2021-2-8 A DARK JOURNEY INTO MY LIFE LIFE RECORDING

[0:00 - 0:08] A little bit too close to the end of the screen here, but not too close to the end of the screen here.
[0:08 - 0:16] A little bit too close to the end of the screen here, but not too close to the end of the screen here, but not too close to the end of the screen here.
[0:16 - 0:31] A little bit too close to the end of the screen here, but not too close to the end of the screen here.
[0:31 - 1:11] A little bit too close to the end of the screen here, but not too close to the end of the screen here, but not too close to the end of the screen here.
[1:11 - 1:45] A little bit too close to the end of the screen here, but not too close to the end of the screen here, but not too close to the end of the screen here, but not too close to the end of the screen here.
[1:45 - 1:55] And fair warning, this journey is not for the faint hearted.
[1:55 - 2:12] So if you easily get scared, I suggest clicking off this video right now, because I'm about to show you the journey of my dark past
[2:12 - 2:30] and how I became the Prince of Darkness, the evil personified demon king, the monster that I've become.
[2:30 - 2:38] Everything you are about to witness is very, very real.
[2:38 - 2:43] So bear witness with me.
[2:43 - 3:12] We're about to take a step into the darkest part of my mind.
[3:12 - 3:49] I can hear it now.
[3:49 - 3:57] I can hear it.
[3:57 - 4:15] Yelling. Scream.
[4:15 - 4:32] What do you want?
[4:32 - 4:52] Why do you keep doing this?
[4:52 - 5:09] I feel nothing wrong. Why do you keep doing this?
[5:09 - 5:13] Leave me alone.
[5:13 - 5:19] Don't touch me.
[5:19 - 5:26] You are unworthy.
[5:26 - 5:29] You weak.
[5:29 - 5:39] No I'm not.
[5:39 - 5:48] Why do you keep abusing me? Why?
[5:48 - 5:54] No you don't.
[5:54 - 6:02] All the abuse you pulled me through.
[6:02 - 6:09] Why?
[6:09 - 6:18] It's like you don't want to be happy.
[6:18 - 6:22] But you're already happy.
[6:22 - 6:47] No I'm not.
[6:47 - 6:55] Why? I don't understand.
[6:55 - 7:12] It's like no matter what you do, you always make me feel like shit.
[7:12 - 7:27] I just want to die.
[7:27 - 7:32] Maybe you're right.
[7:32 - 7:52] Maybe I don't deserve to live. Maybe I deserve to be under your rule, under your abuse.
[7:52 - 8:02] Every day I lose here.
[8:02 - 8:08] You attack me, destroy me, break me down, be with only.
[8:08 - 8:14] Tell me that I'm worthless.
[8:14 - 8:21] But the truth is.
[8:21 - 8:29] The truth is you're the worthless one.
[8:29 - 8:41] No, you're the worthless one. No I'm not.
[8:41 - 8:50] Why do you keep attacking me? Why?
[8:50 - 8:56] I don't understand.
[8:56 - 9:19] Why do you keep destroying me alone?
[9:19 - 9:27] I don't understand.
[9:27 - 9:31] Can anyone hear me?
[9:31 - 9:34] I'm trapped.
[9:34 - 9:37] I'm lost.
[9:37 - 9:45] I'm trapped in this mental prison and I can't get out.
[9:45 - 9:54] Can someone help me? Please.
[9:54 - 10:06] I need an escape. I need to break out.
[10:06 - 10:27] Why? Why do you do this to me? Why? Why can't you just leave me being quit the abuse?
[10:27 - 10:35] I never asked for this.
[10:35 - 10:43] Everything you've done to me, why?
[10:43 - 10:58] You attack me, belittle me, showing that I'm worthless. You make me do the most obscene and cruel things.
[10:58 - 11:09] Things that I never wanted to do.
[11:09 - 11:16] You tore me apart.
[11:16 - 11:32] You can feel it. The scars I can feel them. The pain you put me through.
[11:32 - 11:56] I still feel it to this day.
[11:56 - 12:06] You're nothing, not a thing. No, I'm not.
[12:06 - 12:16] Why don't you go kill yourself? No!
[12:16 - 12:22] I won't do it.
[12:22 - 12:29] But you know you want to.
[12:29 - 12:36] You know that you're worthless.
[12:36 - 12:41] No, I'm not.
[12:41 - 12:52] Yes, you are. No, I'm not. I'm not worthless.
[12:52 - 13:00] Yeah, I live there. No one likes you.
[13:00 - 13:17] Fuck you. Why don't you kill yourself and some rope? Maybe it'll help.
