2019-1-24 Nuclear Reaction Live reaction

[0:00 - 0:07] What's up y'all? It's your boy the NuclearReactor. Welcome back to the Reaction Chamber. This
[0:07 - 0:11] time we're actually here with somebody brand new, actually a couple of new brands, a couple
[0:11 - 0:17] of really good friends of mine. They're gonna be telling some jokes. I'm gonna be reacting
[0:17 - 0:21] to them. So you guys are gonna get to see why I have reactions for the first time on
[0:21 - 0:34] the channel. It's gonna be dope. Sup nigga? You already got yelled at for that one. I got
[0:34 - 0:45] my ass rained for that. Well, actually, black people. So don't worry about man. And I don't
[0:45 - 0:54] say nigger. Right? Like I can't even say that it doesn't work. It doesn't sound right.
[0:54 - 1:05] I say nigga like bitches. Right. It doesn't sound right the other way. But okay, so the
[1:05 - 1:16] whole was that we've been seeing like some orbs and shit around the house. Like I don't
[1:16 - 1:26] trust anything in my world. So I got a question for you. What's up? Why in the fuck did we
[1:26 - 1:32] ever think it was a good idea to have a child? I don't know. He's over here. He just took
[1:32 - 1:37] part of pickle jar and took all the yeah, like try to figure this one out. He opens
[1:37 - 1:43] the pickle jar, takes all the pickles out without dumping the little bit of juice that's
[1:43 - 1:49] left in here and put them in a pill bottle and the pill bottle. I mean, the pill bottle
[1:49 - 1:55] is not a big point, but how long did you get it open in the first place? How did he
[1:55 - 2:06] not dump any of the juice? And three just why? I don't know. Like I give up on this.
[2:06 - 2:11] But no, like, okay, you always hear people be like, Oh, it's such a great thing to have
[2:11 - 2:23] a kid like, yeah, y'all are on crack. Like straight the fuck up. Like, okay, they said
[2:23 - 2:28] the most painful part of having a kid was a childbirth. I want to shoot that bitch in
[2:28 - 2:35] a face now. Check it out. I broke my leg when I was 21. Not even just broke shatter. Yeah,
[2:35 - 2:40] I shattered. You know, I got two steel rods in the lake. People don't know me. So yeah,
[2:40 - 2:45] I have shattered bones in my leg and stuff. And yeah, that hurt. Okay. Then she gave
[2:45 - 2:55] childbirth. I think my leg ain't nothing good at that. Right. But suddenly, I know some
[2:55 - 3:01] that hurts more. My kids I take glass baby bottle, which love glass baby bottles. They
[3:01 - 3:04] don't for some reason, like break proof, man, we wrecked a truck with a glass baby
[3:04 - 3:10] bottle and baby ball and break or nothing. Awesome. But I crack my teeth back in the
[3:10 - 3:15] face. Oh, I heard a ping ping. And next thing I'm holding a piece of my tooth and blood
[3:15 - 3:22] running out of my mouth. And she's awful to glue it back on for me. Yeah, I told him
[3:22 - 3:28] I'd superglue, but he won't let me. Yeah, I mean,
[3:28 - 3:39] that's all right. When they take I know where they went. But it's like a big pair of multi
[3:39 - 3:49] tool pliers bigger than a Leatherman. Okay. Yeah. There they are. Oh, shit. Did anybody
[3:49 - 3:53] know these can become a tomahawk or like a nunchuck or something? Because I'd like
[3:53 - 4:03] to see who invented this and be like, okay, it was like straight up. This kid opens these
[4:03 - 4:10] up, walks over to me and goes as hard as he can in the face. Ow. I saw stars for like
[4:10 - 4:14] 20 minutes. Okay. He freaks out when he sees these, these scissors. These are awesome little
[4:14 - 4:24] scissors by the way. Oh, I made them. Yeah. They're like unfoldable. I used to use these
[4:24 - 4:27] come down. I used to earn a brewery shop and these are my favorite scissors for thread.
