2020-12-17 Seeing the Light

[0:00 - 0:28] What's up guys, I know the last livestream got cut short, but this is a continuation
[0:28 - 0:43] of the video. I know that I may look like a piece of shit because I got with Caitlyn when
[0:43 - 0:49] I did. Me and Megan got together back in August we split, I got with Caitlyn, and then me and
[0:49 - 0:55] Megan got back together and now Megan might be pregnant and we're not sure. I know that
[0:55 - 1:00] I might look like a piece of shit and I know people are going to make me out to be a piece
[1:00 - 1:10] of shit, but let me ask you this before you go judging me. On the off chance that Megan
[1:10 - 1:21] is pregnant, let me ask you this, do you really think it's your place to judge? What some
[1:21 - 1:26] of you are parents yourselves and some of you have made the same mistakes that I've
[1:26 - 1:49] made? Let me tell you, over the last few days I've been feeling this emptiness inside me.
[1:49 - 1:53] I've been feeling this almost in grief of anguish, sadness, like there was something
[1:53 - 1:59] missing from my life and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. And then out of nowhere
[1:59 - 2:10] today Megan texts me, tells me that she wants to work things out and I tell her straight
[2:10 - 2:16] the fuck up yes. And you want to know why I told her yes? Y'all want to know why I'm
[2:16 - 2:23] giving Megan another chance? It's because unlike all the others, Megan didn't do any
[2:23 - 2:30] other fucking shit that all the others did. We got split up because life got in the way.
[2:30 - 2:42] And that's nobody's fault, that happens. So to God himself, I want to say thank you.
[2:42 - 2:55] Thank you to God. And all the loved ones that we've lost that have passed before that led
[2:55 - 3:04] me back to her and showed me exactly where I need to fucking be. And this scare that's
[3:04 - 3:10] going on right now, this put everything in the fucking perspective for me. This scare
[3:10 - 3:19] showed me that I have no option but to fucking make it, doing my music. I have no choice.
[3:19 - 3:28] Failure is not an option. Because not only does my future depend on it, but so does
[3:28 - 3:37] Megan's and so does our possible child. All of that rests on me doing what I said I was
[3:37 - 3:44] going to fucking do. And I am sticking to that fucking promise. I am making it one
[3:44 - 3:55] way or another. Not just for me, not just for my family, not just for my blood family,
[3:55 - 4:23] but for myself and Megan and our future.
[4:23 - 4:37] I'm a war with the world and they try to pull me to the dark. I struggled to find my
[4:37 - 4:57] love as I slipped in from your arms. I'm away, I'm alive. Now I know when I'm being
[4:57 - 5:10] inside, now is my time. I'm doing all I want because of my love here right now. I know
[5:10 - 5:19] when I'm being inside, I'm awake and in time of life. And the difference between me and
[5:19 - 5:29] all you chose is that I came back and manned up, because I'm not some deadbeat. I'm a
[5:29 - 5:56] war with the world because I ain't never gonna settle my soul. I strung me down my mind no
[5:56 - 6:07] when I'm being inside, now is my time. I'm doing all I want because of my love here right
[6:07 - 6:21] now. I know when I'm being inside, I'm awake and in time of life. Waking up, waking up,
[6:21 - 6:33] waking up, waking up, waking up, waking up, the dark. I can feel you in my sleep and around
[6:33 - 6:53] I feel you breathing to me. Forever hold this heart that I will get to you, forever I will
[6:53 - 7:04] understand. That's for none of you chose to understand. I'm alive, now I know when I'm
[7:04 - 7:19] being inside, now is my time. I'm doing all I want because of my love here right now.
[7:19 - 7:28] I know when I'm being inside, now I'm awake and in time of life. Waking up, waking up,
[7:28 - 7:57] waking up, waking up, waking up, waking up, waking up, waking up.
