2021-1-20 answering the question Why its hard for me to stay in a Relationship

[0:00 - 0:29] What's up guys. I'm here to ask my answer.
[0:29 - 0:39] Some questions that some of you have been having over the course of time that I've been on YouTube.
[0:39 - 0:51] I know a lot of you guys have been wondering, you know, why is it that I bounce around from?
[0:51 - 1:03] Yeah, I can see your comments, dude. But people have been wondering, you know, why am I bouncing around from, you know, girl to girl?
[1:03 - 1:13] You know, what's going on? What's the deal? Yada, yada, yada. Like you're starting to seem like a player and that's not the case at all.
[1:13 - 1:25] Like I know people like Marty have made me look like a player in the past and made me look like shit and made me look like just complete garbage.
[1:25 - 1:51] And you know, I know that it seems like I'm being a player because I'm bouncing around from girl to girl, but that's not the case at all. It's really not.
[1:51 - 1:59] Yo, KJ. Yo, KJ, what the fuck has been going on with you? You know, me? I see your ass in here in a while. What's good?
[1:59 - 2:20] But as you guys know, 11 years ago, this whole downward spiral of, you know, mental, emotional and verbal abuse began.
[2:20 - 2:50] You know, and then in 2015, well, early 2014, well, late to mid 2014, early 2015 is when it really got bad with my ex Heather sending my ex Kayla's brother some nude photos.
[2:50 - 3:03] He let me know I wound up leaving her and then I ended up with the Rebecca chick that everybody knows about by now.
[3:03 - 3:20] And, you know, that's when the abuse really got bad, you know, both emotionally and verbally, you know, like I said in many streams before, I know it's a bit embarrassing.
[3:20 - 3:32] Even now, even though I've spoken about it before, I like the stuff she's made me do in the past was very disgusting, very degrading.
[3:32 - 3:44] So, you know, that happened. I got out of that relationship. And as you guys know, over the past few months, shit has not been the best.
[3:44 - 3:57] And the reason for that is honestly, because of people like Marty, as you guys know, I was with Megan for a little over two years.
[3:57 - 4:04] We were actually due to get married actually last year.
[4:04 - 4:18] She wound up going back home and wound up ghosting me. Ultimately, she had come up here last year to visit for like the hundredth time.
[4:18 - 4:26] And she had ultimately, you know, ghosted me when she got back home. She literally ghosted me.
[4:26 - 4:31] And at first I was like, all right, you know, maybe your phone's off, whatever.
[4:31 - 4:40] But it turned out that she had actually ghosted me and started talking to an ex of hers, burned just out of nowhere.
[4:40 - 4:56] And then as you guys know, after her, that's when I got with Caitlin, who Marty got inside the head of and blackmailed.
[4:56 - 5:05] Like literally blackmailed. He basically told her that if she didn't attack me on the live, she would that he was going to attack her family.
[5:05 - 5:12] And he did just that because she refused to attack me.
[5:12 - 5:25] You know, it's not that I'm not loyal because when I was someone.
[5:25 - 5:31] I'll be the first to admit when I'm with somebody, I am loyal to that person.
[5:31 - 5:39] I am not a cheater. I don't do that kind of shit because I've been hurt in the past so many times.
[5:39 - 5:49] I don't fucking cheat like Marty makes me out to be doing.
[5:49 - 6:03] Like the reason why I'm not with anyone really isn't just because of the shit that Marty has done to me and continues to do to me, regardless of whether I leave him alone or not.
[6:03 - 6:21] It's not just because of that, it's because the girls I get with everything starts off good, everything starts off great.
[6:21 - 6:27] Like everything usually starts off really, really well and really good.
[6:27 - 6:34] You know, they're usually very understanding about my situation.
[6:34 - 6:46] They're usually very understanding about what's going on because they understand that because of my brother's passing, there's still a lot going on with that.
[6:46 - 6:59] You know, and they're very understanding of the fact that I have to take care of my family because my family can't do very much right now.
[6:59 - 7:07] More specifically, my mom, she's not in the best of conditions to be doing very much.
[7:07 - 7:16] Like she can still do stuff but like it's a very, very short span time period.