[4:27 - 4:32] They're sharp as hell. Well, yeah, they call the lady used to do this. Anyway, we're
[4:32 - 4:41] not gonna let the child see him because then he'll like freak out. He wants them. No. Okay.
[4:41 - 4:45] Like I thought having kids, yeah, dude, like run around and play and shit. I wish that
[4:45 - 4:54] was all right. Yeah, I'm not the child won't stop screaming and you hand them a marker.
[4:54 - 5:01] You should have paper immediately or you become the bot paper. Otherwise you look
[5:01 - 5:12] like this and he'll end up looking like this and then he gets some that's the best part.
[5:12 - 5:20] Okay. How long do you think a marker is just like a couple inches? Okay. Well, that's
[5:20 - 5:25] a couple inches that went straight in my belly button and disappeared. Like he tried
[5:25 - 5:30] to color the inside of my belly button and he shoved and they just disappeared. We don't
[5:30 - 5:39] know where it went. Actually, I don't know. I watched that shit go in and it was like
[5:39 - 5:49] a reverse bouncy gas. She became a rocket man. I was thankful my kid's face wasn't
[5:49 - 5:59] in the way, man. Okay. Now he drinks water all night and somehow he manages to not sleep
[5:59 - 6:06] after being up all day and missing the nap. The fuck, you can stay up for over 24 hours
[6:06 - 6:13] and not miss this child really, really makes you wonder why we don't do meth illegally.
[6:13 - 6:20] Like I did, like I said, like I asked my husband this last night. Like what, what
[6:20 - 6:25] created meth? Like what started meth coming around? Okay. So I started googling it. World
[6:25 - 6:32] War II actually knows before that one. Anyway, they would like, I figured out why the kamikaze
[6:32 - 6:37] pilots are freaking out so bad. Shit. They're making them people who like smoke like grams
[6:37 - 6:43] of that shit before they get up in the plane. Then I'd be freaking out too. I want to get
[6:43 - 6:48] down as fast as possible. Done. That doesn't look like a seven day to the hallucinate
[6:48 - 6:56] while flying the plane. Oh, Hey, look, let's chase the butterfly. Done. You know, shit.
[6:56 - 7:02] I'll be freaking out too after seven days. Right. No, we, we start seeing shit after
[7:02 - 7:12] one day. Like no drugs already starts like hallucinating shit. I don't need drugs hallucinating.
[7:12 - 7:23] I have hell of a time. It's like, I think the dog freaking out downstairs. Yeah. I went
[7:23 - 7:49] down here to get myself some hot pepper. Oh, you okay? My head's streaming now. Oh, take
[7:49 - 7:57] my cigarette. Thank you. What the fuck? Eat me to drop my cherry on my fucking crotch.
[7:57 - 8:01] Like I said, you think you know, pain when you have the kid or when you break your leg.
[8:01 - 8:07] Nah, it's 18 years raising the poor thing. Yeah. Like the childbirth was the easy part.
[8:07 - 8:16] Like I'll do that all day long. Get, get claimed on like a jumble gym. You want to
[8:16 - 8:24] say hi? Want to say hi to your child? Like he has a bath before we go to bed. Okay. Yeah.
[8:24 - 8:31] Where the child gets dirt and mud up here. I want to know. Cause I gave up to give this
[8:31 - 8:42] child a bath at night. Like look at his face. I give him back. You're filthy. Okay. This
[8:42 - 8:51] is a diaper. He'll have his fill in an hour. I mean, like I give up on this child, like
[8:51 - 8:58] he's, he's, he's, oh no, he let him have the numb chuck flyer thing. Oh God. And he threw
[8:58 - 9:04] him at me. Okay. He don't like getting his diaper changed, but this diaper is full.
[9:04 - 9:17] I would flip the camera around, but he's deciding to not get his diaper on and streak
[9:17 - 9:23] around the bed. And we're doing it. We got tiny dingle berries and being a soft run around
[9:23 - 9:34] her work. And now he was pissed because he cannot run with his finger. Well, no, cause
[9:34 - 9:38] if I let him do that, he'll piss all over the place. Then you're not pissing shit all
[9:38 - 9:45] over the room. And I got enough shit. I got clean up. He just wanted me to turn. Well,
[9:45 - 9:52] if he's bad now, wait till he turns fricking 12, 13 years old, then he'll really be bad.