[7:57 - 8:21] And these next couple songs, Megan if you're watching this, these next two songs are my
[8:21 - 8:30] promise to you. I love you. Just find the love that you're making, your love is my
[8:30 - 8:48] born to take it. My love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses. Just find the love
[8:48 - 8:55] that you're making, your love is my born to take it. My love is just waiting to turn
[8:55 - 9:01] your tears to roses. I will be the one that's going to hold you. I will be the one that
[9:01 - 9:14] you run to. My love is a burning, consuming fire. No, you'll never be alone. When darkness
[9:14 - 9:22] comes, I'll light the night with sun. Hear the whispers in the dark. You'll never be
[9:22 - 9:34] alone. When darkness comes, you know I'll never fall. Hear the whispers in the dark.
[9:34 - 9:47] You'll feel slowly unranked. You lay you broken and naked. My love is just waiting
[9:47 - 9:53] to close you and crimson roses. I will be the one that's going to find you. I will
[9:53 - 10:04] be the one that's going to guide you. My love is a burning, consuming fire. No, you'll
[10:04 - 10:12] never be alone. When darkness comes, I'll light the night with sun. Hear the whispers
[10:12 - 10:21] in the dark. You'll never be alone. When darkness comes, you know I'll never fall.
[10:21 - 10:36] Hear the whispers in the dark.
[10:36 - 11:02] No, you'll never be alone. When darkness comes, you light the night with stars. Hear
[11:02 - 11:11] the whispers in the dark. You'll never be alone. When darkness comes, you know I'll
[11:11 - 11:34] never fall. Hear the whispers in the dark.
[11:34 - 11:42] I will be the one that's going to light the night with sun.
[11:42 - 11:57] Hear the whispers in the dark. You'll never be alone.
[11:57 - 12:26] Come from small towns, suburbs, or sprawling cities. Come in the long way. Take root.
[12:26 - 12:49] I'm this going by so much faster than I am. I'm son of the great not spending all of it
[12:49 - 13:15] to you. So if I have again, I want to let you know you're never going to be alone. From
[13:15 - 13:27] this moment on, you'll never be alone. I won't let you fall. You're never going to
[13:27 - 13:44] be alone. I'll hold you till the end is gone. As long as I can, I'm only gone with both ends.
[13:44 - 13:52] 'Cause forever I believe it's nothing I can need but you. So if I have again, I'm gonna
[13:52 - 14:04] let you know you're never going to be alone. From this moment on, if you're willing, I'll
[14:04 - 14:16] let you go. I won't let you fall. We're gonna let our hope is gone. As long as you can carry
[14:16 - 14:35] on. We're gonna save the world. I'll hold you till the end is gone. You gotta live every
[14:35 - 14:45] single day like it's the only one. But tomorrow never comes to let it slip away. Just give
[14:45 - 14:54] me our only one. It's only just because every single day. But it'll be the only one. But
[14:54 - 15:09] tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow never comes. So it's going by so much faster than I. And
[15:09 - 15:19] I'm sorry to regret not telling no offense to you. You're never going to be alone. From
[15:19 - 15:30] this moment on, you're never going to let it go. I'll hold you till the end is gone.
[15:30 - 15:45] As long as you can carry on. We're gonna save the world. As long as you can carry on. We're
[15:45 - 16:07] gonna be here always. I won't be missing no one more day. I'm gonna be there always.
[16:07 - 16:27] I won't be missing no one more day. And before you guys go making assumptions, as I said,
[16:27 - 16:36] we're still not sure. We're waiting on results back. We're unsure if any of that's even true.
[16:36 - 16:46] But the point being though, this scare that I got, this shit showed me exactly where I
[16:46 - 16:56] fucking belong. And you guys can sit there and judge me, say on this, say on that. But
[16:56 - 17:09] the truth is, unlike most parents, if she is indeed having a child, I can promise you
[17:09 - 17:16] this. I'm gonna do everything in my fucking power to raise that child correctly. Because
[17:16 - 17:22] I don't believe in running away. I believe in being a parent. Always have, always fucking
[17:22 - 17:32] will. Call me old fashioned, I don't care. Unlike a lot of these younger generation parents,
[17:32 - 18:23] I'm not gonna sit there and run away like a bitch.
