost my best friend to his shooting
[8:37 - 8:50] And then earlier last year I lost, you know, not only a good friend who was a fellow YouTuber, Jamie
[8:50 - 8:55] But I also lost somebody who was actually my girlfriend back in high school
[8:55 - 8:58] And we had dated all in all since then
[8:58 - 9:02] So, you know, I've dealt with a lot of loss
[9:04 - 9:08] I really have dealt with a lot of loss
[9:08 - 9:16] And I really feel like, you know, like this might help someone
[9:16 - 9:20] And I hope you guys see now
[9:20 - 9:24] You know, what I feel inside every day
[9:24 - 9:28] When I see the attacks going on, when I feel that rage
[9:28 - 9:31] And I deal with all this
[9:32 - 9:36] You know, I hope you guys see now what it is that I had to deal with
[9:36 - 9:39] And what it is that I do deal with from time to time
[9:39 - 9:44] Whether people are telling me that I'm not good enough
[9:44 - 9:50] You know, that I'm trash, that I'm this, that I'm that
[9:50 - 9:56] You know, it was tough
[9:56 - 9:59] It was very, very tough for me to do what I did
[9:59 - 10:01] But I'm glad that I did it
[10:02 - 10:05] It was tough for me to do what I did
[10:05 - 10:11] Yeah, I did
[10:11 - 10:14] And I will admit, I did lose her as well
[10:14 - 10:20] I actually lost her, you know, in a house fire
[10:20 - 10:22] When I was younger
[10:22 - 10:24] And it didn't really affect me
[10:24 - 10:28] Like it normally would most people
[10:28 - 10:31] But I did have to deal with that as well
[10:31 - 10:37] But I do want to thank you guys for allowing me to create this piece
[10:37 - 10:39] It will be put up on YouTube
[10:39 - 10:42] I'm not going to do an audio spectrum on it
[10:42 - 10:45] I'm just going to email it to myself and then post it out
[10:45 - 10:48] And but
[10:48 - 10:56] I just want to say thank you guys for allowing me to do that
[10:57 - 10:58] And on a side note
[10:58 - 11:03] I don't know if any of you guys have been watching or not
[11:03 - 11:11] But I do want to send my biggest and most heartfelt condolences
[11:11 - 11:15] To Jack, the guy and his family
[11:15 - 11:22] If you guys don't know, Jack just lost his dad just a couple weeks ago
[11:23 - 11:27] I'm not sure what from, I'm not sure the details
[11:27 - 11:31] But, you know
[11:31 - 11:39] Major, major condolences to Jack, the guy and his family
[11:39 - 11:43] Shout out to Sean, shout out to his girlfriend Abby
[11:43 - 11:49] You know, shout out to his family for sure
[11:50 - 11:56] And you know, definite major rest in peace to Jack's dad
[11:56 - 12:01] You know, I support you 110% dude
[12:01 - 12:07] Like I've been following you for God as long as I can remember
[12:07 - 12:29] And, you know, I can honestly say, you know, your family definitely has my condolences for sure Jack
[12:29 - 12:34] You know, me and my whole family, we send you our deepest condolences
[12:35 - 12:38] 110% you have our condolences
[12:38 - 12:46] And, you know, like you said, whenever you're ready to come back, bro, we're gonna be here, man
[12:46 - 13:02] I do plan on, from this moment forward, from today on, I do plan on doing more music streams, more art streams
[13:02 - 13:12] And I do plan on talking more about my life and, like, stuff that I've dealt with, whether it be through, you know, my music
[13:12 - 13:17] If you guys don't know, I do have a brand new album coming out called Scar Tissue
[13:17 - 13:23] Which is gonna cover more in depth of, you know, the stuff that I've dealt with
[13:23 - 13:30] And stuff that I've been through, so I'm definitely looking forward to that
[13:31 - 13:34] I'm actually about two songs deep into Scar Tissue right now
[13:34 - 13:44] I don't actually know that one very, but I will learn it and I will try to see what I can do
[13:44 - 13:50] But I would definitely say, guys, I just wanted to hop on here and say thank you to you guys
[13:50 - 13:55] You guys have legit been amazing
[13:56 - 14:03] And more importantly, shout out to new deity for standing out for me like she did yesterday
[14:03 - 14:12] If you guys have not seen that stream, I will actually post the link in the chat for you guys to check it out
[14:12 - 14:18] Cause honestly, it's very much worth a watch
[14:25 - 14:27] It's very much worth
[14:27 - 14:31] You guys have not seen it
[14:31 - 14:46] Yo, Rayquan, what up, man? Thank you