[7:16 - 7:23] Like she can only stand at the counter for like maybe five or ten minutes before getting sore.
[7:23 - 7:39] So, you know, like, you know, I do help out with that.
[7:39 - 7:47] But what gets me is why the abuse starts.
[7:47 - 7:57] Prime example, pure prime example, Tangerine cat.
[7:57 - 8:11] Prime example.
[8:11 - 8:15] And this is actually a prime example of what I deal with.
[8:15 - 8:23] Tangerine cat is a perfect example actually of what I deal with.
[8:23 - 8:31] Yo, tiny dancer, what's up?
[8:31 - 8:39] Um, but one thing that not a lot of people understand
[8:39 - 8:46] and like and wonder like and I know a lot of people wonder of why didn't me and Tangerine cat split.
[8:46 - 8:58] Um, what happened between me and her is actually a prime example of something that I do deal with.
[8:58 - 9:03] Like that is a legitimate example of what I deal with.
[9:03 - 9:09] Everything starts out great. You know, everything's good, everything's solid.
[9:09 - 9:12] You know, I'm usually happy with the person.
[9:12 - 9:20] And then like I said with Tangerine cat, she started to show her true colors.
[9:20 - 9:28] Because last night, when everything went down, she showed her true colors.
[9:28 - 9:32] And she started off in the worst way possible.
[9:32 - 9:36] If you guys know one of my favorite YouTubers that I watch,
[9:36 - 9:42] and then I follow and you know that I've gotten to,
[9:42 - 9:51] you know, hang out on live streams with via YouTube, Twitch, all that stuff.
[9:51 - 10:01] Um, she had judged him based on his looks before getting to know him as a person.
[10:01 - 10:07] Like she literally sat there
[10:07 - 10:15] and judged his appearance before even watching his videos.
[10:15 - 10:18] Before even giving the guy's video a chance,
[10:18 - 10:23] which spoke on not giving a crap about what people think about you
[10:23 - 10:29] and how to deal with that kind of, you know, issue of,
[10:29 - 10:34] you know, this is what you can do to not, you know, to make sure that, you know,
[10:34 - 10:45] you stay in a positive mindset and, you know, things you can do.
[10:45 - 10:52] Like, you know, like when you first look at Jake Monroe,
[10:52 - 10:56] which I'll actually pull up a video of his here in a moment,
[10:56 - 11:03] but like when you take a look at him, he looks very odd.
[11:03 - 11:18] He looks very, very weird.
[11:19 - 11:28] Like I'll actually pull up a video of his about not caring.
[11:28 - 11:34] I'll actually pull that video up, but like when you look at this guy,
[11:34 - 11:54] like you don't think that he, you know, is a really cool down the earth kind of guy.
[11:54 - 11:59] Gigi Allen, I don't care who dates her at this point, I really don't.
[11:59 - 12:17] Well, let me show you guys what Jake looks like and you guys will see where I'm coming from.
[12:17 - 12:19] Airplane.
[12:19 - 12:21] This interruption is brought to you by Flybee.
[12:21 - 12:23] Thank you, Flybee.
[12:23 - 12:25] Me and Kai have only 12 months left in this country
[12:25 - 12:28] and you guys have already been incredible support.
[12:28 - 12:32] And I want to help to see more of your names and more of you sign up to get those audio books
[12:32 - 12:35] and have your name at the end of these videos.
[12:35 - 12:39] And I will be recording the audio books in the next few days.
[12:39 - 12:45] So you can expect your audio books sent to Patreon really shortly.
[12:45 - 12:49] I'm actually going to have to make a new goal now just because of the amount.
[12:49 - 12:51] Now you take it so amazing.
[12:51 - 12:55] Now you take that guy's video right there.
[12:55 - 13:08] You wouldn't guess that he actually does some really cool music.
[13:08 - 13:17] I'll actually show you guys a cover that you did.
[13:17 - 13:18] Hello, friends.
[13:18 - 13:19] I'm a sin for you.
[13:19 - 13:22] Yes, today is another vocal cover and today I'm going to be doing a cover of a song
[13:22 - 13:26] I've always wanted to do a cover of and that is In The End by Lincoln Park.