[18:23 - 19:22] Call me old fashioned, I'm not gonna sit there and run away like a bitch.
[19:22 - 19:28] And I got this to say, if any of you want me to achieve my fucking dreams, to achieve
[19:28 - 19:34] my goals, I'm gonna need all of y'all's fucking support to blow Flowing Angels records out
[19:34 - 19:46] of the fucking water and blow it the fuck up. Because that depends on you. Not just
[19:46 - 19:54] me, I can't do it alone, I need all of y'all. I don't care anymore. And I hope you know
[19:54 - 20:04] that's a lie. Because I've found what I have been waiting for. But you can't tell me it's
[20:04 - 20:13] crossing the line. There's nowhere to join you for what I'm gonna say. I can't tell
[20:13 - 20:21] them to tightly, what I'm taking away. I've got demons inside me, and I'm not for the
[20:21 - 20:29] choice to try to ignore them or give them a voice.
[20:29 - 20:37] It's keeping me up at night, worrying it's not alright, you're noting bad things you
[20:37 - 20:47] don't know. And it's keeping me up at night, worrying it's not alright, you're not gonna
[20:47 - 20:58] like where this goes. And I'll tell you, I don't care anymore. And I hope you know that's
[20:58 - 21:09] a lie. Because I've found what I have been waiting for. But you can't tell me it's crossing
[21:09 - 21:27] the line. So I'm crossing the line. Now sadness, they don't live never once. That's where it's
[21:27 - 21:38] a kingdom. It's a kingdom of love. It's a kingdom by now. Doesn't that run away? Those
[21:38 - 21:47] are the answers that I'm trying to elevate. It's keeping me up at night, worrying it's
[21:47 - 21:56] not alright, you're noting bad things you don't know. And it's keeping me up at night,
[21:56 - 22:06] worrying it's not alright, you're not gonna like where this goes. Oh, I'll tell you, I
[22:06 - 22:18] don't care anymore. And I hope you know that's a lie. Because I've found what I have been
[22:18 - 22:40] waiting for. And that means crossing the line. So crossing the line. Oh, I don't care anymore.
[22:40 - 22:52] Now don't you know that's a lie. Because I've found what I have been waiting for. And you
[22:52 - 23:10] can't tell me it's crossing the line. Crossing the line. Crossing the line. Not even.
[23:10 - 23:27] Crossing the line. You know, y'all can sit there and talk all the fucking shit you want.
[23:27 - 23:32] But let me fucking clear it up for you since you guys want to fucking sit there and talk
[23:32 - 23:39] shit. Let me make this perfectly clear. So if you're here and you're one of the ones
[23:39 - 23:45] talking shit right now, I need everyone of you to shut the fuck up and fucking listen
[23:45 - 23:54] to what I'm saying so I can make it perfectly fucking clear to you. Before I even got with
[23:54 - 24:03] Caitlin, me and Megan were together. Life got in the way and we eventually got separated
[24:03 - 24:13] and went our own separate ways. Now during that time of her being away, I dated Caitlin.
