2020-12-31 THIS JOKE ISNT FUNNY

[0:00 - 0:02] (door opens)
[0:02 - 0:04] (door closes)
[0:04 - 0:30] (silence)
[0:30 - 0:38] I have no words. Describe how sickened I am right now.
[0:38 - 0:54] (silence)
[0:54 - 1:04] When I'm sickened, I mean, I'm sick of my fucking stomach.
[1:04 - 1:14] You know, a lot of people think that, you know, suicide is a joke.
[1:14 - 1:22] That is something funny to laugh about.
[1:22 - 1:30] But it's really not.
[1:30 - 1:37] I've had some of you guys, some of you idiot trolls, send me dumb shit before.
[1:37 - 1:50] But really, nothing disgusted me more than seeing this in the fucking mail.
[1:50 - 1:54] Are you fucking serious?
[1:54 - 2:03] You really think that sending me this rope is a fucking joke?
[2:03 - 2:16] Are you fucking kidding me?
[2:16 - 2:26] Suicide ain't no motherfucking joke.
[2:26 - 2:34] Honestly, y'all sick motherfuckers deserve to be locked away.
[2:34 - 2:45] And I promise you, when I find who sent that rope, I promise you, I will find out where you live.
[2:45 - 2:52] I will come to your house and I will fucking beat your goddamn ass.
[2:52 - 2:55] And that's not a threat. That is a fucking promise.
[2:55 - 3:00] I promise you, I will come to your house and beat your fucking ass.
[3:00 - 3:05] Reason why, that ain't no fucking joke.
[3:05 - 3:18] You're basically telling me to kill myself. That ain't no fucking joke.
[3:18 - 3:35] That's sickening and not to mention makes me sick my stomach and blows my blood some of the fears.
[3:35 - 3:47] You think that sending me rope as a fucking prank is a joke? It's not.
[3:47 - 3:53] Oh yeah, I know it was, because on the package it said my old stage name.
[3:53 - 4:01] And there's very few that use that anymore. There's very few that use that.
[4:01 - 4:26] Let me tell you, I've had sick jokes pulled on me before, but I've never had anything like that.
[4:26 - 4:36] That's not funny. It's not a joke and it's not something to laugh about.
[4:36 - 4:47] Let me tell you, I've had friends die from suicide. I myself am a survivor of four different attempts in my life.
[4:47 - 4:58] Kind of four times throughout my life I've attempted it and survived.
[4:58 - 5:10] So I take that shit very seriously.
[5:10 - 5:23] You do some sort of joke, ha ha ha, very funny, let's pull a prank on Chance, let him get some rope and hang himself.
[5:23 - 5:40] It's not me, then he'll make the world a better place. Nah, it don't work like that.
[5:40 - 5:54] I can honestly say I am beyond pissed. I have no words, I am beyond angry, beyond upset.
[5:54 - 6:05] And the sad thing is there was no return address, so I can't ship it back to the bitch that fucking sent it.
[6:05 - 6:34] Like you gotta, you don't understand how sickening that is.
[6:34 - 6:43] Unfortunately, it didn't come with a letter, it just came from like a rope company and that was sent out.
[6:43 - 6:55] So there was no letter, it was just that with my name on it.
[6:55 - 7:04] Like, I'm seriously sickened.
[7:04 - 7:33] I am seriously beyond sickened right now, like, I'm sick to my fucking stomach.
[7:33 - 8:02] No, you're a fake.
[8:02 - 8:11] Speaking on that, I want to do something for you guys that are in that position.
[8:11 - 8:17] And don't get me wrong, I am still going to do that neighbor's feed record stream.
[8:17 - 8:34] So I was trying to get the neighbors working on the stuff next door. They had knocked out the power for a few hours, so I wasn't able to do anything but...
[8:34 - 8:53] I want you guys to...
[8:53 - 9:08] I want you guys to take a listen to this.
[9:08 - 9:35] If there's anybody out there that's been in that position, and if you are in that position, this is for you. Please don't throw your life away. It's not worth it.
[9:35 - 9:43] Please don't kill yourself. I'm talking to you. And I don't pretend to know everything that you've been through. But if it's shame, you feel just know that I was into.
[9:43 - 9:49] And if it's pain you're feeling, just know that that's something I went through. I don't know your story, but I know you and me are a lot alike.
[9:49 - 9:57] So let me talk to you for a minute while I got this mic. I was 18 when I pulled a gun out. At the time, it felt like my options had run out.
[9:57 - 10:06] So I put that barrel to my chest and I pulled the trigger halfway. I tried to muster up the courage to put myself away that day. But halfway into that trigger pole, I stopped.
[10:06 - 10:13] Tears flooded my eyes and that pistol dropped. And I sat in my room and I sobbed for an hour. On the outside, I was fine. On the inside, a coward.
[10:13 - 10:22] The noise of my depression had gone louder and louder. I had planned a way out in a baptism shower of gunpowder. I've been lied to just like you're being lied to now.