[13:26 - 13:31] The Hybrid Theory album, the Reanimation album, and also the Meteor album
[13:31 - 13:35] were such important albums for me in my formative teen years.
[13:35 - 13:39] I went through a lot while I was listening to those albums.
[13:39 - 13:42] So every time I hear a song off one of those albums,
[13:42 - 13:45] I go right back to where I was when I was a teenager
[13:45 - 13:48] and I remember what I was going through and the games I was playing,
[13:48 - 13:51] the friends that I had and the things I was doing at the time.
[13:51 - 13:55] I have a very emotional connection to not only the song but also this album.
[13:55 - 13:56] And whenever we lost Chester,
[13:56 - 14:01] that was probably one of the most shocking losses I can actually think of.
[14:01 - 14:08] I've lost close friends before and whenever I received the news that Chester had left us,
[14:08 - 14:09] it was devastating.
[14:09 - 14:13] It was almost to the same level of losing a close friend
[14:13 - 14:19] and much like those close friends that I've lost, I still always think about them.
[14:19 - 14:23] Now this video will be copyrighted, I won't get a strike for it,
[14:23 - 14:26] but it will be claimed, but I don't care.
[14:26 - 14:29] Now I've recorded this in a way where it is like the single.
[14:29 - 14:32] There's a lot of vocal layers and there's not just one vocal track.
[14:32 - 14:34] So I'm going to be singing on camera,
[14:34 - 14:38] but just know not everything I'm singing will be in the song.
[14:38 - 14:40] So this is purely just for visual representation.
[14:40 - 14:41] So without further ado,
[14:41 - 14:47] here is another tribute to one of the best vocalists that metal and rock ever had.
[14:47 - 15:03] ???
[15:03 - 15:06] ? It starts with one thing ?
[15:06 - 15:07] ? I don't know why ?
[15:07 - 15:09] ? It doesn't even matter how hard you try ?
[15:09 - 15:13] ? Keep that in mind, the design is run out to explore you through time ?
[15:13 - 15:14] ? All by your own ?
[15:14 - 15:16] ? Time is a valuable thing ?
[15:16 - 15:18] ? What you fly by as the engine swings ?
[15:18 - 15:20] ? What you count down to the end of the day ?
[15:20 - 15:22] ? The clock gets light away ?
[15:22 - 15:23] ? It's so on me ?
[15:23 - 15:25] ? You didn't look out below ?
[15:25 - 15:27] ? You watched your time go right out the window ?
[15:27 - 15:29] ? Trying to hold on ?
[15:29 - 15:30] ? Didn't even know I'm wasted ?
[15:30 - 15:32] ? And all just watched you go ?
[15:32 - 15:34] ? You kept it laying inside ?
[15:34 - 15:37] ? And even though I tried, it all fell apart ?
[15:37 - 15:39] ? What it meant to me will eventually be a memory ?
[15:39 - 15:42] ? Every time I tried so hard ?
[15:42 - 15:45] ? You did that so far ?
[15:45 - 15:47] ? You leave your head ?
[15:47 - 15:49] ? You touch me right now ?
[15:49 - 15:51] ? I had to fall ?
[15:51 - 15:54] ? Do you see ?
[15:54 - 15:56] ? You leave your head ?
[15:56 - 16:00] ? You touch me right now ?
[16:00 - 16:02] ? One thing I don't know why ?
[16:02 - 16:04] ? It doesn't even matter how hard you try ?
[16:04 - 16:07] ? Keep that in mind, the design is run out to explore you through time ?
[16:07 - 16:09] ? How I tried so hard ?
[16:09 - 16:11] ? Inside of the way you were walking me ?
[16:11 - 16:14] ? Acting like I was part of your property ?
[16:14 - 16:16] ? Remember waiting all the time to follow me ?
[16:16 - 16:18] ? I'm surprised ain't got so a face ?
[16:18 - 16:20] ? On your way to work or more ?
[16:20 - 16:23] ? You wouldn't even recognize me anymore ?
[16:23 - 16:24] ? Not that you knew me back then ?
[16:24 - 16:27] ? But it all comes back to me in the end ?
[16:27 - 16:30] ? You kept it laying inside of you though I tried ?
[16:30 - 16:31] ? It all fell apart ?