[24:13 - 24:19] Then Marty did what he did and split me and Caitlin up. Which looking back now, Marty
[24:19 - 24:26] I should be thanking you. Honestly, I should be thanking you because of you. I found where
[24:26 - 24:35] I truly belong. Honestly. Now after me and Caitlin split, y'all know that me and her
[24:35 - 24:41] tried to get back together and it didn't work. Because of all the bullshit. Because
[24:41 - 24:47] of all the lies and shit that Marty tells. Which we already know Marty is a well known
[24:47 - 24:56] liar. We already know this. This has been established many times over. Now Megan, out
[24:56 - 25:05] of literally the blue this morning, hit me up on Facebook out of nowhere. Asked me if
[25:05 - 25:10] I would be willing to give her a chance again. Because she really does miss me and she wanted
[25:10 - 25:15] things to work out. Because unlike the others, I was the only one that actually treated her
[25:15 - 25:23] like a human being. I told her yes. Because out of all my exes, she was the only one
[25:23 - 25:30] that didn't do any fuck shit. The only one that didn't do anything stupid. And what happened
[25:30 - 25:36] between me and her, I do not hold her responsible for. I cannot hold her accountable for life
[25:36 - 25:48] getting in the way. That kind of stuff happens. That's nobody's fault. Now, when me and her
[25:48 - 25:55] were talking earlier, she had told me that she had had a lot of strange bleeding going
[25:55 - 26:03] on more than normal. And we did our little bit of personal research. She went to the
[26:03 - 26:07] doctors and stuff, yada, yada, yada. We did our own personal research and right now we're
[26:07 - 26:16] waiting on the results back to find out whether she is pregnant or not. And if she is, is
[26:16 - 26:21] she actually pregnant? Or is she having a miscarriage? We are unsure. We are waiting
[26:21 - 26:29] for results back. We do not know the results. But as I said, on the off chance that she
[26:29 - 26:40] is, I can promise that I'm going to do everything I can to raise that child correctly and be
[26:40 - 26:45] a father to that child. I'm going to be the one thing that my father never was to me,
[26:45 - 26:50] which is a true father. I'm going to be there to fucking raise that child. I'm not going
[26:50 - 27:00] to do like my dad did and walk out like a bitch. I don't believe in walking out. I believe
[27:00 - 27:06] if you got the balls to make a kid, you should have the balls to be man enough to fucking
[27:06 - 27:14] raise that kid instead of walking out like a fucking deadbeat dad and me, I'm no fucking
[27:14 - 27:22] deadbeat. And that's why I stand here before you telling every single one of you this right
[27:22 - 27:29] the fuck now. And this is all very, very true. A hundred percent true. Everything I'm telling
[27:29 - 27:36] you is facts. A hundred percent honest to God facts. I have no choice but to make the
[27:36 - 27:45] music. I have no choice but to make this shit pop off and make a living off this shit.
[27:45 - 27:52] Not just for myself, but for my girl and for our possible child. Key word, possible
[27:52 - 28:01] child, not going to have a child, not did have a child, possible, meaning we are unsure.
[28:01 - 28:08] But either way, regardless, I am making it doing what I love, not just for my family,
[28:08 - 28:16] but for a future for me and her because I want that happy future. I want that happy
[28:16 - 28:23] ending that I've been searching for for so long. And guess what? I'm going to fucking
[28:23 - 28:29] get it come hell or high water. So the all you little fuckbags out there that want to
[28:29 - 28:34] run your mouths and try to misconstrued, you know, misconstrued what I'm saying and
[28:34 - 28:41] say doesn't say that fucking quit. Because it's not that fucking hard to hear what I'm
[28:41 - 28:48] fucking saying. It's not that hard to understand the words that are coming out of my fucking
[28:48 - 28:57] mouth. So don't sit there and make excuses of, Oh, but you said this or you said that.
[28:57 - 29:03] Oh, let's feed this to Marty. No, let's not be this shit to Marty. Let's not give that
[29:03 - 29:09] little fuckbag what he wants, which is a way to fuck with me and make me look like
[29:09 - 29:15] shit. Let's not give that little fuck boy any of that. Let's not give him the attention
[29:15 - 29:23] that he doesn't deserve. He doesn't deserve that cloud. He doesn't deserve that cloud.