[9:52 - 9:59] Yeah. Mom's out by then. Like I give up, I'm done. I'll kill him. I think we broke the
[9:59 - 10:06] baby. Yeah, I think he moved. Okay. He's good. You can't break babies. This one's like the
[10:06 - 10:17] image. Oh God. He's got the remote. Be careful. There. I shut it off. It'll turn it right
[10:17 - 10:28] back on. Oh yeah. We know this. Oh, now he's mad. TV's not on. You want cheese? Show, show
[10:28 - 10:35] this kid out fake crying. Okay. He's making crying or press the button. Hang on. Okay.
[10:35 - 10:47] No gears guys. He's really going to throw a good fit. The camera. You done buddy? Okay.
[10:47 - 10:56] He's done. Good. He's good. Oh, nope, nope, nope. There goes the rest of it. Like I said,
[10:56 - 11:06] we're having such a foot in a sec. He's mad because he can't turn TV on. You got to face
[11:06 - 11:15] in the wrong way, buddy. Okay. Okay. I'll turn it on. Like this is a how to not have
[11:15 - 11:22] kids. And also people, we ain't saying nothing bad about having kids. No, having kids is
[11:22 - 11:35] great. Yeah, please. 16, 17 year old women. I think they're going to go get pregnant and
[11:35 - 11:43] keep the, nah, you're stupid. All right. Having kids actually is a wonderful thing, but you're
[11:43 - 11:48] an idiot. If you're a teenager, ain't going to graduate high school. Cause you want to
[11:48 - 11:58] spread your legs, running, hung, fucking, do John. He does make you get a point though.
[11:58 - 12:03] Like any teenager that thinks it's a wonderful thing to have kids. Do you like sleep? Do
[12:03 - 12:16] you like, do you like not being a jungle gym? Don't have kids. Oh my God. But you think
[12:16 - 12:23] this is a wonderful thing. Hey, let's see. I've been up since he got up at 10 and I can't
[12:23 - 12:29] even remember when I got up. I don't know when I went to bed. Okay. All I know is this
[12:29 - 12:38] child has it. I've been up since 10 o'clock yesterday morning. It is what now? Son, I'm
[12:38 - 12:44] going to hold you upside down. They are fun to play with. This is a new way to entertain
[12:44 - 12:55] babies. Come on. Flip around. There it goes. There we go. Helicopter spit. Oh God. Yeah.
[12:55 - 13:03] Do you think that's funny? Okay. I'm sitting here. He's talking on the phone. Actually,
[13:03 - 13:07] I think I was talking to him. Yeah, you were talking to him, but like, I thought it would
[13:07 - 13:11] be a great idea to try to lay back and put the kid up on my feet and try to like do
[13:11 - 13:19] Superman. This kid looks directly at me and goes, Hey DJ, you want a snack? It's just
[13:19 - 13:23] right in my face. Okay. So I sit him down next to me so I can try to get the spit up
[13:23 - 13:32] on my face. What's he do? Oh, he thinks, he thinks that my belly button is now a spittoon
[13:32 - 13:37] and still are low. Lays across the belly. Look straight down into the belly button
[13:37 - 13:49] with his mouth touching my belly and goes, I think it's still squishy. You can't even
[13:49 - 13:56] breathe and we actually have a careful way say, cause he can repeat now. He's not even
[13:56 - 14:23] too yet. And they start repeating for the two people.