[10:22 - 10:30] Other people can't help you, but I might know how. Because I've walked in your shoes and I've been at my lowest. And if you don't know anything, know this.
[10:30 - 10:35] You might tell me you're going to kill yourself and you're close to this. But God wants to meet you in the middle of your hopelessness.
[10:35 - 10:42] God wants to give you a way out of these feelings of doubt. And the sounds of chaos might be reverberating around you like heavy metal.
[10:42 - 10:48] But confusion isn't from God, it's straight from the devil. And he wants to silence the noise and bring peace to you.
[10:48 - 10:54] And I promise if you just ask him, he'll see you through. You got to this place because you tried fighting your own fight.
[10:54 - 11:00] And where did that get you except contemplating about taking your own life? And if you got bullied at this point, I'm sorry you went through that.
[11:00 - 11:06] But God wants to take those words from your attackers and send them back. You don't have to be defined by what people said about you.
[11:06 - 11:12] Let me pick you up if you don't know how to. You're not low, man. You got a friend in me. You got better days ahead of you.
[11:12 - 11:19] I just pray you begin to see. Know that everything the devil did to you, he wants you to replay. But everything the devil took from you, God wants to replace.
[11:19 - 11:25] Listen to me right now and you better look me right in the face. You were created for more than a die in this place.
[11:25 - 11:29] Don't do it, man. Please don't take your life. Just take my hand and we'll make this right.
[11:29 - 11:36] I promise if you do this, you'll regret it. You'll wake up in eternity and remember I said it. And you wish so bad, you could just go back.
[11:36 - 11:41] I'm here for you right now. Please just know that. And if you think you're alone in this fight, you've been lied to.
[11:41 - 11:47] That depression came after me and I nearly died too. And that suicide was the only way and death was meant for me.
[11:47 - 11:52] The devil played his music and I sat front row through that symphony. I walked through the fire and I felt that heat.
[11:52 - 11:57] But I pushed past the corner and I stood to my feet. I walked out and I refused to look back.
[11:57 - 12:03] I took my depression and threw it right back into that wood stack. And that fire was the blaze 50 feet high.
[12:03 - 12:09] And now I plan on leaving a legacy to look back on some day when I died. And right now I'm telling you to stand up too.
[12:09 - 12:15] Deep down inside you know it's the right thing to do. Think about your family. Think about you. Don't kill yourself.
[12:15 - 12:19] Please don't do it. Whatever you're facing, God will see you through it.
[12:19 - 12:25] I had a fan kill himself and his mom asked if I could come see her. She was depressed and asked if I could leave her.
[12:25 - 12:30] Two weeks later the pressure beat her. She ran into a telephone pole without a seatbelt and a two seater.
[12:30 - 12:36] I wish right now I could crawl through these speakers and somehow convince you not to go the same route she did.
[12:36 - 12:42] I wish I could change the fact that you feel defeated. I wish I could lock my arms around you and tell the devil to beat it.
[12:42 - 12:48] But I can't reach everyone even though I do my best to try. Some people believe in my that it's just best to die.
[12:48 - 12:53] And they think it's the simple way out. But they're not here to see the way things play out.
[12:53 - 12:58] They don't see the hurt. They cause the pain they leave. I take this seriously. This isn't a game to me.
[12:58 - 13:05] Even thinking about it in your life is living dangerously. So please just listen to my voice. Right now you have a choice.
[13:05 - 13:14] You can choose life or you can get drowned by the noise. Please don't do it. Please just ask for help. It's not for your family. Do it for yourself.
[13:15 - 13:53] [MUSIC]
[13:53 - 14:07] That's true. If any of you guys are going through that, don't be afraid to reach out.
[14:07 - 14:21] And, you know, Chris, I'm streaming directly from YouTube, but I am going to call you out here in just a little bit. As soon as I'm in this stream, I'm going to call you in and still be ready.
[14:21 - 14:34] But, you know, to the person that sent that fucking rope as a sick joke, that's not a sick joke.
[14:34 - 14:48] There are people every day that take their own lives. Every day.
[14:48 - 14:58] And for y'all to send me that rope as some sort of joke, as some sort of prank, that's not funny.
[14:58 - 15:08] That literally makes me sick to my fucking stomach.
[15:08 - 15:11] Yeah, for sure.
[15:11 - 15:21] Listen, if there's not a sent that, I want you to know this. That is one final thing.
[15:21 - 15:31] Karma is real. And karma will come back around and bite you in the fucking ass.
[15:31 - 15:46] And if karma doesn't, I will.
[15:46 - 15:55] So that shit ain't no joke.
[15:55 - 16:01] But to the real fans, I want you guys to know about you guys. You guys are awesome. You guys are amazing.
[16:01 - 16:05] And I'm fucking with you guys.
[16:05 - 16:15] And as for the haters and those that want to pull fucked up ranks like that, you guys can do one fucking thing.
[16:15 - 16:20] Go fuck yourselves.