[29:23 - 29:30] He doesn't deserve that attention. Cause unlike him, unlike me, he's a bully, a bitch
[29:30 - 29:38] ass fucking troll. Me, I'm here trying to do the honest thing, trying to make a living
[29:38 - 29:52] off of what I love. But my question is this, how can I make it happen? My question to you
[29:52 - 30:00] is this. All right. My question to you is this, how can I make that happen with people
[30:00 - 30:08] like Marty getting in the way and making those setbacks? There are no more setbacks from
[30:08 - 30:15] me, Marty. I'm building this shit and I'm fucking making it. And I'm not about, I'm
[30:15 - 30:20] not about to let some little bitch old faggot send me on a fucking computer screen running
[30:20 - 30:28] his bitch ass mouth like a coward ruin any of that. Cause you don't fuck my life up
[30:28 - 30:34] enough, Marty, you've done enough damage. Now it's time for me to get what I fucking
[30:34 - 30:39] earned. It's time for me to get what I came for. It's time for me to have my turn in
[30:39 - 30:46] the fucking spotlight and build a future for myself off my music and off my artwork
[30:46 - 30:52] with that little bitches like you getting in the fucking way. You can ask anyone here,
[30:52 - 30:59] nobody here fucking likes you because of what you fucking do. All you do is destroy
[30:59 - 31:07] and create carnage and chaos. Me, I try to build things up the right way. I try to build
[31:07 - 31:14] a community of positivity and no negativity. I try to build a place where people can come
[31:14 - 31:27] and be safe and be free from people like you.
[31:27 - 31:54] Come from small towns, suburbs, or sprawling cities. Come in the wrong.
[31:54 - 32:20] Let's go. But those of you that want to know what we're all about, this is all I did, y'all.
[32:20 - 32:37] It's not about salary, it's all about reality. It makes a noise, make a story, make a story,
[32:37 - 32:54] make sure it's quick, say it's up, tell me it's when it puts it down, time's pickin'
[32:54 - 32:58] it up. Who the hell is he anyway? He never really talks first, never concerned with
[32:58 - 33:13] himself, never asked for someone's help to get some respect. He's on a focus on what
[33:13 - 33:17] he wrote, he's with us beyond reach, and now he's on a low force, the scale of a loss.
[33:17 - 33:24] He's 20% skilled, 80% D&P, 100% clear because Ryan was here. Who would've thought if he
[33:24 - 33:30] was the one that set the west limit, earned the record with the crystal met the name
[33:30 - 33:32] of the game, came back, dropped negative, took 'em to church, a locked breach, man,
[33:32 - 33:37] Ryan ran the stupidest verses, dude, it's the truth, now everybody can't look at spots
[33:37 - 33:44] who stopped through the roof, heard it buckle and it stopped. 10% luck, 20% skill, 15%
[33:44 - 33:51] concentrate on power and wealth, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, and 100% reason to remember the
[33:51 - 33:54] fact that they called Ryan with his sake and spent him firing his mic, got him with the
[33:54 - 33:58] try and resign, tryin' to move to find what's out, and fuckin' nylons, fuckin' fine, it's
[33:58 - 34:02] a prick, it's a cop, it's like women wanna be with their rappers, hope he gets shot,
[34:02 - 34:07] 8 years in the make, impatiently waitin' to blow, now the wrecker wishin' Lord is takin'
[34:07 - 34:11] over the globe, he's got a partner with crap, his shit is secretly dope, you won't believe
[34:11 - 34:16] the kind of shit that comes out in his skin's throat, so, he's not jettin' every day on
[34:16 - 34:19] the back, he knows it'll work, what it is, he's got makin' his way to the top, damn,
[34:19 - 34:23] damn, damn, damn, damn, I'ma nominate, keep 'em askin' 'em, does it, givin' a burden to
[34:23 - 34:29] the sand, we're nackin' to know, he's a reproof, a rockin' to boot, he keeps you bustin' quick,
[34:29 - 34:33] and then a shoutin' 'bout good truth, truth, his and Kura knows the rattin', puttin' the
[34:33 - 34:39] best, dedicated to what they do, kill 100%, forget 'em like, no one even knows how, why
[34:39 - 34:43] it works so hard, it seems like he's never got time, because he writes every note, and
[34:43 - 34:47] he writes every line, and I've seen him at work, when that luck goes on in his mind,
[34:47 - 34:52] his psychic design is written in his head every time, before he even touches the key,
[34:52 - 34:57] or speaks in a rhyme, and knows motherfuckers, he runs with the kids, they sound ridiculous,
[34:57 - 35:04] without even tryin', how do they do it, 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power,
[35:04 - 35:13] well, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, and 100% reason to remember the name, 7% luck, 20% skill,
[35:13 - 35:21] 15% concentrated power, well, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, and 100% reason to remember the
[35:21 - 35:44] name, 4-mana, and should know the styles of the young, this is shop.