[14:46 - 14:51] But if you guys have not checked out that video, go do it
[14:51 - 14:58] I promise you guys you will not be disappointed. This chick literally aways into Marty full blown
[14:58 - 15:02] Goes after everybody that's attacked me full blown
[15:02 - 15:07] So shout out to new deity, man. She's super fucking dope
[15:07 - 15:19] Like a hundred percent, a hundred fucking percent. She's fucking awesome
[15:20 - 15:28] Like a hundred and ten percent. She is just straight up amazing
[15:28 - 15:42] Like she did something that not many have the balls to do
[15:43 - 16:13] So a huge shout out to new deity for doing what she did
[16:13 - 16:22] Yo, too sweet
[16:22 - 16:25] They said brother
[16:25 - 16:30] But with that being said guys, I am about to bounce up off here and just kick it
[16:30 - 16:33] Maybe work on some new instrumental work
[16:33 - 16:35] I'm not sure
[16:35 - 16:37] But
[16:38 - 16:41] Like I said, I do appreciate you guys
[16:41 - 16:44] You know, allowing me to take you guys
[16:44 - 16:48] I know the journey was very dark, very weird
[16:48 - 16:52] Hearing me do what I was doing. I know that had to be weird
[16:52 - 16:55] But
[16:55 - 17:04] I did it that way because I wanted to get inside my head and kind of show you guys firsthand
[17:05 - 17:08] What it is that I had to deal with
[17:08 - 17:15] I wanted to, you know, show you guys raw, uncut
[17:15 - 17:18] What it is that I had to deal with
[17:18 - 17:23] Because the stuff I dealt with was very scary
[17:33 - 17:36] Like what I dealt with was very scary
[17:36 - 17:39] Very very dark, very evil
[17:39 - 17:48] It's definitely something that you know, I definitely
[17:48 - 17:54] You know feel like a lot of you guys now have a better understanding of what it is that I dealt with
[17:54 - 17:58] And I know I sounded crazy when I was doing it
[17:58 - 18:01] But I did the voices the way that I did them
[18:02 - 18:06] Because I wanted to kind of show you guys in my mind
[18:06 - 18:11] What I'm hearing when I hear these people saying all these things like
[18:11 - 18:14] You're not worth it. You're
[18:14 - 18:22] Unworthy your this your that and the other like I kind of wanted to give you guys a retrospective of what I hear in my head
[18:22 - 18:25] You know what I'm hearing in my head
[18:25 - 18:31] And what they're saying like I wanted to kind of give it that demonic vibe
[18:31 - 18:37] And there if I don't actually show you guys, you know exactly what I'm talking about
[18:37 - 18:52] Now this is just gonna be a one-off track so yeah
[18:52 - 19:00] Like this is gonna be just you know, one of those one-off tracks
[19:01 - 19:07] You know what I mean like it's gonna be just you know, a one-off or like I'm not gonna do any others like it
[19:07 - 19:09] but
[19:09 - 19:18] You know, I wanted to kind of give you guys an in-depth look and a first-hand look
[19:28 - 19:30] Good God
[19:30 - 19:41] God 23 minutes fuck dude. I might have to chop that open the parts
[19:41 - 19:48] Like for real I might just have to chop that open the fucking parts
[19:56 - 20:00] For real, I made you have to chop this whole thing out in the parts
[20:00 - 20:08] It's like literally 23 minutes long. Holy fuck. I knew it was long, but bro. I didn't think it was that long
[20:08 - 20:12] Fuck I'm gonna have to chop this thing up. I
[20:12 - 20:16] May just end up making an album out of this. I don't know shit
[20:16 - 20:21] I might just do a one-off album of this
[20:24 - 20:26] No, that's
[20:26 - 20:29] This is like 23 minutes on that'd be like half the frickin album
[20:29 - 20:36] But I may just end up making this as part of the album like
[20:36 - 20:38] do like
[20:38 - 20:40] You're actually giving me an idea here
[20:40 - 20:47] Like what I'm thinking is chopping it up. Here's what I'm thinking. I chop it up
[20:47 - 20:51] Like say I do the first part of this
[20:52 - 20:54] Then I do the first song
[20:54 - 21:00] Second part of this second song and so on and so on like have each voice part
[21:00 - 21:04] Right before so it's like one giant
[21:04 - 21:09] Thing like you have a little message right before the song
[21:09 - 21:16] It goes into another message another song another message another song. You see where I'm going with this now
[21:18 - 21:23] Yo, man, you literally just gave me a fucking idea literally
[21:23 - 21:47] You are unworthy!