[16:31 - 16:34] ? What it meant to me will eventually be a memory ?
[16:34 - 16:37] ? Every time I tried so hard ?
[16:37 - 16:40] ? You did that so far ?
[16:40 - 16:41] ? You leave your head ?
[16:41 - 16:44] ? You're definitely right now ?
[16:44 - 16:49] ? I had to go to the museum ?
[16:49 - 16:51] ? Leave your head ?
[16:51 - 16:56] ? You're definitely right now ?
[16:56 - 17:00] ? With my trust in you ?
[17:00 - 17:05] ? Rush down as far as I can go ?
[17:05 - 17:13] ? For all this there's only one thing you should know ?
[17:13 - 17:18] ? I put my trust in you ?
[17:18 - 17:23] ? Rush down as far as I can go ?
[17:23 - 17:25] ? For all of this ?
[17:25 - 17:32] ? There's only one thing you should know ?
[17:32 - 17:34] ? I tried so hard ?
[17:34 - 17:37] ? With my trust in you ?
[17:37 - 17:39] ? Leave your head ?
[17:39 - 17:41] ? You're definitely right now ?
[17:41 - 17:46] ? I had to go to the museum ?
[17:46 - 17:48] ? Leave your head ?
[17:48 - 17:52] ? You're definitely right now ?
[17:52 - 18:14] ??
[18:14 - 18:16] Thank you.
[18:16 - 18:17] I'd also like to thank Connor
[18:17 - 18:21] for providing the electronic drum kit
[18:21 - 18:22] that features in the song.
[18:22 - 18:23] I had a bit of trouble doing it, so did he.
[18:23 - 18:26] We didn't really know the original samples for it,
[18:26 - 18:27] but thanks a lot.
[18:27 - 18:28] It sounds dope.
[18:28 - 18:29] If you want to get any of the MP3s,
[18:29 - 18:31] I think that Wi-Fi is actually--
[18:31 - 18:32] If you want to get any of the audio,
[18:32 - 18:34] like just the song itself,
[18:34 - 18:36] of any of the covers that I do,
[18:36 - 18:38] then you can sign up to my Patreon.
[18:38 - 18:39] And as well as the audio books each month,
[18:39 - 18:42] you'll also be getting the vocal covers as well.
[18:42 - 18:45] This song has been completely recreated.
[18:45 - 18:46] I started from scratch.
[18:46 - 18:48] I replayed-- I did the guitars.
[18:48 - 18:51] I did all the piano parts, all the synths,
[18:51 - 18:52] except the electronic drums.
[18:52 - 18:53] I built it from scratch.
[18:53 - 18:56] Not that that matters to the record label, though.
[18:56 - 18:57] So I'll see you guys in the next video.
[18:57 - 19:00] I had a great day today because I made it a great day.
[19:00 - 19:01] Okay. Goodbye, everyone.
[19:01 - 19:10] Now, you tell me that dude is not good.
[19:10 - 19:16] Like, for real though,
[19:16 - 19:19] the guy looks different, but he's so good.
[19:19 - 19:31] Like, and for her to go and judge based off how he looks,
[19:31 - 19:37] like, for real,
[19:37 - 19:41] like, that's the thing.
[19:41 - 19:45] That's the one thing I don't do is judge my appearances.
[19:45 - 19:47] 'Cause let me tell you something.
[19:48 - 19:50] Some of my best friends in the world
[19:50 - 19:55] that I've known for years and years are covered.
[19:55 - 19:59] And I mean covered in tattoos.
[19:59 - 20:03] Some of them you guys might even know.
[20:03 - 20:07] People like P.F.V., also known as Postcard.
[20:07 - 20:10] Crypt K.
[20:12 - 20:18] My own cousin, Jason, who owns his own tattoo shop up in Haines, Alaska,
[20:18 - 20:20] is covered in tattoos.
[20:20 - 20:24] So to judge somebody based on their appearance,
[20:24 - 20:30] like, that's just not okay.
[20:30 - 20:33] And then just sit there and say that I was acting childish
[20:33 - 20:39] after I came forward, spoke with Marty, and did what I did.
[20:39 - 20:51] Like, you know, I don't see where the right to judge is.