[14:23 - 14:38] See, this is a cheese stick people really do like legit cheese stick and you'll ignore
[14:38 - 14:44] it. Oh, funny things for women that think it's great to have kids. Y'all farts will
[14:44 - 14:51] never, ever smell the same again. Like, like I am pretty sure that they have left a hole
[14:51 - 14:55] in there somewhere that something just crawled up in and coward in like fricking let me
[14:55 - 15:20] tell you all the flies in my room flew out and flew out the freaking door. Okay. It's
[15:20 - 15:32] like, I don't know. I'll stick my head in the back full of garbage. They are not getting
[15:32 - 15:50] any better. Okay. He has my shirt on the back and he's got him. You know, I don't know what
[15:50 - 16:03] the fascination is. Well, chocolate comes to be, go eat the chocolate. I'm not saying
[16:03 - 16:08] feed your kids chocolate, but please feed your kids chocolate. So they don't terrorize
[16:08 - 16:20] us. This child is filthy. Like I give up anyway. I don't know if the fascination
[16:20 - 16:32] is
[16:32 - 16:38] literally everything on my end table is mine. Josh don't even touch it. He asked me, honey,
[16:38 - 16:44] can I please have a cigarette? He won't even grab it off my table. Okay. If I'm not laying
[16:44 - 16:51] back like this against the fricking wall so that he can't crawl behind me, my end table
[16:51 - 17:03] is in danger instantly. Honey, we're being looked at. We're being looked at. Oh, it went
[17:03 - 17:09] away. What? A little white kitten standing on the top of the recliner looking over over
[17:09 - 17:17] here like, Hey, what's up, my fart. And then it ran away. Okay. Now I want you to all my
[17:17 - 17:25] good friend. Um, how kitty, this is my good friend cloud kitty. This is our, our son's
[17:25 - 17:31] kitty cat. Come here, kitty. What's the matter? He's so scared of him. He's trying to run
[17:31 - 17:37] just because he's eating stack behind him. What does that tell you about my son? He's
[17:37 - 17:45] done something to kitties like I'm out. I'm gone. Okay. I got one cat. This doesn't stick
[17:45 - 17:51] around and he went outside earlier. I'm not sure where he went. I don't think it's him.
[17:51 - 18:00] Literally. Like if you look between, Oh yeah, just wait for it. Oh, he fell off the, I
[18:00 - 18:15] can hear him scratching. Come here. Come here. Cow kitty. Cow's like, what's up. Our room
[18:15 - 18:26] is messy. Oh God, there's a dog just peaks out from behind the darkness. But no, in
[18:26 - 18:32] the other room, there's an end table and the kid keeps like making circles and keeps coming
[18:32 - 18:42] on top of the end table, looking at us. He said, yet please tell me he's gone. The dog
[18:42 - 18:52] won't come here with this kid away. Our kid has literally intimidated all animals. Okay.
[18:52 - 19:05] We have a little rain, a little rain be scared of this kid. This kid's like a ring. Okay.
[19:05 - 19:13] Our dumb ass tried to give a cat a bath. How'd that work out for you? Soft white, buzzy kitty
[19:13 - 19:19] turned into sharp Wolverine kitty instantly. And you want to stand there and laugh at
[19:19 - 19:25] it. Like this thing's just like, I'm like, God, I've never heard, can't make that noise.
[19:25 - 19:34] Then DJ reaches up, touch the one and it takes off running. Quit being so mean is here.
[19:34 - 19:39] The kid, this cute little thing right here. He was so tired. He can't always stay awake.
[19:39 - 19:48] Cause he'd been up for 24 hours. Like me, here's a kitten. That's evil. Okay. You
[19:48 - 19:57] seem that you can have to the little white one. Yeah. Okay. When he comes in here, I'll
[19:57 - 20:03] throw him a piece of cheese so you can see what he does. Oh, Jesus. Oh, I don't mean
[20:03 - 20:07] hand a cat food. You can't hate. Like I can hand all my other cats food. You're like,
[20:07 - 20:15] okay, cool. Thanks. Okay. Time for a joke. This kitten. Oh my God. It completely misses
[20:15 - 20:22] the food and tries to eat your hand blood. Now it's time for no parking joke. What do
[20:22 - 20:36] you call a bruised head? What a kid whacked with the hammer. That's all right. What do
[20:36 - 20:48] you call a nut after the kid kicks it? What? Pecans. There you go. Dude, no joke. Almonds.