[21:47 - 21:54] Nonsense!
[21:54 - 21:58] What is this?
[21:58 - 22:00] Nonsense!
[22:00 - 22:07] Exactly manic!
[22:07 - 22:16] I did nothing wrong! Why do you keep doing this?!
[22:16 - 22:22] God that is dark
[22:22 - 22:24] God that is dark!
[22:24 - 22:31] Oh my soul!
[22:31 - 22:35] God that is dark!
[22:35 - 22:44] Let me tell you man if this next album don't sell I'm gonna be in shock
[22:44 - 22:51] There actually is dude like you can actually hear it like listen
[22:51 - 23:03] What do you keep doing this?!
[23:03 - 23:08] Okay, yeah, I see what you're talking about there does need to be a little reverb on the vocals
[23:08 - 23:17] I see exactly what you're talking about now. Yeah, I do need a little bit more reverb not gonna lie
[23:17 - 23:20] So I actually am going to add to it
[23:21 - 23:25] I see exactly what you're talking about here
[23:25 - 23:31] What do you keep doing this?!
[23:48 - 23:50] Don't touch me
[23:50 - 23:57] Let's hear how this sounds
[23:57 - 24:08] I did nothing wrong! Why do you keep doing this?!
[24:08 - 24:15] Oh that is dead ass holy fuck that just gave me fucking chills
[24:16 - 24:25] Here's the thing mistress, I've been creating my own shit and if you don't like what I do then hit the road
[24:25 - 24:28] Hit the road
[24:29 - 24:36] And you're actually very right about that like you know, I can easily go between doing this and doing this
[24:36 - 24:40] And you're actually very right about that
[24:40 - 24:45] Like you know, I can easily go between doing this and doing this
[24:45 - 24:54] And you're actually very right about that like you know, I can easily go between doing this and doing this
[24:54 - 25:05] And you're actually very right about that like you know, I can easily go between doing a rock song a hip-hop song to doing you know, spoken word stuff whatever it is
[25:05 - 25:14] There actually is good that actually is actually one of those actually I just started working on that song last night
[25:20 - 25:25] All right, listen, no, I think I think you got it twisted
[25:25 - 25:35] I think I think there's you know, some you know misunderstanding there everything that I've done has been about my life
[25:43 - 25:50] Oh my god, you're from back to where the weeds where the weed at track. No, I've not done that yet
[25:50 - 25:58] But like if you take a listen to like especially this album that I'm going to be dropping here very soon
[25:58 - 26:00] As soon as I get my banking set up
[26:00 - 26:10] You know, this is I get all that set up I will actually be releasing the CDs that I have now
[26:11 - 26:14] Which I currently have fucking 38 of those damn things
[26:14 - 26:17] But once I do that
[26:17 - 26:23] And you pop the CD and you'll kind of hear, you know songs about my life
[26:23 - 26:29] You'll kind of hear like what I dealt with
[26:29 - 26:33] Oh, you're totally good
[26:33 - 26:40] You're totally good
[26:40 - 26:42] Exactly
[26:42 - 26:51] Man, this is why I fuck with you. This is why I fuck with you man. You know, like it's like you're in my fucking head
[26:51 - 26:58] I swear to God you're you're in my fucking head every time like dude
[27:07 - 27:14] Oh wow start a millionaire. Yes. I'm gonna have my own banking account dude. I had my own banking account before dude
[27:14 - 27:17] I had my own account until Tyler broke in
[27:17 - 27:21] But manic I swear to God, this is why I fuck with you
[27:21 - 27:28] This is exactly why I fuck with you manic cuz like you know my headspace all too fucking well
[27:28 - 27:36] Like you know my fucking headspace, you know where my head's at like that is dude
[27:37 - 27:40] Are you reading my fucking mind or something?
[27:40 - 27:43] I swear
[27:43 - 27:45] I don't know what to do with you
[27:45 - 31:40] I swear to God, this is actually a real thing

Transcribed by lolcow.city as id '1924' on August 15th, 2024