[20:51 - 20:55] And that's actually a very big thing that I do struggle with
[20:55 - 20:59] is that when I get into these relationships, they start out good.
[20:59 - 21:07] And then they eventually become these things where they start judging me
[21:08 - 21:14] based on how I am, what I have and don't have, or what I'm able to do.
[21:14 - 21:19] Like, it's not right.
[21:19 - 21:29] Like, you know, just 'cause I didn't stay on a livestream for an hour
[21:29 - 21:35] and talk to somebody that is literally my worst enemy.
[21:37 - 21:39] And I tried to let shit go.
[21:39 - 21:43] I tried to be the bigger person and I tried to move on from it.
[21:43 - 21:50] So I don't see what the fuck.
[21:50 - 22:00] Like, for people to judge others like that,
[22:00 - 22:04] like, that's something that I do deal with and it's fucked up.
[22:04 - 22:08] Like, my whole thing is, if you're gonna deal with somebody,
[22:08 - 22:11] be with them because you actually want to be with them,
[22:11 - 22:18] because you actually enjoy their company, because you, you know,
[22:18 - 22:21] you enjoy being with that person because you love that person
[22:21 - 22:23] and you want to make them happy.
[22:23 - 22:30] You know, when your relationship shouldn't consist on how much you have
[22:31 - 22:36] or how little of something you have.
[22:36 - 22:41] Like, when I'm with somebody, I'm with them right or die.
[22:41 - 22:53] Like, you know, I'm that kind of guy that, like,
[22:53 - 22:57] I don't care how much you have or how much you don't have.
[22:59 - 23:02] Like, that doesn't matter to me.
[23:02 - 23:07] Like, I don't judge based on, you know, your situation,
[23:07 - 23:10] how much you have, how much you don't have, your looks,
[23:10 - 23:13] the amount of tattoos you have.
[23:13 - 23:15] That doesn't fucking matter to me.
[23:15 - 23:19] What matters to me is that person and who they are.
[23:19 - 23:25] And I think that's something that a lot of people fail to realize,
[23:25 - 23:28] is that when it comes to being with someone,
[23:29 - 23:32] you shouldn't treat them like shit just because, you know,
[23:32 - 23:37] they didn't do what you wanted them to do or they're not,
[23:37 - 23:44] you know, they don't have like a ton of money or they look different.
[23:44 - 23:46] Like, that shouldn't matter.
[23:46 - 23:50] What should matter is who you are as a person.
[23:50 - 23:55] That's what should matter is when you're with that person,
[23:55 - 23:59] be with that person because you care about them,
[23:59 - 24:03] be open with them, be honest with them 100%.
[24:03 - 24:07] And that's how I am.
[24:07 - 24:11] Like, when I'm with somebody, I don't hide anything.
[24:11 - 24:14] Like, I don't hide my Facebook.
[24:14 - 24:15] I don't hide messages.
[24:15 - 24:16] I don't hide any of that.
[24:16 - 24:24] Like, I don't hide any of that stuff.
[24:24 - 24:28] When I'm with somebody, I'm with them because I care about them.
[24:28 - 24:33] I don't care about, you know, what they've done in the past.
[24:33 - 24:40] I don't care about, you know, whether they're overweight, skinny, whatever.
[24:40 - 24:41] That doesn't matter.
[24:41 - 24:43] What matters is the person that they are.
[24:43 - 24:53] Like, and that's how I've always been.
[24:53 - 24:58] And I know a lot of people ask me, how did I get to be like that?
[24:58 - 25:00] It's because I've been judged my whole life.
[25:00 - 25:03] I've been torn down.
[25:03 - 25:07] I've been, you know, bullied my whole life growing up.
[25:07 - 25:09] I've been judged because of my size.
[25:09 - 25:13] I've been judged because of the things that I do.
[25:13 - 25:18] And I will admit, some of the things I do are outlandish.
[25:18 - 25:23] I will admit, there are some things that I've done
[25:23 - 25:27] that are very outlandish that I will admit I do regret video-wise.
[25:27 - 25:30] There are some things I have done that I do regret.
[25:30 - 25:35] But because of those things, I got judged.
[25:35 - 25:38] Some of those things were out of my control.