[20:48 - 20:53] I'm sitting here, flat, you know, cause he got real fussy. So I'll pick him up. I'll
[20:53 - 20:59] lay down with them. We need both those off two clocks in the morning. One day, boom,
[20:59 - 21:03] right in the nuts. Wakes me up out of a dead sleep. Keeps me in the nuts because he started
[21:03 - 21:13] to let me hold no more sleep. I got up for two days. I thought I'd go to the hospital.
[21:13 - 21:27] I know that other, this kid. Okay. I love it. He's my son. Like I couldn't trade him
[21:27 - 21:36] for the world because the world don't even want this. I love him. He's falling asleep
[21:36 - 21:45] eating a nutty bar. Thank God. But no. Okay. Daddy says no. He lays down on the bed and
[21:45 - 21:50] throws around and thrashes around and screams. Cries. I tell him no. He looks at me, gets
[21:50 - 21:53] a serious look on his face and smacks me in the face as hard as he can. Half will tell
[21:53 - 22:04] no same, same objective. He cries like, like I am not allowed to tell this kid. No. Let's
[22:04 - 22:19] try it. DJ. No, you can't have this. See, mommy tries that. He's what she don't get.
[22:19 - 22:34] No, we're joking. You can have it. See, like I say, no, he smacks me and then throws the
[22:34 - 22:43] cookie. Nobody will bitch. You know, he lets me have it, but you don't still cry. Oh,
[22:43 - 23:03] no. I said, no, I'm not going to kill them. You want these? You want a bubble? Yeah. Real
[23:03 - 23:07] quick. This is okay. I'm good because he's so tired. He wants to fall asleep in my lap
[23:07 - 23:12] and he knows I won't put up with his crying very long. They cry too long. I'll get up
[23:12 - 23:15] and leave the room. And then he'll really, then the ex's horse broke. And when I come
[23:15 - 23:20] back to the room, he's quiet. Like, I don't know if this makes me a bad parent, but at
[23:20 - 23:27] least I didn't beat the child. Josh had to go outside one day. Oh, but we were at my
[23:27 - 23:34] dad's. Okay. We were at my dad's and the plumbing needed all six. So he, he crawls
[23:34 - 23:39] underneath the house. DJ can't go outside. He's in a sleeper. Doesn't have his shoes
[23:39 - 23:44] on. Doesn't have his coat on. Nothing. He just wants to go outside and it's like no.
[23:44 - 23:51] So literally because the door shut behind him and DJ couldn't go with him. He screeched.
[23:51 - 23:54] And I don't mean one of those little screeches. No, I know. I don't mean like crying a little
[23:54 - 24:00] bit. No, I mean like almost broke the glass out the backsliding glass doors. Okay. When
[24:00 - 24:11] this kid screeches, it lasts like two to three minutes and the peer like ear pea ear piercing
[24:11 - 24:17] nails on a chalkboard. Fucking someone killed him. Want to choke the life from it sound.
[24:17 - 24:24] Okay. Oh, I picked, I picked him up and I'm trying to bounce him. I'm trying to rock him.
[24:24 - 24:32] I'm about, not nothing. He just pits funny. It's about 20 minutes. I'm like, pick the
[24:32 - 24:36] child up, go into an empty room, set it down, shut the door and let him scream for like
[24:36 - 24:42] 10 minutes. Like I couldn't do it no more. Josh came in like five minutes later. He's
[24:42 - 24:50] like, where's the baby? I like in the bedroom. He's like, huh? He's being surprisingly quiet.
[24:50 - 24:57] Go in there and he's literally sitting there in front of the door one. Like he wouldn't
[24:57 - 25:05] even move. He just sat there like, sorry, dad. I go in there. He freaks. Dad walks
[25:05 - 25:14] in there. He's fine. Like literally I'm the one that carried him for nine months, eight
[25:14 - 25:24] and a half something like that. Pushed him out, ripped six stitches later, tried to breastfeed.
[25:24 - 25:35] That didn't work. Go all out for this child. And he knows not want me. Oh yeah. I am rejected
[25:35 - 25:43] by my child women. Young girls who think they're going to have kids. Good luck. Good luck
[25:43 - 25:54] and your boobies won't go back to being normal. Before you got pregnant. I thought mine did.