[13:17 - 13:29] No, I won't do it.
[13:29 - 13:35] Yes, you will.
[13:35 - 13:44] Yes, you will. I'm in your head.
[13:44 - 13:55] Kill yourself. Do it. You know you want to.
[13:55 - 14:15] Oh, your pain will be over. Just take the rope tight around your neck.
[14:15 - 14:33] Maybe, maybe you're right. Maybe I am better off dead.
[14:33 - 14:50] Give me the rope.
[14:50 - 15:05] Kill yourself. You know you want to.
[15:05 - 15:23] But what about my friends, my family, those they care about?
[15:23 - 15:40] What about them? No one likes you. You are worthless.
[15:40 - 15:59] I won't kill myself. I won't give you that satisfaction.
[15:59 - 16:10] I can still feel the mark, the bruises left on my soul, the mental scars,
[16:10 - 16:23] everything that you did to me. I still feel to this very day.
[16:23 - 16:38] Every day, I will with the scars of abuse, suicide and hatred every day.
[16:38 - 16:57] I'm not the monster. You are all of you that abused me, attacked me, made me feel loath and dirt.
[16:57 - 17:07] You say that I'm the monster.
[17:07 - 17:12] You say I'm the monster. You say that I'm the demon.
[17:12 - 17:21] Well, you're wrong. You're the monster. You're the demon.
[17:21 - 17:41] And so I'll be gone. I will not be drugged down again.
[17:41 - 18:10] I will not be alone.
[18:10 - 18:27] I will not be drugged down. You're the devil.
[18:27 - 18:41] I can still feel the scars to this day because of everything that you did to me,
[18:41 - 18:55] belittling me, telling me that I'm worthless, telling me that I'm worthless,
[18:55 - 19:00] and that I'm a piece of trash.
[19:00 - 19:06] Then you turn around, tell me you love me, and then what do you do?
[19:06 - 19:22] You turn around and stab me in the fucking back, and you destroy me.
[19:22 - 19:37] I can still feel and hear the words. I'm going through my head. I can feel it.
[19:37 - 19:47] It is!
[19:47 - 19:59] Oh, oh, leave me alone!
[19:59 - 20:06] I never wanted this.
[20:06 - 20:15] I never wanted this pain. I never wanted this rage.
[20:15 - 20:26] But because of you, I got these demons in my head every day.
[20:26 - 20:35] All the abuse that you did to me, people think.
[20:35 - 20:46] People think that I need help, that needs psychiatric treatment, but the truth is,
[20:46 - 20:55] I just need these demons to go the fuck away.
[20:55 - 21:05] But the demons, I have friends. No, they're not!
[21:05 - 21:14] No, they're not.
[21:14 - 21:27] God, why have you forsaken me?
[21:27 - 21:44] I can still hear the sounds of the voices in my head, telling me that I'm better off dead.
[21:44 - 22:13] I can still feel the pain, because of you, the demons that have haunted me
[22:13 - 22:23] for years.
[22:23 - 22:44] I have had to watch as you take those I love away from me. I have had to suffer through so much.
[22:44 - 22:56] Hold on, forgive my brothers, because of you, Dad.
[22:56 - 23:07] I have asked the mentor, a good friend, my own girlfriend, all because of you.
[23:07 - 23:15] You look me in the face, tell me every day, take your hand, but I won't!
[23:15 - 23:39] I will never take the hand of death. I refuse to take the hand of death.
[23:39 - 23:55] If anything, I'm going to be the voice for the voiceless and fight back against you.
[23:55 - 24:24] So if you're listening and you made it this far, I want to say thank you, because you saved my life.
[24:24 - 24:39] And thank you for taking this journey in the darkest parts of my mind.
[24:39 - 24:55] I know it was scary, but it needed to be done. So that made me you, those of you that attacked me and belittled me and tried to drag me down.
[24:55 - 25:06] And those of you that bashed on me and belittled me and tried to make me kill myself, maybe now you'll see my pain, you'll see my rage,
[25:06 - 25:22] and you'll see the demons in my mind, and maybe then you'll realize that I don't need any of you.
[25:22 - 25:38] The only ones I need are those that support me. And to those of you that have supported me, thank you. You guys mean something to me.
[25:38 - 25:56] You guys are awesome. And you guys, you saved my life. You saved my life. Thank you.
[25:57 - 26:59] Thank you.
[26:59 - 27:27] No, what I'm going to do is I'm going to end it right here, guys. And I'm going to explain a little bit about that.
[27:27 - 27:47] So I can fill you guys in so that maybe you guys are more aware of what I was talking about.