[25:38 - 25:43] Such as when I flipped out all those times on livestreams last year
[25:43 - 25:48] when I was with Heather and, you know, all that stuff.
[25:50 - 25:54] Like, that was a very hard point in my life.
[25:54 - 25:59] That was a very toxic time in my life that I can't say I'm glad to be away from.
[25:59 - 26:05] No one deserves to be treated like shit, lied to,
[26:05 - 26:15] belittled, put down, or told that, you know, they're not worthy of this.
[26:15 - 26:22] They, you know, shouldn't be allowed to do that, like, why judge someone
[26:22 - 26:24] or lie to someone?
[26:24 - 26:30] Hell, another prime example of somebody lying to me is my ex, Megan.
[26:30 - 26:32] She lied straight to my face.
[26:32 - 26:42] And, all right, let me explain something to you with that.
[26:42 - 26:44] I know exactly where you're going with that.
[26:44 - 26:46] And let me explain something to you.
[26:46 - 26:49] Let me explain something to you, bro.
[26:49 - 26:54] And not a lot of people are seeing this or getting this.
[26:54 - 26:56] So I am going to put this out there.
[26:56 - 26:59] And I am going to speak on this subject.
[26:59 - 27:04] Because a lot of people have this subject misconstrued and twisted.
[27:04 - 27:07] And, you know, it's a messed up thing.
[27:07 - 27:11] Because people have made me out to be the bad guy in this situation.
[27:11 - 27:20] Um, when I was with Heather last year.
[27:20 - 27:25] God, I know my fucking British side is going out of it.
[27:25 - 27:38] But when I was with Heather last year, um, you know, things were very toxic.
[27:40 - 27:44] But pertaining to that particular situation, we were on a live stream.
[27:44 - 27:49] And someone had said something very messed up.
[27:49 - 27:57] That really got under my skin and really just, you know, made me angry and pissed off.
[27:57 - 28:04] So I got up and calmly went to go to walk out of the room.
[28:07 - 28:10] Heather would not let me leave my room.
[28:10 - 28:15] I grabbed my phone and asked her if I could please, you know, leave.
[28:15 - 28:16] Just let me go.
[28:16 - 28:17] Calm down.
[28:17 - 28:18] Let me go for a walk.
[28:18 - 28:21] You know, let me go.
[28:21 - 28:22] Calm down.
[28:22 - 28:28] You know, let me go.
[28:28 - 28:32] You know, go for a walk and go.
[28:32 - 28:40] Calm down and, you know, clear my head so that I can come back in a more positive manner
[28:40 - 28:42] and address the situation that was going on.
[28:42 - 28:47] She literally refused to let me leave.
[28:47 - 28:49] Literally stood.
[28:49 - 28:54] She literally stood in front of the door and would not let me leave.
[28:54 - 29:01] She actually had taken my phone, put it in her pocket and told me
[29:01 - 29:03] I'm not leaving the room until we talk.
[29:03 - 29:07] And I asked her like, look, let me go.
[29:07 - 29:15] Calm down and go clear my head and then we can talk.
[29:15 - 29:19] I sat there for an hour.
[29:19 - 29:25] I literally sat there for an hour, begging her to let me out.
[29:29 - 29:34] Literally an hour, begging her to let me out.
[29:34 - 29:37] She would not do it.
[29:37 - 29:43] And because these comments kept coming in on the livestream,
[29:43 - 29:46] they kept on just rolling in and they were really fucked up.
[29:46 - 29:55] So she had stopped the livestream and those comments that I saw were so screwed up.
[29:55 - 30:02] And I mean, we're talking the worst things you could ever say to anyone.
[30:02 - 30:11] Like literally the worst, like take the worst thing that you can imagine saying to someone
[30:11 - 30:18] in the world, the most fucked up things you can say to someone that would break them.
[30:18 - 30:21] That's what was being said to me.
[30:23 - 30:26] Those are the kinds of things that was said to me in those comments.
[30:26 - 30:33] And I started to get so angry that I started to black out because I was so angry.
[30:33 - 30:34] I was so hurt.
[30:34 - 30:47] And when she would not let me go,
[30:47 - 30:51] I screamed at her to please let me out before I black out.