[35:44 - 36:14] (audience member speaks off mic)
[36:14 - 36:26] You spend almost 24 hours a day together, so then when the season happens, I feel like,
[36:26 - 36:32] what am I gonna do with myself? I'm dreading the most the fact that he has to be away from
[36:32 - 36:39] his kids, and that the kids are gonna be away from their father, it's hard to be away from
[36:39 - 36:52] him. This song is about being on the road, and looking at things from the other side.
[36:52 - 37:01] See, a lot of you know what it's like to be on the road, but you don't know what it's
[37:01 - 37:06] like to be at home, how to go through that. This song is about looking at things from
[37:06 - 37:09] that point of view.
[37:09 - 37:17] He said, some days I just do my shit, some days I just wanna quit, and just be known
[37:17 - 37:21] for a bit, they don't understand why you have to always be gone, and it's long, 'cause
[37:21 - 37:26] the trips always seem so long, then they'll just sing by the phone, tell your boys something,
[37:26 - 37:31] and they don't have to feel so long, they're like the idiot, just working my days around
[37:31 - 37:36] the budget, and they don't feel that much to say, I want you to know that it's a little
[37:36 - 37:40] tough talk that I'm stuck here waiting at town, so baby, telling you that I've had
[37:40 - 37:44] a good time with you in your career, me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd
[37:44 - 37:45] You Go?"
[37:45 - 37:56] I miss you so, seems like it's been forever, since you've been gone, here when you go,
[37:56 - 38:06] I miss you so, seems like it's been forever, since you've been gone, please come back
[38:06 - 38:10] home, you know the places where you used to live, you'd borrow a shoe and burgers and
[38:10 - 38:15] rips, you'd have a burger party every Halloween, we came around the farm, now you always sound
[38:15 - 38:20] by every once in a while, I say, I'm by myself, just trying to go back to town, telling you
[38:20 - 38:25] that it's all of you from my mind, you know what I'm telling you, keep it that way, you
[38:25 - 38:29] can call it your farm, you've got something to say, so that you didn't know that it's
[38:29 - 38:34] a little fucked up, that I'm stuck here waiting at town to pay, telling you that I've had
[38:34 - 38:42] it with you in your career, me and the rest of the family here saying "Where'd You Go?"
[38:42 - 38:53] Seems like it's been forever, since you've been gone, here when you go, I miss you so,
[38:53 - 39:01] seems like it's been forever, since you've been gone, please come back home and know
[39:01 - 39:05] that it's all fucked up, I'm stuck here waiting, no longer depending, telling you that I'm
[39:05 - 39:12] not around, telling you that it's a race, why you not around, there's a race that's
[39:12 - 39:18] true all along, you've never done no God till it's gone, you know what your career,
[39:18 - 39:25] when you come back here, I won't be here, you said, well, I'll miss you so, since I've
[39:25 - 39:36] been forever, since you've been gone, here when you go, I miss you so, feels like it's
[39:36 - 40:03] been forever, since you've been gone, please come back home, come back home, come back
[40:03 - 40:18] home, where you've been, where you've been, how you've been, how you've been, how you've
[40:18 - 40:45] been, how you've been, how you've been, how you've been, how you've been, and how you've
[40:45 - 51:42] been, how you've been, how you've been, how you've been, how you've been, how you've