[25:54 - 25:59] I've got one or two cups size bigger than the other. I always did though. No, it was
[25:59 - 26:11] one now it's two. Oh, okay. Like this is us not having sleep for, I don't know how
[26:11 - 26:17] long, like I'm pretty sure that in my sleep, I'm still getting beat up because I don't
[26:17 - 26:32] sleep with her shit. Hey, come here. My son's favorite toy. He's gone. You got to do this.
[26:32 - 26:37] This is his favorite toy. Now that is from a mobile car that I took a car. Someone in
[26:37 - 26:44] the motor out and make a tattoo gun. He just wants the wheels from it. Now we have very
[26:44 - 26:51] expensive toys downstairs. He has expensive toys up here. We have like $120 activity table
[26:51 - 27:06] downstairs that he plays with half the time. I was talking about this thing. Okay. This
[27:06 - 27:16] I took apart. I had since my childhood. He wants to do it. Okay. The mobile car was
[27:16 - 27:21] worthless. I checked it on, on Facebook, on Facebook marketplace and everything. Oh,
[27:21 - 27:27] hang on. He just, he, hang on. He, okay, we're back. What happened? Don't worry about it.
[27:27 - 27:33] We're good. He hit a button. Sorry about technical difficulties. It happens. He hit
[27:33 - 27:38] a button. Oh, y'all girls think you can just sit there on your phones and play on your
[27:38 - 27:50] Facebook and your cookie crush, you know, that bullshit. That got crushed. Now, no news
[27:50 - 27:56] flash. When your child discovers baby shark, you will listen to it for 45 minutes fucking
[27:56 - 28:06] straight every night until you find the monkey song. And then the monkey song goes for another
[28:06 - 28:15] two hours and then you find baby car. Oh Jesus. So now you're not, it's still the baby shark,
[28:15 - 28:31] baby monkey, baby car. Do, do, do, do, do, do. You're not playing baby shark. Chance
[28:31 - 28:50] thing for him. He likes your thing. I like baby monkey. I'll say someone's pretty damn
[28:50 - 29:11] good. Just a little bit. Talk to him. Hey, where are you going? Well, he doesn't disappear.
[29:11 - 29:38] He does that off and on. Move your ass. Play with it. Yeah. What's up guys? I'm back. Apparently
[29:38 - 29:49] pissing off the baby. Hey DJ, baby shark died. I killed bugs too. But buddy, your favorite
[29:49 - 30:02] cartoon character, he's dead. I killed the Paw Patrol last night. Never you make a baby
[30:02 - 30:14] cry. You just tell him the favorite characters in the role are dead. Hey look, the unicorn,
[30:14 - 30:26] the unicorn, you're crying. Please quit buddy. Ask me a question. Uh, what just happened?
[30:26 - 30:51] Oh my God, he just hung up on him. I wish the child would go to bed like us seven in
[30:51 - 31:02] the morning. What are we doing? Like you're going, please. It doesn't work. Ask me a question.
[31:02 - 31:11] Oh, and you think you think this is a hickey on my neck? You'd be wrong. It's marker to
[31:11 - 31:16] stab mommy in the neck. You know what we said about that? Um, having paper soon as you
[31:16 - 31:24] get the kid a marker. Yeah. Yes. That's what happens when you don't and more for my leg
[31:24 - 31:40] or my leg. Hey, I can't get upside down. What's up with this? I can't go upside down.
[31:40 - 32:00] This makes them really mad though. Okay. All right. Mommy's going to have to call time
[32:00 - 32:11] out on this. Maybe. I don't know what makes him mad worse. This being on or him not being
[32:11 - 32:22] on it. I got it here. Now we're going to see why you don't give a kid a marker stream
[32:22 - 32:38] for now. We had a lot of fun. Be sure to stay tuned for the next live reaction. We'll see
[32:38 - 32:48] you guys next time. We'll take questions from him. But later we gotta take care of
[32:48 - 32:58] him because he's freaking out. Kids do come first in life. See ya.
[32:58 - 32:59] Later again.
[32:59 - 33:02] (baby crying)