[30:52 - 30:54] Because I could feel a blackout coming on.
[30:54 - 31:01] And when I begged her to let me out and she still persisted and said no,
[31:01 - 31:11] like I literally blacked out and I didn't know what had happened
[31:11 - 31:16] between the time that I blacked out and the time that I came to.
[31:16 - 31:28] Like, I don't know what happened.
[31:28 - 31:35] I never fully got the story of what happened between the time that I blacked out and the
[31:35 - 31:41] time that I came to and was conscious and aware of what was going on.
[31:42 - 31:47] But when I came to, all I could hear myself do
[31:47 - 31:53] was screaming bloody murder at the top of my lungs.
[31:53 - 31:55] Let me out.
[31:55 - 31:57] Let me go.
[31:57 - 32:05] Like, please let me out of this room.
[32:08 - 32:12] Like, I literally had tears coming down my face.
[32:12 - 32:14] Like, my eyes were bloodshot red.
[32:14 - 32:21] I had tears coming down my face screaming, let me out.
[32:21 - 32:35] And like, when I looked up, all I could see was me having her pinned against the door.
[32:35 - 32:39] Like, I wasn't like, you know, choking her, like trying to kill her.
[32:39 - 32:44] I had her, you know, you know how, like, whenever you hold somebody like this, like,
[32:44 - 32:49] up against something like by their neck, like, you're not exactly, you know, going like that
[32:49 - 32:52] and trying to kill, but you're kind of just holding on that.
[32:52 - 32:56] That's what I had done, apparently.
[32:57 - 33:06] Apparently, when I blacked out, I had went like this and held her against the door.
[33:06 - 33:20] And people haven't misconstrued saying that, you know, oh, I tried choking her out.
[33:20 - 33:21] I tried doing this.
[33:21 - 33:26] I tried doing that, but that's not the case.
[33:26 - 33:30] While people fail to realize that she would not let me out,
[33:30 - 33:36] she was literally holding me hostage in my own bedroom.
[33:36 - 33:40] My own bedroom, she was holding me hostage.
[33:40 - 33:48] Even after the many times I begged her to let me out.
[33:50 - 33:58] So how is what I did wrong when she literally took my phone from me,
[33:58 - 34:03] would not let me go for a walk, stood in front of the door so I couldn't get out?
[34:03 - 34:09] Like, how is that not being held prisoner?
[34:09 - 34:17] Like, clearly, that was me being held hostage.
[34:17 - 34:23] Because the definition of being held hostage is being held up in a certain location
[34:23 - 34:35] without, you know, being able to go anywhere.
[34:35 - 34:39] Basically, you're being held there against your will, and that's what she did.
[34:40 - 34:47] She literally kept me in that room, by myself, against my will.
[34:47 - 34:49] I was not able to get out.
[35:00 - 35:13] Like, you know, like, what I did was pure self-defense.
[35:13 - 35:16] And not a lot of people, you know, agree with what I did.
[35:16 - 35:21] I can honestly say, I don't very much agree with what I did.
[35:21 - 35:25] But you have to look at it from a logical standpoint.
[35:25 - 35:28] She held me hostage.
[35:28 - 35:40] Like, she held me up in my own room and would not let me leave no matter what.
[35:40 - 35:46] She would not let me out.
[35:46 - 35:55] Every time I would try to leave, she would push me back and keep the door shut, every time.
[35:55 - 36:05] And a lot of people think that she's this saint, but really, she's not.
[36:05 - 36:13] Like I said, I know what, you know, putting my hands on someone is wrong.
[36:13 - 36:13] I know that.
[36:13 - 36:17] But when you're being held hostage, what are you going to do?
[36:17 - 36:32] What the fuck?
[36:32 - 36:37] Yo, somebody find Marty, now.
[36:37 - 36:41] You know, I'm going to see if I can unmod him.
[36:41 - 36:43] Somebody get him.
[36:43 - 36:51] Yo, somebody get Marty to comment, now.
[36:51 - 37:01] And Marty, I know you're there.
[37:01 - 37:02] Comment, bitch.
[37:02 - 37:07] I can't, I don't see him.
[37:07 - 37:20] Who is it?
[37:20 - 37:26] Guys, I'm ending the stream right now.